CHAPTER FOUR
DECEMBER
CRAIG
Craig put the finishing touches to his tree and stood back proudly to survey his handy work. Okay so the fairy was a bit askew on the top of the tree and some of the baubles looked like they had seen better days (because they had) but on the whole he was really pleased with his masterpiece. He turned to the man stood beside him, who was viewing the tree with a look that was a cross between bewilderment and amusement.
"What's that look for?" he asked. He felt mildly insulted but he found it difficult to stay annoyed at Adam for very long.
Adam didn't want to hurt Craigs feelings by telling him it looked like the most pathetic Christmas tree he'd ever seen so he just shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know what you mean, fancy a cup of tea?".
They sat down amongst the tinsel, warming their hands on the hot mugs of tea, watching the fairy lights dance and flash on and off alternating.
"You're gonna have to pick a setting for them you know" said Adam nodding towards the flickering lights. "I think the point is to just pick one, you're going to be having fits if you leave them like that!"
Craig laughed, God it felt good to just hang out and chill for a change. Uni had finished for Christmas and he had almost a month left before he had to go back to assignments and coursework deadlines. He was itching to get into the big wide world and start earning money, coming up with business ventures and enterprising schemes but he knew that the degree he would earn at Trinity would be valuable in his first years as part of the working population.
He looked over at his new found friend and felt really lucky to have someone like Adam around to take his mind off things. Since the Sunday they had worked together in the pub they had struck up a solid friendship. Adam was well known in the area and seemed very popular both with the men and the ladies. According to him he was like a babe magnet because "If they know you're gay, they totally relax around you". He'd said it was a trust thing, they knew you weren't after anything from them so they dropped the usual barriers that women put up. Thanks to him i'd got to know more of the locals and had settled in properly now. I actually felt like i could call this place home, even if their was a big part missing.
Since that Sunday in the pub when i had bared my soul to Adam, we had worked together a couple of times and tonight was going to be no exception. It was only a few days to Christmas and everyone was getting in the party mood. We had been hosting office parties for weeks and if I heard Slades "Wish it could be Christmas every day" once more i thought i might crack up, but tonight it would just be staff and locals and the odd person who happened to wander in off the street.
We hadn't brought up the conversation we had about John Paul and for the last four weeks i kept myself so busy that by the end of the day, sleep came quickly. I still thought about him all the time, wondering if he had met someone else or got back with Spike but when i talked to my mum or Steph i didn't ask, i didn't dare. I knew that someone like John Paul wouldn't be on the shelf for long and that some other lucky bas*ard would snap him up soon.
"Yoo hoo! Anybody there" Adam said waving his hand in front of my face. Adam had noticed that familiar look cross Craigs face again, the same faraway look that told him Craig was thinking of his ex. It was plastered on his face more and more frequently and Adam wondered if he was ever going to get up the nerve to do something about the situation. He purposely hadn't brought up their conversation in the pub, hoping that when he was ready Craig would come to him to talk, but he never had. Instead he had continued to suppress his feelings and emotions and no doubt was thinking of all sorts of scenarios in his head about John Paul. Honestly if the guy bottled things up for much longer he might explode.
Craig snapped out of his reverie and poked his friend. "So tonight? Should be a good laugh eh?"
"Yeah, Carl's even got a new DJ to spin us some tunes". Oops thought Adam as that same expression threatened to boycott Craigs features again. "Anyway, did you get the mistletoe from the market like Carl asked?".
"Yep" stated Craig, "got a big bag of the stuff, only cost a couple of euros". He passed it to Adam to take with him.
"Cool, well i'm off! You're definitely coming tonight though?" he asked Craig as he got up to leave. He couldn't help feeling that without a little nudge Craig would probably find a way to back out of it at the last minute and spend the evening wallowing in his thoughts.
"Course i am" said Craig. It was the last thing he felt like doing but he knew it meant a lot to Adam that he at least try to enjoy himself and anyway, it might be fun. He closed the door behind his friend and went to find something to wear. He had enjoyed strolling round the streets of Dublin yesterday, going to the market and looking around the shops. He managed to find Steph the perfect Christmas present, a pair of fluffy pink slippers, and something for his mum and Jack too. Dublin was a busy city and the people were really friendly and welcoming. The Christmas shoppers had been out in droves, tripping over themselves in order to bag a bargain in the pre Christmas sales the atmosphere electric. The park had looked beautiful too, small fairy lights were hung from the branches and the last of the autumn leaves crunched under foot. He knew that John Paul would love it here. Dublin had the hustle and bustle of a big city but there were still lots of places to get away from it all. I had spent most of the afternoon sitting on a bench coming up with a plan to get John Paul back. I just had to get up the nerve to get in touch.
The party was in full swing when i walked in, greeting people as i made my way through the throng of revelers to the bar. Carl and his girlfriend Sinead were pouring drinks and opening bottles, chatting to a couple of our regulars their heads bobbing to the beat of the music blaring from the jukebox. The DJ wasn't due until ten and it was just a little after eight now. Sinead looked up and waved, a smile beaming on her face.
"Craig, glad you made, i was getting worried that you weren't going to show" she exclaimed her Irish accent sounding more pronounced than usual.
Carl must have seen that i had noticed. "Don't mind her" he said inclining his head in Sineads direction. "She always sounds like that when she's had a few". I chuckled, i loved the banter that passed between them, it was so natural and you could see the mutual affection emanating from them.
"Hey, cheeky" she said laughing and jabbing him in the ribs. "Did he tell you we've got a surprise for you later?"
I looked from Carl to Sinead shaking my head with a puzzled expression. At that moment Adam slung his arm around my shoulder.
"Yay, good to see you mate" he said giving me an affectionate squeeze. "I wasn't sure if you were gonna turn up, thought you might bail out on us at the last minute". I didn't get chance to reply before he turned his attention to Carl. "Have you told him yet?" he asked.
"Thought we might get a few drinks down him first" he replied, passing another bottle to Adam. "Craig, you having a lager or Guinness?".
"Anything" i answered, taking the bottle he uncapped for me. There seemed to be something i was missing and i wanted to know what the surprise was that they were hinting at. The room was quickly filling up so i went round the back of the bar to the cellar to get more bottles for the fridge. We had been told in no uncertain terms that tonight was about having a good time, letting our hair down and enjoying the night. We had all agreed to pitch in when needed but Carl was adamant that He and Sinead could manage most of it.
Adam said it was an annual event and all the regulars came out of the woodwork to celebrate the festive season with us. They were a good crowd and i loved working here and i looked forward to seeing what the place was like on St Patricks Day. It was the sort of place where you could be yourself and people didn't interfere in your business and yet if you wanted to vent or just pass the time of day there was always someone to talk to.
I drank thirstily from the bottle, a smile touching my lips as i looked round at the people who had become like an extended family to me. Adam stood over near the jukebox, leaning casually against it, his eyes twinkling as he chatted to Fran and Anthony, two of our regular customers, Kelly and Lucy, the two students who worked Fridays and Saturdays were with a group of their friends from the University and Connor, Matt and Daisy were over near the window, talking to the bloke they'd brought in to DJ.
I turned my head as i heard someone calling my name from near the bar, Kelly was gesturing wildly trying to catch my attention. I made my way over to her and she introduced me to her friends.
"Craig, this is Sammi, Alex and Tara from my Media Studies group". The girls giggled and said hi.
"Alright" i reply, smiling at each of them. The brunette one, Alex keeps flicking her hair back and blinking a lot. "Have you got something in your eye?" i ask and lean in to have a look. This sets her friends off into a fit of laughter. She stumbles back obviously a bit tipsy and i put a hand out to steady her. The other three seem to find her reaction hilarious but i don't get the joke. We get chatting a bit more and i realise that i have met the blond girl Sammi before.
"Don't you work in that shop 'Glamour' in town?" i ask her.
"Hmm, yes " she says as she takes a sip of her drink. "You were in the other day buying slippers for your...girlfriend?" she asked the last part as a question.
"I haven't got a girlfriend, they were for my sister" i answer honestly. I noticed Kelly elbow her and my eyebrows furrow as they exchange a look. "Anyway, nice to meet you" i say as i move away.
I start to collect some glasses as i make my way back to the bar. Adam sidles up next to me. "Who's that then?" he says, his eyes darting towards the girls. He looks like he's holding back a grin.
"Just a couple of Kellys friends from uni". He looks at me and shakes his head. "What?" i ask, missing the point.
He gestures over to where they're stood. "She fancies you!"
His statement catches me completely off guard, "yeah right" i snort.
"Seriously" he says laughing.
I look back over to see them watching us. "Which one?" i ask, because i can't tell.
Adam bursts out laughing again..."All of them!" I look at him incredulously. He throws his arm around my shoulder, "come on Casanova, lets get you another drink!".
It was approaching ten o'clock and i was starting to feel a bit tipsy. I was used to having a drink but i usually paced myself a bit better than this. We were sat on stools propping up the bar, listening to one of the regulars dubbed 'Effing Fred' tell us his woes about his wife kicking him out...Again! Honestly the language that comes out of his mouth makes me blush like a nun in a strip club. Something across the room catches my eye and i strain my neck to catch another glimpse. I blink twice, trying to focus better. Someone is wearing an aqua blue polo shirt, just like the one John Paul had been wearing that day i walked out of my exam. I can't see the mans face so i stand up to go over there. Adam notices that something is amiss and tentatively puts his hand on my arm. I'm just about to go over there when the man turns around and i can see he's nothing like John Paul, he has a more muscular build and his hair is shorter and more blond. I sit back down and let out the breath that i was holding.
"Any chance of something a bit stronger?" i ask Sinead. She looks from me to Adam and something in his eyes must convince her i need it. She opens the lid from a bottle of single malt and pours a couple of fingers of whisky into two glasses. "Cheers" i say to him as i clink glasses, taking a sip of the dark amber liquid. It slides down my throat, setting it on fire, but i manage not to cough. I take a deep breath and plaster a smile back on my face. The last couple of hours i had managed to push John Paul to the back of my mind but one small insignificant image had brought him back to the forefront of my conscience.
The DJ must have finished setting up because Carl turned the jukebox off. The lack of music set off a rumble of noise from the occupants around the room. He jumped up onto the bar, waving his arms and shushing everyone. When the noise died down he gestured to the gathered crowd.
"As you are aware, this is my seventh year here at The Swan" he started. " And every year we celebrate Christmas with a little get together of our nearest and dearest, here on party night!" he roared. We all cheered, holding our glasses up to him like a king. "It's also tradition that our newest member of staff gets to earn themselves some extra cash by selling kisses!" There were whooping noises coming from around the pub and my face dropped as i could hear my name being chanted over and over. I must have looked petrified as i let them steer me over to a stool they'd set up beneath the bunch of mistletoe i had bought yesterday. Next to me was a big glass jar with a slit in the lid. Adam patted me on the back, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. He leaned over and bet me that i couldn't make as much as him. I glared back at him but he just turned away laughing.
"Anyway" continued Carl "I think the DJ is all set", i saw someone give their thumbs up, "So without any further delay, enjoy the rest of your evening!".
The music started up and a few of the punters turned towards the DJ moving in time to the beat. Unfortunately the rest of them stayed nearby so they could no doubt be a part of my nightmare. One year ago if this had happened to me i would have been in seventh heaven but a lot had happened since then. Luckily Adam came back over bringing another glass of whisky.
He handed me the glass, trying his best to stop himself smiling. "Oh my God, Craig! The look on your face was priceless" he said. If he was trying to put me at ease, then it wasn't working. "Sorry i couldn't tell you, they swore me to secrecy.....Honest!"
I started to see the funny side. "You owe me one!" I told him shaking my head. He looked at me, cupped my cheeks in his big rough hands and planted a great big smacker on my lips. His lips lingered there for a few seconds before he pulled back with the biggest grin imaginable spread across his face. He took a note out of his wallet and as he popped it in the jar he turned to everyone. "Worth every penny" he shouted winking at me. As he turned to leave he bent down and whispered "Put it towards your plane ticket".
I looked at him as he walked away, happy in the knowledge that i had a friend for life. I looked down at the jar and saw the blue note at the bottom. He was right, i could put the money towards an airplane ticket and the twenty euro he started me off with seemed to set a president with those that followed.
Most of the kisses i received were just pecks on the cheek or lips and considering there was a recession, i seemed to be doing very well. One or two of the girls tried to deepen the kiss but i was having none of it. As the line got smaller the jar became fuller. I saw Adam standing to one side, deep in conversation with a bloke i recognised as Tony, one of the men who delivers the barrels from the brewery. When my friend looked up he raised his eyebrows and inclined his head towards the man stood next to him. I gave him a quick thumbs up before turning to the next person.
Kelly was standing there with her friends. "Come on then" she said "pucker up". I gave her a brief kiss on the lips and looked at her shyly from beneath my lashes. "Don't worry, my boyfriends over there" i looked over and waved. He rolled his eyes at me, as she made her way back over to him, giving him a proper kiss.
Next up was Alex, although i couldn't be sure as she was being supported by her other two friends. I was a bit wary as she put the money in the jar and stood in front of me with her lips puckered waiting for me to kiss her. I hoped she was feeling better than she looked or i might end up covered in something other than lipstick! "Give us a kiss then" she slurred. I leaned towards her and she almost yanked me off the stool as she grabbed me behind my neck with her hands. I kissed her but she had a death grip and wouldn't let me go.
"Security!" i yelled laughing as i tried to untangle myself from her vice grip my shoulders shaking.
A pair of hands that belonged to Carl assisted Alex over to a seat and he gave her a glass of water. He gestured at her "looks like you got yourself a fan there" he said. Tara went over and sat with her, leaving just Sammi standing nearby.
She gestured towards her friend "You can't take her anywhere" she said nervously. I noticed her similarity to Hannah, one of my old friends from Hollyoaks. She had the same petite build and blond hair. Her eyes were blue though, not the startling icy blue topaz of John Pauls eyes but still....blue. She opened her purse and took out a note, folding it up and tapping it into the already full jar not breaking eye contact. I licked my lips as she leaned in towards me, i could smell the faint whiff of vanilla as she got nearer, closing the distance between us. As her lips pressed against mine my eyelashes fluttered closed. I moved my lips ever so slightly against hers and could taste red wine and....pineapple?
I drew back slowly, again looking into those eyes....Nothing! It was nice but that shot of desire i always got when i kissed John Paul wasn't there. Her eyes were still a lovely colour of blue but i could clearly remember how John Pauls darkened to a deep, dark sapphire colour when he was aroused, which was every time we kissed.
She stepped back and pressed her fingers to her lips. "Do you fancy going and getting some fresh air?" she asked. I wanted to let her down gently but couldn't find the right words.
"I have to collect some glasses" i told her, hastily getting up and making a beeline for the bar, jar in hand. She followed after me and waited until i came back round.
"Maybe we could get a drink together sometime" she hinted. I had learned my lesson when it came to messing people around and i wasn't about to start doing it again.
I turned to her. "I'm sorry, i'm just really not interested". I started to walk away but she took hold of my sleeve.
"Maybe you'll change your mind" she said, bloody hell she was persistent.
"I'm in love with my ex!" i told her, sounding a bit more abrupt than i intended.
She looked disappointed. "Oh well, you could give me your number in case you change your mind?". Enough was enough! I copied an old trick i had learned from Sonny and jotted a ten digit number down onto a beer mat handing it to her before making a hasty retreat behind the bar. I hoped that when she woke up in the morning she would be sober enough to chuck it in the bin and forget about it.
The next hour or so passed quickly, Sinead told us with a wink that i had beaten Adams total and that i was officially the most popular barman ever! Of course Adam asked for a re match at which point i held my hands up in mock surrender and told him he could have the title.
The DJ was really good, playing a mixture of party, dance and Christmas tunes. A wooden dance floor was set up beneath the windows at the front of the pub and as the night wore on it became jam packed with dancers. I tried to make my way through the throng of people, picking up abandoned glasses and bottles, attempting to avoid being stood on. Eventually i gave up with the collecting and allowed Kelly, Tara and Lucy to pull me onto the overflowing dance floor.
Dancing wasn't really my forte but i threw out my inhibitions and writhed and gyrated with the best of them. It's a good job John Paul wasn't here i thought, he would have died laughing. He always said that for someone with a nice arse, i sure didn't know how to shake it. He was the one with rhythm and i always put it down to the fact he has five sisters. A new song comes out over the speakers and the girls start laughing as they attempt to re enact the actions to the song. They don't seem to have noticed that i have ceased dancing, the memory of the last time i heard this song, stopping me dead in my tracks. I excuse myself and step outside as the words to S Clubs Reach pounds out over the speakers.
I take a couple of deep breaths as i make my way over to one of the picnic benches. I sit on the table with my feet planted on the bench, knees drawn up so i can rest my elbows on them. My head drops into my hands and i squeeze my eyes closed. This doesn't help. It just makes the memory of Spikes smug, arrogant face, clearer in my mind. It had taken me ages to realise why i hated him so much and my fists clenched as i remembered how i had felt seeing him kiss John Paul that first time. I thought i was going to be sick as i'd stood there watching Spike and my best friend kissing their bodies pressed up close to each other. I hadn't felt that kick in the stomach because John Paul was kissing a bloke, but because THAT man had his hands all over my best mate and i couldn't stand the thought of someone ELSE doing that to him. That thought had freaked me out more than anything else in my life. I wanted to bury my head in the sand but at the same time it had awakened a curiosity in me that i hadn't been able to shake off until the day i walked out of the exam. Seeing John Paul and Spike together at his house the day before had sent wave after wave of jealousy coursing through my body to the point where i had to leave, before i said something i might regret.
The ugly truth was that Spike had treated John Paul far better than i ever had, and i think that a part of my deep seeded hatred for him stemmed from the fact that he was able to be open and honest with his feelings for John Paul whilst i had felt i had to keep mine hidden. Another of my biggest regrets was that i let things get so serious between them before acting on my own desires. I was envious of Spike being the first one that John Paul slept with. I didn't count Hannah because it hadn't been what he wanted but Spike, when i had asked him if it felt wrong and he had replied that it felt wonderful i was torn apart. A small part of me had felt it should be wrong but the other part, the biggest part just felt anger and jealousy that it wasn't me that had made him feel wonderful, that it was Spike!
The music changed and a fast dance track came on but i stayed where i was. There were so many good times with John Paul to remember, i just wish they weren't tainted by the bad memories. I wouldn't be surprised if Spike was back with John Paul now. He always seemed to sense when John Paul needed a mate, usually when i had f*cked up again, and then he'd turn up like a bad smell, with his muscular shoulder to cry on. I suppose i should thank him some day for making me face up to the truth but i laughed aloud at the thought of seeing Spike and being sincere.
"What's so funny?" asked Adam as he made his way over.
"Nothing", i replied. "Just thinking".
We sat there in silence. I could feel his eyes burning into me, waiting for me to continue, but i didn't. He fiddled with the zip on his jacket and it was just another reminder of John Paul. He was always messing with stuff, keeping his hands busy. I used to hope it was his way of restraining himself from reaching out and grabbing me in front of Sarah. A thought crossed my mind that i wanted them to meet one day, i was sure they would get on well as they had lots in common. I eventually looked over and told him so.
He smiled broadly. "Does that mean your going to get him back?" he asked, a hint of hope in his voice.
"I hope so" i told him. I explained about the Spike situation, but i didn't really get the response i was hoping for.
"He sounds alright" he said. I shook my head incredulously.
"Did you not just hear what i told you about him?" i said, my voice raising a couple of octaves.
He looked back at me grinning. "Well yeah! But your bias. You can't stand him because he was John Pauls first boyfriend! That doesn't make him a bad person. From what you just said, if it wasn't for this Spike bloke you never would have come clean about your feelings in the first place!"
I spluttered, trying to find the right words. "I don't like him because he's a wan*er!" Adam laughed again.
"Yeah, but it's not really a reason is it. If you put aside your jealousy, you might find he's not that bad" he said. I sat there wondering how the hell we ended up talking about bloody Spike! Of all people.
"Do you think they'll have got back together?" i asked him. Adam shrugged his shoulders and took a sip from his bottle.
"Only one way to find out" he said fishing around in his pocket before passing me his phone. I took it from him, weighing the small black object in my hand. I flicked the screen up to reveal the glowing keypad, my thumb hovering above the zero. Adam got up. "I'll leave you to it" he said. "Back in a minute". He walked away and i took a deep breath and punched in the numbers....