I opened the door and JJ and I went inside. We went through to my living room and sat down on the sofa.
"Can I get you a drink?" I asked.
"Uh, sure, what do you have?"
"Whiskey, vodka... I also have wine," I replied.
"A glass of white would be nice," said JJ.
I poured us each a glass of wine and joined JJ on the sofa. Her hair was hanging loosely round her face and she looked so beautiful all I wanted to do was kiss her and never stop.
JJ took a sip from her glass and let out a small sigh.
"Hey, are you OK?" I asked.
She looked up at me with her beautiful blue eyes. "Of course I am, Em. I'm wondering what you were about to tell me earlier before we were rudely interrupted by Garcia."
I laughed. "She has a habit of turning up at inappropriate times."
JJ smiled. "So... what was it you were about to confess earlier? Have you been a bad girl, Miss Prentiss?"
My stomach lurched and I blushed deeply. "Oh God," I thought to myself, "keep talking to me that way JJ and you'll see just how bad I can be."
I shook my head vigorously in an attempt to get those thoughts out of my head. "Get it together, Prentice," I told myself. "You don't even know what she'll say to you yet and all you can think about is sex?"
"Emily?" said JJ, looking puzzled.
"Sorry," I said.
"You looked as though you were a million miles away there. What were you thinking about?"
"Uh... I... well... I was thinking about what I am about to say to you. It's going to be really hard for me to tell you this and you have to promise me that you won't hate me at the end of it all. You promise?"
JJ looked confused. "Hate you? Why on earth would I hate you?"
"Please JJ, I'm begging you, I couldn't stand it if you hated me."
JJ was starting to look really confused now, and for a moment I wondered if I was doing the right thing. But, I thought to myself, its now or never and she has a right to know.
"Please tell me, Emily. Whatever it is I promise I won't hate you."
I took a deep breath. "JJ... I like you."
JJ looked surprised. She stayed silent for a moment, and then began to laugh. I didn't understand why she was laughing and the confusion must have showed in my face.
"That's what you were so worried about telling me? Em, you're so funny. I like you too. We have a great friendship," she said, continuing to laugh.
"Oh my God," I thought, "oh, she's totally got the wrong end of this."
I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders. "JJ, I don't think you understand what I mean. When I said I like you, I meant I really like you. As in more than friends," I finished, looking down at the ground.
JJ stopped laughing and looked me straight in the eye. "What do you mean, Emily?" God, I hated when she used my name like that. It was so accusatory, and it made me feel guilty. But there was no stopping now. The words came out in a rush.
"JJ, I like you so much it hurts sometimes. I can't stop thinking about you. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met. You're beautiful, and funny, and you're sexy as hell," I said, blushing as I said it. "You never fail to take my breath away. I've felt this way for so long and I could never find the right time to tell you. I dream about what it would be like to be with you, to feel you next to me, to watch you sleep and wake up with you in the morning. I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you, Jennifer."
I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Finally, after months of feeling like this, I had finally told her how I felt. It was a relief, to be honest. Now I could be open with her about my feelings and not feel ashamed or that I was hiding a guilty secret.
I looked up at JJ. She looked stunned, and on the verge of tears.
"God, JJ, I'm sorry, I've said too much." "Damn it, Prentiss," I thought, "you should've just kept your big mouth shut!"
I reached up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind JJ's ear. She flinched.
"Are you OK? Did I hurt you?" I asked. I leaned over to give her a hug and she pulled away. I was hurt.
"I... I'm sorry, Emily, I can't do this," she said quietly.
I tried to reassure her. "JJ, it's OK, I know you're confused right now..."
"Me? Me confused? You're the one who's been secretly eyeing up one of her colleagues!" she spat out angrily. "Seriously, Emily, did you expect me just to be OK with this? Did you think I'd just accept it and you'd get what you want?" She stood up from the couch and picked up her coat. "I have to leave now," she said.
I was crying now, the tears burning on my cheeks and stinging my eyes. "JJ, I'm sorry if I said too much, I just thought you had a right to know."
She looked at me stony faced. "I can't talk about this anymore. I'll see you at work," she said as she ran out the door, slamming it behind her, leaving me standing there, watching her drive away as more tears filled my eyes.