A/N: A review said that in the last chapter, Patty wouldn't be drinking because he's straight edge. I'm aware of this fact. This is an AU. Patty hasn't always been sxe, so I'm referring to a time before he found edge.

Jason and I have taken the school bus together since freshman year. We usually sit next to each other and talk the whole ride in order to kill time. It was an hour long bus ride, and it was full of annoying people that neither of us liked. That day, we sat at the back of the bus. I had too much on my mind and was unusually quiet. Jason was flipping through his yearbook, rereading the signatures while I was totally silent. I was thinking about how uncomfortable I was every time my friends came over to get drunk, and how I was always the designated driver.

I never felt comfortable in situations like those. Every party I was alone, watching everyone around me get wasted, act stupid like totally different people while intoxicated. Hanging out in dark, wet parks at night with a group of drunk or high people who laughed at things that weren't funny and got confused at things that weren't confusing wasn't at all appealing to me, especially when I was peer pressured. I never felt like it was a necessary part of teenagehood to get drunk or smoke, but I gave in a lot of times, because that's what everyone else seemed to think. Hangovers aren't fun and I could never get the hang of smoking. I choked when I smoked and puked up my guts when I drank. I never got why anyone found that fun.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked. "Yeah, of course." Jason replied. I began to feel a wave of anxiety starting to form. "These movie nights. They always make me feel... Weird." I began, inhaling and exhaling loudly. "Uncomfortable." I elaborated, bouncing my left knee anxiously. "Yeah? Why's that?" Jason asked. I realised I was moving and stopped bouncing as I slightly shrugged, pretending it was no big deal. "The drinking. It's lame. I don't like it." I said. "I just decided that I don't want to do it anymore. Drinking, I mean." Jason nodded.

"That's cool. I don't really like it either. I just do it because it's there." He said, and I believed him. I smiled, feeling very relieved. I was putting a lot of thought into drugs and my distaste for them and was nervous about telling someone. I figured that Jason, one of the most serious friends I had, was the one to begin with.

When I got home, no one was there and I went straight to my room. I put on a mix CD that Damon made for me. The cover was unlike usual ones he made. Usually, he made the cases nice and carefully drawn or collaged, but this one was different. The background was black, and the title, "I'm trying really hard to get into this music" was printed out in 14 point Times New Roman font and taped on the black background. I laid on my bed as the first song engulfed me. I got lost in the pop punk tracks and closed my eyes. Before I knew it, I was asleep, but I didn't dream. For a few minutes, it was just black. I woke up feeling calm. I looked at my phone and saw I was sleeping for just under fifteen minutes.

I unlocked my phone and began to type, "I'm listening to the CD you made me." I sent the message and closed my eyes again. The lyrics hit me like a physical form.

Is it still me that makes you sweat? Am I who you think about in bed? When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress...

My phone dinged and I read his response as the song continued. "Which one?" Chills ran down my spine as Brendon Urie continued singing, When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin... I respond with "'I'm trying so hard'"

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me. Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of exchanging body heat in the passenger seat...

Damon's next text comes in as the song continued, No, no, no, you know it will always just be me..

"That one means a lot to me."

Let's get these teen hearts beating faster, faster.

Everyone came over at 6:30, but Damon came at 8:30. His parents are super religious and made him go to church that night. He always had to play this good boy act around his parents, so he always listened to them. He was a good guy, but not goody-goody, Christian, study-for-fun good. His parents were convinced he was, though.

He got to my house around the time that the Ju-on ended. Dottie left in the middle of the movie, so it was just Damon, Jason, Luke and I. We put on some bad horror movie and talked through it. After the movie, I drove Jason and Luke home and Damon stayed over for a while.

In my room, I put on the same CD I was listening to before everyone came over. The first song, Addicted by Simple Plan played as we sat down on the couch next to each other.

"How was church?" I asked. Damon shrugged. "The same. It's so draining. I feel senile." I gave a sympathetic "Ugh, that's horrible" and started playing with his hands. There was red in the spaces between his nails and skin on each of his fingers and thumbs, signifying that he'd been biting his nails out of anxiety. "Yeah..." Damon said, scooting closer to me and resting his head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of his head and kept staring at his hands. "You don't let your nails grow before biting them, that's bad." I said. He blew a laugh out of his nose. "My nerves don't let me." He looked at his hands and broke away from me. "Hold on a sec." He said, leaving the room.

I sat back, thinking about everything that's happened and everything that's yet to come. Damon came back with nail polish. "Want to?" He asked, handing me it. I smile at him and nod and he goes back to where he was, snuggled against my neck and shoulder. I take his right hand and start to paint his nails this blue green colour with a metallic tint to it. I messed up a lot, but he smiled at me when I finished and kissed me on the cheek. I kissed him back and we sat there, cuddling in a comfortable silence as the CD played Going Away to College by Blink-182.

...If young love is just a game, then I must have missed the kick-off. Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything but I'd go through hell for you and I haven't been this scared in a long time and I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine. Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody. This world's and ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me.

4AM is a time where most people are asleep. To some people, it's a time of reflection where they over think and over analyse and get closer to the edge. 4AMs have changed drastically since I've gotten closer to Damon. A cursed time of day full of self-hate and guilt was transformed into a calm time where I was dreaming of him. I felt his arms around me and his lips touching mine openly, where anyone could see. In reality, we had to obsessively watch our every single move, my 4AM dreamland was where we could be free. I kissed him, he kissed me, and the feeling in my stomach was butterflies instead of knots.