The routine stopped though, when I arrived at school, a little bit earlier than usual. I'm sure the humans were talking about me, just appearing with more weight on me. It wasn't significant to me, just a few pounds but it appears that I was skinnier then I'd thought because the few pounds that I'd gained had been noticed. I sighed and got out of my practically beat up Lamborghini and shuffled to the front of the school to sign in.
I stopped when a familiar scent betrayed my senses. I breathed in the smell of wolf and I picked up my speed to see Jacob there leaning on his bike I assumed. Jacob and I have been having little interaction lately and I felt extremely happy to hug Jacob in public, grinning up at him. Stupid tall freak.
"What's up, mutt?" I joked and he grinned down at me.
"Oh, you know the usual. Trying to take Bella from Edward." Jacob joked, moving his hand as if it wasn't anything new. He leant back on his bike and I took note of his black tight shirt and actual pants.
"You have no idea how weird it is to see you in actual clothes." I teased him, poking his bulging muscular arms.
"I couldn't just walk out in nothing. This is a school." Jacob complained, rolling his eyes. I looked over when I saw curious movement in the corner of my eyes and I could see the Cullen family watching my closely. I knew Jasper trusted me but I could also understand his concern. If I was being truthful I'd have probably demanded to go with him, if the roles were reversed that is.
"Speaking of school, why aren't you in it?" I demanded crossly. "If your grades start slipping I refuse to be responsible." I warned him. He rolled his eyes and laughed at me.
"School's not in today. It's an Indian thing." He teased right back. I groaned and looked at the school.
"If I just smeared mud on my face, can I be Indian to?" I begged, widening my eyes. Jacob barked out a laugh and I grinned. No doubt he was still depressed. And just as that thought hit me he sobered, eyeing me.
"I didn't come here for personal reasons, actually." Jacob said and then he looked over my shoulder. I looked back and saw the black Volvo that Edward drove sitting there. Edward was getting out, and Bella following soon after. I snorted. "I see she's still human." I looked back to the young wolf.
"Please, I'd have told you if he had changed her, just to see you rip Edward to pieces." I muttered, stepping to his side so that he could confront Bella and Edward like he had originally planned. I would go over to the Cullens but after yesterday I wanted some distance between Jasper and I, so he didn't think that he was off the hook. I was still very much hurting on the inside, still hearing those words over and over again.
"Hey." Bella greeted Jacob. She seemed so happy to see him and I realized that Edward hadn't even told her that I'd visited the wolves. If he hadn't, then he probably still hadn't told her about Victoria. It is so like him to control her like that, and not to make her own decisions. I just wanted to see what his head looked like grasped firmly between my hands, and disconnected from his head. I vanished the idea from my head, as it was a little bloodthirsty. No matter how much I really really didn't like him, I couldn't and probably wouldn't kill Edward.
"Charlie said you left town." Jacob muttered. Ah-ha so that was why he was at Charlie's house. Why didn't he bring it up while I was there? I would have told him then. Oh, he could be using this as an excuse to finally see Bella again. It's about damn time. These two have been practically playing cat mouse with each other.
"Yeah, to visit my mom." Bella said slowly, not quite grasping what Jacob was hinting at. Silly, oblivious human. Edward let out a humorless laugh as he read Jacob's intentions from his head. If he could read mine, he'd have flinched already.
"He's checking to see if you're still human." Edward told Bella. Well at least he tells her some things. Of course he would tell her something that could be changed to his side, make him look good I mean. I hope he falls into a vat of venom and dies. Does that work? How much venom would it take to fill a vat? Oh, no, focusing troubles again.
I practically felt Jacob's annoyance and I, for a moment, allowed myself to entertain the idea that I had Jasper's power. I glanced at the man and he was still standing with the Cullens and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie were talking tensely. I can only imagine that they weren't happy with Jacob being here but were avoiding starting a fight for Bella and I's sake.
"Look, I'm here to personally warn you." Jacob also avoided a larger confrontation, or should I say he switched one argument for another, more important one. If I was Jacob I'd have attacked Edward. Or likely I wouldn't. There were humans and vampires here so he'd be out numbered, and under experienced. Edward knew that the cat was out of the bag now as he shoke his head, looking away from Bella. "If one of your precious family members come on our land again…"
"And, Belle? She's part of our family to." Edward interrupted. But sweet Bella diverted Edward and Jacob from the topic of me. I didn't want to have my privilege of seeing the pack and walking freely on the pack's land revoked because Edward was jealous of Jacob's place in Bella's life.
"Wait, again?" Bella demanded, looking at me and then at Edward.
"You didn't tell her?" Jacob demanded of Edward and me. I looked, or more like sneered at Edward.
"I was hoping that Edward would have one good quality to him and think to tell my sister." I proclaimed, even if one part of me had been hoping that Bella would finally get fed up with Edward's attitude and just hurt him. Edward sneered at me and took a step closer, growling and I egged him on with my eyes. I just wanted him to do it, even in this place full of humans, I would take him on.
"Stop." Bella told Edward. "Tell me." Bella demanded. I watched in smug satisfaction as Edward was put on the defense by Bella. She was finally standing up for herself in their relationship. I was starting to think that him leaving her had permanently put her in a state of submission.
"Emmett and Paul had a misunderstanding. It's nothing to worry about." Edward blew it off, as if his family member hadn't almost been ripped to shreds by Paul because he stepped over the line. I really just want to punch his face in right now. I could feel anger bubbling up in my throat, as if it was a tangible liquid.
"Listen to you." Jacob could get angry at him for both of us, because I was seriously about to do something I was going to regret later. I was so angry and my emotions were being very frank. I was beginning to think that I was never going to forgive Edward for what he did to Bella. "Did you lie to get her out of town, too?" Jacob asked, taking a step forward.
"You should just leave." Edward matched his step, glaring into Jacob's eyes. The humans were starting to get anxious as their natural instincts peaked at Edward's anger, and Jacob's shaking hands. I watched him carefully. No matter how I wanted him to, I wasn't serious about him ripping Edward a new one, at least in public. It would be hard to explain this situation to the Volturi in a way that wouldn't get us all killed in the end and trust me they would kill the pack with every piece of anger they have.
"She has a right to know." I whispered, quietly and less confrontational.
"She is the one the redhead wants." Jacob agreed with me, nodding to Bella to invasive his point. I sighed and looked again at the Cullens who weren't even not pretending to look at us anymore. I also saw Emmett's restraining hand on Jasper's upper arm.
"Victoria?" Bella demanded. I couldn't tell if she looked more upset, scared, or angry at Edward. I sighed and ruffled my hair. Ugh, if she had known in the first place we wouldn't be risking exposure right now just to keep her in the dark. Edward closed his eyes for a second as he finally realized that he wasn't going to get away with not telling her any more. "Alice's vision." She looked from me and Jacob to Edward.
"I was trying to protect you." Edward defended his decision.
"By lying to me." Bella sounded betrayed and I watched the pain flash on Edward's face. I glanced at Jacob as he stayed silent, relishing in Edward's just deserts. I couldn't say it didn't feel good to see her chewing him out, but I knew better than Jacob that it didn't matter how many times he did it; she would come running back to him.
"Okay, we're gonna talk about this, but…" Now Bella turned to Jacob and I moved away from him, snickering. Now he was going to get his just desserts. I hope I wasn't on Bella's shit list next. I wouldn't like it very much if I had to deal with her yelling at me, and chances are, in the mood I'm in, I'll yell back. "You. Why haven't you called me back?" Bella demanded of him. I could see where she was coming from but honestly, after the way she had hit him with her 'I love you but not as much as the guy who ditched me' statement I couldn't blame him for trying to break all ties from her.
I slowly, not so ninja like, moved away. The last thing I heard from Jacob was "I had nothing to say…" When I was a distance away enough I moved over to the rest of the Cullen family. Automatically my eyes connected with Jasper's, who looked me over as if I was going to fall to pieces in front of him.
"Well, that was fun." I chirped. They all looked at me incredulously.
"You were standing next to a shaking mutt, how is that fun?" Alice demanded, as Jasper's eyes hardened, showing he shared the same sentiment.
I snorted. "Please, seeing Edward get ripped a new one just makes me all tingly inside." I rubbed my hands over my pants. They were cold. "As for Jacob, I knew he wouldn't phase. Although I did worry for a second." I admitted, shrugging.
"And that's nothing?" Jasper demanded and my eyes squinted at his rough Texan accent. He was genuinely worried for my safety. I felt bad on all kinds of levels that he was worried over me, but on another more primal level it evoked all kinds of good emotions from me. He felt them no doubt because his eyes darkened.
"Jacob won't phase in public. You have to trust me to know what I'm doing." I told him.
"The last time I trusted you with them, you nearly burnt your hand off." Jasper growled at me. I glowered back in his gorgeous face, no matter that I thought he was dead sexy when he was angry and the fire, feral passion in his eyes, his voice, and his projected emotions, made it oh so hard not to jump him in the parking lot.
"It's an illusion, Belle!"
I flinched back like struck. It had sounded just like it had come right out of his mouth. Jasper's mood deflated the moment my mood changed and he reached forward to take my arm but I shrank away, using the distraction of Jacob and Bella peeling out of the parking lot on the motorcycle, as a distraction.
"Belle, I-" Jasper started, and the other members of the family looked awkward around us as we had a spat but they still blocked us off from the humans as much as possible, talking in voices that were low enough that the humans couldn't hear.
"I'm going to go to the reservation, so Edward doesn't have a heart attack." I excused, walking away before Jasper could apologize, or again attack me with his scent. I didn't want to hurt him like that, it wasn't my attention to pour salt on the wound but it had just popped into my head like it always does. Maybe there was something wrong with me? Jasper needed someone better than me anyways, and if I just didn't return his feelings long enough he'd be forced to move on.
I shuddered and took off out of the school parking lot. I didn't care what Charlie thought, I was going to get away from these feelings, this hurt that came up every time that Jasper tried to show me that he loved me. Why couldn't I let it go? Why can't I love him in peace? Damn it.
I slammed my hand on the wheel, pushing down on the accelerator. I was heading towards Emily's. Sam and Emily probably won't be expecting me until later though… I turned my car in another direction, instead heading for the cliff. Not Jasper and I's. God, I didn't want to visit it right now. Instead I headed for the one that Paul had jumped over with me, the one that I'd stayed at for days just to wait on my sister.
It was just like I remembered it. As I parked my car I went into a daze, looking at all of the beautiful foliage that I so rarely admired. No matter how much I saw it I loved it. The cliff was familiar to, except for two little purple flowers that had grown at the edge of the bushes. I sighed at sat down on the wet ground, ignoring the wet feeling on my rear so that I could admire the view of the ocean out in front of me. Just remembering all of that time submerged in the ocean made me shiver.
I remember all of the parts of it. I remember the surrounding darkness as I lay at the bottom, my body having less oxygen in it then a human's body, and the cold, loneliness there. I was left alone to be punished, to be accompanied by all of the faces of those that had suffered at my hands.
I guess if I were to just slip off of the cliff, swim for a little ways, and drop, I would be in that situation again. Except this time I'd think of Jasper's beautiful face. His southern draw, wild ways, and gorgeous soul. I would be haunted by the looks of pain that he had felt from me, but most of all…
I'd be haunted by his words.
Even with all the things done to him, I couldn't do that to myself. Selfish of me, I know it is, to love him and hate him at the same time. To be scared of heartbreak when lesser people have survived it before me. I know the words were holding me back, but also the betrayal. To know that Jasper had done that to me when he knew how close I was to my sister.
All the good that did me. Bella barely spoke to me anymore, just kept in her corner of love with Edward. It was as if all of the things that I had sacrificed for her didn't matter, the things I was still sacrificing for her didn't matter. She could never love me as a sister, only as that person that she loved when it was convenient to her. Maybe I was like Jacob, letting Bella walk all over me but it didn't change the sisterly love that I felt for her.
I grimaced and glanced back down at the ocean. So it might have been easier for me to fall into the ocean and just wait in that bottom floor, to think over everything that has happened. My mind must really be as messed up as I pretend it is. It would explain why Edward couldn't read it, why it was just a 'mess' as he called it.
I imagine that Jasper and the family were on edge now, with not only me but Bella over in the reservation now. I could, again, not blame them, but I was still exasperated by their reactions. I didn't understand it either. I was a fully grown, three thousand year old vampire. Did they think that I just couldn't handle myself? Or were they just overprotective? I don't know.
It hit me that I didn't know if this is how a normal family would react to this situation. Even with Bella, Renee, and Charlie as my kind of, sort of, family I still didn't understand how this all worked. How did I act, and how did they act? Maybe it was normal for this to happen.
I just can't make sense of what everything is any more I guess. Thinking was much easier when I had Jasper's fingers running through my hair. That errant thought made my lips smile but my heart drop. I wanted Jasper, but at the same time I couldn't have him. I was selfish in that respect. I was hurting him, me, and the family but for the life of me I didn't understand. What was the last thing stopping me from forgiving him?
I flinched when something warm was pressed against my back. I looked back to see Paul there in his silvery wolf form. I took this moment to reach up and pet his large head. The wolves really were gorgeous, especially Paul's coat. It was silver all over, and almost white under. I could see every individual hair was like a new color of grey and silver. His big almost black eyes just completed the picture of it.
"I guess if you're here that means Jacob and Bella are at Emily's." I noted. Paul dipped his big head to tell me I was right. I wondered why he wasn't changed but then I reasoned that he had been on patrol and had sniffed out my scent. "Did Bella meet Leah?" I asked. Paul shoulder's shook and I rolled my eyes. "How about Seth?" He shook his head back and forth. "Hmmmm…." Paul sat down behind me, scouting closer. "Thanks." I muttered, burying my face into his fur. That's Paul, always offering comfort. It hurts that no one else sees him like he is now. I can't wait until he imprints, and someone finally sees this side of him and can love him like he wants to be loved.
I stayed there for a long time, basking in Paul's presence. Together we watched the ocean flow and as his presence usually does, it mellowed out my emotions at least for now. But we couldn't stay there all night, as I did have to eventually go back over the line, after seeing Bella. I did kind of promise that I would look after Bella…sort of. When I found Bella she was at Jacob's with him. I could tell the moment that Paul and I stepped in that they'd had a fight. I tried to dispel the tension by shooing Paul away, and asking Bella if she wanted to ride home with me since she didn't have a car.
She agreed and the entire way home explained what happened with Jacob, and how much Leah hated her. I told her about my first meeting with Leah and that it wasn't just her that Leah hated. In fact I think Leah just hates everyone in general. As for the imprint, and what Jacob said, I kept silent. I didn't know what to tell her about it. She didn't have a right to be jealous or fear that someone was going to take Jacob away because she didn't love him like that. Given how badly she had hurt him, I would say he has a right to imprint.
I also thought she was a little stupid for telling him that they were changing her at graduation. How many times did she have to rip out his heart to make her happy? My mouth was kept shut though, out of sheer force. When my car pulled up into the driveway I knew something was wrong. My entire being was tingling. I didn't bother to tell Bella to wait in the car, she would have come out anyway.
I was cautious coming in the door, even though Bella took her time to. She probably knew that the moment she was in the house Edward would come in. I hope he tripped over his overly sized head. When I opened the door the scent hit me. I stopped, and Bella ran into me. I stumbled once before I took in a deep breath of a human drinkers scent. It smelt of human blood and ice. I let out a breath, ignoring Charlie who had just turned the corner. I was glad he was here, but I was more worried about the scent. I followed it into the living room, glancing around for anything but there was nothing here.
I followed it again up the stairs. It went into both Bella's room and my own. I went into Bella's room first. It was strong, and whoever it was they had paid special attention to the dream catcher on Bella's bed. I took another deep breath and realized that Jacob's scent still lingered on the dream catcher. That would stick out to any vampire in the vicinity. I heard the knock on the door downstairs, but I was disinclined to pay attention to it. I followed the scent to the end of Bella's bed, and frowned. It was all over this room. Maybe he had come here first because the one that was in my room seemed fresher.
I looked around, frowning in distaste when I couldn't find anything wrong. I looked around, just searching for something that was out of place. And then Edward was up the stairs, and our eyes met, mine furious and his just as furious, his nostrils flaring as he scented out the place as well. I let him go to Bella's room, while I picked up my cellphone.
"Belle?" Carlisle answered.
"A vampire has been in Charlie's house." I announced for him. I could already guess the entire family was in the room. "I don't recognize the scent, and neither does Edward." I inhaled again but it still didn't make any sense. I could imagine Charlie's confusion at having us panic upstairs but he must have thought it was just kind of teenager thing because he didn't say anything to us.
There was a pause, and I could hear the murmur of voices over the phone before Carlisle's voice was back on the phone and he was speaking again.
"All right, Jasper and Emmett will go to see if they can track it. Have Edward bring Bella, and you three come over to the house." Carlisle instructed. I felt my eye twitch, the old hate for authority coming back but I pushed it away. I was too old to let that overcome me now.
"Right." I hung up, and Edward who had heard the conversation was already going out the door. I turned to Bella, who was looking lost at the flurry of activity around her. "Come on, we're going to the Cullen household." I told her, grabbing her hand and pulling her down the stairs.
"Dad!" I called. "Bella and I are going to visit Alice. It's her time of the month and she can't-" Charlie cut me off with exclamations of alright. I felt a hint of amusement that mentioning that was all it took to get out of the house.
The ride to the Cullen family was done in complete silence, as Edward was in the car, though Bella and he sat in the back while I drove this time. It was a new arrangement and I didn't like it but I changed, just so I wouldn't have to look in the rearview mirror and see him. Although I did have to watch the pressure of my grip so that I didn't crush the steering wheel when he and she kissed.
When I stopped in the driveway of the house, Edward opened the door for Bella, using his vampire speed and I zoomed up and into the house, to the room with the Cullen family inside. I could hear Jasper and Emmett already on their way back, just coming in downstairs. Rosalie was sitting down on the loveseat, and Carlisle was standing in front of the couch, in between the coffee table and the couch while Alice sat on the couch. I led Bella to the seat beside Alice, and nodded to Esme who was standing beside Rosalie. Edward walked to the middle of the room, just in front of a wooden chair but he didn't sit in it.
I settled for standing by the doorway and clenching my fists. Who would dare come into my house. It had to be someone important, as my age lingers in my scent and they would have known not to fuck with me unless they had a death wish. Or maybe their creator didn't explain to them how to read those kinds of things in scents. What if they didn't have a creator to explain things to them? I don't understand. It can't be a coincidence because there were to many things going on with the Volturi and Victoria for this to be random.
"Are you sure you don't know who it is?" Carlisle asked us when we entered the room.
"No," I answered. "This stranger, I didn't recognize his scent. He's at least a few months old though." I brushed my hands away from me. I can only imagine I smelt like dog, both Bella and I, because of where we'd been.
"A nomad passing through?" Esme wondered, almost hopefully. Her eyes were coal black. How long had it been since they fed? I knew that most of us couldn't feed while we were trying to protect Bella, but this is insane. They'd probably only gone out to feed last time because I'd needed it. Had it been anyone else who'd announced that they needed to feed it would have been an ordeal as we were so focused on protecting Bella.
"A passerby wouldn't have left Bella's father alive." Rosalie dashed Esme's hopes.
"Rose is right." I whispered, glancing at the doorway as Jasper came in with Emmett following close behind. I knew they couldn't have any good news just by the serious expression on Jasper and Emmett's faces.
"The scent disappeared about 5 miles south of Bella's house." Jasper informed us, and he stopped, standing next to me out of instinct or intention I didn't know. And to be honest, right now I needed Jasper's strength. Emmett though, he gravitated over to Rosalie who swept her eyes over Emmett to make sure there was nothing wrong with him. Me, I just swept my eyes over Jasper because I was mesmerized by his tight clothing. It was probably something Alice picked out for him to wear and I sent a half-hearted glare at her. It caused a half smile and a wink in my direction but this was a serious moment.
"Someone's orchestrating this." Carlisle theorized.
"Victoria?" Bella asked, scared. She was a human being chased by a vampire; I believe she had a right to be scared now. I'm half surprised she hadn't turned running yet. Only Bella would react the way she does, the opposite of what's good for her. Alice shook her head.
"I would have seen her decide." Alice was in denial as she looked to Bella.
"Things can slip through, Alice." I told her, gently. She wasn't the all mother, she couldn't see everything that happens at every moment and everything could be subject to change. I think we've put too much pressure on Alice and her visions.
"Has to be the Volturi." Edward set out another theory for us.
"I don't think it's the Volturi either." Alice stopped him.
"I agree with Alice." I nodded.
"I've been watching Aro's decisions to and he hasn't thought of this." Aro wouldn't be this risky. He wouldn't send one vampire in to deal with a coven of our size and mass. Especially if it was his guard. He's cautious to even let the ones without a power be sacrificed, though it's much more probable. If he knew I was with them, which he probably did if he saw me in Edward or Alice's mind, then he defiantly wouldn't have risked it.
"So we keep looking." Emmett growled, from his throat. He really was quite a big man, and had a lot of intimidation. Unless you knew Emmett, you'd think him a tough bastard who didn't give a shit about anyone. It was a great contrast from the man who'd come to be like a brother to me.
"We'll also take shifts, guarding Bella at her house." Carlisle ordered his coven. He looked horrible, with his black eyes and his eyes were getting more and ore sunken in, if he didn't feed soon even he'd go on a rampage. I'm already surprised that we'd made it this long without someone rampaging.
"Another protection detail?" Rosalie demanded.
"Rosalie." Carlisle admonished. I saw Bella open her mouth, to object there is no doubt. She wouldn't want for them to do this either, and I gotta say it's not a good idea.
"I think," I said. "That for now, that might not be a good idea." The coven in front of me turned to me so I hurried to explain myself. "Only half of us are feed enough. It's temptation enough for you to be around humans as long as you are, but to keep it that constant, there would be another accident. It's been weeks since some of you have hunted. Plus, I'm always there with Bella." I was almost pleading. Who would have thought the day would come when the great Nefertiti would have to plead with a coven for something so simple.
"You may always be there, but what if there are more of them then you can handle, next time. We need some kind of support." Edward challenged. I felt more then saw the fire light in my eyes. God, I'm glad he challenged me.
"I'm more then capable of taking what they give. You forget, I'm old enough to have seen battles that you can't even comprehend." I told him. "I can more than protect one human from the Volturi, or Victoria." I cracked my neck, eyeing him. Then Bella stood up and glared at me. I sighed and rolled my eyes, even as Jasper sent me tendrils of calm. "Jesus, guys I'm not going to attack him." I exasperatedly added.
"No, you're right." Bella stepped forward, looking back at all of them where she stood in front of me. I couldn't help the smug expression on my face as Bella turned against Edward. I even wanted to happy dance, but dancing in front of Emmett would only spark another dance battle.
"I'm not leaving you here defenseless, with everyone who's after you." Edward disagreed, his face a mirror for anger and frustration. I have the feeling he may have had this conversation, or something similar to it, with Bella before. I wouldn't be surprised…I think.
"I wouldn't be defenseless." Bella shuffled back to stand beside me, tucking one of her mahogany locks behind her ear. I let her take my arm in between her own, even if I didn't know where she was going with this or why she was suddenly being sisterly with me.
"One vampire is not enough to sufficiently protect you Bella." Edward argued. My eyes widened with incredulity. He acts as if I was not standing right here, as if he has his own death wish. If Jasper wasn't pumping me full of calm juice I would have actually attacked him. I don't know why he was getting on my nerves so bad today. It could have been the lack of sleep, or I've really just had enough of everything. It wouldn't surprise me if I've finally hit that point in my vampire life where I can't stand to be around other people. Oh, if Stefan could hear me now.
"I'm not going to let you all starve. I've seen it first-hand." Bella glanced at me and I grimaced.
"That's, just me actually." I whispered to her, even though they could hear it. "It's an aging thing." I looked away from her, her cheeks red. I knew what she was getting at now and I wanted to congratulate her on her idea. "But the idea still stands. She wouldn't just have me for protection. She'd have the pack." I announced.
"The mutts?" Rosalie demanded. Esme and Carlisle were looking at each other in concern, no doubt wondering for their family's safety if this went on. Emmett just looked ready to grab Rose if she got to confrontational, and Jasper was just looking at everyone, but I didn't fail to notice that he was glowering at the opposite side of the room. Alice, though was completely blank and I wondered for a moment if she was having a vision or not.
"I think that's a good idea." Carlisle finally admitted.
"You're all insane." Edward growled and Bella let go of my arm to speak with him. I intentionally blocked it out, because I didn't need to any of their love fest.
"I'll call them in the morning. They at least deserve a nights rest." I told the household.
I thought I'd give you one more before I go to sleep!