Welcome to Armageddon!
Author: Milady Dragon
Disclaimer: Not mine, but I wish it were.
Author's Notes: Chapter four is here! Thanks to everyone reading this, I'm glad you're liking it! It's been fun to write. Thanks again.
There was some more discussion, but the meeting broke up pretty quickly after all the Chinese had been devoured. Gwen found herself in the group heading back to their floor; it was the other PA's, as well as three out of the four Horsemen, Death being called back by Apocalypse. That had sent Rose and Diane into a fit of giggles, while Pestilence snorted and War looked a bit jealous. Donna mumbled something about others being childish, and Tosh and Famine didn't react at all.
It was like hanging out with a group of dysfunctional teenagers.
The moment they were back on their floor, they scattered to their various desks and offices, except for Toshiko who was conferring with Donna over something. Gwen went to her desk, sitting down and trying to look busy while she was actually panicking. What was she supposed to do now? She'd used her PDA to make the proper Angel alerts, but she didn't seem to have anything else to do while the other PA's were practically bustling. A part of her wanted to get up and ask, while another part was feeling a bit forgotten and somewhat stroppy over that particular notion.
Eventually the realization that if she didn't do something, she'd be out of a job, made her get up and approach Rose. War's personal assistant looked up, and immediately a contrite expression crossed her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "Armageddons can be a bit hectic. There's so much paperwork to handle…okay, why don't you give me half a sec and I'll be over to show you where the forms are."
Gwen smiled her thanks, and did what she was requested. True to her word, Rose was with her quickly, holding a sticky note with a list of numbers on it. "Okay," she said, "these are the forms you'll need. They're all pretty simple to work with; it's just knowing which ones are for what and how to fill them out. The most involved one is the Angel Requisition form, and you'll have to list the designations of all the Angels you're requesting to help with the Armageddon."
"But didn't I send that request to Angel Dispatch already?" Gwen asked, letting her frustration show.
"Yep, but Azrael needs an official request form as well as the electronic request you sent. You'll need to get the names from the Angel spreadsheet…you know where that is, right?"
Gwen nodded, her heart sinking. Twenty-seven Angels she'd requested, as well as five coming off duty and being on standby…this was going to take a while.
To think, she'd wanted a transfer from Guardians to escape the boredom!
Rose went on about the other forms, pressing the post-it to the bottom of her monitor where she could see it. Gwen was really second-guessing her being there; she'd thought things would be a bit more exciting than filling in mountains of paperwork, even though the others seemed to be enjoying it just fine. She knew how important bureaucracy was, but she hadn't expected to be drowned in it, even if it was all forms on a computer screen!
At one point during Rose's recital, Gwen thought she heard the lift chime its arrival on their floor, but didn't want to be distracted away from Rose's instructions. War's PA soon finished, ending her explanations with a cheery, "Don't be afraid to ask for anything!" before leaving a depressed Gwen staring at her computer screen and wishing she was back in her old position.
Or, at the very least, that Owen bloody Harper hadn't seen her CV, and that she'd ended up in Provocation like she'd wanted to in the first place.
Biting her lip, she got to work, knowing she had only a short time to get all this done.
She started on the Angel Requisition form first, wanting to get it out of the way. After she'd entered in about five names she realized it would be a lot easier if she simply copied and pasted the information from her spread sheet into the document, and found that she finished it in no time at all.
Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
She was making her way through a Soul Traffic Queue form when she heard her name being rather disrespectfully called.
"Oi, Cooper!" Owen practically shouted. "Get that pert arse in here!"
She managed to stifle a sigh. Getting up from her chair, she made her way into her new bosses' office. It was the first time she'd actually been within, and it was just as messy as she'd feared. Files and papers were strewn all over the dark hardwood desk. What looked like a pile of dirty clothes was in one corner, and an overflowing trashcan was spilling its contents all over the floor next to the desk. But it was the walls that really drew her attention.
Three out of the four were covered by brightly colored post-it notes.
Each had something written on it, although she couldn't make any of the writing out, just because the script was so jumbled and scrawled. There were also some that looked as if they'd been decorated with stick figures. She couldn't help it; her mouth dropped open.
"Anyone ever tell you that surprised isn't a very attractive look for you?" Pestilence snarked.
His tone snapped her out of it. "Then you shouldn't surprise me then," she snarked back.
An appreciative gleam seemed to dance in the Horseman's eye, to be replaced by irritation. "I need more sticky notes."
"Well, if you insist on using them as wallpaper – "
"This is my system, Cooper," he interrupted. "So I don't use a fancy computer program to track my Angels…I like doing it this way and you'll need to get used to it if you plan on working for me. Now, I need sticky notes, in every color we have. They'll be in the stationary cupboard."
Gwen stood there, wanting to say something but, when she actually had to think about a comeback, nothing came to her. Instead, she settled for flouncing out of the office…
And then she realized she didn't have any idea where the stationary cupboard was.
Gwen had to ask.
Diane was sitting at her desk, with no one around her, and so she decided to approach her. "Can you tell me where the stationary cupboard is?"
She grinned. "Owen out of post-its again?"
"Does he really use all those for some sort of tracking system?" Gwen asked incredulously.
"He likes to think so." Diane leaned forward a little. "It's best to just go along with it. All you have to know is that you're the power behind the Horseman. Let him do what he wants, and fetch what he needs. It'll make him easier to get along with."
Gwen barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Then I'd best get at it."
"The stationary cupboard is around the corner, to the left. The post-its are on the right-hand shelf next to the staples and the copier paper."
Gwen thanked her, heading off in the direction Diane had indicated. Just as the PA had said, the door was right there, and was a non-descript wooden thing that she would have passed without even noticing. She sighed. Once she got Owen's sticky notes, she'd have her pre-Armageddon paperwork to get back to. Oh joy.
She grasped the knob, throwing the door open…before she even registered the heavy breathing, let alone the moans.
Her eyes flew wide at the sight within.
If she wasn't so shocked and embarrassed, it would have occurred to her that both Apocalypse and Death were really toned.
Gwen let out a little squeak, slamming the door shut. She could feel her face flush hotly as she practically ran back to her desk.
Owen was waiting for her. "What's the matter?" he demanded. "Get lost on the way?"
She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. It was just too humiliating to admit that she'd seen…she wondered vaguely how Apocalypse managed to control his gag reflex…
Something in her expression must have communicated itself to Pestilence, because Owen began to laugh. "You caught them at it, didn't you?"
She didn't even ask what 'them' he meant. All she could do was nod.
Owen moved out into the middle of the office. "Okay, who had the stationary cupboard?"
Laughter broke out among the PA's, drawing Famine and War from their offices. "I think that was Donna," Tosh answered.
"Bloody hell," War snorted. "That woman always wins."
"That's because I know my boss," Donna said triumphantly. "Pay up, dumbos."
It suddenly occurred to Gwen just what they were talking about. "Wait! You bet on…that?" She couldn't say it, so she used hand gestures to describe what she'd seen.
"Of course," Toshiko answered, as if betting on their bosses' sex lives was the most natural thing in the cosmos. "They like to think they're being discrete, but we all know they're at it. We have a regular pool going."
"Especially right before an Armageddon," Diane added. "Pre-Armageddon adrenaline rush. Gotta do something to work it off."
"But…in the stationary cupboard?" Gwen asked.
"It's as good a place as anywhere else," Donna said, accepting a wad of cash from Famine.
"I wish I could win sometime," Andy commented.
"I wish I could catch 'em sometime," War sighed wistfully. "Maybe they'd ask me to join in…"
"Tell me," Donna said gleefully, "was Jack…stroking the scythe?"
"What?" This was becoming a day for squeaking, it seemed.
"The boss has a thing for the scythe," Toshiko shared, with what could only be described as an unholy light in her eyes.
"That's disgusting, Tosh," Owen gagged.
"But it's true!" she exclaimed. "I've seen the evidence."
"You and that damned CCTV footage!"
"Just because you don't like it Owen, doesn't mean the rest of us need to deprive ourselves."
"They're really hot," John added, even more wistfully. "I just wish they'd share."
Gwen couldn't believe it. They were all standing around, acting like the sexual exploits of Death and Apocalypse as if it were the most normal of office gossip.
Well, with this crew it probably was.
And, she had been warned. She just hadn't expected to see it so blatantly.
Gwen didn't consider herself a prude. Far from it; she and Rhys had quite a healthy sex life. It was just the idea that two such powerful men were the talk of their staff in such an undignified way. Of course, she could say they brought it on themselves with public displays – although, they were in a closed room, but anyone would just walk in like she had.
"This place is insane," she muttered.
That gained her the looks of everyone in the room. Owen rolled his eyes. "Well, duh."