Knock First, Damn-It!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my preciousssss (LOTR rocks!).
A/N: well howdy folks…i told you i'd get it done soon!…whee!…it's only a few days late…heh heh…and i again have a reason as to why this happened…i know i know…my reasons don't amount to a hill of beans…but i'll tell you anyway…my mommy punished me…no computer (gasp), music (wail), or Yankee games (screams like a banshee) until she said so…so...i couldn't post…i even had it done a whole week early!…really!…but then she wouldn't let me use the computer to type it and post it…i was devastated…but i finally convinced her to let me use it long enough to type this and get it up here for all you awesome peoples!…woot!…but… umm…problem is…i'm still punished…and i don't know for how long (as there was no set time limit ((growls))…that's the way they get ya)…so i don't know when my next post will be…i figure i'll be physically done with the chapter in two to three weeks…but…i just have to convince my mom to let me post it…but since she let me post this one (cause i cleaned my room…go me!)…she'll probably let me post the next one…so…i'd say about three weeks again…the fate of this fic rests in her hands…and my ability to keep my room clean and do my summer assignments…uh-oh…
Chapter 4- To Marry a Man…
"…AND THAT POLL QUESTION, HARRY! HOW COULD YOU LET THEM ASK THAT? IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT I KNOW ABOUT YOUR…INTIMATE LIFE, BUT NOW THE WHOLE WIZARDING WORLD KNOWS! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS…"
Harry winced as the loud voice reverberated around the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck and poured himself another cup of tea. He hummed quietly to himself as, "…AND WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THE ENGAGEMENT? YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN TWO MONTHS AND NARY A WORD…"
Draco wandered into the bright room and pulled open the refrigerator. "We have any eggs?" he asked nonchalantly over the din.
"Yea, second shelf to the bottom," Harry replied, quietly stirring his tea.
"…AND THE PICTURE THEY TOOK OF YOU TWO! WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU REALLY POSE LIKE THAT? I'M SHOCKED AND APPALLED…"
Draco cracked two eggs into a frying pan, added butter, and scrambled them expertly. Harry drained his second cup of tea and pushed back from the table. He strolled over to the sink and dumped his plate into the porcelain basin. Draco slid his eggs onto a plate and poured himself a cup of tea. He settled at the table and started to eat. Harry leaned against the counter and watched him, a soft smile on his face.
"…YOU BETTER FIRECALL ME, YOUNG MAN, BECAUSE YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. I'LL EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON. AND I MEAN SOON!" The Howler burst into flames and was no more.
"Mrs. Weasley really speaks her mind, doesn't she?" Draco asked casually.
Harry chuckled, "Yes, she does."
"So, that the first one?" Draco asked curiously.
"No, but it's the first one that yells, if that makes any difference. But there's more. A lot more." He motioned to a pile of opened letters that Draco hadn't noticed scattered all along the mantle-place.
"Who're they from?" Draco inquired cautiously.
"Well, let's see. Two from Ron and Hermione, one from Neville and Luna, one from Seamus, two from Dean and Lavender, one from Fred and George, one from Ginny and Colin, one from Charlie and Steven, one from McGonagall, two from Hagrid, one from Dumbledore, and a huge pile in the living room from people we don't know. I thought I'd wait for you to open them," Harry winked, "oh, and you have two- one from Snape and one from Blaise," Harry added, handing Draco two envelopes.
Draco raised his eyebrow and settled back to read his letters while Harry watched him intently. Draco's eyebrows continued to rise as his eyes scanned his godfather's words, and three- quarters of the way down the page, a chuckle ripped from his throat. He glanced up at Harry, "Sev really doesn't like you."
Harry smirked, "Tell me something I don't know."
Draco smirked right back, "Well, it says here to research love potions because I obviously couldn't fall for you of my own free will…"
"Why, I outta…" Harry cracked his knuckles threateningly, looking dangerous.
"Down boy," Draco laughed, "Sev has my best interests in mind, you know that. He just, well," Draco shrugged, "overreacts sometimes."
Harry rolled his eyes, "Oh yea, sometimes."
"Ok," Draco conceded, "all the time. But he cares about me and that's all that's important."
"I know," Harry sighed, "but I had hoped when he found out we were dating we could put our differences aside. For your sake," Harry added.
"Well, that's very noble of you," Draco patted Harry's arm, "but it's never gonna happen. This is Sev we're talking about. Look at him cross-eyed once and he'll hate you forever."
Harry grinned, "Yea, or tell him you're name. That's a humdinger every time, as well."
Draco laughed, "He has no reason to hate you, the arse. But it's his loss that he can't see how perfect you really are," Draco smiled and stood up. He sauntered over to Harry and threw his arms around his neck. "You're perfect, Leo."
Harry chuckled, "You, my dear, are the only one who thinks that."
"Oh, not true, not true! I can name many people who think you're perfect," Draco insisted.
"Yea, and I bet most of them have red hair," Harry muttered, rolling his eyes. But he did wrap his arms around Draco's waist.
"So what if they do?" Draco plowed on, "all that matters is that it's thought, ok?"
Harry sighed in defeat, "Ok, dear, whatever you say."
"Don't you patronize me, Mister Potter!" Draco glared and removed his arms from around Harry's neck to place them on his own hips.
"Oh no, Dray, I wasn't doing that! I was agreeing with you, I swear," he smiled at Draco charmingly.
"I don't believe you," Draco pouted.
"Yes, you do," Harry smirked as he wrapped his arms around Draco once again and pulled him flush against his body. "Don't be mad at me, love," Harry murmured as he nuzzled his nose into Draco's neck.
Draco melted, "Oh, I could never stay mad at you, Leo!" and he flung his arms around Harry's neck and kissed him deeply. Harry was surprised but pleased, and he kissed back just as deep. Draco moaned and pushed himself harder against Harry…
A sharp intake of breath shortly followed by a screech was heard. The two sprung apart, looking around wildly. A throat was cleared and their eyes flew to the fireplace. Harry groaned. He should have known.
Mrs. Weasley's head was floating amongst green flames in the grate and she looked absolutely scandalized. Harry chuckled nervously, "Hi, Mrs. Weasley."
"Don't you 'Hi, Mrs. Weasley' me, Harry Potter!" Mrs. Weasley said dangerously, "You are in BIG trouble. You both are," she added, shooting a glare at Draco.
"Umm, what exactly did we do?" Draco asked casually, disentangling himself from Harry and going to sit on the couch in front of the fire. Mrs. Weasley simply glared at him harder; he'd been treading into dangerous water with that question and he knew it.
"What Draco means is," Harry added hastily when Mrs. Weasley looked about ready to explode, "why are you so upset about the article, Mrs. Weasley?"
Mrs. Weasley simply raised her eyebrows, "You haven't read the article? No wonder."
"No wonder…huh?" Draco looked confused.
"No wonder you're still happy and carefree individuals."
"Happy and carefree…?" Harry looked puzzled, "We haven't read the article yet, but we did get a lot of feedback mail…."
"Which we have yet to read as well," Draco added.
"But I read the mail from my friends," Harry continued, "and it wasn't too bad. They were mostly shocked, but none really mentioned the article all that much."
"Well, they're your friends, Harry," Mrs. Weasley pointed out, "I doubt those letters will be 'not too bad'," she nodded to the huge pile of letters that could be seen through the living room door.
"Why, Mrs. Weasley?" Harry asked with increasing foreboding.
"That article was horrible," was all Mrs. Weasley said.
"Now, Mrs. Weasley, surely it couldn't have been that bad…" Draco intoned wisely.
"Sure it could have," Harry shrugged, "Don't forget who wrote it."
"I'm going to kill that woman personally," Mrs. Weasley said scathingly.
"Look, Mrs. Weasley, it'll be ok…" Harry tried to calm her down.
"No, it won't, Harry! Hear it for yourself!" and she passed the newspaper through the flames to Draco, who unfolded it and read:
A MATCH MADE IN PARADISE?
Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are lovers. They are not just dating or putting on an act. They are intimate, very-much-in-amour, lovers. I got to witness this (perhaps more so than I wanted to), writes Rita Skeeter, Daily Prophet correspondent.
Harry calls him Dray; Draco calls him Leo. It's all very cute and cuddly. Draco believes he's determined; Harry thinks he's perfect. It's all very romantic and awe-inspiring. Draco could very well be Harry's "power" that the Dark Lord knew not. Their love, that is. But is there trouble in paradise?
When our exclusive interview started, Draco seemed very enthusiastic and willing to open up about their relationship, but Harry was very reluctant. It was almost as if he didn't want to talk about Draco. But after I was asked to leave the room for a few moments and then returned, they were completely lovey-dovey and willing to talk. Now, why is it that Harry Potter, a celebrity infamous for avoiding the press, dodged a question about their love life before I left, and then reminded me of the very same question after I came back? Yes, I was curious too.
During our interview, Draco insisted that he's loved Harry since the day he first met him, while Harry pointed out that he and Draco weren't even friends until seventh year. Harry also made sure to mention that Draco threw himself at Harry before the final battle. Of course, this was before their little talk. After, Harry was compliant and eager to tell Draco he loved him. Coincidence? I think not.
Yes, they may be engaged and set to marry in two months. Yes, they may have their friends' blessing. But all is not well. It is my belief that Draco Malfoy either has Harry Potter severely under his thumb or he has him under the Imperious Curse. Too harsh? No. I would not put it past a Death Eater's son and neither should you. It is my firm and unwavering opinion that Harry should get out now, while he still can.
For full interview, see page 4…
When asked about their sex lives, Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy seemed reluctant at first, and though Harry was eventually willing to answer (just to spite Draco, I fear), we decided to leave it up to you, our wonderful readers at home!
So, who "tops" in their relationship?
a) Harry b) Draco c) they switch off
Send your answers to the Daily Prophet and watch for the results in next week's special edition!
Draco heard a thump. He looked up, only to see Harry spread-eagle on the ground, his eyes closed and his breathing shallow. Not so surprisingly, he'd fainted.
"Oh, Draco dear, it sounds so much worse out loud," Mrs. Weasley said in a soft voice, and the next thing he knew, her head disappeared from the flames and he heard a crash from the other side of the connection.
"Oh crap," he muttered, passing out as well.
&#&
"I can't believe one's supposedly the strongest wizard in the world and the other was the son of a Death Eater. They keep going down like Dad after a bottle of Fire-whiskey. I don't know…"
Harry blearily opened one eye and snapped it shut again as he was assaulted by a bright red light. "Am I dead?" he asked wearily.
"No, mate, you're just groggy. Sit up now and eat some soup."
Harry slowly sat up, without opening his eyes, and rubbed the back of his head, "What happened?"
"You fainted, mate. So did Draco and mum."
Harry could tell his rescuer was trying not to laugh. He cautiously opened his eyes, and when he saw who surrounded him, he understood the blinding red light. Fred, George, and Ron were all staring at him solemnly, their mouths twitching.
"Well, Harry, how do you feel?" Fred asked kindly as he helped Harry get up and clamber to the sofa.
"Like I was just run over by a rampaging herd of hippogriffs," Harry replied honestly, now rubbing his back.
"Here, drink this," Ron said, pushing a bowl of pea soup under Harry's nose. At Harry's look of revulsion, he sighed, "Hermione's orders."
Grumbling, Harry quickly started to eat the soup. "Where's Draco?" he asked suddenly, sitting up right.
"Wondered how long it'd take you to remember me," a voice muttered from across the room.
"Draco!" Harry cried as he spotted the blonde lounging on the other couch, trying to avoid the pea soup George was feeding him.
"Yes, that'd be me," Draco smirked at him and then gagged as George shoved the spoon into his mouth.
Harry laughed, "Don't fight it. It's inevitable. Hermione's orders." Draco shuddered and grudgingly allowed George to feed him.
"So, why did you pass out, mate?" Ron asked concernedly, "we just walked into the kitchen and mum was out cold. Ginny tended to her while we came to see what was up at this end."
"Why did I pass out?" Harry asked himself, searching his mind for the reason.
"The article, you dimwit," Draco rolled his eyes, "you fainted because of the article."
"No need to be snappy, Mr. Malfoy," Fred said pleasantly, "you also fainted, remember."
"Yes, well," Draco started to turn red, "it was only after he did," he mumbled, jerking his head in Harry's direction.
"Moving on," Ron said quickly, "what's so horrible about this article anyway?"
"You mean you haven't read it?" Harry asked incredulously, "But I got a letter from you and Mione saying you loved and supported me!"
"Oh, umm," Ron laughed uncomfortably, "I never read it, but Mione did. She just threw it on the table and told me to get to my mum's to make sure she was alright."
"Which she wasn't," George added helpfully, "Fred and I had the same idea as Ronnekins, here."
"But that article was awful, mate," Fred added earnestly, "Total rubbish. I mean, who'd call him perfect?" he finished with disgust lacing his tone, clearly believing some of Skeeter's horrid drabble.
"I did," Harry said steadily, "That part was actually true. But remember, guys, the Imperious has no effect on me: something dear Rita forgot to mention."
"You're right. I'm sorry," Fred said sincerely, though he was looking at Draco as he spoke.
Draco nodded, "No worries. I'd be foolish not to expect some resistance from you lot."
Ron cleared his throat, "Can I read it now, then?"
"Are you sure you want to?" Harry asked uneasily.
"Yes, I am," Ron responded firmly.
Harry shrugged, "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you," and he nodded to the forgotten newspaper lying by the fireplace.
Ron wandered over and picked it up. His eyebrows rose when he read the headline, and they positively shot up when he saw the picture. But as he read the article, Harry realized he was having the completely opposite reaction of what he'd anticipated. After Ron set the paper down, he burst out laughing, "They actually think he could control you?" he questioned wildly, pointing at them with one hand and clutching at his side with the other.
"Thanks for your overwhelming vote of confidence, Weasley," Draco muttered, rolling his eyes.
"You're welcome," Ron responded absently, still chuckling occasionally.
"Oy, wouldn't know sarcasm if it smacked him in the face," Draco groaned.
"Anyway," Harry said loudly, glaring at his fiancé, "that's the article, Ron. Don't you at least think it's a little bad?"
"Oh, it's terrible," Ron assured him, patting him on the head, "but looked at from the right perspective, it's actually rather funny."
"Yes, we've noticed," Draco mumbled.
"So," George cut in, "you two are really getting married, then?"
"Yes, we are," and he and Draco showed off their engagement bands.
Fred let out a low whistle, "Won't want to be near mum, now."
"I agree. The woman's insane," Draco visibly cringed.
"Not that," Fred laughed, "don't you remember what she was like for Ron's wedding?"
"Oh my god," Harry closed his eyes and groaned, "I'd forgotten."
"Am I missing something here?" Draco asked nervously.
"Mum was simply fanatical about every detail. Every little, itty-bitty detail," Ron shuddered, "she spent four hours trying to tame Harry's hair."
"Oh no," Draco said breathlessly, with a look at his fiancé's artfully messy mop.
"Yes, sweetheart, you are so lucky you were a secret back then and didn't have to be involved," Harry informed him solemnly.
"Well, don't worry yourselves now, mates," Fred said happily, "because I have good news!"
"You just saved a bunch of money on your car insurance by switching to Geico?" Harry asked innocently.
All three redheads stared at him blankly while Draco snickered. Ah, television. A magic greater than anything a wand can do. "Never mind," Harry bit back a laugh, "What's the good news?" he asked cautiously.
"Well, George and I want to help you out, you know…"
"Yes, yes, spit it out already," Draco barked impatiently.
"We've appointed ourselves the official organizers of your bachelor parties!"
Harry blanched, "Oh dear God."
To be continued…
A/N: so…did ya like?…i liked this one…i guess it wasn't that funny…but i will tell you this…it was really hard to write that article ((wipes brow))…i wanted it to be horrible, but still staying true to what they talked about, you know?…so yea…who loves Geico commercials as much as i do?…woot!…umm…the next chapter is (hopefully) gonna be the best one yet ((crosses fingers))…yay!…bachelor parties!…i predict about three weeks (depending on my mom like i said in my first a/n) and it'll be done…we can only hope…anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review if you liked it…
here's a teaser for chapter 5!
Chapter 5- A Real Live Bonafide Bachelor Party
Harry vaguely remembered hearing that he was supposed to look forward to his bachelor party, to enjoy it immensely. It was, after all, his very last hurrah before marriage. Then again, Harry wasn't some pathetic, middle-aged, straight dude who already disliked his fiancé. He was a young, gay man who was incredibly attracted to his future husband. But, of course, Fred and George were planning it.
That was the part that worried Harry the most. Trusting Fred and George with one night of his life.
Stay Tuned! Chapter 5 of Knock First, Damn-it is coming to a computer near you!
hehe…well…thanks to all my reviewers…i love you guys!...cheers!