Another ninja chapter! Will StormShadow ever learn to play? Will Clutch hit the beer cart hard before the day is over?

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read. I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad that it's been funny!

Scarlett's voice sounded rather strained from the bouts of laughter at her teammates' expense. "Tommy... just... just hit it straight... just once."

Tommy's jaw was set and his face wore a scowl severe enough to have been pulled directly out of Beachhead's repertoire. "Shut up, Shana or I'll wrap this stupid useless so-called club around your neck." He didn't bother to look over as SnakeEyes snapped his fingers. "Yes, brother, I know, you'd be very put out if I killed her. You'd get over it."

Clutch sighed at him. "Less smack talking, more smacking the golf ball." He frowned slightly. "You need to address the ball properly Tommy... that's most of your problem."

StormShadow straightened up and glared directly at Clutch. The mechanic was suddenly reminded that although he might be the golf expert in the foursome, he was faced with one of the most deadly in the foursome... or on the entire course... possibly in the county... and he needed to stop thinking along this path. "Sorry. You keep slicing because you are failing to address the ball properly. Sometimes it's something simple..."

Waving at him dismissively, the ninja bent over the ball and narrowed his eyes. "Fine. Hello Mr Ball, I hate you and I'm going to hit you really hard to make you fly far, far away..." He tilted his head at Clutch. "Happy now, Lance?"

Clutch felt his eyelid twitch from the internal conflict. His survival sense was screaming at the frontal lobe to shut the hell up and he felt his mouth opening anyway and swallowed the smartass remark down... hard. "I meant, you aren't facing the ball square on... if you stand slightly to the side, you can't expect for the ball to go straight down the fairway. Okay?"

Scarlett did not share in Clutch's self-preservation in the least and was indulging in loud guffaws. "Oh god... oh god... I'm gonna pee..." She mimiced Tommy's precise tones. "Hello Mr Ball... oh GOD I'm gonna die here..."

SnakeEyes rather deliberately stepped between the shapely redhead and his sword brother and shook his head. He turned to Clutch to sign quickly. *I would have asked if we had preprinted labels since I doubt we could write small enough to fit an entire address on a tiny ball* Storm switched to glaring at SnakeEyes while Scarlett doubled over, squeezing her legs together as she howled with laughter.

Clutch chose to frown at her rather than either of the disgruntled ninja. "It's not THAT funny." She merely shook her head as she finally began to bring herself under control. "You guys should realize there's a long traditional history behind the game of golf. It's the game of kings... a little respect would be nice."

"Long traditional history my ass." Storm went back to his ball, making certain to stand in exactly the right spot at the correct angle and not too far from the tee... "I own ceramic bowls older than this stupid game." He swung powerfully and smiled as the ball went flinging through the air in the right direction, more or less. "There. See? Nothing to it." He tilted his head slightly. "Why... why did I just hear a splash?"

The caddies all looked at each other in confusion for a moment. His assigned caddy reached for the club hesitantly. "Sir, there is a water hazard located in that direction... but how could you have heard...?"

StormShadow blinked once before waving the young man off. "The uhh, sounds carries..." his hand waved about vaguely. "..and echos off the... " His eyes roamed around them before he finished. "...the... grass."

SnakeEyes put a hand on his face and shook his head. Holding out a hand, he gestured for his caddy to hand over a club. He lined up his shot, ignoring StormShadow behind him rummaging in the golf bag for something. When SnakeEyes swung, Storm's arm flung out quickly as well. SnakeEyes' golf ball was knocked out of the air by the ball Storm threw at it. The masked Joe turned on his friend furiously, using quick shortened signs that only a few Joes could follow.

Storm was all grins. "Sorry brother! It's just defense! Knocking your opponent's ball out of the air is perfectly legitimate."

Clutch put his hands on his hips. Although he had no idea what exactly SnakeEyes was signing, he could easily guess. "There's no throwing things at the ball. That's not a rule!"

Storm spread his hands innocently. "Of course it is. Or it should be. Golf is boring. You know why? Because there's no defense. You just advance towards the goal without any opposition. Enlightened players would play defense as well as offense. Only makes sense." He crossed his arms smugly.

Clutch narrowed his eyes. "Look, you're supposed to learn to play the game. You can't make up new rules and start interfering with another player's ball. It's not sporting!" The mechanic was struggling to keep his composure in the most unlikely of scenarios where he was the one trying to keep order. Somehow he just knew that somewhere Duke was grinning ear to ear over this irony.

Storm shrugged eloquently. "I'm not usually noted for being sporting." He plucked up the golf ball he'd thrown. "Okay brother.. take your next stroke. I'm ready."

Clutch threw his hands in the air in disgust. "Shana! Can't you control them at all?" Scarlett merely raised her hands helplessly. "Great... just great." Clutch looked at the caddies. "I know you probably don't usually deal with this level of... uhh.. unprofessionalism..."

One of the caddies looked at the others and then shook his head. "No sir, it's not a problem sir." Clutch sighed and began to apologize again and the caddy held up a hand. "If I may? We have to deal with extremely rich and extremely drunk CEOs on a regular basis. At least you haven't blamed us when you miss. It's quite all right."

Storm smiled over at Clutch. "See? I'm sure they love the idea of defense in golf too. Now... let's have Snakes try again.." He crouched slightly, one hand ready with a golf ball.

SnakeEyes glared through his dark glasses and then stalked over to find another golf ball and kept it in his hand while he lined up to hit the ball. It took a bit of adjusting to hold both the club and the ball, but he managed. If his swing didn't connect with the same power, the ball he threw to intercept StormShadow's missile connected with a satisfying 'thunk' as it deflected it. He stood watching his shot fly over the nearby hill and twirled the club in his hand before extending it to his caddy. As he walked over to Scarlett, he signed with elaborate flourishes.

*Counter-measures.*

Clutch covered his eyes and tilted his face towards the sky. "Whyyyy... whyyyyy didn't I get Sneeden?"

Storm snorted loudly as they headed off to locate their balls. "Oh I'm sure that's the most boring group to play with ever. Our group will have much more fun, right Lance?"

"That's what I'm afraid of." Clutch led the group as they hiked over two small hillocks and then he stopped to smile. "Well Tommy... your ball went into the water. That's too bad."

Storm looked doubtfully at the pond. "Okaaaay so who put a pond in the golf course? That's stupid. Do I have to go swimming to hit it from the bottom of the pond?"

His caddy spoke up quickly, no doubt worried that his charge would indeed go diving into the water hazard. "No sir! You will have to take a stroke."

Storm frowned at him. "Take a what?"

"You... you drop a new ball at a certain spot and it counts as one hit. It's called 'taking a stroke' and adds one stroke to your score for the hole." The caddy nodded slightly. "A lot of players lose balls into this water hazard, sir. It's not uncommon." His attempt to pacify his client seemed to make him frown instead.

"Well perhaps 'a lot of players do' but I think it should be fairly easy to locate the ball in the water." Storm gazed at the pond and put his chin into his hand thoughtfully. "I think I'll..."

Scarlett interrupted, handing him a golf ball. "You'll take a drop, Tommy. No disappearing into the dirty pond water." She watched him give the ball a toss onto the ground in the right area and give her a smirk. "There, now you can try to hit it straight and not into a pond."

"Smartass woman." He lined up and swung, watching with annoyance as a second golf ball whipped in to knock his out of the air to land about twenty feet away, dribbling along a slope to plop into the water. "Snakes! That was completely uncalled for!"

SnakeEyes stood casually leaning on a golf club. *Goose gander, brother.*

Storm frowned. Holding out a hand to his caddy who gave him another golf ball, he pointed at SnakeEyes. "Oh yessss... you just wait. I'm 'taking a stroke'. Someone make certain to write that down somewhere." He dropped the ball and began to line up, shifting his stance and gazing into the distance while SnakeEyes tossed a golf tee from one hand to another. Storm suddenly straightened up and stared across the grass. SnakeEyes turned to look, cursing inside his head as he heard the other ninja swing the golf club. His late attempt with the thrown tee missed and he snorted lightly. Storm smirked and gave a genteel wave for them all to continue. "Well well... seems I'm one point up on you."

Scarlett frowned, doing mental math for a moment. "Actually I think your score is still four strokes behind Snakes..."

He frowned only for a moment before tilting his head haughtily. "I was referring to the points for defensive golf. Not your petty old-style rules."

Clutch glared at him. "There IS no 'defensive golf'. We're playing real golf."

SnakeEyes stepped up into Clutch's line of sight. *Real golf would have windmills.*

The mechanic gritted his teeth. "Puttputt is NOT real golf!"

Yes. Ninja golf. Yes, it will get worse. Hope it was fun to read.