Chapter 4 – Destiny intervenes

First of all I just want to say how amazing you all are =). I'm so glad that you're enjoying – or even reading – this story it means so much. Sorry, again, if I somehow missed replying to anyone's review. Now this chapter took all week because I rewrote the majority of it about three times in separate chunks and then proceeded to change it again when I typed it up. I think I like it now and I'm hoping you will too.

I would say that "s-word" is about to go down but then I'd need to put 25c in my swear jar and I'm up to nearly 6 dollars in two days anyhow so…

So just stop talking and give you the chapter?

Yes, yes alright…

Disclaimer: I love this wonderful world with green skies and purple trees where I'm queen everything and I also own BBC/shine's Merlin…

One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.

If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose? – Robert Brault

Arthur's head whipped upward, his breath hitching in his throat.

No, no, no! Merlin was dead, he had to remember that or he would lose himself. This was all just a cruel joke his mind was playing with him.

"Arthur?" He squeezed his eyes shut tight against the torrent of pain and memories that voice brought. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides. Merlin was not there right next to him whispering his name. Merlin was gone somewhere much too far away to ever speak with again. "Arthur why won't you look at me?" Merlin sounded so desperate, so hurt, that in that moment Arthur forgot.

Forgot that this was impossible, forgot that he should ignore whoever, whatever, was calling out to him.

His eyes shot open, just in time to see the back of a head, covered with raven hair, disappearing through the trees.

Arthur's chest tightened.

He didn't know how, this wasn't logical, but there he was. Arthur vaulted into the trees and ran after him. "Merlin." He was already gone, swallowed up by the night. "Merlin!" Arthur shouted, spinning in circle just inside the edge of the forest.

There! A flash of red and he was off. He couldn't lose him again.

XXXBROMANCEXXX

Arthur heaved in, struggling to breathe as Merlin lead him farther and farther from Camelot. For someone who never failed to scare all the game away for miles around whenever they went hunting he sure could be fast and silent when he wanted to be.

Which brought up another question. Why was Merlin running away from him? Why wasn't he stopping?

He watched Merlin's silhouette burst into a clearing in front of him. He expected him to keep going but he didn't. Instead the silhouette turned, a small sad smile on its face its head cocked to the side.

Arthur stopped, choking on air.

It was him, it was really him.

He let out a cry and ran forward closing the distance between them. "Merlin!" He threw his arms around his friend half amazed they didn't go right through. He was solid, he was really there. Arthur could feel the tears streaming down his face but as Merlin's arms finally tightened around him returning the hug he found he just couldn't bring himself to care.

Arthur had been wrenched in two and it was only now, with Merlin back, that he felt whole again. Like one half of his soul had been reunited with the other.

Maybe there was something to this coin analogy after all…

Arthur finally pulled back his hands clutching Merlin's shoulders because he was half afraid that if he let go his friend might disappear. "How…I…" He pushed the words out before he realised it didn't matter. His voice shook but he ignored it. "You prat." In a fit of inspiration Arthur cuffed him upside the head. It was so easy to fall into their old patterns, like it had been before. "I knew you wouldn't leave me." Merlin looked alarmed and in pain all at once.

"Arthur I'm so sorry."

The blonde shook his head, wanting to tell him how much of an idiot he was. "You should be, you truly do have no sense of self preservation." Arthur put an arm around his friend's shoulder. "I need to get you back to Camelot." He tried to walk but felt the warlock dig his heels in. Arthur turned and Merlin blinked, his eyes staying closed a moment longer than they needed to. Merlin's lips set themselves in a hard line and the colour drained from his face. "Oh, no Arthur you don't–" Merlin swallowed. "Arthur you watched me die, you all watched me burn. Did you really think it would be that easy?"

Arthur swayed from the nausea, pain and lack of sleep. He clutched Merlin's forearm nails digging in.

"For goodness sakes Merlin. Listen, if this is about the others I doubt they're going to mind that you used a bit of magic to save your own life. I'll grant you clemency myself!" That was the only way it could have happened, wasn't it? The only way that made sense. Merlin had done an enchantment, probably before he'd battled Morgana, that had kept him alive. Arthur pushed the memory of holding Merlin in that dank cave, of the fire consuming his body, as far away as he could.

He'd been so sure he was gone…

He tried to tug on the arm he'd latched onto but Merlin jerked out of his grasp.

"No." Merlin's voice was quiet. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere but having this conversation. "It's not about the magic–"

Arthur felt frustration course through him. "What then? Merlin do you have any idea what we've been through? Gwen hasn't stopped crying. The knights are a wreck. Gaius slapped me! They're all lost without you. They need you." Arthur took a deep breath in and stepped forward. "I need you. I can't do this on my own, not without you by my side."

Merlin looked like he'd been stung. "Arthur that's not true I know you can fulfill your destiny. People die every day; you have to let me go."

Arthur threw his hands up. "But you're not gone, you're right here!"

Merlin looked at him wistfully. "Not for long."

Arthur suddenly found he couldn't breathe. "What?" The word was whispered, so quiet that it was nearly lost in the brush and the wind and the readily approaching darkness.

Merlin slumped against the tree behind him his head in his hands. Arthur closed the distance between them and put a hand on his shoulder. There was a moment of silence and then Merlin looked up, his expression pleading, and spoke.

"I didn't want it to be this way. She brought me back, told me to bring you here I didn't have a choice." Merlin shuttered. "We're all under her command; we all have to do as she says." Merlin's expression turned from pleading to anguish. "I never wanted this to happen; I didn't want to hurt you again." Merlin's voice was a whisper tugging at Arthur's heart. "I begged her to leave you alone–"

"Merlin–"

"This isn't fair to you–"

"Merlin!" Arthur snapped. Merlin's eyes found his. "Who is this woman, what does she want?"

Merlin's voice cracked. "A deal. She wants to make a deal. The cailleach wants to make a deal." Arthur searched his mind. Why was that name familiar? The cailleach…it all clicked into place. Lancelot, the torn veil…

Oh…

"What kind of deal?" Merlin looked away from him. "Merlin." Arthur's voice was gentle but insistent. Merlin turned back to face him.

"Arthur you can't, promise me you won't." Arthur half growled which was, truth be told, a very Arthur thing to do.

"What deal Merlin?" He stared his friend down until Merlin broke tearing his eyes away from him.

"Me." Merlin's voice was bitter. "This." He gestured to himself. "Is all temporary. I can't stay on this side of the veil for long without upsetting the balance. A couple of hours, maybe less. She's got it in her head to bring me back for good."

Arthur was quite sure he'd misunderstood. Why did Merlin look like he was going to be sick when someone was offering him life, salvation? "Let her help then!" Merlin shot him a look.

"Everything comes at a price, Arthur." The blonde's brows knit together.

"Then I will pay it, gladly."

Merlin suddenly looked panicked and jumped to his feet. "Arthur you can't you don't understand. The old religion only works one way–a life for a life." Merlin paused. "I'm not going to save your all those times just to have you die for me."

Arthur felt his heart beat painfully in his chest. So there it was, that was what the cailleach wanted.

Merlin's expression hardened and he stepped past Arthur into the middle of the clearing.

"Stay away! He's not going to do it!" Arthur's head whipped up and there she was walking towards them as if she was the most ordinary old woman in the world.

She wasn't even of this world. He recognised her immediately. Her voice when she spoke was filled with power.

"That's a decision for Arthur and Arthur alone to make." Merlin threw his hands in the air.

"Why are you doing this?" His voice sounded close to shattering. "Why can't you just let things–" The cailleach held up a gnarled hand.

"Silence, Emrys. All will be revealed in time." Merlin looked frustrated but his words died on his lips. The cailleach beckoned. "Come to me." Merlin started forward and Arthur made to stop him but he shook his head.

"I have to do as she asks. Promise me you won't do anything stupid." Arthur felt strangely calm, serene, like he already knew what he had to do. He nodded his head and Merlin knelt before the keeper of the veil.

Arthur uncrossed his fingers from behind his back.

For a moment none of them moved, Arthur barely breathed. The cailleach was watching Merlin, studying him with a strange kind of fondness.

"Why are you so insistent Emrys?"

Arthur watched Merlin raise his head. He could only see the back but somehow he knew that his friend's eyes were blazing.

"It's not the way it was meant to be," Merlin said simply as the cailleach made a sound that on anyone else would have classified as impatience.

"I'm trying to help you." Her hand went to Merlin's shoulder and tightened. "It's time to go."

That, finally, broke through the haze that kept Arthur where he was. Merlin wasn't going anywhere! He rushed forward only to be stopped by a blinding light that forced him to cover his eyes. It only lasted half a moment but by the time he could see again Merlin was gone, vanished like he'd never even been there. The cailleach stood exactly where she'd been, not looking fazed in the least.

Arthur saw red.

"What have you done!" Arthur ran at her. She flicked her wrist and pain spiralled through him forcing him to his knees. He howled, feeling like he was being ripped to pieces. The cailleach advanced until she was standing over him. He tried to focus on her but it was nearly impossible through the pain and the burring vision.

"Will you yield?" Arthur groaned, clenching his teeth. Why did it feel like a baseball bat had just taken up residence inside his skull? "Do you not wish to help Emrys?" She paused. "He has done much for you." Arthur thrashed and this time couldn't help screaming. The baseball bat had been joined by a thousand white hot pokers being shoved through his body.

"Alright, alright!" All at once the pain stopped, leaving him lying on the ground gasping for air. "Where did you take him?" He all but choked the words out as he struggled to his knees and stopped unable to go any farther.

"He's gone back behind the veil, back to the nothingness, but you can change that." She found his eyes with her own and Arthur found he couldn't blink, couldn't look away.

"A life for a life, right?" The whole world felt too heavy on his chest, too much to continue to stay there and still allow him to breathe. How was he supposed to agree to that? Merlin meant everything to him, he was his best friend, but he would be abandoning Camelot. This was his kingdom, his people, they relied on him. "You want me to give my life for his."

"Is that what Emrys has been telling you?" The cailleach let out a laugh that made him shiver. "Imagine that, the king of Camelot giving his life for a warlock."

Arthur felt indignation rise in him. "I'd do it! He's my best friend, you think I wouldn't?" The darkness in her eyes grew, consuming him.

"Oh no, I'm quite sure you would…but that's not the price I'm asking. No one needs to die here."

"Then what?" Arthur eyed her suspiciously. He'd learned early on that if something seemed too good to be true it was usually because it was.

"Your memories…" Her voice was a soft melody. Arthur did a double take.

"Excuse me?" Arthur scrambled to his feet. The cailleach held up a hand, much like she'd done to Merlin only moments before.

"Not all of them, just every memory with Emrys in it. You wanted to give him a chance to live his own life?" She took a step forward shaking her head. "Don't deny it I can see it in your eyes, in the beat of your heart. I can do that. I can go back, turn him away from Camelot. Give him a chance to be free of his obligations to destiny, to you." She paused. "The question is, are you strong enough to let him go?"

Arthur's mind was racing, his tongue was dry. "If he doesn't come to Camelot we'll never meet."

The cailleach shook her head. "None of you will know him, not even you. If you agree this will become but a phantom of what could have been. An alternate reality that will never come to pass." Her fingers curled in on themselves. "It will all belong to me."

Arthur's head was spinning, his thoughts chasing themselves. "I thought you could only trade one life for another…"

The cailleach clicked her tongue. "Do not be deceived. The universe will remain balanced and I'll get my payment, in its own right. You, his destiny, has shaped Emrys more than you can possibly know. And he, in turn, has changed you. If there's anything I've learned it's that nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Emrys understood the old religion on a physical level but I, I see that things go so much deeper than that. Arthur and Merlin as they are now will cease to exist. You don't need to have someone's physical body to have their soul, their essence." The cailleach was whispering now. "And as I see it, I'll be getting two."

Arthur shut his eyes, shivering as indecision and dread ran their fingers down his back. The wind whipping through the trees was clawing at his hair and the night air, as cool as it had been before, was suffocating now.

If he did this, if he agreed to this, it would change everything. All that had transpired in the more than seven years since Merlin had come to Camelot would never happen.

Every laugh, every battle, every victory and every loss. Every time Merlin saved his life. Morgana's betrayal. His marriage to Gwen. The good times and bad times during all of which Merlin had been by his side.

Without Merlin would he still be that same arrogant young man who had thrown knives at his previous servant as he tried to move the practice target?

Would Camelot fall without Merlin?

Most importantly, did any of it matter? Did it even factor in?

Didn't Merlin deserve to be free of the duties that destiny had charged him with? Couldn't Arthur look after himself, find his own way, if it meant that Merlin could live out his life in peace instead of giving every piece of himself to Arthur…Was the king selfish to place such importance on their time spent together, on what destiny had forced Merlin to do, that he would refuse his friend the chance to be happy?

Gaius's voice bounced around and around in his head. He wouldn't want it any other way.

Maybe that was because his whole existence centered around Arthur. Maybe…maybe it was because Merlin had never gotten the chance to see who he might have been. What it felt like to be a whole coin all by himself.

Arthur could give him that. Yes, it would be selfish deny him.

Arthur wouldn't even have to worry about the potential loss a Merlinless existence would bring him. Because he wouldn't know him, not if things worked out as they should.

It was the honourable thing to do, it was the kingly thing to do.

What was the saying? Something about how the right path wasn't always the easy one, but that you should take it anyway?

"I'm waiting," said the Cailleach her voice as quiet as before. "It's now, or it's never. He's slipping away."

Arthur's eyes snapped open.

"Do it."

A slow smile spread across the cailleach's face. "It's a deal then." She held out her hand and they shook, just once. Such a small, ordinary thing to mark something so extra ordinary. Silence filled the air between the two, both powerful in their own rights. Finally, Arthur broke it.

"What happens next?"

The world began to spin. The cailleach's eyes sparkled.

"We go back, back to the beginning."

While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions – Stephen R. Covey

I'd love to know what you think! I'm really loving putting together this story so I hope that it's as fun to read as it is to write =).

I shall be back soon with another chapter! It's reading week starting Monday so no school hehe.