Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

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And the angst still continues…

Quatre POV.

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We live with a ghost.

A lovely insane specter who haunts our home. A pitiful longing figure that makes my heart ache being around him. One that I long to comfort and help but I know that nothing I can do can help our poor ghost.

A ghost who shows me what my future holds if Trowa ever leaves me.

I can't let Trowa go.

I won't let Trowa go.

Yesterday, when Wufei was here, I know I shocked—disturbed—and frightened Trowa.

I couldn't help it.

When I walked into the room and saw Wufei standing so close to Trowa, touching him, I couldn't help it. I didn't want Wufei anywhere near him.

No, it's not because of what Wufei did to Duo and Heero.

I don't think he meant to do that. I don't think he ever meant to say anything. I think it was a mistake.

My reaction to the sight of him standing so close to Trowa was because of what I used to think about Wufei and Trowa.

Before Trowa and I became lovers… I used to wonder if he was Wufei's.

They seemed to have some kind of silent understanding- silent being the key word.

Of course I thought that about Heero and Trowa as well.

Our stoics.

I don't know if anything ever happened between any of them. In truth- I don't want to know. I don't care what happened then. Trowa is mine now.

But…

I know I scared him.

I know that he thinks I'm possessive, jealous, insane…

And I know that I am. How could I be anything else? Surrounded, pummeled by other's emotions, torn by their pain… no one could stay completely sane.

Will Trowa leave me now?

No.

He's mine.

Mine.

I pry my fingers open, my hands clenched into tight fists at the thought of Trowa leaving me.

I am too jealous,

Too possessive,

Too insane.

If I frighten myself, how must Trowa feel?

I sit at my desk and stare blindly at the papers stacked on it. I look up just in time to catch sight of our ghost wandering by; his cell phone up to his ear… but his expression is different this morning. The blend of emotions radiating off of him is different, lighter…

Hopeful.

"Duo?"

"He listened," Duo says… and I wonder if he's speaking to me or to himself. "I'll make him listen more…"

"Duo?"

What does he mean?

I don't receive an answer.

Duo has vanished.

Will he appear again?

I look towards the stairs. Trowa has not come down this morning, and he never sleeps late…

Before I realize it, I am headed towards our bedroom, that irrational fear returning. Trowa has left me… I frightened him away.

As I reach the door, I take hold of myself.

I can't scare Trowa this morning. I turn and go back down the stairs to my office and curl up on the couch there. I push my knees against my chest and hold them there. I am not going to move. I will not scare my beloved again.

I don't know how long I sit there, hugging my knees, wondering if Trowa has gone somehow- snuck out of the house and fled from me...

To him?

Is it my turn to become the ghost in our house?

There is a soft knock at the door, a brush of fingers against wood and Trowa steps into the office.

I half expect to see fear in his expression when he looks at me, but he only smiles.

I know this mask of his.

When will he stop using them with me?

I would not be so worried, so anxious, so upset if he could just show himself to me.

But he won't.

He hides.

He uses his masks to hide from me.

I can't always see into his heart.

Why does he let me doubt him?

"Good morning," I manage, unsure of myself despite Trowa's smile.

He reaches out to cup my cheek and in a voice so soft I can barely hear him, wishes me good morning.

"Duo's left again." I tell him.

"To haunt Heero's door," Trowa answers, his fingers stroking my cheek.

I know this caress. It's the one he uses on his lions. He treats those dangerous animals like pets.

Is that how he sees me?

"He looked different this morning," I smile as I remember the look on Duo's face. "I think something happened."

"Different how?" Trowa's hand leaves my cheek and he looks worried.

I know that he didn't like how I dealt with Duo's pain. I know he thought I was being unfeeling. How could he understand that I knew what Duo was feeling? I knew we couldn't help him.

"Hopeful," I tell him. "He said something about listening- I think he meant Heero was."

"I hope so," Trowa perches on the sofa across from me, his eyes assessing me. I know what he is looking for, but I will not show him that side of myself this morning.

Silence stretches between us.

I know that I need to say something- but I can't think of what to say. I don't know what to do.

I study Trowa as he leans against the cushions, eyes half closed, looking as if he is ready to fall back asleep again.

But I know better. I know he is watching me. Wondering if I am going to snap again. Wondering what he will do when it happens. Wondering if I will hurt him during it.

Why are my most clear insights into Trowa's heart the ones I don't want to feel?

Or, is it just that those are the emotions he feels the most clearly?

I love him. I've loved him since he stepped out of Heavyarms with his hands in the air surrendering to me, even though I was the one who surrendered first.

Has he been my prisoner since then?

I can't let him go.

I have to let him go.

Pain shoots up my hands and I realize that I have dug my nails deep into my palms. Trowa makes a startled noise and reaches out to me…

But I notice the faint pause before he touches me. A brief hesitancy as he makes sure that his 'pet' won't turn on him.

I move backwards, nearly falling off the couch in my haste to avoid his hands.

"Quatre?" His voice is soothing, trying to ease me.

He can't ease this.

"You need to leave."

"What?" He blinks, startled. I shove myself into the corner of the couch, nearly sitting on my hands, holding myself away from him.

"You need to leave. Now. While you can. Before I change my mind, before I can't let you go. I'll send your things to you, you can go stay with Cathy at the circus, with your lions, but you need to go Trowa…"

He is frowning now, but he keeps his hands away from me. He simply leans forward into my space as I huddle away from him.

"I don't want to go."

"You have to," I am pleading now. "I know you think I'm insane, and I am, I can't not be with all these emotions always pulling on me, always pushing into my head, but never yours, you hide yours from me, I only see the fears, you can't hide those from me and I know that you are frightened of me, I know that you think I would hurt you, I couldn't hurt you, I don't want to hurt you…"

Trowa puts his hand over my mouth, stopping my rambling flow of words, helping me center myself again with the touch of his hand.

How can I live without him? I will lose myself…

"My Quatre." He smiles gently. "You can't see into my heart, because it's with yours. I gave it to you a long time ago to hold safe." He touches my chest with the tips of his fingers. "You hold me here. You can't let me go. I belong to you, don't you understand? I'm yours."

He's truly mine.

My Trowa.