Chapter 4 – Kaidan
"You a career man, Alenko?"
Present day.
Kaidan put down his omni-tool and took a datapad from his bed. He still had to read a report about the progress at Jump Zero and it was best to get it out of the way soon. Besides, he would not sleep well tonight in any case, even though it had been a long and exhausting day. Assisting the Council was tiresome at their best meetings, but today… Unfortunately, they insisted on having a Spectre present – someone who had not only read about the galaxy or superficially travelled it, but someone who had been on all kinds of planets, met different species and cultures and proven himself in various conflicts.
There were six Spectres on Earth and five of them took turns participating in the meetings. It was Kaidan's turn now and the Salarian, Jondum Bau, would be next… Shepard was the only one they did not invite. Sure, he was a Spectre, too, but asking him to be at their meetings – that would have been outright nasty even by Batarian standards. No one would forget his trial anytime soon.
Kaidan definitely had not.
But there he was in London, sitting in a chair all day, listening to politicians fight, voicing his opinion every few hours – it was not the career he had wanted, but hey, he was alive, well-fed and had access to long-range communication to talk to his loved ones. Even five years after the war, this was more than most people had.
People had a reason to grow impatient. Word on the street (according to Liara, at least, as Kaidan was no longer in a position to hear it first-hand) was that all kinds of racism were resurfacing – everyone seemed to resent every other race but their own.
He almost missed the first few months after the battle when the races had helped each other selflessly and seemed to overcome their differences. Glory days. Yeah, right, of course, people had also been dying from their wounds and from hunger left, right and centre.
"Once we have Relays, the world will become a much larger place", Lemaes had said at today's meeting. "Most of the Turian and Quarian forces will leave the system and the rage will lessen."
"You speak as if this growing hatred is our fault", Victus had replied. The Asari and the Turian rarely saw eye to eye, but as of late their fights had become… unprofessional.
The meeting had gone from bad to worse when Koris had announced that the liveships were nearing capacity. "We cannot afford any more delays. We need the Relays, we shouldn't draw any fundings from the construction site."
"Your people gave up birth control when you reconquered Rannoch. Stupid idea. Now you starve. Your own fault, so to say. Should've held the…", Kirrahe had begun, but Koris had interrupted him fiercely:
"… don't say 'line', General, or you'll regret it. You've been reproducing like mad, too, haven't you? So why should we deny our soldiers the joy of a family?"
Damn, that fight had been ugly, too. It was hard to believe that there were no actual politicians on this Council. Instead, the highest-ranking leaders of their respective armies had been chosen to represent each race. They had been working together so well during the battle and now they were bickering about birth control.
As if these fights had not been enough to rob Kaidan of his sleep, Admiral and Councillor Hackett had approached him after the meeting. He told him the Alliance was planning to rebuild their fleets once a connection to Taetrus had been established.
Kaidan had been surprised – military funds had been a non-issue since the battle because there was no enemy left. Then, Hackett had explained that there could be more sentient races out there like the original Rachni and if the Council races ever wanted to explore the galaxy, they needed to be able to defend themselves. Just in case.
"If history has taught us one thing, it's that peace never lasts forever", Kaidan had added. Hackett had continued to tell him how long it would take and how they needed people who had leadership in them.
At that point, Kaidan had thought of Shepard, who had been discharged from the Alliance for the crime of saving the galaxy. Hackett had obviously been thinking of someone else:
"One day you might command your own fleet, Major Alenko."
The Admiral's words still echoed in Kaidan's head. There was a future beyond rebuilding what they had lost and he felt stupid because he had never really thought that far.
But he knew he was a good candidate. He had proven himself and he would be Commanding Officer of the Normandy in a few days time. He would have to resign as a Spectre, but that was actually a relief. Becoming one had always felt like part of Udina's scheme and he had never particularly enjoyed it after the coup.
No, brooding would not do and Jump Zero could wait, Kaidan decided after rereading the first sentence of the report for the fourth time. He left his room in the Council's building, one of only fifty habitable buildings in the whole London area, to take a walk in the ruins, although this part of the city had actually been properly cleaned and restored for the Council's sake. It was almost beautiful.
The Turian guard, whose name he had forgot, saluted as Kaidan passed and stepped onto the so-called Citadel Street. The walls on the sides had names engraved all over them as a memorial – the names of the Citadel's inhabitants. The fact that the writing was tiny and the road seemingly endless made this one of the most depressing sites Kaidan could think of.
The peace had not come without sacrifice. After the euphoria of the first few days had died down, people had realised what they had lost. The destruction of the Mass Relays had caused a planet-wide panic with another two thousand dead. The cost for their survival was high.
Shepard said it was too high. Sometimes, he even wished he could have sacrificed himself in order to save a few more people. Kaidan never knew how to respond, he felt angry about it, but at the same time, he was aware how selfish it would be to reprimand him.
So he resorted to saying: "You did everything a man can do", whenever Shepard seemed to be in particularly low spirits.
As he reached a fountain surrounded by empty Geth, a shiver went down his spine. He hated this memorial with all his heart, not because of what it stood for, but because of Shepard's trial.
The Council had tried and punished Shepard for wiping out the Geth. It was… Kaidan had no words. He had never had them. He was just as speechless today as he had been three years ago.
After Shepard had left the hospital he had written a detailed report on the events on the Citadel, sparing no details. The Councillors who had met and known Shepard were full of praise and understanding, although the loss of the Geth was "unfortunate" to them. Except for Admiral Koris no one had really cared about the synthetic race.
But the Batarian and the Hanar Councillor were much less impressed and wanted punishment for the genocide. They had actually used that word. The former was bitter about the Alpha Relay, the latter distraught at Shepard's involvement with the Fall of Kahje. So, the Council had fought about it for days and most did not want to see Shepard punished. What would the public think?
But Shepard was a hero. He had agreed to a trial as soon as he had found out about the fight.
Three years ago.
On the morning of the trial Kaidan woke up alone. Shepard had already left the bed, got dressed and was sitting on the sofa with a datapad in his hands.
"Couldn't sleep", he said casually when he noticed his husband.
"In a few hours it'll all be over", Kaidan yawned. "I'm looking forward to tonight if nothing else. We could get happily drunk afterwards, you know." Shepard did not respond, so he added: "But I wonder… why do you do this?"
Shepard did not answer right away. He took a few hours to phrase a response and waited until they had reached the Council: "I helped make all Geth individuals only to delete them two weeks later. I have to live with this kind of guilt every day. It's… not easy. And sometimes it is too much. So I'm hoping that I might feel better if I'm punished."
The Council building was suspiciously empty that day, but of course the whole affaire was kept secret from the public. Hell, most people were happy about the Geth's extermination. The fact, however, that instead of security staffs there were only Spectres present struck him as odd – just how few people did know?
"I think that's a good sign", Liara pondered. "The Council doesn't see you as a threat because they'll be on your side."
Liara, Garrus and Kaidan were accompanying their Commander as moral support. They would not be allowed to speak for him, but at least they could be there. When the Asari Spectre led them into the Council chamber, Kaidan noticed the disgruntled looks on the Councillors' faces – they had obviously been fighting again.
The trial itself was a simple retelling of Shepard's report, although the Hanar asked a few things and the Elcor took his time to praise Shepard for making the Illusive Man shoot himself.
"You could have chosen to control the Reapers. You could have made them destroy themselves. That would have saved a lot of lives", the Batarian suggested.
"It's possible the Catalyst was lying", Lemaes contradicted.
"Still you trusted him about how to destroy the Reapers. Why is that?"
The questioning took four hours, then the Council retreated to debate over their verdict. Kaidan's efforts to comfort his husband – to tell him everything would be alright – were unsuccessful as Shepard refused him.
And then the Council returned from their chambers to destroy the man:
Shepard would be discharged from the Alliance, but continue to serve the Council as a Spectre. He would also lose command over the Normandy, which was to be given to the next highest-ranking Alliance officer. In exchange, Shepard would retain his freedom.
"Do you accept the Council's verdict?", Kirrahe asked.
A beat – then Shepard nodded: "I do."
"This meeting is adjourned", the Salarian said, turned on his heel and stormed off. Hell, even the Council was unhappy.
"I think I'll have a big stupid jellyfish for dinner", Wrex raged. "'This one demands justice regardless of heroic deeds.' And the Batarian's… you know what they're like. I'm sorry, Shepard."
After most Councillors had left the room, Admiral Hackett approached Shepard and whispered something in his ear. They shook hands and the Admiral exited the room, too. Then Shepard turned to his friends.
Kaidan's heart broke the instant he looked into his eyes. The man who had destroyed the Reapers had finally been defeated by a few backstabbing politicians. But he smiled at them and said they should return to the Normandy.
He did not say a word on their way home while his team could not stop abusing those dirty politicians. Kaidan had a few interesting ideas himself, but in truth, he was not really listening. He was worried about Shepard, especially when he requested to be alone for a few hours.
It was not until late that evening that Kaidan dared to enter his cabin – the Normandy would never be his as she had been Shepard's – and found his man lying on their bed and staring at the ceiling. It was painful to see him like this. Kaidan swallowed his anger, sat down on the bed and rested a hand on his leg.
"Are you alright?", he asked tentatively. He had half a mind to skip the conversation altogether and fast forward to a more physical kind of comfort. It would be an easier method to get his mind off today's events, but first things first.
"I am actually", Shepard answered in a monotonous voice. "I figured there'd be consequences for the Geth and the Batarian. I deserve what I got."
"No, you didn't. It wasn't your fault to begin with."
"Not my fault. But these were the results of my actions and I have to stand up to them. I ended millions of lives."
"You had no choice."
"As Bek'tall said I could have chosen to control the Reapers."
"And as Lemaes said you couldn't trust that Catalyst. Who knows what'd have happened if you'd done something different. For all we know it could have actually destroyed the galaxy. You did the right thing, John. The galaxy is at peace only because of you."
"Does the end justify the means, Kaidan? I want your honest opinion on this."
Kaidan sighed. "As for that, I have no answer. All I can say is that I know you and I've seen you make a lot of hard decisions. Think back. One man alone shouldn't have had to make them, but you always chose the right thing. You're a better and braver man than anyone I know." Shepard kept silent, so Kaidan continued: "But I guess there's nothing I can say to make this right for you, is there?"
"I told you I'm alright. I'm guilty – I can accept my punishment. Can you accept it, too?"
There it was again: the tone of defeat. It disturbed Kaidan far more than he could describe, but he did not want to fight with Shepard about this.
"I accept your acceptance, John, but not how they were treating you. Don't try to convince me otherwise, either."
Shepard smiled and drew him in for a kiss. "The others are angry, too, so I guess I'll have to talk to them. But there's one thing: I'm glad it's you."
"It's me what?"
"You who's CO of the Normandy now. I don't think anyone deserves her more than you do, Major Alenko."
Author's notes: This chapter was somewhat difficult... I rewrote the flashback part almost every day because I was never satisfied.
- Kaidan's still a Major. I felt he's too young to be a General...
- Enkindle this, Shepard! Added an explanation why the Hanar holds a grudge: on my 2nd playthrough I kinda failed to save his homeworld Kahje. Whoops. No Kasumi to save the day, either :-(