The Choosing Ceremony

Caleb's POV

I stand in front of the five choosing bowls. They hold the substances which symbolise each faction. They are arranged alphabetically, beginning with plain grey stones for Abnegation, damp earth for Amity, broken glass shards for Candor, lit coals for Dauntless and water for Erudite. The deep, resonating voice of the unknown announcer calls,

"Caleb Prior, Abnegation"

I make my way to the five bowls kept in front of me. Mom and dad look at me with a hopeful look but mom's is more detached. As if this could be the ultimate act of selflessness or she just doesn't care that her son is leaving her. I stand in front of the five bowls. The assistant hands me a knife and I begin to cut my hand. Blood oozes out of the cut in my palm and I am going to drop the blood into one of the five bowls when the voices of mom, dad, Beatrice and others scream loud inside my head.

"My son is a faction traitor!" Dad says with a scoff on his face.

"I didn't expect my own son to leave me." Mom says with a disappointed look.

"I didn't believe that my own brother, the one whom I looked up to for so many years is leaving me. All your selflessness was an act and a very good one at that." Beatrice looks at me disbelievingly.

"Goodbye, Caleb and may we never meet again." Susan says with a heartbroken but sadistic expression.

"I cannot believe that one of Abnegation's most ideal citizens is leaving us. Just like my traitor son Tobias." Marcus Eaton says.

Stop it, will you? I still didn't choose a faction! I shout at the voices inside my head.

I wake up clutching my head. That nightmare was one of my worst. My hands and the back of my neck are sweaty and my heart is in overdrive. I try to take a deep breath but my throat is parched and choked up. I must have been speaking in my sleep. I stand up and switch the light on. I walk around in my room and decide to have a glass of water. I tiptoe to the dining room, not wanting to wake mom or dad.

I fill the transparent plastic glass with water. I raise the glass to my mouth and gulp the water down. I fill up another glass but my thirst is quenched. I stare at the water, mesmerised by its beauty. Such an ordinary liquid but its fluid transparency entrances me. I shake my head and wake myself out of my poetic mood. My first poetic line and I decided to say about water. I almost scoff at myself.

I walk back to my room and think about my nightmare. All these doubts which I lived with for all these years got personified and visualised today. I remember when I was younger I used to think too much about what others thought about me. Now I don't worry about other people too much because I know that whatever I do, I won't be able to please all the people around me.

The fears I have of my family cutting off all ties with me paralyses me. I think about dad and his stern, selfless, opinionated self. The way his eyes lit up when I solved a difficult math problem. I think about mom and her kind smile, good humour and her really valuable motherly advice. I think about Beatrice and her not-so-selfless self, her ability to make people laugh by her humorous sarcasm. I contemplate about her test results. I am sure that she hasn't gotten an Abnegation result. I can't put my finger down on her exact result. Wild guesses are useless in the case of Beatrice's unpredictable attitude. Her behaviour can't be put down to one faction.

I walk to my room and look out of the window. The identical grey houses seem ghostly, almost unreal. Far away, I see one house with a potted rose plant on the kitchen windowsill. I wonder whose rebel rose plant is that. The coral rose bush stands out in the night, probably the only thing which has colour except the night sky. I look at the night sky, all black like the Dauntless. Abnegation would even make the sky grey if they knew how to do that.

I wear my watch, creep to the main door slowly and make my way outside the house. Dad would kill me in the morning but I really need to get out of that stifling room. I think this is the first time I have snuck out of the house. Beatrice did this a few times but one day I said this to mom. She didn't sneak out after that incident.

I become hyperaware of my surroundings due to the night and the probability of my parents catching me red-handed. I look around my surroundings, the ghostly atmosphere suddenly seeming more real than from my bedroom window. I walk outside the front gate and into the cracked road, careful not to slip and make a noise. I walk down the road and go to the edge of the factionless encampment where a lone, cracked light bulb announces its presence in the darkness. I say 'encampment' because the factionless do not have proper houses. They live on the edge of society and at the bottom of the social ladder.

I remember the days on which I volunteered there with either mom or Susan. The Abnegation provide some supplies to the factionless but that isn't enough. The sight of malnourished children and adults alike is a common sight in the factionless sector. I think why the Erudite can't solve this problem. They are supposed to be the most intelligent people but they do not know where to apply their knowledge. They spend their time holding grudges and spreading propaganda against the Abnegation.

Well, back to volunteering now. The looks of happiness on the faces of the factionless completely defy Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Their physiological requirements like food and shelter are not fulfilled but they still manage to find love and a sense of belonging in this society which shuns them. It is true; to balance evil there is equal good and vice versa.

The factionless people are not allowed to take the Aptitude Tests and choose. So the children of factionless parents remain factionless and this cycle goes on. There is a manifold increase in the factionless population after so many years. Their strength in pure numbers is equal to or more than the Abnegation. The increasing population demands more donated resources, thus putting more pressure on the Abnegation.

I walk in the opposite direction, fixing my gaze to the marsh and the defunct Ferris wheel. I can see the Erudite headquarters far away, its boxlike shape made with glass and pristine white walls. Those walls almost whisper in my mind, wanting me to find a sense of belonging in them.

I look at my watch. It's 4.30 am. I decide to head home. I pass the factionless sector, when a sudden shuffling of feet reaches my ears. I turn around apprehensively. An old lady dressed in white and red looks at me.

"Why aren't you at home, son?" She asks kindly, in the way that all grandmothers speak. I don't have one but Susan does and her grandma is truly kind. She really understands what somebody is going through.

"My home isn't one anymore." I say in a bitter tone, hoping that the lady wouldn't understand. Like all old and wise people, she understands my predicament.

"Are you sixteen, dear?"

"Yes, how did you know?" I say with astonishment.

"Well, I do find some sixteen year olds on this road every year before the Choosing Ceremony. They face the same choices that you face now."

"I wouldn't interfere, but choose wisely, think of yourself and not about anyone else. This may sound a bit heartless for someone coming from Abnegation but this is the truth."

"Thank you for your advice. May I ask your name, madam?"

"You can call me June."

"Do you have any food to spare, son? I didn't get any dinner today."

"I am so sorry, June but I promise to meet you one day, talk to you and bring you some food." I say, really feeling sorry for the old lady. She must be starving right now and wasn't able to sleep.

"Don't worry son, if you come to me next time, don't bother to bring any food. Nobody comes to talk to me."

"Thank you so much, June. I should be going home now or mom will catch me outside the house."

"Goodbye and may we meet again!" June says happily.

I bid goodbye to June. She displayed such kindness in the face of adversity. Her last sentence sounded eerily similar to what Susan said in my nightmare. I go back to the direction of my house. I pass the front lawn silently, my shadow passing the mowed but withered grass. I go to the door and slowly open it up, careful not to make a noise on the ancient door hinges. Alright, level one completed. I cross the living room and go to my room upstairs. I close the door.

The adrenaline from my illegal late-night stroll fades. I sit up on my bed, unable to sleep. I partition my head into five, each thinking about one particular faction.

a) Abnegation- The whole 'acting' thing comes to my mind. Maybe if I continue this acting after my choosing, it would become a reality for me. This acting would come with added benefits like staying with mom and dad. I really don't know about Beatrice's choice, so if this staying together thing backfires on me I would be broken. My days would consist of volunteering, volunteering and some more volunteering. Susan comes to my mind but I am really unsure. Would I be willing to forsake my choice for her? Alright, so this one ended in a question. I think about the next one.

b) Amity- Amity was never an option for me. Those people there are way too high on peace serum. Who wants to wake up early and run around in the mud doing farming? I don't know much about this particular faction. Living in a community, working towards shared goals never interested me. I'd rather be one person alone. Kindness sounds way too similar to selflessness. The difference is that it is coloured red and yellow.

c) Candor- Nope. Another unsuitable faction. I imagine myself, clothed in black and white, telling the truth always, whether I burped accidentally in the classroom or threw a spit ball at the teacher.(I did that a couple of times, when the math teacher got annoyingly boring. The Dauntless smiled at me while the teacher remained clueless. Thank God no Candor kid saw me doing that. Hypocrisy at its best, being afraid of my own 'imagined faction')

d) Dauntless- That is a freaking crazy place. Me, all black, jumping and running around in all sorts of crazy places. Having piercings and tattoos all over myself. Well, I could find some freedom there but I really don't know about what sort of initiation tests they would give to find out the capacity of your courage. I could maybe meet Tobias there and talk to him but he could well be a stranger to me. Another unsuitable faction.

e) Erudite- This one seems like the place in which I could really belong. I can imagine myself in blue. This freedom comes with a price. I would not be able to see my loving mom and dad, Beatrice, Susan and Robert. I think about the propaganda spread about Abnegation. Most of it originates from Erudite, since they have control over the newspapers and media. I could hate Erudite for the rest of my life but I look at it positively. I would be able to rest all the rumours about my faction. I think about Jeanine, the representative of Erudite, entrancing the world with her silver-tongued jargon. If her words don't work, her brain surely does. She always knows how to get what she wants. I can live there, committing my life to a better city.

The Erudite may be the most knowledgeable but again they do not know how to steer that knowledge in the right direction. They do nothing for the factionless. My faction at least provides them with whatever they can. Jeanine Matthews is one hell of a manipulative person; she wants the Erudite and possibly the rest of the city under her control.

I weigh Abnegation and Erudite in my mind. Leaving Abnegation is a solely personal choice, due to the lack of freedom. Abnegation also works for the common good but purely by donating resources. Joining Erudite seems to be a more intelligent way of solving the problems our city faces. It also seems better for my personal development but no faction is perfect. I will be stepped upon and harshly criticised, coming from Abnegation. I need to accept that as a bitter truth.

I am totally going philosophical here. Working for the common good? I am only one person. I may be able to gather two or three people but what will they do? I cannot change entire faction principles by myself. Although after so many years, these principles seem to get completely twisted due to the interpretation of these ideals by the leaders and people of respective factions. Erudite was supposed to make use of their intelligence for all the people in the society. Now, they have become exceedingly manipulative, power-hungry and use their intelligence to get what they want. This may not be the case of all Erudite but they have built up this snobby, condescending, I'm-better-than-you image which first comes to the minds of all the other people in the city when they think about an Erudite person.

I lie in my bed thinking about all of this. My head wanders around, trying to make sense of the world around me. This night won't last forever. I need to face the day tomorrow.

The sunlight streams through the windowpanes. I wonder if it would be the last time I saw the sunlight through an Abnegation window.

I go down to the dining room. I eat quickly. No time for hugs or kisses today. I take Beatrice along with me. I board the bus, which is full of other Abnegation going to choose. The bus arrives before the tallest building in the city, The Hub. It is a huge building, all glass and chrome. I think about who built this. The buildings in our city are hundreds of years old but the Abnegation maintain some of them properly. The city does not have enough resources to build one.

The Abnegation climb the floors, not bothering to take the lift. I put on a calm façade and climb along with them. The Ceremony is held on the twentieth floor but they climb without question or complaint. We are directed to sit on designated seats. I look over at Beatrice; she is really nervous right now. I tell her to take a deep breath. Hopefully she remembered the advice I gave her.

The Abnegation are holding the Ceremony this year. Marcus Eaton gives his speech but I only catch the last line of it. It goes like this-

"In the factions we find purpose, drive and hope."

I bet most of the dependents aren't listening to the speech either. I look around myself, the Dauntless creating a ruckus as always. Marcus Eaton says,

"Quiet, please! We are trying to conduct an important ceremony here!"

The Dauntless stop their talking but muttering can be heard still now. The Abnegation seem to get especially irritated by the Erudite and Dauntless because their principles are so different from Abnegation. Abnegation dislikes non-conformity with a vengeance.

Names are read off the roll in reverse alphabetical order. The first is Gregory Zellner, an Amity dependent. He is given a knife and is instructed to cut his hand and pour the blood into the bowl of his choice. He chooses Amity. I think hard about my choice but I am still not able to come up with a definite answer. The first transfer James Tucker comes up. He is Dauntless born but chooses Candor. The names go on slowly. Soon, it is my turn. Marcus calls,

"Caleb Prior, Abnegation"

I go to the bowls and take the knife kept beside them. I cut my hand, letting the blood pool in it. I stare at each blood-stained bowl. My attention is captured by the Abnegation and Erudite bowls. They are kept opposite to each other, each symbolising the opposite ends of the spectrum. The Abnegation bowl promises safety and family but no freedom. The Erudite one promises freedom and knowledge at the cost of my family. It should be a simple choice, right? But my brain has ceased to function and has turned into useless mush.

I weigh both of them for one final time and extend my hand towards the Erudite bowl. My blood turns the pink water into a darker shade.

"Caleb Prior, Erudite initiate", Marcus Eaton says.

I walk to the Erudite section and take a seat. The general reaction of the Erudite is divided into two halves, with one looking at me with a smile while the other one looks at me as if I wasn't worth their time. Jeanine's face is completely neutral.

The Abnegation look at me with shocked faces. Did I sense a slight disagreement in his voice? This must not be visible to other people but I can read the body language of others pretty well. That is how I pick up Beatrice's lies so easily. The shocked looks don't bother me but mom, dad and Beatrice decide to look at me at this same instant. I can see a slight smile on mom's face and dad gives me a slightly disappointed look. Beatrice looks at me emotionlessly. The looks of the others don't bother me but it is dad's look that breaks my heart, soul and mind. Why was mom looking at me with a smile? She must be either proud or indifferent, smiling for the sake of it.

It is Beatrice's turn now. She walks to the bowls and faces the same choice. She chooses Dauntless. I am not particularly surprised. She must have not told me her results because of this. I always knew that she wasn't going to choose Abnegation. I imagine her in black, having a tattoo or two. The image is a little weird but she must have made this choice to be free, just like I did. I hope that she finds joy and freedom in darkness. The darkness implied here is not bad, just unusual. Well, she made her choice and I made mine. I just hope that she doesn't turn out brutal or reckless like the other Dauntless.

The Choosing Ceremony comes to an end after the last Amity girl makes her choice. All the Erudite walk in order and synchronicity. Jeanine is at the lead, flanked by two of her subordinates. We walk to the Erudite building which is quite near The Hub. A Dauntless transfer walks along with me. He is clad completely in black, characteristic of the Dauntless. He looks pretty tame, not like the other Dauntless with so many tattoos and piercings. He has cropped black hair, dark brown eyes and is somewhat tall, just like me. He wants to make conversation but is not sure how. I didn't expect indecisiveness from a Dauntless. So I speak to him-

"Hey, you were looking at me for a while, so I figured that you would want to talk to me. Tell me your name."

"I am Tristan Dominic; you can call me either Tristan or Dominic. I don't like nicknames. What's yours?"

"I am Caleb Prior, you can call me Caleb. Even I don't like useless nicknames." I say, mimicking his habit of speaking very fast.

"Hey, you copycat. Didn't expect this from an Abnegation guy."

"I'm an Erudite initiate now. I'm surprised you didn't call me Stiff or even talked to me."

"I'm different that way. I love doing the unexpected."

"Tristan, it's really nice to meet you." I could maybe find a friend in him.

We reach the awe-inspiring and somewhat intimidating white glass building.

"Caleb, this is our chance to get a new future. We could find a real place to fit, in these white walls. I'm surprised they didn't make the walls blue."

"When did a Dauntless like you get so poetic?"

"Like you said, I'm an Erudite initiate now."