Chapter fourOf things broken, words unspoken and of all that's yet to come
The two boys were in the middle of a game of chess when Light had to get something off his chest.
"You remember when you told me that it would be a waste of time to either lie or leave things unspoken?"
"Of course I remember, Raito-kun. You know very well that I do, so this is either a way to break my concentration, which is completely futile since I am on the brink of winning, or you are trying to bring up something that you have difficulty telling me." He moved one of the pieces across the board. "Oh, and check-mate."
The seriousness with which L spoke those words seemed completely contradicted by a bright green lollipop, coloring his tongue and parts of his lips that same cheerful color. Light tried his best to ignore that and succeeded somewhat. At least he had L's undivided attention.
"Look, Ryuzaki, if there really is so little time, shouldn't we do things that actually matter?"
The detective, head a little to the side, seemed to mull things over.
"This doesn't matter to you?" he asked, placing the chess pieces into a nicely carved wooden box.
"Yes, well, of course it matters, but..."
"Could you tell me then, please, what is really on your mind?"
"Obviously I appreciate our games of chess, or going out for ice cream."
"Ah, yes, ice cream."
" But all of that seems so trivial, it doesn't change the fact that you will leave again and..." L interrupted his friend's train of thought.
"This might not be the best moment to remind you, but you do remember that you murdered me in the first place." L stated matter of fact-ly "Furthermore, I do not consider playing chess or going out for ice cream to be trivial things. They matter. It is another moment spent together. Now, could you please try to relax a bit and enjoy these things that seem so small. It is in fact the small things we tend to miss when it is no longer there."
"This doesn't sound like you at all, Ryuzaki. Since when do you care about the everyday things people do to kill time?"
L sighed, then smiled. "When I was dead, I often replayed our games of chess. It is not about the actual game. It is about the witty comments, the thrill of playing against a worthy opponent. It is about seeing you relax, seeing you more at ease with me. It is essentially about enjoying each other's company." L explained whilst stacking sugar cubes as high as possible before dumping a handful in a cup of tea. "Besides, like I said before, having been dead did change my being." The answer didn't satisfy Light at all but he let it rest for now.
"You mentioned going out for ice cream and that just happened to make me long for that frozen goodness. So how about we go again?"
It sounded like a question or a suggestion but it turned out to be more like a demand. L was already putting on his shoes, since Light had forbidden him to go out barefoot, and was halfway out the door before Light could even reply. Light knew arguing about this would be a lost cause. Still, he refused to let that damned detective, cute as he may be, run his entire life.
"If it's ice cream you want, fine, but we are not going to that same ice cream place again. There's plenty of 'that frozen goodness' at the supermarket." He laughed when he saw his friend pout a little and was relieved when L complied.
Once back in Light's room, L couldn't stop himself from opening a bucket filled with pistachio ice cream. He grabbed his spoon, holding it gently between two fingers, perched himself on Light's bed and began eating his frozen goodness in a most sensual manner. L licking his spoon, L licking his fingers. Light couldn't help but get a little embarrassed when he felt his body react to L eating ice cream. He sat down next to L, which got the former detective out of his dreamlike state of mind.
"Are you willing to share?" Light asked in what he considered to be his smooth and sexy voice.
"I apologize for not offering some sooner, I was under the impression that you were not interested in it."
L didn't wait for his friend to change his mind, filled his spoon to the brim with pistachio ice cream and moved it toward Light's lips. Unfortunately, due to L's peculiar way of holding the spoon, it didn't quite make it to the young man's lips.
"You did that on purpose!" Raito looked in panic at his ruined shirt, which had Ryuzaki's ice cream all over it.
"You are incorrect, Raito-kun." Ryuzaki answered while licking his spoon. "You're deduction would have been correct if I had any intention on ruining your perfect outfit. But you see, I merely made a small miscalculation in my movement with the spoon."
L moved a bit closer to where Light was sitting, who was is turn eyeing the not quite dead detective suspiciously.
"But not to worry!" he continued. "I think green looks great on you" he whispered in Light's ear, sending shivers down the young man's spine.
Before Light could recover from the shock, L had already licked off the melting piece of pistachio flavored ice cream on Light's left cheek. The detective's seductive actions weren't welcomed. It was rather the opposite reaction of what L was hoping to achieve. The young man's shoulders stiffened as a result and he turned his face away from the sugar addict. However, and for this L knew all was not lost, Light didn't leave. What then would get through that carefully constructed wall? That wall was up out of fear of getting hurt. Getting too emotionally attached. Such a waste of time, of life. L hopped off the bed, knowing it would force his troubled friend to respond. From the corner of his eyes, L could see Light letting out his breath he had been holding. Their eyes met for a few seconds before Light broke his stare. He frowned, looked at his feet and said he couldn't do this.
"'This' is quite vague, Raito-kun. Explain yourself." the detective demanded, wrapping his long arms around himself as if to protect his soul from the cold words Light would throw at him.
Light glanced at the detective, wincing softly when he noticed the weary look on the older man's face.
"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki, I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. It's just that, I don't think it's wise to pursue this relationship any further."
At this declaration, L smiled a crooked, sad smile. "Ah." he nodded. "For someone with your I.Q, you are certainly slow of understanding." he mumbled under his breath, still loud enough for Light to hear him. A little louder this time, although still not much more than a whisper, he asked: "Would you like me to reassure you? To counter your comment with facts and figures to prove to you that you should emotionally invest in our relationship?"
"Never mind, Ryuzaki. Let's just drop it and go to bed, alright? I'm tired, that's all." Light was glad that L, even though he rolled his eyes, nodded.
Still feeling sticky from the ice cream incident, Light decided that a trip to the bathroom was needed. He turned around before closing the door to see the detective had already taken place in the chair near his desk, eyes closed, head resting on his knees. He smiled, taking a mental picture of the sight in front of him. That uneasy feeling crept up on him again. His heart started beating irregularly and his palms were sweaty within but a moment. There had to be a way to keep his friend alive! He wiped his sweaty hands off on his jeans and took that shower he yearned for. He couldn't tell L that he so desperately wanted his touch, that even being near him hurt his heart. He should try to make all those pesky feelings disappear. But it was nice, to know he was wanted. Despite his wrongdoings, he, Light, was still loved by the one person he admired. So maybe not all emotions were his enemy? Wait, was he now arguing with himself?
"Oh, good God, I am losing my mind again." Light muttered to himself. Lately, the bathroom seemed like a confession booth.
"Hehehe! Not sure ya ever were sane, Raito!" A menacing chuckle escaped the shinigami's mouth.
"Can I at least have some privacy!" The now blushing young man wrapped a towel neatly around his pleasantly shaped body. He ignored the monster for the moment and concentrated on getting into his shorts and shirt.
The shinigami ignored his outburst.
"Y'know, If I were you, I'd jump him right now. I mean, what're ya waiting for, Raito? Ya tried to kill him, you regretted it, you lose your mind, than he gets back and ya waste time sulking?! Funny way of thanking Medusa... Humans are so strange!"
"Wait, what? Who's Medusa?"
The shinigami guffawed. "Whoops! Wasn't supposed to tell ya that! Bye now!"
Light threw a sponge at the death god, but Ryuk had already left. He would have to question Ryuk another time.
Light sat on his bed, staring in wonder at the sort of alive young man on his chair. Judging by his breathing, he wasn't asleep, but pretended to be, so he let him. Although he hadn't believed L at the time when he had told him that his thinking had changed, now that they had spent a few days together, he knew it to be true. Needless to say, his mind was still as amazingly sharp as ever.
"Sleep tight, Ryuzaki." he whispered. His gaze lingered another moment on the detective's still form before shutting his eyes himself.
Later that night, after a certain recurring dream had woken up the black haired young man, L quietly hopped off the chair he had been sleeping on and moved straight towards the bed. Only a few strands of auburn hair managed to escape the blanket underneath which Light hid himself from the outside world.
"He looks so innocent..." L thought to himself. This night, Medusa had given him his final warning. It started out as the same dream as before, so he had been ready for her, waiting in his enormous tree. It was a place in his mind he would go to when he needed to get his thoughts straight. And there she was, beautiful, in an ethereal way.
"Your time is up, young man." she said, her voice without so much as a hint of emotion. L liked her demeanor given the situation. He though it to be appropriate.
"He is not ready for me to leave." L stuck the tip of his thumb between his lips. Medusa nodded. 'Screw the rules' she thought, and bit back a smile.
"Say your goodbyes." Hesitantly she added: "Make sure that he'll know what to do." That was something she wasn't allowed to say. Oh well, it wasn't like he hadn't already figured it out himself.
'Wake up.'
L took a piece of paper, scribbled a few words on it and put it on top of the gift he had gotten his troubled friend not that long ago. He then lay down next to the sleeping young man and began stroking his hair, tucking the longer strands behind his ear. His thumb softly caressed Light's cheek, playfully touched his nose, before ending at the lips. L brought his lips to the boy's temple where he planted a light kiss. Another on his cheek and finally one on his lips. He moved his mouth to a still sleeping Light's ear and whispered while stroking his hair:
"I love you, Yagami Raito. Although it pains me to tell you this, it is time for me to go. Do not despair, I am merely a thousand birds away. This is not farewell, this is goodbye. One word of advice, stop wasting time denying your feelings. I apologize for not being able to open you up in this short time given to us."
And with that, L moved his lips once again to Light's lips, not surprised that his eyes were open, staring at him in that pained expression he had tried to hide so many times the last few days. L smiled a sad smile, it didn't quite reach his eyes. They kissed and this time Light gave in. L chuckled.
" If only you could have done that sooner." He shook his head and lightly pushed his friend's head back to his pillow. "Sleep now."
Light blinked once, twice, but L was gone. The only thing that proved he wasn't having some sort of psychotic breakdown, was the square shaped box that was waiting for him on his desk. A note was attached to it. He read the words written aloud.
"Raito,
To bring back the little moments, and all that's yet to come.
I will see you soon,
L"
Light sat down at his desk, opened the package and couldn't help but smile. Origami paper. He stretched his arms and took out the first paper.
"Only a thousand birds away..."
The End