Ivan woke up knowing today would be a bad day. Not that any day was a good day. Only that today would be much worse. He had woken up from his usual nightmare trembling and with a loud gasp. After he evened his breathing and had calmed down, the bad feeling settled in.

The first clue being waking up with only one sister beside him. His right arm, as usual, was numb from the bruising grip of his dear younger sister. She was curled around his arm and shivering. Ivan pulled up some of the rags they called sheets in order to cover her more. She twitched in her sleep but did not wake up.

On his left there was an empty space, which was unusual. Usually, his eldest sister would sleep beside him trying to warm them both. Not this morning though. The space was empty and cold. The twelve year old frowned and tried to pry his arm from his sleeping sibling. The girl's eyes fluttered open and she stared at him sleepily.

"Go back to sleep, Natalia. I will be back" He whispered soothingly. She frowned and squeezed his arm tighter, telling him silently that she wanted him to stay. Natalia didn't speak much, she didn't like other people. In fact, she ignored everyone but her siblings. They were her world. Ivan sighed and gently detached his arm from his quiet sister.

"Then follow quietly, I must see where Katyusha has gone." He conceded, his sister nodded and slipped out of the old mattress with him. She grabbed onto the end of his coat tightly as he lead the way out of the area set aside for the beds.

Ivan crept towards the dimly lit hallway of the poor Russian orphanage. Everything was dark and dreary, the paint chipping everywhere. He heard the faint noise of hushed arguing and he felt something growing in his stomach. He tensed and continued down the hall towards the voices, Natalia following him wordlessly. Two more hallways and they found the small room that was an office for one of the owners of the orphanage. Ivan peered through a crack in the door to see his sister sitting in the chair. She seemed to be begging. A bad day indeed.

After the death of their father and sole care taker, the three siblings were forced into a poor overcrowded orphanage. It was out of desperation that they had to live in the horrid place. With no food, no money and no heat they had no choice but to enter the sickly building.

They slept on an old mattress in the large "bedroom" where many dirty mattresses were left haphazardly. Usually, it was five per bed and they had two other children sleeping with them. There were no assigned beds either, it was first come first serve. There were many nights Katyusha slept on the ground so that her two siblings could sleep on a crowded mattress. The sheets were always dirty and ripped. Worse though they were thin, many children died just from the cold.

Food was also in short supply. They ate twice a day, a small bowl of porridge and a bit of bread. Sometimes they had a meager strip of chicken. Water was also hard to come by, the pipes always seemed to be frozen. The children were meant to help keep the place in order though there were few staff members to enforce such rules. Most of the children would curl up in corners in a vane attempt to keep warm instead of work.

They did have school though, which was arguably the only good thing about the place. Katyusha made sure her siblings attended every day, even though it wasn't a very good education. It was an education none the less. She herself tried only to find to much difficulty. She was fourteen and had yet to grasp the Russian alphabet let alone be able to read. Instead, she dropped out, feeling it better she do odd jobs in the orphanage for some money. She would then sneak out to the nearest town a few miles away and try to buy some warmer clothes for her siblings.

Even though she dropped out she was adamant that Natalia and Ivan continue their education. Ivan turned out to be a quick learner, grasping the Russian alphabet with relative ease and trying his hand at the English one. That was another thing good about the poor school. They had an English teacher. Katyusha knew English was important to learn, it was the number one language in the world.

She had always heard stories of poor people going to a far off place called America and earning millions. It was a land of promise that she could only dream of reaching. So, she encouraged her brother into learning the language, hoping some day he could get out of their poverty. Natalia on the other hand was more difficult in the school program.

She didn't talk or make friends and was hostile towards her teachers. She learned to read Russian easily enough, what with her being quite young but had no interest in learning anything else. It was only until Ivan asked her to try harder that she did.

Ivan didn't talk in class either. He preferred to observe others silently. He didn't want to be near others. Other people were usually bad anyway. All he needed were his sisters. Everything else was bad and cruel.

Of course a deeper reason he didn't dare touch was there too. Ever since he had killed his father he had been afraid. Afraid he would kill someone else, afraid he'd hurt more people until he couldn't stop. Deathly afraid he'd hurt his sisters in the process. No, he'd stay away from others just in case. Other people only caused him suffering. At a young age he closed the door of his heart and bolted it shut.

So, Ivan, Katyusha and Natalia spent there childhood days in a depressing orphanage. Everyday fighting the cold and hunger. Trying their best to keep from getting sick and surviving the cold winter nights. Three years went by slowly and Ivan truly hated their circumstances. But at least, he reasoned, they were together.

Back in the cold deserted hall, the preteen pressed closer to the door in order to hear what was going on. His eyes darkened as he began to listen to the conversation.

"Katyusha, you knew this day would come. We have barely enough food to feed the children we have! You are 17 and therefore must leave. It's the rule. There is no room for discussion." The man stated coldly.

"But Mr. Winter what of Ivan and Natalia?" She continued wiping at her eyes. The man stroked his white beard and thought a moment in order to recall who these names belong to.

"Your siblings will continue to be cared for until they to are 17." He answered, his voice detached to the subject all together. Ivan felt his hands clench, they were making his sister leave?

"What will I do for food?" She continued desperately. "I can barely read!"

"That is your problem now isn't it dear? I'm sure you'll be able to find some sort of employment. I can think of one you would excel at from looking at you." He commented, his eyes no longer meeting her face. Ivan slammed the door open angrily releasing a growl. The two pairs of eyes turned to him surprised. Katyusha's red eyes alerted him that she had been crying.

"Ivan! What are you doing here? Go back to sleep!" Katyusha ordered pathetically, wiping at her eyes in order to hide her grief. Ivan ignored her and instead glared at the man, the owner of the orphanage they resided in.

"Don't dare disrespect my sister!" He yelled angrily and received a raised eyebrow.

"I have no time for these theatrics, Katyusha be gone in an hour or we'll have to remove you by force." Mr. Winter finally announced, ending the conversation. The eldest girl quickly scurried out of the room along with her siblings.

"Katyusha? What is happening?" Ivan asked as he followed her through the halls toward the exit of the orphanage.

"I have to leave Ivan. I'm sorry. There is simply no room for me to stay." She answered quietly. Ivan's eyes widened and he grabbed her about the waist refusing her to move anymore.

"You can't go. You can't." He demanded angrily.

"I have to Ivan" She murmured trying to pry his arms away from her so she could continue down the hall.

"Then I'm going with you!" He declared crossing his arms.

She turned around and bent down to his height. "No Ivan. You shall stay here. You get food and a bed along with an education. And maybe you shall be adopted. You and Natalia are staying."She ordered sternly. Ivan frowned at her and shook his head. She softened slightly and hugged him close. "Ivan please. I only want whats best for you and your sister. So stay here and take care of each other. And be good."

He nodded finally but looked at her with such sadness. "And you? What will happen to you?" Katyusha sighed and wiped at her eyes.

"I will try and get a job, maybe I'll be able to adopt you both." She bit her lip and hugged them both tightly, longingly. Ivan held her too and he could tell his sister was crying again. He didn't cry, he refused to be weak when his sisters needed him.

"I promise, one day we'll all be together again." She whispered before pulling away. She gave them each a kiss on the forehead and whispered more goodbyes. As she stepped away she faltered. She felt at her neck and unraveled her scarf with care. She wrapped it back around her brothers neck much to his surprise. Gave them each one last kiss before leaving the halls accompanied by soft sobs.

Ivan watched her go, his fingers touching the scarf reverentially. Natalia stood beside him confused. Her eight year old mind not understanding what really had just happened. "How long will Big Sister be gone?" She asked quietly. Ivan turned to her before looking back at the fading image of their sister. "I don't know" He answered truthfully.

For the first time in a long time Ivan wanted to hurt something, someone. He thought back to the day he killed Father. He hated thinking about it, it filled him with strange feelings and anger. Lots of anger. He had taken much care to not hurt anyone since then, knowing he could make things worse. The orphanage they were put in after their caretakers death was a poor one. With too many children, most sick. The place was on its last breath. Everyone was underfed and kept in close quarters.

Instead, Ivan had focused his deteriorating mind in school getting the best grades along with picking up the valuable skill of knowing English. But now, now Ivan didn't know anymore. Bottling down his urges to hurt others had brought him nothing. Merely a pathetic life in a crumbling orphanage and now they had taken away his sister.

He wanted to hurt Mr. Winter because he was to blame. No, he wanted to kill him. Ivan smiled darkly into the empty hall. When was the last time he had smiled? He shook the thought away and instead focused on the idea of ending one of his tormentors' lives. He wondered if there were any pipes lying around.

"Brother" Natalia whispered bringing him from his thoughts. "School starts soon" She murmured. His plans would have to wait. Katyusha had always praised him on his good marks and he knew she would be disappointment if he lagged behind.

"Yes Natalia".

But still, Mr. Winter's days were numbered.

Ivan could not fulfill his promise for another three years. The urge had grown since then, especially since he received no word of his sister. What if she were dead? Each day with no news brought him further to the depths of insanity.

Mr. Winter wasn't helping his case either. No, he fed fuel to the fire. The owner had taken an interest in the young orphan when he noticed his excelling marks in the poor school. He didn't like it. These children were orphans, abandoned because they were lesser beings. Why was this child so smart? Everyone knew these children would be dead in a few years, the orphanage had a death at least every day from either sickness or malnutrition. Even if they were lucky enough to survive til they were 17 and kicked out they had only a life of poverty ahead of them.

Most of the young adults that left were then victims of alcohol, addiction or suicide. For some the only employment available would be prostitution. Life was quite dreary for a Russian orphan. So why then was this boy so smart? Did he truly believe he could make his life better? Mr. Winter laughed at the very thought. The boy was doomed from the very start, no one would save him. No one would care to even extend a helping hand. Best to break the spirit now before it grew to be a problem.

So, Ivan was subjected to private 'meetings' with Mr. Winter in order to 'discuss' his progress. Of course that was merely a disguise in order to abuse the poor boy. Ivan had scars to prove it. Thankfully, it only stayed at the level of physical abuse. Never did it go to the horrid level of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, one meeting at the tender age of 15 that itself changed quite drastically.

Ivan at first had no idea what his abuser was doing. Usually, he had to take of his shirt in order for the other to whip him. But today he was told to remove his pants. He hesitated, only to receive a slash to his clothed chest with the whip. He gritted his teeth, refusing to cry out before following the order grudgingly. The boy was uncomfortable to say the least. Mr. Winter's eyes felt as though they were eating him up. He knew something was wrong when elder grabbed at him and put his hands where no one else was suppose to touch. That's when he began to thrash angrily, forget plans he had to deal with him now.

He wrenched free from the grip and looked around the room desperately. There was no trusty pipe this time. Only meager office supplies. And the whip. The whip that was currently on the floor forgotten. Without another thought he lunged for it and cracked it on his tormentor's surprised back. He smiled at the scream, what a pretty noise. At this moment he wanted nothing more than to hear it over and over again. With that thought he continued to whip Mr. Winter.

Blood ran down his abusers back like a river and he did not stop. Red was such a beautiful color. So rich compared to the shades of gray that surrounded him all his life. He wanted to see more. But Mr. Winter though bleeding profusely, was not dead. Ivan wanted to make sure he was dead. He kicked the man over so he was on his bleeding back and knelt down. He wore a dark smile as he wrapped the whip around the orphanage owner's neck tightening it quickly and drinking up the chokes and gags. He heard a sickening snap and Mr. Winter was no more. Ivan stepped away and admired his work. A loud manic laugh sounding from his chapped lips. Tears flooded down his cheeks as he shook from his laughs. He dropped the whip and ran out of the room.

He had done it. He had killed him but he felt worse than ever. His mind felt dizzy and weighted down, his hands once more covered in the angry red color. Accusing him of the murderer he was. He didn't understand anymore. He didn't understand anything. Everything was too confusing and hard and he just wanted to give up on the world. It was too hard, impossibly hard. What was right and what was wrong?

Was killing Father the right thing? He abused them, but he was their father. Was this orphanage the right thing? Sure it was shelter but it was poor and decrepit with death looming over each occupant. Was that right? To be forced to live this way? Was anything right? There were too many shades of gray in his life. The line between good and bad seemed blurrier than ever. Gray. Everything in his life had always been dreary and gray. The red on his hands the only lively color he'd ever experienced.

It was a pretty color, a wonderfully vibrant color. But it carried to many dark things. Death, murder. It carried guilt and hurt and suffering. He didn't know if he should hate the color for bringing him such misery or love it for bringing his boring life some excitement. What he did know was he didn't want the color on him, it reminded him of what he had just done. Ivan didn't know what to do anymore, he didn't know anything anymore.

He wanted his big sister now more than ever.

There was a lot of chaos following the bloody death of Mr. Winter. Everyone knew Ivan had done it but there was nothing they could do. If they called the police than the government would discover the conditions in this hell hole and they would lose all their jobs. Instead, they stated the prior owner died of old age. The rest of the staff focused on getting Ivan out of their hands, lest they be his next target. He was too young to be kicked out so they tried getting him adopted. But no one was interested in a 15 year old boy.

When a mysterious brunette visited the center and asked for the boy by name it was like a god send. The staff members were jumping for joy at the thought of getting rid of the homicidal child. Ivan though was very confused. One of the staff members had whisked him away from class and had pushed him into the small meeting room used for prospective adoptions. He had never been in it. Inside was a timid brunette man with a soft nervous smile. Ivan was already an inch taller though he had not yet finished growing.

"H-hello Ivan. I'm T-toris Lorinaitis and I would like to adopt you and t-take you back home with me to the states." The man spoke quietly with a nervous stammer.. Ivan raised an eyebrow and looked at the man skeptically. "You don't believe me..." The other murmured mostly to himself before fumbling with his pockets.

Ivan wondered what this was all about. Why would anyone adopt him? He was a malnourished teenager with homicidal tendencies. The brunette finally revealed a slightly crumpled letter. He slid it across the table over to the teenager. Ivan stared at it a moment before picking it up tentatively. He blinked as he looked at the script on the envelope that only had his name written on it. Could it be?

With new found interest he opened the envelope slipping out the letter carefully. His eyes widened and he began to read almost desperately.

Dear Ivan,

Brother, I hope you and Natalia are doing good in the orphanage. I'm sorry I have not kept in touch. Where I am there is no time to write and mail a letter, it cost money too and I do not have enough. I know that you are nearing 17 and will be forced to leave the orphanage. I fear for that day. Then I met Mr. Lorinaitis. He is a very good friend of mine for the past few months and now he is returning to his home in America. He has offered to take you with him and I pray you let him. I am afraid he has space for only one and so Natalia must stay. But she still has time in the orphanage unlike you. You also speak English. So Ivan, please I beg of you let Mr. Lorinaitis take you to America. Hopefully one day we will all be reunited. For now go with him.

Your Dearest Sister,

Katyusha

Ivan stared at the letter in the rough crude script of his lost sister. He looked at the brunette with wide violet eyes. The man shifted uncomfortably and gave him a weak smile.

"How is my sister?" Ivan asked quietly, looking at the brunette intensely.

"W-well she's doing the b-best she can. She always talks about you and your sister" He responded. Ivan nodded and held the letter close.

"I'll go with you" He whispered.

Toris sat up not hearing the murmur, "I'm sorry? I didn't quite catch that."

"I'll go with you to America" He repeated and then he smiled a sick smile and Toris shivered. What had he gotten himself into?

And that is what our little Ivan has been up to.
I hope this chapters ok, i like rewrote it twice...
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this story!
All your reviews make me all warm and tingly inside!
So next chapter Alfred and Ivan finally meet! And our American friend is now sixteen and in high school
I might focus a chapter on a Francis and Arthur and how they got together and adopted the two brothers...Hmmm I have to think..
So tell me what you think and I'll see you in the next update!