1998

"Hypothetically speaking," Fred told George, "do you think we'd be able to get Harry on the show?"

"If we can find him," Lee answered. "Do you know where they are?" 'They', of course, was referring to Ron, Hermione and Harry. No one had seen hide or hair of them since Bill Weasley's wedding that summer. Harry hadn't been seen since before that time outside the immediate Weasley family clan.

"Hypothetically speaking, I'd say yes." The three announcers for Potterwatch made a startling turn toward the sound of the newcomer, their wands drawn and ready to fire.

A smirking Bill Weasley stood in the doorway, his wand casually held at his side. Behind him was a figure they couldn't work out but assumed it was Fleur. George stepped forward. "What's my boggart?"

"Losing Fred," Bill shot back, looking the twin over. "What's my role in the OP(1)?"

Fred laughed. "Annoying the piss out of Moldy-shorts." The three wands lowered and Bill stepped fully into the room, revealing the person he'd brought with him.

"Harry?" George said.

"How do we know it's him?" Lee asked.

Harry smiled. He knew what to do. "Fred, George, in your fifth year, you cornered me and gave me something. What?"

"An heirloom made by your father Prongs. The Marauders Map. Where did our financial banker get the money to fund WWW?"

"The tri-wizarding cup my fourth year. Neither I or the Diggory's wanted the money."

Fred and George looked at each other. Bill had an unsure look upon his face as to what his brothers (by blood and in his heart) were talking about before realising that the joke shop Fred and George ran (or had run) in Diagon Alley had to have some sort of financial backer and that must've been Harry. Lee was grinning from ear to ear. "Can we interview you today?"

"Why do you think I asked Bill to bring me here? And before you ask, Ron and Hermione are doing okay, they just need rest. We're staying with Bill at the moment."

"So what do we call you?"

"Phoenix. For several reasons. One, it will seriously piss the jeepers out of Moldypants himself." –He received snickers from Fred and George at that – "Two, it'll make him wonder what I am. Don't worry, I'm mortal like everybody else but he doesn't know that. Three, I just don't seem to die, no matter what Moldyshorts and his dead followers throw at me" – that received more laughter from the twins – "fourth, it'll inspire the guys on our side. Finally, it'll remind everybody of the one man who stood in Moldy-smoldy's way with his phoenix Fawkes."

"Albus Dumbledore."

Harry smiled widely. In perfect imitation of the man, Harry asked, "Misers' Weasley and Weasley, would you care for a lemon drop?" Holding a bag out to them, the twins, with Lee and Bill, looked into it and took an offered lemon drop.

"Brilliant. How many impersonations can you do?"

Harry shrugged. "Enough."

"Would you be able to do Professor Dumbledore at some stage during the show?"

A plan formed in Harry's mind. "How about I do all the ones I can do of known victims?"

"As long as it's done tastefully, Harry," Bill said. "But I think its bloody brilliant. Especially if old Snakeface hears it."

Voldemort lifted the Crucio off Rodolphus Lestrange and hissed again, "Where isss Potterwatch being broadcassst from?"

"We can't find their base, Master," Lestrange returned. Voldemort shot the cruciatus curse toward the twitching man. Lestrange held of his screams for a few moments before allowing the curse to take full effect.

Removing the curse, Voldemort asked, "Tell me again, Rodolphusssss, why I disssslike failure?" Lestrange fell quite, laying on the ground twitching. "Tell me what happenssssss to people who fail me, Rodolphusssssss."

"We are punished."

Voldemort's red eyes narrowed. Ignoring the quivering man for the time being, he called his second in command. "Luciusssss!"

The blond haired aristocrat approached the Dark Lord's throne and knelt. "Yes my lord?"

"What information do you have on thissssss Phoenix?" He spat the name from his mouth and sneered. Somehow, the Weasley twins had managed to broadcast their latest show into the Malfoy Manor and had taken the Mickey out of the ranks of death eaters and Voldemort alike. It had been a bonus having Harry return for a second show running and it was this one that had been broadcast into the serpent's lair.

Bill, Lee and Remus had thoroughly enjoyed themselves when Fawkes had shown up for the second show. The phoenix hadn't been seen since Dumbledore's death but had been perfect for demoralising the enemy's ranks. Harry managed to give a good impression of Moody, Dumbledore, Sirius, Cedric and a few of the death eaters themselves (the predominate ones being Pettigrew, Draco Malfoy and Gregory Goyle Snr.)

Ron and Hermione had been laughing their heads off throughout the show whenever they heard their best friend speak.

And trying to work out the mysterious identity of Phoenix was thoroughly annoying the shite out of Voldemort.

Lucius remained bowed at the dark lord's feet. "It could be any number of people, my lord. The most likely candidate would be Albus Dumbledore."

"He issss dead, issss he not? Killed by my faithful ssssservant, Sssseverusssss Sssssnape."

"Yes, my lord." Lucius's voice trembled. "It may be the Potter brat, my lord."

Voldemort seethed and raised his wand. Lucius's screams filled the chamber as the cruciatus curse was performed on him. It was lifted when there was a brief flash in the room and a note fluttered onto the floor at Voldemort's feet.

It burst into flame and the sarcastic voice of one HJP filled the room. "Hey snake face. I'll give you three guesses as to who this is. Hypothetically speaking of course. Thanksssss for the giftsssss, Moldyshortsssss. P." Of course, the last sentence could only be understood by Voldemort himself.

(1) Order of the Phoenix