Chapter 4: The World Is Ugly
Those beautiful blue eyes looked hopelessly at me as he stopped in front of me, allowing Haley and Karen to catch up to him. Before turning their attention back to Lucas both women gave me a curious glance, wanting to know what had happened with Brooke as I knew Lucas did. It wasn't my place to tell them why Brooke had done what she had done and I knew she would rather Lucas hear it from her than me. My eyes wandered to Haley's face for a brief second before flitting away to anything another than the three people before me. I wasn't sure what I'd expected to see on Haley's face but it certainly wasn't the judgmental look I received. The moment I saw that look I was sure that she knew Brookes reasons for leaving Lucas. I feared that she had followed me and Brooke when we had gone to the room and that she'd overheard something from behind the closed door or that she'd picked up on some body language I had not been able to hide during the ceremony which indicated my true feelings.
My heart thumped inside of my chest at the thought while my eyes finally settled on something in the room. Anything was better than looking at their judging faces but it was the large stained glass windows had easily drawn my attention. I watched the way the colours in the glass dimmed slightly as a cloud passed across the sun that had helped cast the beautiful images. It was only now that I was noticing the little things like this that made this room so beautiful. It had become much easier to do so without the incredible distraction of Brooke in the room.
"Peyton," his voice snapped me out of my thoughts. It seemed different somehow, harsh and cold. "Where is she?"
Those blue eyes of his once again begged hopelessly for an answer but the tone in his voice had unsettled me. I knew that he would be angry, that was understandable, but the tone of his voice was eerily calm. Considering he looked like an emotional wreck when he was walking towards me only a few minutes ago he seemed pretty composed now. Still, I didn't think it would be right for me to tell him where Brooke was. I knew she would speak to him when she was ready and I was unsure of how long Lucas' calm state of mind would last, I definitely didn't want him to do or say something that would hurt Brooke.
I suddenly felt trapped under the intense gazes of the three impatient people who stood in front of me and as I considered how to answer I heard Lucas' voice once again.
"Peyton, I have a right to know," he stated firmly, his voice showing hints of frustration at my failure to respond.
"Lucas, I'm not sure that now is the best time for you to speak with her," I spoke as firmly as he had making sure that he understood the point I was trying to get across. His eyes narrowed at the answer. It was not the one he wanted to hear, I knew that but it was the only one I was going to give.
"I want to know!" His voice raised and his eyes flickered with indignation. The eerily calm expression that he had previously held had disappeared and was now replaced with anger.
"She'll come and find you when she's ready to talk," My own voice was still steady as Lucas took a step closer towards me. I was sure that he was trying to intimidate me and it might have worked if I hadn't been saying so strong for Brooke.
"She ruined this, she not the one who gets to decide when it's the right time to talk," He pointed his finger to the direction that I had come from as though Brooke was standing there now. Every movement he made was filled with anger but I noticed something in his eyes that showed me what he was really feeling. Pain and fear was evident there, fear that he had lost Brooke forever and pain at the thought of a life without the brunette.
"Lucas, calm down," I hoped that my own calm voice would make Lucas more rational, although I seriously doubted that it would. I watched as his face contorted with fury.
"No! You know where she is. Tell me," Hands gripped tightly at my wrists while Lucas brought his face inches away from mine. His eyes didn't once move from mine, I was sure he was searching for an answer in them.
"Lucas…" I faintly heard Haley breathe out in response to Lucas' actions. Lucas didn't acknowledge that Haley had spoken, he just tightened his grip and continued staring into my eyes.
"Leave Peyton alone, Luke," There it was, that raspy, seductive voice that held so much power even in the shortest of statements. Hers was the voice that snapped everyone out of there thoughts in an instant and commanded their attention. The hands around my wrists loosed ever so slightly and I watched Lucas carefully, unsure of how he would react to Brooke's presence. I felt relieved as his face softened and he let go of me completely. It was strange how quickly someone could change from being threatening to calm. I guess that was just the effect that Brooke Davis could have on someone, I knew she had that effect on me.
"Brooke," When he opened his mouth to speak I noticed Haley put a comforting hand on his back. He seemed so scared and vulnerable now.
A moment of awkward silence passed, nobody knowing what to say. My eyes met Brooke's for a brief second and I couldn't help but take a small step closer to her, just to let her know that I was their for support. She gave me a weak, barely noticeable smile before turning her attention back to Lucas.
"Lucas, I'm so sorry," Brooke was first to break the silence in a small, quiet voice but the honesty in her words could still be heard as clearly as if she had shouted them.
"Why did you do it, Brooke?" Lucas' eyes begged for an answer as he watched her stand, very still, almost like a statue, before him. "Why did you leave me up there?"
"Because it would have been wrong for me to marry you," She said in a soft, husky breath.
"Why?" Desperation escaped his lips in the form of a strangled cry.
"Because I don't love you anymore, Lucas," It was those words that broke the heart of Lucas Scott. When she said them it made everything that had happened to him real and now he knew that he had lost her for good. "At least not in the way a wife should love her husband,"
I noticed how his entire composure seemed to change after she had said this. It didn't seem to make him curl up into a distraught wreck as I would have at the prospect of losing Brooke forever. Instead his body stiffened and his face looked very stern all of a sudden. I eyed him suspiciously, worried that he may grab her like he had done earlier to me.
"Is there someone else?" My stomach lurched and my eyes flickered to Brooke momentarily. There was someone else, I knew that. Brooke's reason for leaving Lucas earlier had been me. She didn't seem fazed by his question though, I wondered how she managed to stay so composed when I was sure I was showing some signs of being afraid of her answer.
"Lucas, this isn't about that," Was all she said. With her answer I finally allowed myself to release a breath that wasn't aware that I had been holding. That answer didn't seem to satisfy Lucas though.
"There is isn't there?" He asked and once again I could see the anger flaring up inside him.
"Luke…" Brooke's voice was soft and calming, she didn't want to argue with him about this but I knew that she understood that this wasn't going to be easy for anyone. Before she had the chance to defend herself against his allegations he had cut her off.
"I knew it. I knew that you'd end up doing this. I was stupid to think that you actually loved me," His eyes began to tear up and hurt crossed Brooke's face at his words. I didn't think that Lucas noticed though, he was too busy fighting back tears that threatened to fall.
"I did love you, Luke, I did," Her voice was soft but I could tell that she was hurt by what he had said. "I guess it just wasn't enough,"
"Was that other guy enough?" Lucas wasn't willing to let it go. I guessed that he thought he was so perfect that there was no way she could ever fall out of love with him. I couldn't believe I'd almost ruined mine and Brooke's friendship for him…twice. Although, I was confused and trying to deny my feelings for Brooke at the time so I'm just going to put those lapses in judgement down to a bout of temporary insanity. I found myself wondering whether it would just be easier to tell them all that I was the reason Brooke left him. Yeah, right. Imagine how they'd take it. Haley and Nathan would side with Lucas and Lucas had no problem grabbing me before so I couldn't see him having a problem doing worse if he found out I was the one who stole the love of his life from him. Then again Brooke would kill him for hurting me in any way. She was always looking after me that way.
"Lucas, there was no other guy," Her voice broke through my thoughts once again and I watched Lucas as he took a step closer to her, an incredulous smile on his face.
"You're the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I guess I was stupid to think that there could ever be one person for you, let alone that I was that person," My heart sank as I watched guilt appear on Brooke's face and her eyes dropped from his for the first time since she had entered the room. I wanted so much to just run over and envelope her in a loving hug but I fought against the urge, not wanting to have to explain my actions to the three people standing before me. When Lucas realised Brooke wasn't going to say anything he continued to speak, his words sharp and hurtful.
"You've always been a slut, Brooke," He closed the distance between them and pointed his finger threateningly close to her face. As he hissed his words at her I noticed how they affected Brooke. Lucas knew her well enough to know that these words could break her, she hated the person she used to be and to have it brought up again made her sink into herself like a lost child. "You just fooled people into thinking that you had changed,"
"I have changed, Lucas," Her voice was quiet and low and her eyes continued to find the floor more interesting than anything else, it sounded more like she was trying to reassure herself than anyone else. "I admit I'm no saint but I have changed from what I used to be,"
"No, Brooke, you haven't and you never will," His face got close to her and he grabbed her shoulders gaining the full attention of her eyes. "I guess it's once a slut always a slut,"
He gave her a small, satisfied smile enjoying the fact her was making Brooke feel so small. I noticed the way she trembled under his hands while her eyes filled with tears and the urge to protect her from everything that could hurt her overtook me as I quickly moved closer to them.
"Lucas, stop," Nobody seemed to pay attention to me as I grabbed at Lucas' arm. I struggled against him, trying desperately to get him to release his grip on her shoulder. With the help of my weight on his arm Brooke shook him off as he roughly attempted to hold on to her shoulders and after carefully taking a step back from him she glanced down at her left hand and slowly removed the engagement ring that he hand given her. All four of us watched her dumbfounded as she brought her eyes up to meet Lucas' shocked ones and gently placed the ring in his hand before closing his fingers down over the ring so that it was safely in his palm. Her lips quivered as though she wanted to say something but couldn't seem to find the words.
"Do you have any idea what you've done to me?" He almost whispered it but we all heard it clearly. I had never seen Lucas so broken, he had been through so much in the time that I had known him but never before had I seen him like this.
"Luke, I…" Her voice held so much sympathy in the way she spoke his name but before she could say anything more she was cut off by a riled Lucas.
"Do you even care?" He snapped. I was jumped back slightly at the sudden loudness of his voice.
"Of course I care," She uttered softly, putting her hand over his, which still hung in the air with the ring in his palm.
"Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it," Bitterness laced every word as he gripped her wrists tightly, the ring in his palm digging into her skin. That urge to protect her rose up in me again and I couldn't watch him hurt her anymore. I took a step towards them but Brooke's eyes met mine telling me to stop. I wasn't sure why I did it but I stopped as she had asked me to, maybe I just trusted that she knew what she was doing.
"I hope you find the right person, Brooke, someone that you love more than anything in the entire world," His voice was now gentle but his grip on Brooke only tightened. She winced in pain as the skin on her wrists around Lucas' thumbs began to lose its colour.
"Luke…" She gasped while trying to pull her arm away.
"And then I hope that they rip your heart out just like you did to me. And I hope that it kills you inside like you killed a part of me today," His voice was venomous and his hold on her tightened. I couldn't just stand here anymore, if Brooke was upset that I'd gone against what she'd asked then I'd deal with that later but right now I was more concerned with making sure she was okay.
"Lucas, let go," She cried as a tear fell from those gorgeous hazel eyes.
"Lucas!" I heard Karen speak for the first time. She had moved closer to him and was trying to pull him off Brooke while Haley stood beside her, her mouth aghast in shock.
"You're nothing but a cheap whore," He spat fiercely at her. At that moment I felt pure hatred build up inside me for Lucas. I knew that he was hurting and that he would never do this had he not been in such pain but it was no excuse for him to be hurting Brooke, no excuse for him to be purposely trying to break her with words he knew could do just that.
"Lucas, let go of me," She continued to struggle against him as I moved in between them trying to break him hold on her wrists while Karen tried to pull him off her.
"Luke, please," Haley's voice begged him but she didn't move to help us.
"Get off her!" I screeched, my hands beating against his chest, pushing him back as hard as I could. Although his grip loosened a little I knew he wouldn't let go of her easily, right now the first thing on my mind was making sure that Brooke was safe and I was willing to do anything to protect her. Without really thinking about what I was doing I brought my arm back a punched him firmly in the jaw. Brooke pulled her wrists out of his hands as he staggered back into Karen, his eyes rolling slightly from my punch. As Haley and Karen rushed to steady him I spun around and pulled Brooke into a loving embrace. I noticed Lucas watching us as Brooke sobbed silently into my shoulder while my hand brushed softly through her hair as it had done earlier when I was in that room with her. My eyes met Lucas', his squinting blue eyes filled with tears and hurt, my green eyes filled with hate and hostility. As I glared at Lucas, my face stony, he silently begged me to understand his actions with the sorrowful look on his face. There was no way that I could forgive him for this, he had hurt my Brooke and was now acting remorseful about it when if I hadn't of fought him off her he'd still be hurting her. I think he realised that it wasn't going to be easy for him as he stepped back dejectedly and dropped his gaze to the floor. The tears that his eyes held suddenly began to fall as Karen wrapped her arms around him.
"Come on, Lucas. Let's go," She whispered gently to her crying son before guiding him quickly past us and out of the church. I looked at the trembling beauty that I held in my arms and my heart swelled at how gorgeous she could look even when terrified and hurt.
"Are you okay?" I asked softly as I leaned back from her in order to get a better look at her face. Tears marks stained her face as a few continued to escape from her eyes. With a deep breath she shuddered in my arms as I caught a tear that was rolling down her cheek.
"Yeah, I guess," She gave me a small smile and I felt a warmth spread through my body. Sometimes I hated the effect that she had on me. Her eyes conveyed so much gratitude towards me as I continued to hold her and wipe away any tears that threatened to fall. For a moment I forgot that Haley was still in the room as I allowed myself to get caught up in the immense beauty that was Brooke Davis. My eyes traced every inch of her face, imprinting into my mind exactly how she looked at this moment as I had done many times before in my life. When our eyes met again I was sure that my heart would either burst or I would melt into her, those hazel eyes of hers always got to me.
"This is what you've reduced him to, Brooke," The reminder that we were not alone came in the form of Haley's accusatory voice which instantly gained both mine and Brooke's attention. My eyebrow raised at Haley's claim as Brooke shifted awkwardly next to me to face her, our arms still wrapped around each other.
"What?" Brooke uttered softly unsure of exactly what Haley meant.
"Lucas. He's a mess because of you," My mouth fell open and I was sure it looked as though I was trying to catch flies with it. Brooke moving further into me as she dropped her head guiltily at Haley's words.
"Haley, he was hurting her," I couldn't believe what Haley was saying. She had just witnessed what I had, hadn't she?
"Just like she hurt him," Haley pointed at Brooke to emphasise her point.
"No, not 'just like'. Brooke never physically hurt him," I couldn't seem to control my temper as my voice raised, only slightly but still it was noticeable.
"She may as well have," Crossing her arms firmly across her chest, letting me know how irritated she was, Haley glared at me and her face hardened. I glared back, matching her expression as I wondered how she could defend Lucas' violent actions.
"I can't believe you're rationalizing his actions," I practically shouted that at her. I admit I wasn't exactly acting rational myself right now but her point was ridiculous and I wasn't about to let her bully Brooke into feeling guiltier than she already did.
"Its okay, Peyton," Brooke's gentle voice had the same instant calming effect on me as it always did. I tore my gaze from Haley and looked at Brooke questionably. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't okay, that Lucas' actions weren't her fault, and that she shouldn't be listening to what Haley was saying.
"No, Brooke, this isn't okay. Look what you've done," Haley dropped her folded arms in frustration and gave Brooke an icy stare.
"Haley, I'm sorry, I really am but it wouldn't have been fair for me to go through with this," Her words were as honest and genuine as they had been when she was speaking to Lucas. Haley continued to stare at Brooke with coldness while Brooke's eyes pleaded for Haley to understand what she was saying.
"How long have you known, Brooke?" Haley asked calmly after a long moment of silence passed between the three of us.
"Known what?" Brooke's eyebrow raised in confusion, unsure of exactly what Haley was asking.
"That Lucas wasn't the one for you? That you didn't love him like you thought?" She clarified as she continued to watch Brooke carefully, not paying any attention at all to me. To my relief, the cold gaze that Haley had been giving had begun to dissipate and be replaced with a calmer inquisitive one.
"A while…" Brooke sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor, something she always did when she was feeling extremely guilty.
"Then why did you have to wait until today to decide to tell him that?" Her voice once again grew louder and more agitated at Brooke's revelation. "Why did you have to embarrass him in front of all his friends and family by leaving him at the altar?"
"I didn't intend on doing that, Haley. I woke up this morning sure that I was going to marry him but when I got up there I just couldn't do it. It would have been unfair to him, unfair to myself," Brooke took a step closer to her as she spoke, wanting desperately for Haley to understand why she did what she did. I knew how highly Brooke thought of her, after me Haley was her best friend and she didn't want to loose her because of this although she knew it was a very real possibility that she could.
"Did you ever love him?" Haley asked suddenly. Brooke seemed momentarily stunned by the question and she looked at Haley incredulously.
"Of course I did. I wouldn't have said yes to his proposal if I didn't but I guess I just didn't love him enough," She answered the question as though the answer should be obvious to Haley. We all knew that Brooke had loved Lucas, it was only a few hours ago that we were all certain it would last forever so to Brooke it seemed stupid that Haley would question that. Admittedly I did understand why Haley was asking. Brooke had fooled us all so easily into believing that she wanted to spend her life with Lucas that none of us seemed to be aware of when she had stopped loving him.
"There is someone else, isn't there?" This question made a blush of guilt creep across my cheeks, but I was certain that Haley didn't notice, her eyes were fixated on Brooke as she waited for a reply.
"What?" The question seemed to confuse Brooke as much as it had me. Haley seemed to be jumping from one conclusion to the next, just desperate to place all of the blame on Brooke and make Lucas completely innocent, I was certain that she would paint the picture that way to Nathan or anyone else that asked later on.
"You love someone else and that's why you couldn't marry Lucas," Indignation filled each word and Brooke seemed slightly taken aback by everyone's assumption that there must be someone else that she loved. Although I knew that there was someone else Brooke loved, that someone else being me, I knew that that wasn't the only reason she left Lucas. As hard as it was for the others to accept she wasn't in love with Lucas that was the main reason that she left him.
"No…" A frustrated sigh escaped as Brooke grew tired of defending herself on this question.
"I've been so stupid not to realise it," Haley ignored Brooke's protest and continued to speak with bitterness. One hand found her hip and the other pointed at Brooke in a threatening manner, although less threatening that the pointed finger Lucas had given earlier.
"Haley, I…" Brooke uttered desperately as Haley continued to ignore her, choosing instead to interrupt her.
"I knew that he should never have asked you to marry him. I knew that you would only end up hurting him. That's just who you are Brooke, you always hurt those that you care about because you're too selfish to care enough about them back," Something inside me snapped at Haley's words. I noticed Brooke's head dropped slightly as she began to doubt who she was again. I knew she had believed Lucas more than she should have earlier when he had said that she hadn't changed but I hadn't realised that she had taken his words seriously enough to doubt herself. I just wanted to wrap her up again in a tight hug and tell her that they were wrong, she had changed and she wasn't selfish and that if they didn't see that then they clearly didn't know her aswell as they thought because I saw that in her everyday.
"Haley, stop it," I said firmly, my need to protect Brooke was evident as the tone in my voice warned Haley not to continue with her put downs.
"Did you know Peyton? Did you know that she wasn't going to marry Lucas?" Of course she would turn her questions on me, I was the maid of honour, Brooke's best friend, the person she told everything to. If Brooke had been planning this then surely I would known. I raised my eyebrows at that thought. The question itself hadn't bothered me, I was relieved that Haley was leaving Brooke alone, even if it was only for a moment.
"Of course I didn't," I raised my arms and allowed them to drop in frustration as I let out an exasperated sigh. I took inched closer to them both, feeling the need to be closer to Brooke than I was. Haley watched us both carefully, Brooke with her eyes still trained on the floor, me staring back at Haley waiting for her to speak again. After another long moment of awkward silence passed Haley focused her attention on Brooke and began to speak once again.
"I thought better of you Brooke, I wanted to think that you had changed, that you could make it work with Lucas but I guess I thought too much of you," Although her voice was quiet and seemingly unthreatening her words carried disappointment and venom and that was what would hurt Brooke the most. She hated it when Haley was disappointed in her. It made her feel like she could never do anything right again.
"Haley…" Her tearful eyes darted up from the floor to meet Haley's. She sounded so scared and dejected when she spoke. My heart sank at the way her eyes and voice pleaded. I knew she wanted Haley to understand and tell her that it was okay but we both knew that that wasn't going to happen. "I'm sorry,"
A tear escaped Brooke's eye as she tried to keep them at bay. I watched Brooke as she waited for Haley to speak, trying to be the strong Brooke Davis she had always been in front of others. Haley shook her head in disbelief at the words Brooke had just uttered and spoke quickly.
"It doesn't matter, Brooke. 'I'm sorry' isn't going to make things better," The words were bitter and caused Brooke to drop the strong act she had been trying to hide behind. As I quickly moved next to Brooke and pulled her back into my arms Haley didn't wait for anyone to respond to her and stormed past us leaving us alone. I fought against the urge to chase after her and give her a piece of my mind but I knew that wouldn't do any good. Right now I had to be here for Brooke. As she sobbed into my shoulder I felt her body go limp with exhaustion, I pulled her as close as I could, rubbed her back with one hand and placed a soft lingering kiss on the top of her head, just desperate to make her feel better in any way that I could.
I wasn't sure how long I'd been holding her for before she started to calm down but it felt like it had been hours. My hands had found their way to that silky, chestnut hair of hers once again, stroking it softly in an attempt to soothe her, while my other hand rested on her lower back holding her close to me. The tears had stopped falling and her breathing had returned to normal a while ago but we both remained silently in our embrace finding a familiar comfort in each others arms.
"Did you see how disappointed she looked?" Brooke's voice was muffled by my skin as she snuggled further into my neck. A breath hitched in the back of my throat as I felt her soft lips press against my skin.
"Brooke, she'll come around," I struggled to keep my voice sounding normal as I pushed the thoughts of kissing Brooke to the back of my mind, the need to reassure her that things would get better seemed more important.
After a moment Brooke took a few steps away from our embrace. I instantly missed the feeling of her body against mine as she distanced herself from me.
"She's right, I'm a horrible, selfish person," Brooke eyes were filled with hurt and guilt.
"No, you're not," My hand instantly flew out to hers and held onto it tightly. With a sigh she glanced down at our hands before lacing her fingers through mine.
"Aren't I?" Her eyebrow arched with the question. The grip she had on my hand tightened as though she was afraid that I would run away from her, realising that what Haley said was true. A small smile came to my lips at the though, I knew I could never leave her, not after everything we'd been through. "Peyton, the reason I didn't marry Lucas was because I love you. I didn't care about what I was putting him through when I ran down that isle, I just cared about how much I wanted you. That's pretty selfish to me,"
Shame forced her to drop her head and focus on the patterns on the floor. I tugged our intertwined hands lightly towards me to gain her attention and when that failed I brought my free hand to her cheek forcing her to look back up at me. My thumb rubbed gently across her smooth creamy skin wiping away a stray tear that had fallen.
"Brooke, it isn't selfish that you didn't love him," My voice was soft, not wanting to harm the fragile girl before me in any way.
"I shouldn't have used him, Peyton. I shouldn't have used to help me forget the feelings that I have for you," I heard the pleading tone of her voice as she begged me to understand what she was thinking.
"About that…" I gave her hand a quick squeeze as I spoke, there were some things I wanted to ask her that I hadn't had the chance to earlier. Although I knew now wasn't the best time to ask I just couldn't help it as the words practically poured out of my mouth before I had the chance to stop.
"I have to go," Brooke said curtly and pulled her hand away from mine.
"Don't you think we should talk?" My entire body weakened at the loss of contact now that my hand was no longer in hers.
"Peyton, I really don't want to say something that I might end up regretting," She explained seeing the confusion that was on my face as a result of her actions. However, the same confused look remained on my face as she sighed and turned away from me to leave.
"I love you, Brooke," I practically shouted it. I hadn't meant to say it, I just knew I couldn't let her leave like that, I had to say something to stop her and those were the words I had chosen to use. Thankfully, they had the desired effect as she stopped dead in her tracks.
"Peyton, stop it," That wasn't exactly the response I was going for when I had told her I loved her. I frowned once again confused by what she was saying.
"Stop what?" My voice was whiney and she spun to face me with an exasperated sigh.
"Saying that," I noticed her eyes were watering for what seemed like the hundredth time that day but this time I knew I couldn't wrap her into a hug and make it all better, not when I seemed to be the one upsetting her. "Stop telling me that you love me,"
"What? Brooke, I don't understand…" I stepped closer to her trying to reach out to touch her as though the simple contact would help me to understand what she was saying.
"I can't hear you tell me that you love me," Her voice was becoming louder with her increasing frustration as I failed to understand her again. In an attempt to calm herself she brought her fingers to her temples and slowly rubbed them with her tightly closed. After a moment she dropped her hands and continued to speak, her voice quieter now but more strained now. Her eyes only opened and met mine once she had finished speaking. "It hurts, Peyton, it hurts to hear you say that,"
"Brooke, what's wrong?" My eyes were boring into hers now, searching for an answer to ease the worry I was feeling.
"I'm leaving," The words came out in a barely audible husky breath but as they registered in my head I froze managing to utter only one word.
"What?" My mouth hung wide open as fear began to creep through my body. Fear that I was losing Brooke, that I would never see her again.
"I'm going to go back to New York," She pulled her gaze from mine, unable to look into my scared eyes any longer.
"Brooke…" Her body seemed to sag slightly as I said her name in a desperate breath.
"No, Peyton, I think we both need time to think about things. So I'm going back to New York to concentrate on my work and give everyone some space. I'm going to be gone for a while and I'm not sure when I'll be back," She interrupted me with a firm voice but her attention was still focused on the floor. I think that she feared if she looked at me the strong act she was now putting on would crack and she would end up staying here for me. With this thought in mind I silently begged her to look up at me.
"Brooke…" My voice was louder now gaining Brooke's attention but she heard the fear it held and cut me off at once.
"I'm not sure when I'll be back but trust me when I say I will be back, Peyton. I promise you that," The soft skin of her hands met the sides of my face as she pulled me the tiniest bit closer to her, our eyes now locked on each others.
"But I don't want you to go," I watched the beautiful brunette in front of me blur as tears formed in my eyes.
"I know but it's for the best. With everything that's happened today it'll just be too difficult if I stay," A sad sigh let her lips as she gently wiped my tears away so that I could she her properly again. I took deep breathes to compose myself and I had to force myself to look away from her gaze so I could gather my thoughts.
"When are you leaving?" My voice had no strength left in it and came out as barely a whisper but it was still loud enough for hear it.
"Probably tonight. I'll get my things from Lucas' and be on the next flight to New York," My eyes snapped back up to hers, hurt evident in them.
"Do you have to go so soon?" An uneasy feeling stirred in my stomach at the thought of not being able to see Brooke everyday as I had grown use to.
"It's only fair to Lucas, he deserves some time to get over all this," My eyes dropped to the floor and my stomach twisted at the mention of his name. I hated that she was still thinking of him after he had just hurt her but I knew she was right. Still, I resented that his happiness was at my expense.
"What about me, Brooke?" My voice whined at her again. Her hands fell from my cheeks and rested on my shoulders, bringing my attention back to her gorgeous face instead of on the floor.
"Peyton, I know we have a lot to talk about but there's no way I can be here anymore. I'm sorry that I'm leaving like this but I hope you'll understand why I have to go," Those hazel eyes of her pleaded with me and I let a sad sigh escape my lips.
"I do understand, Brooke, I do. I just wish you didn't have to leave," I felt so helpless. I just wanted to say something that would make her say although I knew there was nothing that would. A thought crossed my mind and without any further consideration I blurted it out in a desperate voice. "I could go with you,"
"What?" Now it was Brooke's turn to be confused.
"I could go with you to New York," Each word held more hopefulness than the last. I wanted nothing more than for her to stay so we could sort everything out.
"Peyton, don't be stupid. You have a family here…" Her eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head.
"You are my family Brooke," I cut her off before she could say anything else. It was true, she was my family, she always had been and she knew that. Another exasperated sigh left her mouth and she dropped her hands from my shoulders in an attempt to put some distance back between us.
"You have Jake and Jenny here," Her voice was stern but I heard hints of jealousy as she thought of my fiancé and his child.
"But I want you," Warmth passed from her body to mine as I took her hand in my own, strengthening the words I had just spoken.
"Peyton, we can't do this, not now," Her voice rose with frustration and she attempted to pull her hand from mine.
"Brooke, we need to talk about this," I held tightly onto her hand, my voice matching hers as I protested.
"We will but not now," With an exhausted sigh she looked pleadingly at me.
"We both want this," It was true. I knew without a doubt that I wanted it and she wouldn't have left Lucas if she didn't want it too. Her now watering eyes tore themselves away from my own tearful ones and she finally managed to pull her hand from my grasp.
"It doesn't matter. We can't have it," It came out as a whisper but it held a power that crushed me.
"Brooke…" I practically whimpered her name, desperate for her to reconsider what she was doing.
"I have to go," In shock I watched her walk away from me, slower than before. My heart sank as realisation hit me that I was letting the most wonderful thing in my life leave.
"I don't want to loose you again, Brooke," My voice was weak and her eyes instantly snapped to mine when they left my mouth. It took a moment for my brain to register that she had moved back in front of me and her hands were again resting on my cheeks. The skin of my cheeks burnt slightly at her touch, although it wasn't a painful burning instead it soothed me.
"You never lost me and you never will. Remember that," Honesty was evident in her words and I couldn't help the small smile that made its way to my lips. She returned the smile with one of her own, the slight appearance of her dimples accompanied by a fluttering in my stomach. Her hazel eyes never moved my green ones, nothing but love in them and that moment seemed perfect. "I will always love you, Peyton Sawyer,"
Her fingers brushed lightly against my skin as one hand moved to gently push a stray curl from my face. The feelings that were raging inside of me forced me to let out a ragged breath which caused her smile to widen knowing the effect that she had on me. Her hand finally rested in the mess of curls behind my neck while my own found their way to Brooke's back, needing more contact. Excruciatingly slowly she pulled my face closer towards hers. My breath hitched as I felt hers against my skin. Her eyes didn't once move from mine until they closed as our lips found each others. My lips tingled and burnt upon contact with hers and I couldn't stop the moan of pleasure that escaped. Every feeling I had been denying for her since I found out about her engagement was released in this searing kiss that we were now sharing. It was different from the one we had shared earlier, it was more intense and passionate although the love we both felt was still evident. Reluctantly I pulled away, in need of air, and my lips instantly missed the familiar feeling of hers against them. As I took in a long, uneven breath my eyes fluttered open, taking in the beauty of the girl I loved.
"I'll always love you too, Brooke Davis," I gasped as my breathing began to return to normal.
"If you need anything just call me," She gave me a warm smile before gently placing a quick kiss on my lips and untangled herself from my arms. With that I watched her walk away for the third time, and this time I let her go too stunned by her kiss to say or do anything to stop her. She didn't hazard a glance back at me for fear that she might not be able to leave but I couldn't take my eyes off her until she was out of my sight. It took a few minutes for my brain to begin functioning properly as I stood still going over the kiss in my mind and it was only then realised that I was grinning like an idiot. Nothing had seemed to matter at that moment, it was just me and her both of us giving in feelings that we had denied for too long. Now though, without her presence to have its overpowering effect on me the problems that where there in the first place had begin to creep back in. Although I believed Brooke's promise that she would be back soon I couldn't suppress the feeling of fear that stirred in the pit of my stomach. I shook my head not wanting to think of Brooke being gone any longer. A slight feeling of guilt invaded my euphoria as I remembered that Jake was waiting for me, probably worried that I hadn't answered my phone to him earlier. I took in a long sigh and prepared myself to face him, pushing the memories of the kiss with Brooke to the back of my mind for long enough to think rationally.
Okay, now that one took a while to write and I wasn't completely happy with it but let me know what you guys think. Your reviews mean alot to me, lets me know that I'm doing alright and a bit of constructive criticism is always good :) flOAtIngOndAmArIs thanks for the advice, I'll try and take that on board as I carry on with the story. Oh and I'm starting sixth form on Wednesday so unfortunately it's probably going to take me longer to update. :(
Kaila5707 I hate that there not together but you're right, if it were that easy it just wouldn't be interesting. At least they got to kiss though :)
Idaatje A crying Lucas is always a good thing :) I don't think he'll be around for a few chapters though, it was kinda irritating to write him. And less Lucas possibly means more Breyton :D
paulinemcc You should get to find out more about their past and what's happened between them in upcoming chapters. Of course it's not wrong to enjoy a crying Lucas, everyone does :)
ABKMarkieBrown Thanks! Crying Lucas is the best type of Lucas :)
E. Christianna Your welcome lol There needs to be more Breyton fics and I'm happy to contribute :)
Craftyns99 Who doesn't laugh at a crying Lucas? :) You should get to find out more about their past in the next few chapters if my writing goes the way I'm planning.
Rain1657 Thank you! I'll try to keep it sounding good for you guys.
I'll try and get chapter 5 up before then though.Thanks for reading!