Chapter 4
Harry sat in the Gryffindor common room tucked away in his favorite armchair in the corner. Hermione was nearby, pacing and twiddling her thumbs. The Weasley's were in the seventh year dormitory discussing Fred's funeral. Harry sat there feeling numb recalling Fred's death. Harry understood why he wasn't invited to join them, but still wish he could be there to comfort Ron and Ginny. Harry rubbed at his eyes. They felt very heavy with exhaustion and sorrow. He kind of rolled over and turned away from Hermione and closed his eyes. He heard Hermione stop pacing and he assumed she was either looking at him or listening for footsteps coming down the stairs.
He could tell she wanted to talk to him about Fred's death or comfort him but he just couldn't handle that right now. He knew he shouldn't blame himself for his death, or anyone else's, but he couldn't help but think what would have happened, who would have been spared, if he had just turned himself in earlier? He turned his head further into the cushions so he couldn't even see the firelight. His guilt was overwhelming, but he didn't want to cry because he didn't want anyone telling him it wasn't his fault because it was.
He heard Hermione take a seat near him and whisper, "Harry?" He pretended he hadn't heard her. She inched closer. "I know you can hear me Harry, I know you don't fall asleep that fast, that's Ron's talent." Harry relented and sat up and looked at her. She leaned forward and pushed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose. He broke eye contact and stared at the floor. Hermione spoke softly, in a soothing tone, one Harry had not often heard used. "Harry, I know that you blame yourself for many of the deaths of our friends." Harry blanched. "But Harry, you can't take the blame. Everyone blames themselves. I blame myself. Ron blames himself. Percy blames himself. George blames himself. I could go on and on but all I'll be giving you is more proof to something that you already know deep down." Hermione was staring to choke up, and Harry glanced at her. Quiet tears were streaming down her face and he unconsciously wiped them off with his thumb. Hermione gave him a watery smile. Harry unconsciously reached up and felt his scar, and old habit, it had been aching for weeks, years really, and now there was no pain. Hermione watched him for a moment and continued, her voice thick. "The point is Harry, that it's no one's fault but Voldemort's, the Death Eaters, and power-hungry sociopaths working in the Ministry." She sounded very forceful, as if she was not only trying to convince Harry but herself as well. Harry dropped his hand and looked at Hermione she was openly crying now wiping at her tears and shaking.
Harry moved closer to her and pulled her into an embrace while she sobbed. "It's none of our faults Hermione," Harry whispered, "not yours, not mine."
Hermione nodded and choked out, "Especially not yours." Harry knew people were always going to be telling him this and he needed to forgive himself and believe it. Tears started leaking out of Harry's eyes and Hermione said, "You're the best brother I could ever ask for." Harry embraced her tighter and murmured, "And you're the best sister." Hermione smiled a bit and pulled away. She looked him in the eye and sternly told him, her eyes still wet from her tears. "We have to forgive ourselves Harry. It's going to be hard, but we have to."
Harry nodded. "I know," he said, "I will try."
Ron and Ginny came down only a little while later after Hermione and Harry's tears had dried. All of their eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. Ginny approached Harry and slid into the armchair and curled up on his lap. Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and held her while she tucked her head under his chin. Meanwhile, Ron took Hermione by the hand and led her to one of the dormitories. They gave Harry a smile before they left.
~X~
The following week included cleaning up the debris, getting rid of giant spiders' bodies that still were littered in the ruins. Hagrid got teary eyed when he saw them but bucked up when people reminded him that they weren't as nice as he thought they were. The adults who fought assisted in rebuilding and repairing large areas of damage on the castle. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and even George, helped Hagrid get materials to rebuild his hut, and helped with the construction. This was all very tiring work, Harry found, and discovered he didn't need the dreamless sleep potion Madam Pompfrey was still offering on a need based system. Occasionally Harry would wake up from a nightmare, usually involving Nagini and Snape, and his heart would pound and then he would eventually drift back to sleep. Sometimes he was awoken by sounds of one of the other boys crying.
Finally the memorial came around and Harry was always more and more shocked to see this man, the man who spoke at Dumbledore's funeral, and officiated Bill and Fleur's wedding, was now standing at the pulpit for this occasion. Harry was kind of surprised that he was the one speaking but saw Kingsley talking to Headmistress McGonagall in a low voice as they took seats next to the pulpit. Harry checked the watch the Weasley's had gotten him for his birthday and saw to his surprise that he had arrived a half an hour early. He was beginning to wonder what he was going to do for a half an hour when a odd girl sat down next to him as if by accident.
"Hello, Luna," he said.
"Oh hello, Harry, how're you?" She replied.
They were able to keep up small talk about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and various other subjects ranging from her father to Wrackspurts for about 15 minutes when Ron and Hermione took seats next to him, and then 10 minutes later the rest of the Weasley clan hurried in, pleasantly surprised to find that Harry had the forethought to save them seats. Ginny sat down behind him since Luna was on one side of Harry and Ron on the other.
And the memorial began the instant the man started talking everyone was paying polite attention and he was able to sum most things up, in a way that everyone could feel the same empathy towards the situation and each other. And everyone cladded politely at the end and Kingsley got up and spoke of bravery and the brave people who gave their lives to fight for the cause, and he also included those who had died years previous like Harry's parents, and he spoke fondly of Frank and Alice Longbottom, and was solemn as he gave respect to Sirius, Dumbledore, Made-Eye, Dobby, Fred, Tonks, Lupin, Colin Creevey, and countless other wizards and Muggles and finally, to everyone's general surprise, Severus Snape. McGonagall got up to speak and honored her students who fought and died in the battle and gave thanks to those students and adults who made it through and expressed her gratitude that the school could remain open to educate young wizards and warn against the horrors of Voldemort and his regime. She stated they would implement new policy to better teach the importance of respect amongst wizards of any kind, towards other magical creatures, and improve wizard's attitudes towards Muggles. And finally she concluded that Harry Potter himself would be giving the final remarks. Harry flushed and gawked at her as she gave him an encouraging smile. A small hand pushed him and he got out of the chair and looked at all the encouraging smiles he was receiving and knew that if he messed up no one would really care. He got up and stood behind the pulpit.
"Thanks. First off all I'd like to say is I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to everyone gathered here today who lost a loved one to the cause... especially to those lives that were taken too soon in the most recent battle. But I'd also like to thank those who were able to put aside their differences and join together to rid our world of Voldemort. Those who died in this endeavor will never be forgotten, not by me, and surely not by any of you... Their lives were the unfortunate cost to saving countless other lives that would have been lost under the continued rule of Voldemort's regime… Whenever I envisioned my future all I saw was Voldemort. But now I just see recovery. We will recover from this and return stronger and better, and we will do this through love... I didn't understand why Dumbledore was always preaching this, it wasn't a concept I fully understood till I accepted death, and to sacrifice myself for those I love. That's why Voldemort is gone. Because he couldn't understand love. Love conquers all... And if you remember this, we will be stronger and better and be able to face what ever challenges come our way, because we will understand how important love is, and its true power. Thank you all for being a part of this, and I'm so sorry for your losses, but remember that we are here, and you do not have to face it alone."
Harry's speech was short compared to the others, but people had tears streaming down their faces as they applauded and people clapped Harry on the back as he made his way back to his seat. Harry was still shaking and didn't really remember what he had said, never giving a real speech in his entire life, that was usually Hermione. Ron and Hermione came close and Ron said, "Dumbledore's man through and through?", and Harry smiled and silently agreed.