Author's Note: I honestly think I'm all over the place with this. Tell me what you think? Did you get confused reading this? Was I jumping here and there?

Warnings: Mentions of paedophilia.

Edit (09/25/2016): Uh. Corrected a few spelling mistakes. Nothing big, just… had different meanings than they should OTL. I really need that beta. Also, changed Ellen's age here… She's still supposed to be six technically since her birthday hasn't passed yet oops.

Beta by: Glurpy

Fighting Fate

IV

We departed Norwich a couple of nights after the dinner. Finn had graciously rented us a carriage to take us to the port town of Great Yarmouth and Eleanor bid us farewell with an early appearing that morning. She stuffed me into a pretty navy blue long sleeved dress with white decorative frills, alongside a small suitcase containing similar dressers in colours that would complement my red hair.

Nathan was ecstatic. However, I didn't share the same enthusiasm. I pouted the entire first day of our journey to the port, although Mana managed to bring me out of that funk when he put beads into Nathan's hair when he fell asleep.

We were still on the road a day later, since it would take us around four to five days to get there. The slow pace made me miss cars. A journey that could take days here would've taken only hours with modern technology. It made me remember that technology was both accurate and not in this world. I remembered the Komurin robots, who couldn't. Komui's inventions brought such entertainment. But I had thought it was weird that there could be robots in the 19th Century. I saw public phones around which crept me out as well because I knew those phones weren't invented until somewhere around 1910 to 1930.

I wondered just how different this world was from my own. There were so many similarities yet a lot of it was different. I'm no expert in history but technology here is slightly more advanced than my world's 19th Century. The steam trains were faster, actually clocking in at over a hundred miles per hour. The robots and elevator system in the Order's Headquarters. The public phones. Compared to my world, this world's technology was slightly more advanced.

It did make me think that maybe the war with the Noah was what brought about this difference. War causes pressure to end war. The humans were so desperate to win against the magic of the Noah and the Akuma that could kill with a single bullet or a drop of blood. It must have forced humans to adapt to the pace of the war and develop technology faster.

On the other hand, I have no idea what to think of the Noah anymore. I sneaked a glance at Mana who had fallen asleep around halfway through our third day of traveling. I actually liked the Noah Clan as someone who read about them. They were evil and cool, I had thought. But living in this world where they want to destroy humanity? It made me conflicted. On one hand, I kind of understood their hatred for humans. Humans were cruel most of the time. The wars they waged in pride and the crimes they commit in greed were just the tip of the iceberg. Truly selfish humans existed in the world. Those that raped without remorse, that found pleasure in torture and killing, that ostracize those different from them. The Noah had memories dating back thousands of years ago.

But on the other hand there were some truly good people in the world. Those that wouldn't hesitate to defend those that could not protect themselves, that would sacrifice all that they were to save another person, that would accept and try to understand those different from them. They were the people that made the world worth living in.

The Noah and the Black Order stood in opposite absoluteness. And as someone who knew and understood both sides, I really didn't like either side of this war. With my meeting with Mana I had wondered if I could escape Allen Walker's fate. Obviously some things have changed. I wasn't traveling with Mana alone and I wasn't as dependent on Mana as Allen had been.

But I was becoming increasingly dependent on Nathan. This scared me because what if I wasn't reborn into the D. Gray-Man I knew but some parallel universe that was similar to it? What if it was Nathan that was a Noah and not Mana? Will that mean Nathan would die? Would I be so swallowed in grief I'd turn Nathan into an Akuma as Allen had done to Mana? Would I bear the curse Allen did in his left eye?

Could I even run from this possible fate? Where would I even go? I loved Nathan and I didn't want him to get involved in the Order. Not like how Komui did for Lenalee. Despite his connection to the Underworld, Nathan was kind and he would never let me anywhere near places he deemed as dangerous. He was compassionate and I knew, even though he never told me, that he had killed before. But I also knew that he didn't do it because he wanted to. He had a duty to his family and to the Queen. He chose to kill to protect the citizens of Great Britain.

Killing was wrong. But it was one or the other. It pained me to admit it. I had once believed there was always a choice. But sometimes there just wasn't one. If I was given a choice. To save Nathan alone or to save thousands of other people, I knew I would choose Nathan and let thousands die.

I would not lose someone I loved. Even if it meant letting the world burn.

"You really like making complicated faces, Allen." Once again, Mana said bringing me back from my thoughts. Oh, looks like he's woken up while I was thinking.

"It's Ellen, Mana." I replied automatically. It's become some sort of routine for us now. I would get lost in my thoughts and Mana would say I have a complicated face.

It unnerved me though that he would call me Allen sometimes, even when I was wearing a dress. I knew Nathan was worried about Mana. He was somewhat a sane person. Just. He gets a little worrying when he interacts with me. Once again I worried if it was because of Nea's memory within me. Could he sense Nea? But that doesn't make sense because I knew the Earl didn't figure it out until that incident when Nea came out after getting stabbed with Crown Clown that he realized Allen was the host of Nea's memory.

But... If the Earl didn't remember his – Mana's memories with Allen then… Does that mean even if Mana realized Allen was Nea, the Earl wouldn't remember it?

Ugh, this was giving me a damn headache.

"Are we there yet?" I asked. I did not whine no matter what Nathan says.

"Almost," Nathan replied, finally looking up from his notebook. "Are you excited, Ellen?"

"For what? Getting salt breeze in my hair?"

Nathan looked exasperated at me. "You know, most little girls would be excited for their first time at a port or even on a boat"

I shrugged and winced when Mana knocked his knuckle on my head. Right, ladies weren't supposed to shrug. "I'm not like most little girls," I said, pouting at the benign smile on Mana's face.

"…You know you won't have to worry about the salt breeze if–"

"I will not wear those bonnets, Nat- Ow! Mana!" I cried in pain when he knocked his knuckles to my forehead this time. I raised my hands to rub at the sore spot. Mana petted my hair in apology.

"I'm sorry, Ellen. But you must not interrupt someone when they're speaking," Mana lectured. I pouted up at him, cursing the need for etiquette in the first place. Everything was just so formal.

"'m sorry…" I mumbled.

"No mumbling either,"

I discreetly rolled my eyes making Nathan snicker. "I'm sorry, Mana. I'm… not really sorry, Nathan."

"You know I'm hurt," Nathan whined. "I've been with you longer but you like Mana more than me!"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I do not. Mana's just less annoying than you are."

"And because he gives you way too many sweets."

I blushed and Mana coughed awkwardly at being caught. I huffed and turned out to look at the passing scenery. It was slowly moving by at the pace we were at. It was wonderful to see all the greenery instead of tar roads and power plants in the distance. If there was one thing I loved about this century, it was the abundance of undisturbed nature.

Nathan and Mana had both caught on to my love for flowers and nature. Nathan would sometimes bring me the bouquets he gets from his gigs and Mana would always take me out to a park with lots of flowers if there are any in town. It flattered me that they would pay so much attention and strove to give me things I liked.

"I'll need to meet someone once we're there. Would you like to follow, Ellen?" Nathan questioned, as he stared out the window with me. I turned to him, surprised.

"May I really?" I asked back. Nathan was probably going to meet some of his underground contacts and I never thought he would invite me with him.

Nathan smiled tightly. "I know them personally and it's safe for little girls…"

I wondered as I nodded to his question, what Nathan considered a safe place. With his involvement in the Underworld, and his reactions to me going anywhere, it was highly likely any place without Nathan or someone he trusts was dangerous.

"I thought… You didn't want to get me involved?" I asked, honestly curious and a little wary.

Nathan's smile softened a little. "I don't but… Mana and I agreed it would be best if you're more familiar with everything in the world… We want you to know all sides of humanity, good and bad,"

… Nathan and Mana? When did they even talk about this? How long has Mana known about Nathan? I side-eyed Mana and jumped a little when I realized he had been watching me. He gave me a small smile as he petted my head.

"Nathan told me the morning after the dinner. You were still asleep," Mana explained. "Humankind has always had two sides to itself. We want you to get to know both sides and judge for yourself how you wish to view the world,"

I… Okay, so apparently Mana and Nathan were taking child rearing very seriously. In a way that was fitting to my maturity. I appreciated that they didn't want to hide or shield me from how the world worked. I knew just how sheltered children grew up to be narrow-minded adults. And for people like Nathan, those kind of people were hard to deal with because the world was black and white for them. For those kind of people, what Nathan did, the people he associated with, his duty to the Queen was wrong. They were the kind of people that thought 'Oh, he did something wrong, so he must be a bad person,' without any thought to reasoning or circumstances.

They were the kind of people that made up the Vatican and Central. The ones who refused to budge on their views of people who were different and opposed them. The ones who sent hundreds of children to their deaths in their effort to find or create accommodators. The ones that would experiment on people to create more accommodators and weapons to fight in this war. The ones who would condemn a loyal and good person like Allen Walker because of something that he had no choice nor say in.

And they would justify it as 'for the future.'

"You know, maybe we should talk more so you don't get so lost in your thoughts," Mana mused. I blinked for a while, not realizing what Mana meant at first. Seeing my probably very confused face, Nathan laughed uproariously. I scowled at him even as Mana continued patting my head. It was a nice feeling, Mana's patting of my head. His large hand was warm even through his gloves and he sometimes gently ran through my hair. Of course, it also served to make me sleepy. Which was what was happening now.

"You might want to stop, Mana. We're nearing the town now and she won't be able to fall asleep later if she sleeps now," Nathan chided with a small smile.

"I can't help it! She's like a little kitten!" Mana cooed but removed his hand anyway. I pouted at the loss but I stood up from the seat to stretch. I could feel my joints cracking because I had been sitting down for so long. Yeah I definitely missed modern transportation.

"Look out the window, Ellen," Nathan called. "You can see the port from here,"

Curiously, I peered out the window on Mana's side and felt my breath catch. I had never been to a real port before. Sure I've seen large yachts in my old world but there were always very few in one place. This was… amazing. I gaped in awe at the large metal steam ships. In between I could see the hoods of several smaller ships and I just couldn't believe the amount of them in one place.

"Now there's the excitement I was looking for!" Nathan cheered as we rolled further into the town.

I threw him an exasperated look at his cheerful visage while Mana just laughed at us again, making a comment on how nice the breeze would feel.

"Are we going to see your… acquaintance now?" I questioned.

Nathan nodded, now visibly sweating and looking slightly worried. "Yes… Uh. You might want to be prepared, Ellen."

I blinked. "Why?"

Nathan cringed and Mana looked a little worried now. "We're… going to a brothel,"

I blinked once. Twice. Then widened my eyes in disbelief. "This place you said was safe for little girls is a brothel?"

Mana eyed Nathan's cringing face with rightful skepticism. Nathan hastened to explain himself. "It is safe! The head there frowns upon harming girls!"

"…But they have no problem with them selling their bodies for money for the brothel?" I asked, still feeling bewildered that Nathan would take a six-year-old to a brothel.

Nathan cringed and Mana sighed. "That… is no place to bring a six-year-old, Nathan."

"I… I know that!" Nathan stressed out. "But we agreed on letting Ellen meet people from the Underworld and the ones I'd trust not to harm her are the whores! The most they'll do is make her dress up!"

"I'm… I'm not going to be wearing something inappropriate, am I?" I hesitantly brought up, making Mana choke in alarm and Nathan squawking in denial.

"No! No! Of course not, you're six!" Nathan denied, his face red in either embarrassment or anger at the thought.

"… I know that there are pedophiles in the world, Nate." There were pedophiles in every age. It was more… subtle and rare in the modern world, but in the age where people would marry off twelve-year-olds? I knew there were more known in this age and judging by Nathan's angered scowl and Mana's narrowed eyes… Was that gold I saw?

"No," He asserted. "Those sort of people are immediately disposed of if they're discovered. And Sacha keeps an eye out for people like that."

I was still reeling from seeing Mana's eyes flash gold that I almost missed what Nathan had said. I could feel my entire body tense from the thought of Mana reverting into the Earl, but as soon as I saw it, Mana blinked and his eyes turned back to warm brown as he smiled at me almost reassuringly.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" Came Nathan's voice, worry clear as day in his tone.

I swallowed the lump of fear in my throat. This was Mana. Not the Earl. This was Mana the Clown. Mana who lectured me on being a proper lady. Mana who brought me to the park because I loved frolicking in the flowers. Mana who sneaked me sweets when Nathan wasn't looking.

This was my Mana. Not the crazed Millennium Earl.

"I-I'm fine," I choked out. "Sacha?" I mentioned, trying to steer the conversation back to what we were talking about.

Nathan and Mana eyed me worriedly but I smiled at them, hoping they would buy it. They relaxed a little, clearly still worried but trusted me enough to tell them if there was something wrong. I was probably never going to tell them about it. I didn't want to be the reason Mana lost his mind to the Earl again. I liked Mana as he was now; kind, caring and teasing me.

"Sacha is the head of the brothel we're going to," Nathan explained. "She's been in the business for years, since my father was still a boy even. Though at that time, she was a little older than him and was working as one of the girls instead of heading the place. She had some bad experiences in the past… But she came out of it a stronger person." He ended with a small almost proud smile.

There was a lot of things I could pull from Nathan's explanation about Sacha. But what caught my attention the most was Nathan's fondness for the woman. I wondered what kind of person she was in personality. Was she as bubbly and cheerful as Nathan or Finn? Or would she be elegant and kind like Eleanor? Considering how and where she grew up, she was definitely a feminine person.I was somewhat looking forward to meeting Sacha? She must be something if Nathan was fond and trusted her. I just hoped she wasn't someone on a high horse.

I take back my words.

"Oh, she's absolutely adorable, Nathan! Where on earth did you manage to find such and adorable creature?!"

Sacha was a very pretty, very muscular woman who wasted no time in snatching me off the carriage and into her arms to squeeze me in a death hug and squeal about my cuteness. Sacha was definitely a woman. She was a transwoman, thus definitely a woman.

Who cares about the bloody disgusted glares aimed at the pretty lady that was squeezing the life out of me. They didn't know shit about anything and so their opinions did not matter.

"It's nice to meet you, Ms. Sacha," I managed to choke out in her chokehold. "You're very pretty,"

"Oh my, you're an absolute darling!" Sacha squealed. "Oh the lovely dresses I could put you in!"

"Uh, Sacha?" Nathan interrupted and Sacha snapped her head to glare at him. "I think you'd better let Ellen go before she suffocates,"

Sacha blinked then looked down at me. I didn't know what she saw but considering I had been feeling extremely lightheaded from getting hugged around my neck so tightly, I wouldn't be surprised if my face was blue from the lack of air.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, little lady!" Sacha gasped and immediately set me on the ground. "So sorry, little lady. Are you alright now?"

I had gasped for breath the moment Sacha let me go and was breathing heavily. Mana knelt down next to me, rubbing his hand over my back, his face contorted with worry. I smiled at him reassuringly after I caught my breath and turned the smile towards Sacha.

"I'm fine. You give very comfy hugs. Almost as comfy as Mana's!" I beamed, not wanting the woman to feel like she hurt me or anything.

I swear on all that is holy, sparkles burst behind Sacha as she beamed back at me happily. Her red painted lips stretched wide and her eyes glittered with both literal and figurative glitter.

"Aww~ You're such a little darling, little lady!" She cooed and snatched me up again, gently hugging me to her this time. I bore the hug and her rubbing our cheeks together with a smile. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and she deserved whatever compliments I gave her.

Besides, she really did give nice hugs.

"Oh, the girls are going to love you! We haven't had a little one to dress up in pretty dresses since our last little one grew up too big!" Sacha whined and whirled around to enter the brothel, entirely ignoring a gaping Nathan and a very amused Mana. I giggled at their expressions and waved at them cheerfully, feeling a little giddy at being able to shock Nathan so much. I hoped the other girls aren't asenthusiastic though, I don't think I can handle being choked a lot.

The girls at Haven's House were absolutely gorgeous. Every single one of them looked like they could be a damn super model. Skinny but fit with enthusiasm to match Sacha.

I got hugged to asphyxiation a few more times.

Mana managed to snatch me away from the girls and so I was currently perched on his lap as the girls alternated between flirting with Mana and cooing over me and touching my hair and pinching my cheeks and caressing my skin and debating what colours would suit me. I was a bit exasperated with it all but I put up with it because somehow, having a living doll was making theme all exuberant. Nathan and Sacha had long since disappeared somewhere, probably to discuss whatever it was Nathan had actually come to the brothel for. I was a bit disappointed I couldn't eavesdrop but I suppose Nathan didn't want me to know a lot of things before he's ready to teach them.

If he ever will.

"Ohh, she's a daydreamer~" One of the girls sang and the others either squealed or sighed. Mana chuckled from behind me and a couple of other girls sighed and giggled.

I pouted and the girls squeal raised an octave, making Mana wince a little and tighten his hold on me.

"Oh she's so cute!"

"Her hair is so red! Like the setting sun!"

"She'll look good in dark colours… It'll bring out her hair and eyes more…"

"Nothing silver though, it'll clash with her hair even if it'll complement her lovely eyes,"

"Oh! Her skin's so soft!"

"Like touching clouds!"

"So pale too, she'll grow up to be a real pretty lady,"

"Oh my goodness, she'll be gorgeous! She'll have a hard time batting away suitors, definitely!"

On and on they went, discussing everything and anything they could about me. It was a little unnerving to listen to them talk about future suitors though. I knew girls married young in this century, but I dearly hoped to find someone I would love to marry instead of someone capable of buying my bride price.

And knowing now that Nathan is an Earl, I have no doubt it was going to be a very expensive bride price.

"Alright girls," Sacha called from the back as she walked towards us with a slightly strained smile. "Why don't you take the little lady upstairs and get her all dolled up. Looks like Lord Phantomhive doesn't have time to entertain us tonight,"

There were moans of protest alongside squeals of excitement as I was snatched from Mana's grasp. I yelped at the sudden movement and looked up from the girl's hold just in time to see Mana approaching a severe looking Nathan and an angered Sacha.

My thoughts were still on the scene I saw of Nathan and Sacha as the girls manhandled me into a dress and proceeded to discuss makeup. I entered a sort of daze, wondering what it was that was so serious to make Nathan look so… serious. I knew that whatever it was Nathan was involved in would be serious. He worked directly under the Queen's orders. Or under his mother's, who was the one holding the title of Guard Dog. Whatever it was he was doing, whatever information he was gathering was bound to be important and pertinent to the country.

I knew of Nathan's love for Britain. It was something he said he had inherited from his adoptive father. Ciel Phantomhive was someone who had given everything he had to protect his country. He had done things he wasn't proud of, things that made him sick, things that made him want to kill himself in atonement. But he continued doing it until his dying day. Because he loved Britain, above all else. Even above his need for revenge against those that had murdered his parents and done unforgivable things to him.

Nathan never told me what those unforgivable things were and I couldn't bear watching Nathan's face twist in a mixture of sorrow and anger to ask. I left it alone, because the past should stay with the past. The dead should stay dead.

I knew that Nathan mostly kept things from me because I was young. To him, I am a six-year-old girl he picked up and grew to care for like a little sister. I was someone he wanted to protect and shelter. He wanted to teach me about how the world wasn't black and white, how it did not revolve in absoluteness. He didn't want to put me in danger, so he won't tell me anything that would endanger me.

But I wasn't a little girl. I was an adult woman stuck in a girls' body. It was frustrating being treated as a child in these kinds of situations. I was so used to being privy to sensitive information, it was upsetting that such things were kept from me because I was a child. I understood where Nathan was coming from, not wanting to burden a child that might not comprehend the severity of a situation. But god dammit it was so frustrating!

"We're done, little lady~!" The girls around me cheered in so much enthusiasm, it brought me out of my thoughts.

I blinked at the three huge full body mirrors in front of me. Then, I finally took in the image in the mirror. My red hair was pulled away from my face, leaving my entire face exposed. My front bangs were pulled to the side where they were braided into the half done bun at the back of my head. A light coating of gloss graced my lips, making them look shinier and fuller than they actually were. I was wearing a navy blue long sleeved dress, one that flared at the waist and ended just above my ankles.

I looked… like a bloody noble. Oh dear, I matched what Nathan was wearing today.

I unconsciously grasped at my left arm, suddenly remembering my Innocence. The girl with hands on my shoulders squeezed it lightly.

"There's nothing wrong with deformities, little lady," She cooed softly as she placed her cheek to mine. I saw a soft, sad smile on her lips. "No one is perfect. And just because you're a little different, doesn't mean you're broken. It just means you're a little bit more special than others."

I stayed silent for a while, not really sure how to respond. "Why… Why do you…" I trailed off, not really knowing how to word my question without coming off as rude.

"Why do we work in this brothel?" A girl to my left clarified with a smile.

"Well, for some of us. It's because it's the only place that would accept us," The girl behind me hummed. "Some of us were sold here from the slave trade. Sacha's been a dear to us. Some work for money either for themselves or for their families. And some were forced into the business and Sacha gave them a choice when she saved them. They chose to stay and help in whatever way they could"

"Some of us are here willingly, some of us are here unwillingly. But in the end, it's a way to make ends meet. Sacha tries her best to take care and protect us from rowdy customers. And we do our best to gather whatever information she needs. We have a roof over our heads and food to eat. For some of us, that's enough of a reason to stay. We would never wish this occupation on anyone. But this is something that by now, all of us have chosen."

Everyone was silent for a moment before the girl to my left draped an arm around my waist and gave me a quick hug. "We do this because it helps both us and other people. The information we gather from our customers help keep the country a little safer. It helps protect little girls like you from ending up on the streets or like us. And that, little lady, is the highest reward we can get."

I pursed my lip, not wanting to ruin the gloss the girls had painstakingly put on, in an effort to keep from crying. I knew that sometimes whores were forced into this business but for them to stay because there's a slight chance they were helping… Another girl laughed and gently dabbed at my teary eyes.

"Such a sweetheart you are, little lady," She cooed. "Don't worry about us, we'll be fine. Just enjoy your life! Lord Phantomhive is a wonderful man and we know he'll treat and raise you right. And you have that fine gentlemen to turn to when the Lord gets exasperating!" She grinned slyly making me and the other girls laugh.

"Looks like you lot are having fun,"

I turned to the door to see Sacha leaning against the door with a grin. She beamed at me when I shot her a worried look, remembering her angered face when I was dragged to be dressed. "Nathan's waiting for you outside, little lady. I hope you'll manage to convince that man to visit once in a while for pleasure instead of business."

I smiled at her, feeling a little embarrassed at the thought of Nathan coming in here for… pleasure. "I'll try, Ms. Sacha."

"None of that, little lady," She grinned as she gave me a slight bow. "Call me Sissy, alright?"

I nodded and took her hand when she offered it. The girls waved and kissed me goodbye, cheerfully waving at me. I waved back, feeling a little sad to be leaving.

"If you get Nathan to come by, you'll be able to see Anna and Lily again," Sacha told me slyly. "We'll give that gentlemen travelling with you a discount too."

I laughed hysterically at the thought of Mana accepting the offer. He would probably faint in shock first.