The fourth chapter. I get people reading but no reviews come in... A little down about that.. :(

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CHAPTER 4 – AND I...

I return to the Thirteenth Division barracks the next day, hoping to not run into anyone.

Ukitake-taichou sees me immediately.

"Ah! Kuchiki!"

I look to my right to see him waving at me.

"Come with us! Sentaro, Kiyone and I were just about to have some tea."

I can't help but smile, even if I feel gloomy.

"Sure, Ukitake-taichou."

I follow him into the room that overlooks a small garden in the barracks.

I know Ukitake-taichou loves this room because it is the most peaceful.

Sentaro and Kiyone have already set up the table in the middle of the small room.

When they see me, they smile.

"Ohaiyo, Rukia!" Kiyone says merrily.

"Baka! It's Rukia-sama now!" Sentaro snaps.

"Oh! Sumimasen, Rukia-sa-"

I shake my head.

"Please don't, Kiyone, Sentaro. Address me as Rukia, like it has always been."

Kiyone nods hesitantly.

Sentaro too.

Ukitake-taichou just watches us silently.

"Kiyone, please get another cup for Rukia," he says.

"Yes, Taichou."

The small girl gets another cup from the cupboard in the room and places it in front of me.

Sentaro then pours out hot green tea into each of our cups.

Ukitake-taichou takes the first sip before the three of us follow.

"Rukia..."

I look up into Ukitake-taichou's brown eyes.

"Are you alright?"

I gulp and try my best to swallow the lump that had suddenly formed in my throat.

"...I...suppose so...Ukitake-taichou..."

His eyes narrow.

"You don't sound alright."

Sentaro and Kiyone stare at me with rapt attention.

I lower my eyes.

We are silent for a while.

"It's okay, Kuchiki. We are family here. You can trust us if you ever need any help or want someone to listen to you."

Ukitake-taichou looks at me with such kind eyes.

My throat closes up and I feel my eyes prickling.

Kiyone, who sits beside me, pats my arm soothingly.

"If you don't feel like it or you are not ready to tell us, we will wait."

Tears start to form, blurring my sight.

The words Kiyone said just a moment ago brings vivid memories to my mind.

Memories of me and him.

"Ru-Rukia!"

I cannot help the tear that falls from my eye.

Quickly, I wipe it away, smiling bravely at Kiyone.

"I'm okay."

"You are obviously in a state of distress, Kuchiki. Take the day off."

Ukitake-taichou looks concerned, so does Sentaro and Kiyone.

I shake my head.

"No, I can't. Don't worry about me. I will be fine."

Ukitake-taichou crosses his arm across his chest.

"Kuchiki. You are not okay. Please take the day off and recover. In your state now, you will not be able to concentrate on work."

I take a sip of my tea and put it down quietly.

"If... I may, Ukitake-taichou... stay here for my day off?"

Taichou looks confused.

"Don't you want to go back to the Shinogu or Kuchiki mansion?"

I shake my head.

The Kuchiki mansion does sound inviting, but there would not be anyone there. Nii-sama would be at the Sixth Division barracks.

And I would most definitely not be heading towards the Shinogu mansion.

"Maybe I will visit Nii-sama later. He is probably busy right now. Nobody will be at the Kuchiki mansion too."

I avoid mentioning anything about the Shinogu mansion.

Ukitake-taichou seems to understand.

He nods.

"I grant you permission to stay in the Thirteenth Division barracks while you take the day off."

I bow gratefully.

"Thank you, Ukitake-taichou!"

We all drink in silence for the next hour.

XXXX

I wander through the barracks, trying to clear my mind.

I wish to let everything out to someone, but I don't want to burden anyone at all.

I sigh deeply.

I don't realize it until I look up that I see a familiar quarter.

"Kaien-dono..."

More sadness floods me as I think about the former lieutenant of the Thirteenth Division.

He had been my superior, my mentor and a precious nakama.

He was an idol to all.

The thing that makes me sadder is how so similar Kaien-dono looks like him.

I miss them both.

Before the tears spring to my eyes, I walk away.

XXXX

"Ukitake-taichou? May I come in?"

"Yes, of course, Kuchiki!"

I enter the Taichou's office.

Ukitake-taichou is sitting behind his desk.

He gestures for me to sit across from him.

"Do you need something?"

I feel my insides churn.

"Taichou..."

I can't say it.

"What is it, Kuchiki?"

He doesn't sound impatient at all, only curious.

"Taichou... I can't... do this..."

Taichou's eyes widen.

"You mean your marriage?"

His voice is not angry or harsh.

Just...kind...and sympathetic.

I can't speak, so I can only nod stiffly.

"Aah. That is what you have been bothered by, no?"

I don't reply him.

"But why? Shinogu Ryuume is an extremely influential and talked-about man. Are you not happy with him?"

I cannot look up.

"Yes, he is a very nice man and I truly respect him."

I take a deep breath.

"But I don't think that I will ever be happy with him."

I feel Ukitake-taichou's gaze on me.

"Is this because of Kurosaki Ichigo?"

I flinch when I hear his name.

"I'm sorry, Kuchiki. I do not know what you have been through but I do know that you have gone through so much with Kurosaki-san. It must be hard for you that he is now no longer a Shinigami who can see and communicate with you."

I give no response.

I feel a stabbing in my heart.

Ukitake-taichou sighs sadly.

"If you want it, I can let you visit him."

"Nii-sama would not allow it. And to make things worse, I think that if I see Ichigo again, I would not leave his side."

Ukitake-taichou nods.

"I understand."

I look at my fingers entwined on my lap.

"I...I think...I have fallen for him."

Taichou gives me a smile.

"Aah. I guessed correct."

I look up, confused.

"Taichou?"

"Kuchiki, I'm not imperceptive, you know. A Taichou has to be perceptive to his division and subordinates to ensure the well-being of the division."

I nod, feeling embarrassed.

"I watch the two of you whenever you are around. Although you two fight a lot, I see the tenderness inside Kurosaki-san towards you and the affection in you towards him that you rarely show on your faces."

I feel my cheeks heating when I hear Ukitake-taichou say these words.

"He looks out for you, and you for him. Your personalities' compliment each other well, even if most of what all you do is argue."

Ukitake-taichou smirks.

"But even in arguing, you both have joyful spirits. That is what makes the relationship between the both of you unique."

I am silent, at a loss for words.

"Kuchiki, if you ever feel the need to go to the World of the Living, you need only ask and I will send you there."

I feel emotion welling up inside of me.

I bow low to the ground.

"Thank you, Ukitake-taichou!"

Taichou laughs.

"Haha, not again!"

I bow until Taichou places a hand on my shoulder to make me sit up.

"No problem, Kuchiki. No problem at all."

XXXX

That evening, I visit Nii-sama at the Kuchiki mansion.

I bow when I enter his quarters.

"Good evening, Nii-sama."

"And you."

I straighten myself.

"How have things been faring? It has been only a night since you last slept in the Kuchiki mansion."

"Forgive me, Nii-sama, for I cannot say. It is only a day since I have been married to Ryuume-sama."

Nii-sama eyes me with that cold look of his.

"And how is he?"

"He is fine from last I saw him. I went to the Thirteenth Division barracks today while he to the Tenth Division barracks. I haven't met him since."

Nii-sama is silent for a long while.

"If you are finished here, I suggest you hurry back to your husband. He would not like to wait."

I know my expression changed then, for Nii-sama's eyes hardened.

"Yes, Nii-sama."

I bow.

"Come back in a week's time. I want to see your progress."

"Yes, Nii-sama."

I take my leave.