I'm pleased to announce I have two amazing betas that have signed up for the long haul. Thank you to Project Team Beta, Twimarti and mcc101180.

Happy Birthday Mel & Misty & Courtney!

Thanks to the lovely AstonMartin823 for pre-reading, and talking me down when I panic.

Thank you to Orrington_Rose who made me a banner after being inspired by Sugarlips and Dollface.

I do not own Twilight or The Muppets, but they are two of my favourite things. No copyright infringement intended.

The Muppets
1976-1981 TV Show starring our favourite Jim Henson puppets. The show is based on Kermit the Frog running a theatre house that seems to have more trouble and chaos than successful performances. Just imagine the Cullens dropping by for an episode.
Lots of YouTube videos for you to see.

Chapter 4 – The Muppets

The following evening, Bella found herself waiting in line outside of BE Bar. She was there not only because Rose wanted to play her next move against Emmett, but also because Bella desperately wanted to see Edward again.

The previous night, after he and Bruce had put on their floorshow, she hadn't really gotten another opportunity to talk to him. She did go back for several Dick Specials, which were surprisingly easy on the palette, but it had been too busy for Edward and her to talk.

Earlier this evening, Bella had stood in front of her wardrobe for what felt like an eternity. Rosalie's advice about making an effort rang in her ears. She decided that she did want to be noticed by Edward, but what he would like was beyond her comprehension. Her wardrobe really did need help. She ended up in black jeans and a white fitted halter top. The top wasn't new, but it was the only thing she had that went close to showing off her figure. She hoped he like it, but she was despondent about the fact that she couldn't wear what she really wanted. Again, the concept of being herself occupied her mind. She was rugged up in her thick coat and scarf until she got inside.

"I approve of the top, but your shoes are all wrong," Rose said.

Bella looked down and eyed her dark purple Skechers. The contrast between them and Rosalie's glittering barely-there heels was laughable.

God, your feet must be frozen.

"One step at a time, Rose."

"I'm just thankful he can't see your feet from his side of the bar."

Rose towered over Bella even more than she usually did. Bella suspected she was trying to be taller in order to torment poor Emmett.

"My two favorite girls," Em boomed, smiling at them with a look of genuine happiness. "I had a feeling you'd be here." He winked.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Rose asked, looking at Emmett like he was something nasty stuck on the bottom of her shoe.

If that's how you have to be to play the dating game, then count me out.

Em didn't seem fazed by Rose's tone and produced a tiny, sunshine yellow t-shirt from his back pocket.

Rose rolled her eyes and extended her hand to accept the shirt like she was bestowing a huge favor on the bouncer.

"Sorry, Rosie. This one's for little B."

Bella was stunned. "For me?"

"Yep. You'll see why. Ed…um… the boss man had them specially made today and told me to keep this for you," he said, handing over the shirt.

Bella took it tentatively, not knowing why she had been singled out. She had never won anything in her life, so the experience made her wary, but that quickly faded as she held up the shirt.

Printed across the front of the garment was a full color image of Gonzo the Great. Bella laughed out loud and hugged the shirt to her chest.

So I can be just me.

Stupid halter top.

Thank God, I can cover it up with this.

"Thought you'd like it." Em beamed.

"Who are you tonight, Em? And, why don't you get shirts?" Bella asked happily.

"Sweetums, of course."

Bella laughed again. "Perfect."

"What? I don't get it," interrupted a clearly annoyed Rose.

"It's the Muppets," Bella explained. Rose still looked blank. "My shirt from last night. Edward must have noticed it."

"Great. Just what I need is him encouraging your shitty fashion choices."

Bella could have been hurt, but she wasn't going to let her friend kill her buzz.

"So, where's yours, Sweetums?"

Bella could tell Emmett got a kick out of her using his "work name" when she addressed him.

"Ah, I like to stay looking professional in all black. Don't want the troublemakers thinking I'm a pushover, you know. Plus, it's hard to get shirts in my size," he said.

Of all the things Bella adored about Emmett, she liked the fact that he was proud of his job. What you saw with Emmett was exactly what you got. No games, no bullshit.

"Shame. Your chest is big enough to totally rock a Sweetums tee."

Em smiled again. "Did I mention you're one of my favorites?"

Rose looked like she was going to puke, but Bella enjoyed the fact that just being honest with the burly bouncer was working out better than the mind-fuck Rose had going on.

Once inside, Bella donned her Gonzo shirt with pride and pushed through the happy revelers to see which Muppets the boys had chosen.

Both barmen stood out in their bright yellow, and Bella was pleased to discover Animal and Beaker.

Animal always was my favorite.

Right on cue, Animal scanned the bar for her. He found her easily through the crowd in the bar due to her shirt standing out as much as his.

"Hey, folks, clear a path. Let Gonzo the Great through," he said to the crowd. The sea parted, and Bella stepped up to the bar.

"You like?" he said, grinning at her and pulling out his shirt so she could see Animal clearly.

"I love it. Thank you for this," she said, indicating to her own shirt.

"You're welcome, and I'm pleased to know I'm your favorite." He joked with her. "Bar's open. What'll it be?"

"A Dick Special, please. That was delicious," she said hopefully.

"Sorry, Dollface, that special is over, but can I interest you in an Animal Orgasm?"

Bella was glad she had the bar to hold on to.

Oh God, yes.

An orgasm from Animal, please!

Shit!

"Your torture is an exquisite kind of pain, Dollface. Pray that I don't get you alone tonight," he said, practically growling at her.

Bella was having trouble speaking. "Yes… yes, one of those sounds like what I need," she choked out.

This time she was sure he did growl at her before turning to collect the shots of alcohol he needed.

"Get a room," Rose stated from behind her. "But before you do, get me a daiquiri."

Animal returned and placed the tallest glass Bella had ever seen in front of her. The glass was long and slender and stood at least a foot high. It was filled with crushed ice and a bright red liquid, but what caught everyone's attention was the handful of jellybeans that were scattered amongst the ice. It looked nothing like a traditional orgasm, but Bella didn't care.

"Oh my God."

"That's what they usually say after one of my orgasms."

Breathe… in… out… in…

Rose's elbow brought Bella back from her imaginary high.

"Um… Animal, can I get Rose a daiquiri, please?"

Animal looked above Bella's head to where he could probably see Rose towering behind her.

"Ah-ah, Gilligan. You had your turn, and you almost drank us dry. Gonzo here…" he winked at Bella "…is the only one who gets free drinks."

Bella knew that Rose would not handle this at all well. First, Em had rejected her sexual advances, and now Edward was saying no to her too. Bella was desperate to enjoy her night, because she felt surprisingly free for a change, so she needed to keep Rose happy.

"Just this once? For me?" Bella asked.

Edward watched her for a minute, and Bella pictured herself begging at his feet.

"Just this once," he finally said. "It seems I can't say no to you, and I can't have you begging."

Bella could physically feel Rose relax behind her.

Thank you.

You've made my night so much easier.

Bella was flabbergasted at how friendly the other patrons were to her while she was the honorary Muppet. She never had to wait in line all night and was starting to wonder if the attention the male population was giving her was solely because she had the lucky t-shirt, or whether one or two of them maybe fancied her for real.

On her second trip to the bar, Beaker came up to her while Animal was busy opening a dozen Coronas.

"Evening, Gonzo," he said.

"Good evening, Beaker."

"Any chance you might tell me your real name?" he said, leaning closer to her over the bar.

"Not a chance," she replied playfully.

"I think you owe me."

"How so?"

"Because of you, I had to kiss a dude," he said, raising both eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Name?"

"Bella," she whispered, her eyes darting over to Animal. "Just between us, right?"

"Of course, and I'm pleased to meet you. Do me a favor and don't get any more ideas like that or my Mrs. will kill me." He left her to wait for Animal, and Bella felt a slight pang of guilt at not wanting the friendly Beaker to serve her.

I don't want a Beaker orgasm.

Ewww…

Three orgasms later, the short black-haired girl Bella had seen relieve Edward the other night approached her and Rose.

"Hi, care for a free reading?" she asked.

"Pardon me," Bella said.

"I'm The Oracle. I'll give you a reading if you like."

Bella's vacant look told the young woman that she had no clue what she was talking about. The Oracle explained that she could be found here four nights a week in the far booth for fortune telling or psychic readings.

"No, thanks," Bella said politely, but that explained the sweet smell of incense that lingered in the bar.

Hell no! One person in my head is bad enough.

Oh shit, he'd have heard that.

"Are you sure? I have a good feeling about you," The Oracle said, trying to persuade her. "Since you've got the t-shirt for the night, it's free. I charge everyone else."

"No, I'm sure."

"I never got a free reading when I wore that stupid Gilligan shirt," Rose butted in.

"Fine," said the petite woman, narrowing her eyes up at Rose.

Bella thought that there was something familiar about those eyes.

"Follow me, Gilligan," The Oracle said and disappeared into the crowd.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Rose said, leaving Bella.

Bella moved back to her spot near the jukebox. From there, she had a decent view of most of the bar. Finishing her current orgasm, Bella fished around for the jellybeans with her straw. She noticed a guy with a crew cut, who she had spoken to a few times in passing already, was watching her. Bella thought he was cute in a rugged sort of way and wondered at the hidden powers this shirt held.

He certainly wouldn't notice me on a normal night.

It's so the shirt. It's the only reason.

Feeling brave, Bella decided she could have one more orgasm and headed to the bar. She was way beyond tipsy but couldn't see the harm in getting drunk for once. She was enjoying the alcoholic buzz and added attention. Her budget never allowed for such fun, so she decided to go with the flow. She also wanted another chance to speak with Edward when she ordered.

The drunker Bella got, the harder it was to control her thoughts as she watched him move behind the bar.

God, he's delicious.

Just like his cocktails.

Hmmm… orgasmic.

What I'd give for just one…

She also liked the dark look in Edward's eyes every time he served her. While Bella was watching Edward preparing a drink for the woman next to her, she felt a hand slide around her hip from behind.

In Bella's relaxed, drunken state, it took her a moment to register what was going on. She could feel a hard, warm body standing close behind her. Bella tried to turn around to see who was holding her. The alcohol didn't help, and she stumbled, causing her to fall against him even more. His other arm snuck around her waist to help her regain her footing, but it remained there once she was steady again.

Bella giggled. Her evening of flirting with Animal had her body on high alert, and the sudden intimate closeness of this stranger turned her on.

Oh God, I want to feel more of this…

"Hey, beautiful, I've been watching you. Dance with me?" he asked very close to her ear.

Feeling his hot breath on her neck made Bella think of Sugarlips and how badly she wanted to feel those lips devouring her neck.

The stranger leaned over her, and Bella saw that it was Mr. Rugged Crew Cut.

Oh, you feel good, Crew boy.

I feel like a dance.

"I just want one more orgasm," she said, giggling.

"Uh," Crew Cut grunted. "You don't need to wait at the bar for one of those."

Bella fell back against him.

"Whoops."

Is the room moving?

Or maybe the bar is moving?

Wow, I feel weird.

What was I doing?

Oh yeah, orgasms…

"I'm addicted to Animal's orgasms only, so I'm just waiting…"

Bella never finished her sentence because Animal was now in front of her, and he looked angrier than she'd ever seen him before.

"Gonzo," he growled.

"Hey," she said, smiling at him. He was possibly even better looking when he was mad. "I need another orgasmsss."

"I think you've had more than you can handle," he said, still stern but softer.

"Yep, I feel so funny all of a sudden, but tiss nise."

"Great," said the voice behind her. "If the bar's not serving you, then you can dance with me."

Edward looked lethal. Bella felt Crew Cut back away from Edward slightly, but he kept his hold on her.

"Drink this," he said, handing her a huge glass of water. "Then I'll give you one more orgasm, Dollface."

Bella realized he wasn't actually upset at her for a change, and she did as she was told because she was tired of fighting him. By the time she'd finished the water, Animal had placed her pretty cocktail on the bar—although a slightly smaller version.

He slid a quarter across the wood to her. "Go pick me a song from the jukebox," he said. "Something from the 60s." He gave her a tiny smile, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Bella turned to do as she was requested. She was excited about selecting a song for Edward. After two steps, she remembered she'd left her orgasm on the bar. When she turned around, Animal had Crew Cut by the scruff of his shirt and was talking in his ear over the bar. The veins on Animal's neck were standing out.

Wow, he needs to relax.

Animal needs an orgasm.

Bella returned to the bar as the two men separated. Crew Cut left without another look at her.

"You okay?" Animal asked.

"I forgot to orgasm," she replied.

Oh shit.

"I mean, MY orgasm," she yelled in clarification and then blushed hard when the surrounding patrons looked at her.

No more alcohol.

These are deadly.

Pretty, but deadly…bit like Animal.

Rose joined her again, and even in Bella's inebriated state, she knew Rose was pissed off.

"How'd it go?"

"Don't ask. I need a drink."

Why's everyone so cranky tonight?

They all need orgasms.

Orgasms for everybody!

Over their cocktails, Bella coaxed the reading out of her friend. The Oracle was harsh, it seemed, and told it like it was. She had indicated that Rose wasn't a very nice person and needed to re-think how she attained her goals—particularly in the dating department.

Bella felt like she was getting a heavily edited version and had a great deal of difficulty not laughing because she tended to agree.

"I'm going to dance," Bella said, having given up on fishing the wayward jellybeans from her empty glass.

They're slippery little suckers.

"I'll be at the bar," Rose said.

Sliding up to Mr. Crew Cut, who was standing on the edge of the heaving mass, Bella asked, "Ready for that dance now?"

He looked at her like she was crazy.

"I don't think so. I like my face the way it is."

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend told me he'd fuck it up if I touched you again, or even thought about touching you, so I think I'll pass on that dance."

My what?

No…

How dare he!

Boyfriend, huh?

I can't believe he spoke for me.

Quick as a wink, Bella's buzz was gone and replaced by fury. She pushed her way to the open end of the bar.

He had no right.

I don't belong to him.

The alcoholic high might have faded, but it gave her the courage she didn't usually possess, and she stormed behind the bar, marching up to Animal.

"Hey, I need a word," she said, steadying herself on the lower bar counter.

"You're not allowed back here. Wait down there," he said, pointing to the end of the bar, not looking pleased.

Retreating to the end of the bar, Bella waited. The longer she waited, the more upset she became. He wouldn't answer any of her questions about his abilities, but he'd speak on her behalf, scaring away potential dance partners.

How dare he!

Pissed off seemed to be the night's theme, and Edward was sticking to that theme when he approached her.

"What? I'm working here and not at your beck and call."

"I don't want you at my beck and call, and I certainly don't want you threatening my dance partners," she exploded.

"He didn't just want to dance."

"So? Maybe I didn't just want to dance either."

"What he was thinking wasn't nice," he seethed.

"Oh, so now you can read minds, but when I asked you, you played dumb."

So it's not just my mind after all.

"Keep your voice down," he said angrily in her ear. "Look, I don't have time for this, but I was under the impression you wanted me…"

Bella cut him off. "I have never said that I wanted you, so stay the fuck out of my brain. And, before you bother to offer again, I do NOT want to kiss you. I'm sick of your stupid games."

"Fine. There are plenty of women here who do. I guess I'll stop wasting my time then. But, for the record, I'm not the only one playing games here."

"I'm not playing games with you," she said, aghast.

"What's your name, then?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Agh, as if I'd tell you that now."

"Have it your way, Dollface," he said before spinning on his heels and returning to work.

Bella was fuming. He'd done it again. He'd gotten under her skin and made her so mad she could spit. Before she could walk away from the bar, Rose was by her side with a fresh beer.

"We're leaving," Bella told her.

"I just got this," Rose complained. "Tell me what happened while I finish it, and then we'll go."

Bella tried not to look at Animal, but her eyes kept returning to him. He was trying to mask his anger again but this time was ignoring Bella at the end of the bar. She started telling Rose what had happened when she observed a pretty blonde woman handing over a golden token. The woman was very attractive and seemed as excited as the previous girl Bella had watched giving a token to Edward.

He took a deep breath that seemed to calm him considerably before he grabbed the token, and just like before, flicked it in the air and caught it again. He smirked at the woman and closed his eyes. Bella was enthralled. She wanted to understand what Edward could do so badly that she searched for clues while he plucked the drink from the blonde's head. He spoke to the woman and must have guessed correctly because there was more squealing and some bouncing up and down. Even Bella couldn't ignore her ample boobs almost popping out of her blouse.

Good Lord!

Stop that already.

Edward reached for a bottle on the top shelf and poured a generous amount of the clear liquid over ice in a short glass. He placed it on the counter and then looked at Bella. When their eyes met, he glared at her before leaning over and placing his lips against the pretty blonde's.

Fuck.

No.

Shit.

I told him I didn't care.

The blonde reacted with enthusiasm and grabbed a handful of his hair to secure his mouth to hers. She kissed him back with wild abandon and deepened the kiss.

It was as though time had stood still. Bella registered the physical ache in her chest at seeing him kissing another woman—not just any woman, but a beautiful blonde that couldn't be more opposite to her.

Bella's phone buzzing in her back pocket was the only reason she was able to tear her eyes from the horrific sight before her. Pulling it out, she wondered who would be calling at this late hour. When she saw the words THE HOME flashing across her screen, she nearly died.

Bella ran toward the restrooms—a task made considerably harder given the alcohol still in her system. The noise from the music and from the patrons cheering Animal on was too loud to possibly hear the caller. She pushed through the door near the jukebox and answered. There was no way this would be good news.

A minute later, she returned to Rosalie, two tears trickling down her cheeks.

"I have to go," she sniffled.

Bella noticed Animal was still kissing Blondie.

"You're not crying over him, I hope," Rose said.

"No, I have to go."

The last thing Bella saw before disappearing into the crowd was Animal's face. He'd stepped back from Blondie and grinned at the encouraging crowd before looking at Bella. His smirk faded the moment he registered her tear-stained face. His look of anguish was more than Bella could handle. Why was he upset? she wondered. Clearing her mind, she squared her shoulders and walked out.

The rule was to just be, and if he wanted to be kissing that blonde, then Bella Swan wouldn't stop him.

The drama has begun.

Animal is still my favourite. Who was your favourite Muppet and why?