Author's Note: Thanks everyone for the great support I've received so far. I think this goes without saying, but I would really appreciate more reviews, follows, etc. Otherwise I feel like I'm just writing for myself, and there's no need to share this online with others. If you have any suggestions for how I can improve my writing or this story, then please feel free to let me know. :)

Trigger Warning: Mentions of self-harm (cutting), which will be expanded in future chapters.

Chapter Three

"Em?" a voice coming from behind me asks. It's apparent that the person has been trying to get my attention for at least several seconds, but I have been off in my own world of thoughts about Alison and that kiss and Paige…

"Sorry, Aria," I respond apologetically. I'm driving the girls to my house so we can spend the afternoon together and have a sleepover tonight. Aria and Hanna are in the backseat of the car; Spencer is sitting beside me in the passenger's seat. I wonder if Spence can smell the traces of Ali's perfume from last night, but I brush that thought away in order to pay better attention to Aria's question. "What were you saying?"

"I was asking," she begins slowly, "why would you have a red coat lying in the back seat of your car?"

I look in the rearview mirror and see Aria holding up Ali's red coat that she had discarded into the backseat at my request last night. Aria's face expresses suspicion and disgust. I am horrified but I try not to show it. Instead, I think of a quick response. "It's Paige's. She must have left it here this morning when I drove her to school."

I can tell that Aria is doubtful of what I have to say. I think back to what Alison said last night, about Aria's lack of trustworthiness, but instead of saying anything accusatory, Aria drops the jacket back into the seat beside her. "You should tell Paige that red is not a good color on her. All I can see is Ali when I see that jacket, and I'm sure Alison is not someone Paige would like to emulate."

As Hanna, Spencer, and Aria get lost in gossip and small talk, I get lost in my own thoughts and fears. Several times throughout the evening, the girls ask me what's bothering me. They ask if anything is going wrong with Paige. They ask if I've had a fight with my parents. They ask if I'm getting texts from A. I tell them absolutely nothing. Nothing is bothering me, I say. No texts from A, I say. And that last one is the truth. A hasn't bothered me at all since I met with Alison last night, which is worrisome. If Alison is so scared of A, and if A knows everything that we do, then why hasn't A started tormenting me again? Maybe A wants to see if I'll lead him to Ali. Or maybe he knows that the silence is killing me even worse than a few texts would. Or maybe, just maybe, Alison knows exactly how to stay off of A's radar. She has, after all, been in hiding for two years.

Just after midnight, Hanna is the last of my three friends to fall asleep, and as if on cue, I get a text from a blocked number. "Same place. Twenty minutes," it reads simply. I have to read it again and again before it occurs to me that Ali is telling me to meet her at the rock by the river in twenty minutes. I look hastily at my friends but don't hesitate to stand up and get dressed. I write a quick note on a scrap piece of paper, saying that I'm going for a walk with Paige, in case any of my friends wake up and wonder why I'm gone. I apply a fresh coat of lip gloss and freshen up with some perfume before heading out the door and tiptoeing down the stairs and out of my house without waking up a single soul.

On the ride over to the river, I think about what it would look like to be in a relationship with Ali. Right now, none of the cards are right. I'm with Paige, who's been working for Alison and lying to me for years. And Alison is in hiding. A wants to kill her, or me, or all of us. I don't even have her number, or email address—she just hijacks Paige's phone or texts me from a blocked number when she chooses to contact me. There is no way we could date or be in a serious relationship right now. But what if things change? Could we make it work? I know I've changed and grown stronger since Ali first disappeared. And I can tell that she's changed as well. But then again, she missed out on two years of her life. Two really important years. Did hiding out make her more mature or even less mature than before? Could we maneuver around the obstacles of dating despite the chaos that we've endured for the past two years?

Why am I even thinking about all of this? Alison would never want to date me. And if she did, I would have to carefully consider whether or not I'm willing to forgive her for everything she put me through, before her disappearance and after.

And maybe I have to forgive myself, as well. Ever since we saw Alison that night after we crashed the cemetery party in Ravenswood, I have been beating myself up for not trying harder to find her after she disappeared. I have cried myself to sleep and put distance between myself and those around me. I even cut myself once, thinking that I deserved the pain after letting Ali down. But nobody knows about that. Nobody has seen the cuts on my legs, and I would rather keep it that way. I make a promise to forgive myself soon, and maybe overcoming that will help me one day pursue a relationship with Alison. Maybe…

When I arrive at the river, I hurry down the path to our rock. Our rock. Mine and Ali's place. It feels nice to be able to think like that once again, without thinking about things in the past tense. When I get to the rock, I notice that Ali isn't here yet, so I stand here and wait, admiring the sound of water hitting rocks further down the river. Tonight is a little cloudier than last night, but I still see several dozen bright stars shining down on me.

I don't hear anyone walking up behind me, but I gasp as I feel a hand clamp around my upper arm. For a split second, I fear that A has found me and Alison, and that he's going to kill us both. But the hand turns me around and I feel the person lock their lips to my own.

And I know, without a doubt, that I am kissing Alison DiLaurentis.

I pull away for a second to ask her how she's doing, but she kisses me again before the words flow out of my mouth. She kisses me roughly, biting my lip and sucking on it, provoking a moan from deep in my throat. Alison pushes me down to sit on the rock and I slide my index fingers into the belt loops on her hips as she leans down to kiss me. She gently lays me down with my back against the cool rock and she settles herself on top of me, one leg between my own and her hands pinning mine above my head.

I have never, in all of my fantasies about Alison, thought that this would be possible. But it is. It is real. It is happening, to me, right now.

I feel her pull her lips from mine and I gasp for breath. She starts kissing my jaw and then moves to my neck, biting the flesh just below my ear. I moan again and try to force myself to speak up. "Ali, please. Slow down. Shouldn't we talk?"

Her mouth is directly next to my ear as she whispers. "I've been so lonely for the past two years, Em. I've wanted to do this since the night that I disappeared. Last night was about talking, about answers. Tonight is about being as close to you as I possibly can." She flicks the tip of her tongue over my earlobe. Again, I moan uncontrollably.

"Alison. Please," I say again.

"What?" she hisses, but not in a threatening way. I can tell she's not being the same hostile person she would have been years ago. She just wants me. And I understand, because without a doubt, I want her too. But we can't. Not like this.

"We can't," I say, repeating my own thoughts out loud. "Not like this."

Ali sighs and stands up, taking my hand and pulling me up onto my feet beside her. "I'm sorry," she says. "You're with Paige and I should respect that. It's just that…before I went into hiding, I always got what I want. Hell, hiding was kind of what I wanted too. And now it's hard for me to admit that I want you and I can't have you."

I bite my lip before letting out everything that's on my mind. "No, Alison, you can have me. You will have me, one day. But you can't expect me to be okay with this situation, exactly how it is. You were missing for two years. I thought you were dead. Three weeks ago, you showed up and let me and the other girls know for the first time that you're alive but you're still hiding out because you're scared. Last night, you told me that my girlfriend is a liar, and you kissed me. And tonight you're trying to get me to have sex with you on a rock by the river after midnight, when our friends are asleep in my room and my parents don't know that I snuck out of the house. Before you went missing, you never respected my boundaries or what I wanted. Now, I'm telling you, you will get what you want eventually, but I'm going to get what I want too. I want more answers. I want to be able to end things with Paige without worrying about what she will do to one or both of us. I want to be able to hold your hand in public and tell everyone that I am dating the most beautiful girl in the world who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I want that. And I think I deserve it. I think you deserve it too."

Maybe the moonlight is fooling me, but I think I see tears in her eyes. She smiles sheepishly at me and changes the subject, but I know she appreciates every word that I've said. "I think we can probably meet here again tomorrow night, but after that, we should change our meeting place. I don't want to be careless and get caught. I'll have all kinds of answers for you tomorrow, Emily Fields. I promise."

And with that, she kisses me goodnight and heads off into the woods, leaving me with a smile on my face and her scent lingering in the air around me.