Whispers in the snow

by crystalbluefox

Luffy can't sleep, he seeks up to find comfort at his cook, but he's still a bit scared to face him. And the whispers in the wind aren't making his life any easier, neither for him, Sanji or Zoro. It's pulling at the strings to their sanity. Rewritten!

4. Insecurity The centre which is mimicked

Hi everyone! I'm back again and this time with a DOUBBLE-CHAPTER! Hope that you would like this one as well, and yeah… you see, I have tried and tried, but what ever I do, how ever I'm trying to turn this story, it ends up to no longer to be a friendship-story, but a YAOI -STORY! So… is everyone happy now? Hmm? Oh, and in this chapter ….. is going to …. Sanji!

Zoro: What?

Luffy: (laughs) ha ha, really?

Sanji: (bites in his shirt) but but… Why me, Nille-chwaan…? (sniff) (sniff)

Zoro: (mumbles) perverted bastard!

Me: hey, hey, I, I was been threatening to do this, I couldn't do anything against it!

Zoro: if you are so damn sorry about it, then why do you keep on have that perverted smile on your face? Wait a sec… what, what are you…? HEY! Let the fuck go of me!

Luffy: (jumps of joy) Yay! Group-huuug!

Me/Zoro/Sanji: NO LUFFY! (CRUNCH!)

Zoro: Argh! My back!

Me: I think (Crack!) I think its broookeeen… Now who is goanna make the opening of this chapter?

…Silence…

Me & Sanji: (crying out) Mei-chwaaaaaaan! (sniff) (sniff)

Zoro: (sweatdrops) Oh, for God sake… stop acting like two crying puppies! As if one wasn't enough already!

Silvey115: Well I guess none of them can do it this time…¬¬ But still enjoy! And also today is pernille-chan's birthday! So even if she doesn't expect much replies I surely do since she wrote such amazing chapters!

HAPPY BITHDAY PERNILLE-CHAN!

Me: (screams up as she carry on speaking) THAAANKII MEI-CHAAN XDD (crack) aww… my back .,,

Silvey115: …and everyone please enjoy the story ^_^

Whispers in the snow

雪のささやき

(Rewritten)

4. Chapter

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

不安

-Insecurity-

寸断された中心、酔った心

-The centre which is mimicked, the heart which becomes drunk-

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

-Insecurity-

1. The state of being subject to danger or injury.

2. The anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure.

3. precariousness, shakiness, vulnerability.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Midnight:

"Come, sit." Luffy looked with surprise up at him. "You're freezing," Luffy shook his head "You are shaking like hell, so don't come and tell me that you're not almost freezing your ass off. Beside, Chopper would never forgive me if you ever caught up a cold or influenza or something." Luffy didn't move away from his spot, he remembered clearly what happened the last time Sanji had said that… up in the library.

After the whole incident…

Sanji had tricked him back then… he talked calmly to him, asked him to come over to him and had then hit him… it had crushed his heart completely back then. Luffy stepped backwards, eyes wide, knowing what would happen next: his feet were shaking, like he had stepped into the cold icy water. "…Luffy?" Sanji asked, worries filling his voice… but the young captain did not response. Would he… would they, perhaps do the same things that happened in his dream? Would he do the same as in the dream? He was scared, his body where trembling of angst.

'No… no it can be.'Luffy thought. 'I don't want it to happen! Not again!' With that he turned around, heading for the ladder. He was too afraid to be anywhere in the near of the chef.

"Luffy? Wait!" the yellow haired chef called after him, but it was too late… the raven haired teen had already crawled down the ladder and disappeared into the wildness of white snow… his call only sounded like a whisper in the snow, almost not to heard.

'Forgive me, Luffy…!'

Luffy ran as fast as his injured and cold legs could carry him, sometimes he tripled over his own feet, other times he fell and landed in the snow… when he had gotten far enough away, he stopped and stared at his target; the figurehead. He slowly walked up at the stairs, placing himself up at Sunny's head and clasped around his thin legs… his red strained chin resting on his knees. Wait, red strained? Oh no, he had cried again… how pathetic… so damn childish… childish… was that why they didn't like him either? Because he was so 'childish'? Luffy sighed deeply and buried his cold nose further into his knees, there slowly was starting to warm a little up where his chin had rested. Snowflakes from above took their rest on Luffy's little frame, but the young captain didn't care about those white things… perhaps if he had been in a good mood, he had would jumped of joy, dragged both Chopper and Usopp with him out so they could play out in the snow… oh yeah, and then perhaps Zoro! He was stubborn at times, but deepest inside Luffy knew that he liked to play in it, as much as they did. But… none of them wanted to be together with him now… none of them wanted to be in the near of him… actually it had only been Sanji who had said more than ten words to him this day, sadly enough those words where used to shout at him… like Zoro… his first mate.

"What have I done…?" The raven haired mumbled into his bare legs and sniffed. "…idiot me…" '…idiot me…' A wind blew down towards him, it was so freezing cold that it went straight through his bones. Luffy shuddered through his whole body, but he didn't care about the freezing wind, and the snow there slowly covered him in a white cover, nor did he care about the sleepiness there slowly was starting to overtake his senses… the sleep was more than welcome… he felt.

Sanji felt like shit. So many things had happened today, that it was enough to fill out for the next two comming weeks! He buried his head down in his hands and sighed deeply... his elbows resting on his legs. Luffy had looked so anxiety when he came up to him… and scared as hell when he left, like he feared that the blond chef soon would jump at him and kill him right on the spot, or something like that. And what had he done in return? Yelled at him again and let him run away. And the worst part of it all was, that he couldn't run after him before Franky would come and release him from his watch. Fuck! And there was about two hours before that would happen. "But hopefully he is smart enough to find his way back to his bed…?" he whispered out to the empty room. He tilted his head a little to his right and looked at his junk of burned out books. He loved those books, of course, but what he loved the most he almost had lost in the fire. Damn it! Why the hell couldn't he understand how things really were? That thick headed moron of a captain… No… he had overreacted once again… punched him in the face…punched! He never used his hands in fights, and never had he laid a hand on someone… only a kick. But he was just so pissed back then and still was… but he hadn't been alone about to overreact, after what he had heard. No matter of what, it still did hurt inside of his chest when he thought about it. Sanji pulled his legs up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. He didn't know for how long he sat like that before his eyelids became heavier and slowly closed shut.

He didn't wake up before he heard the voice of the blue haired cyborg, who almost scared the hell shit out of him by placing his face just a few inches from his. "Tired Cook-bro?" he asked and couldn't hide a big grin as the young chef jumped up from the seat and sat like a bird in the big window behind him, somehow he managed to not fall down from his place.

"Damn it Franky!" Sanji said with a high pitched voice, and tried to calm down his racing heart "Don't fucking sneak up on me like that…! You almost scared the hell shit out of me!" Then Franky couldn't hold it back any longer and burst out with a rumbling laugher. This sight was just too good to be true.

"What's next, birdie, gonna sing? Whahahahaha!" Franky teased.

"Really funny, Franky." Sanji said sarcastically, as he finally had calmed down a little. "I'm almost getting a cramp of laughing so much…!"

"Whohoho, sorry bro," the cyborg dried a tear away from his eye, with his smaller mechanical hand sprouting out of the palm from his larger hand, and showed afterwards a thumb up to the chef. "I just couldn't resist it. Heh heh… That was just too Supeer!"

Sanji looked away and sighed. "Sorry about that, I know that I shouldn't fall asleep when I'm on watch, it's only the marimo-head who does that. I just-" He stopped midway and thought of a way to rephrase his sentence before carrying on, but this time with a quieter tone "just couldn't keep awake any longer… You know, after all what had happened today…"

"Na, s'okay, nothing bad happened," The cyborg waved it away. "But Doc-bro told you so, that aint would be any good idea for you taking any watches tonight, course of what happened with ya head, remember?"

"Yeah, I might have hit my head, but I didn't lose my memory." Franky chuckled by that as the chef came back down to the seat.

"By the way," Franky looked around as he spoke. "I was expecting to find Strawhat-bro up here… Where is he hiding?"

Sanji lifted a brow. "What do you mean 'expecting to find' him here? Luffy went to bed for a long time ago."

But Franky shook his head. "Nope! Haven't seen him for a bit while now… wasn't in his bed when I left!"

Sanji sat straight up in his seat. "Then he is probably in the kitchen trying to open the refrigerator, you know that he still haven't given up trying to steal some food."

"Negative, bro. The kitchen was empty when I came up there, thought so by my self, but there weren't any others than the flagging shadows and empty bottles… looks like that sword-bro have been up for a 'nap-drink'."

"That fucking Marimo has been in my kitchen again?" Franky nodded. "I am fucking gonna kick his sorry ass for making a mess in my kitchen... But you're sure that you didn't see Luffy down there?"

"As I said: nothing else than empty bottles and shadows of the flag."

"For God sake, it's almost two hours since he left!" Sanji went silence at once as a bad feeling shot through his mind. The young captain had looked so damn scared and, now when he thought about it, pretty depressed. "FUCK!" Sanji jumped out of his seat and ran over to the ladder, where he almost snapped his own neck as he tried to climb back down at the ropes.

"OI! Bro, waz up with it all?" He heard Franky call down to him, but he never answered him back as he ran over the white covered deck. His breathing was clearly seen in this cold weather when a white, misty cloud came flowing after him. It was now freezing cold; a hard wind from the north went straight through his skin and bones. 'Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! Where the hell are you, Luffy?'Sanji yelled in his mind as he tried to make out things there where around him. 'Please God; please don't tell me that he is out here in this shitty cold weather!'A voice in his head told him to try going up to the figure head, Luffy's favourite place. He listened to that voice and ran in the other direction… His fingers had soon no longer feelings in them, he blow some warming air on them and rubbed them together till the life returned back into them.

He jumped up at the stairs, carefully not to slip, and walked slowly towards the figurehead as he called out his name… but he got no response at all. "LUFFY?" he called again, looking around, trying to find someone he didn't hope to find… not here of all places. Suddenly he stopped and he felt his heart missing a beat every second time to suddenly to stop, as his eyes caught a glimpse of something black on the top of a little hill… on the head of the lions figurehead. "Oh please God no," he prayed as his feet slowly, nervously dragged him up to the little hill. "Don't tell me that this is true…" He kneeled down in front of it and slowly took his hand up to the black spot; it was hair. His hands started to shake as he immediately dusted the snow away from the figure underneath it… constantly begging to what ever God there might be above him in heaven that it wasn't what he thought that it would be. His heart once again had skipped several beats as he looked frightened at the little silent shape of the sleeping young captain in front of him, or so he hoped that he did. "Oh God no," he said with a cracked voice, his shaking hand reached out for the black hair but let them stay a few inches away from it… his hand fallowed the shape of the black haired teens face, still without daring to touch it. Not knowing what he should think, his hands had somehow there own will and grabbed the younger teen by his arms and started to shake him… then his voice started to form those words he didn't thought that he would dare to speak out... it was like that his body and voice was acting on their own will, letting the soul just 'stand' there and stare in shook or in disbelieves and watching it all. "Luffy? Luffy, can you hear me? Please, Luffy, wake up now…" but he got no response at all. Luffy's head tilted a bit to the left and then he saw that his lips where all blue. He pulled him up from the snow and holds him tight into his own body: Luffy where freezing cold, and there were no movements to see on his chest. Sanji sat down in a crouching position and pulled the little frame closer into him. He bend his head down, rocking them both forth and back, as small sobs were escaping from his lips. "Fuck, what have I done?" he asked between his falling tears. "What the hell have I done? I'm sorry, Luffy. I'm so sorry. Please wake up? Please tell me that you just are sleeping…? Luffy… please… please…" He hugged him closer against him, tears running down his cheeks. He sniffed in the smell from the young captains black hair. Hating himself even more than ever.

"S…ji…San-ji…?" Sanji's head snapped up as he heard the low whisper of his name and looked down where the low voice came from.

"L- Luffy?" he asked, not even daring to believe on what he heard wasn't something he just were imaginating, his one visible eye went wide open as he heard the low mumble of his name once again. There ran a shudder through the little body as it tried to take a breath, what sounded like it almost was impossible to do so.

"S…cold…" Sanji at once jumped up from his spot, holding Luffy tight into his chest in a bridal style, as he ran back down the stairs, heading for the infirmary.

"Hang in there, Luffy… please, hang in there…!" he begged him over and over again.

There came a low whistle sound from the raven haired teen's throat, as he once again where breathing with difficult. "S…sleepy…"

The chef kicked the door open and hurried towards the bed where he placed him down and wrapped him in all those blankets that he could find in the near. "Try keep awake, Luffy… don't fall asleep…you hear me? Stay awake!" he said as he rubbed the fabric up and down of his arms and legs, trying to give him some warm. There came a weak nod from the young captain, and he fought to keep his eyes open. Sanji looked sadly down at him… hating, cursing himself even more for what he had done… again! "Stay here with me, you hear me? Stay with m –with us!"

"Uhm…" he sounded weakly.

Sanji headed to the door where he for a few minutes came in through as he called over his shoulder to the young captain. "I'll go down after Chopper so he," he froze at once as he heard some sobbing words coming from the little frame on the bed. He turned around and his gaze landed on onyx dark eyes staring back at him… tears threatening to release.

"I'm sorry… Sanji… I-I'm so sorry… for being such a… such a nothing… an idiot… s-so sorry… I'm… so s-sorry… Sa-Sanji…!" Sanji stared at him in disbelieve, his heart felt like it just crushed into thousand of pieces, not for hearing the words… but for how he spoke them out… there were no hope in those words, only pure sadness. This wasn't Luffy… this wasn't the Luffy that he had known for such a long time. The Luffy who could cheer you up even in the darkest of times when all hope where out… his never ending smile that warmed your soul and body up; make you to believe in yourself. This Luffy looked like an empty shell, without any hope, without any happiness, without any cheering. This Luffy, didn't look like nor acted like their Luffy. His eyes did no longer sparkle as before, they where just empty to look into, as had his soul already leaved them for never to return back. The younger teen's eyes became smaller and his body started to shiver hysterical again. Sanji sighed deeply and turned him his back and ran his fingers through his golden hair.

'Shit! What the hell should I do?' He asked himself. He closed his eyes as he bend his head and bit in his lower lip… he was torn between running down after Chopper and to stay here and comforting his captain.

"Please…" he heard Luffy whisper through clattered teeth. As he turned slowly around to face him, he was shocked by the sight; the raven haired teen lay in the bed and was for God sake crying as he reached his shaking bandaged hand towards him. "…please…" he begged again "Please, Sanji… Don't… don't go… I don't want to… to be alone… please… don't leave me… don't…!"

Sanji walked towards him and took his little outstretched hand in his own and kneeled down, so they were in eyelevel. "Why…" he asked slowly. "Why should I ever leave you, Luffy? You are my captain…"

Luffy looked away and stared down on the floor instead, as he spoke in a monotone voice. "Because… you hate me for what I have done… because I have ruined your life… everyone's life."

"What?" he asked shocked and in disbelief, his voice a bit higher tone than he wanted. "Where the hell do you get those stupid thoughts from?" Luffy shivered through his whole body and tried to rip his hand back, but the chef's hold only tightened around it. Sanji kept staring at him, trying to catch his eyes, but Luffy kept avoiding his deep blue eyes.

"Sanji… you scare me…" the younger teen mumbled, still avoiding his seeking eyes. Sanji dropped his hand in shock and did a move to stand up, but Luffy grabbed him in his shirt and stopped him. "…but still I don't want you to go… I… I love you, Sanji…!"

Sanji's visible eye widened. What. The heck…? If the young teen hadn't held that tight on his shirt, he would for sure had fall backwards in shock "Y-you… l-love 'me'?" Luffy nodded slowly to this. Sanji sighed deeply and let his hand run through his hair once again. This just couldn't be true. "What… wa-wait… on which way do you mean you l-love me?"

"I love both you and Zoro… you are the best friends I ever have had…"

'Oh, okay… on that way… good…!' Sanji thought relieved. "So… why don't you think that we might do the same?" He asked calmly, but the raven haired teen shook his head and sobbed once again. Sanji kneeled down at his side once again. "Is it about that dream-thing you talked about earlier?" Luffy didn't answer. His eyes seemed to drop again, and his hand started to loosen at the fabric of the chef's shirt, he started to nod slowly… tiredness started to overwhelm him. "Luffy?" Sanji said nervously and shook him a little, as he saw that he slowly was drifting away again.

"…so… cold…" the younger teen mumbled. The chef bowed his head and looked frustrated down on the floor. "S-sanji, I-I'm freezing… I can't… feel my fingers any longer…" Sanji's head snapped up, this wasn't good… not good at all. He looked around in the infirmary, but there were no more blankets to be seen anywhere. He had to get Chopper… but he also had to keep Luffy warm… the best thing to warm him up with, when there were no more blankets in the reach… was…

"Oh, shit…!" the chef scratched his head in frustration, and then sighed defeated as he couldn't figure out of any other solutions. He got up and walked to the open door…and closed it. 'If a person is freezing… so much that no blankets can warm him up…'Sanji slowly opened the buttons of his shirt and threw his tie onto the nearest chair.

Luffy's eyes widened as he saw his chef starting to undress himself. "S-Sanji, w-what are you doing?" But Sanji didn't hear him at all… he was to far away in his thoughts.

'…another person's body temperature is the best way to warm up a body there have been through a drastically cooling…' he kicked off his shoes but hesitated a little as he started to undo his belt. He shook his head and let his fingers start working at it again. 'I'm just doing this to help a friend.' He told himself again and again. 'He needs some heat and the blankets aren't enough to keep him warm.' His pants fell down around his ankles so he now only was standing in his shorts; he stepped out of his pants, picked them up and folded them nicely together on the chair where the rest of his clothes were hanging.

Luffy watched him in disbelieve as the young man slowly slid down beside him underneath the blankets and wrapped his arms around him. But as soon as his hands and bare chest came in touch with Luffy's cold body, Sanji nearly jumped back out of the bed. "Shit! You're cold!" he said, but won over his desire to jump out and into his clothes again, and instead pulled the raven haired teen closer into his arms. Sanji shivered like a leaf in the wind; it felt like lying with a huge ice cube close to his entirely body... but he could also feel how Luffy was shivering like a mad. The young captain tried to look up at him, but the man pushed his head down and buried it in the crock of his neck.

"W-what…?" Luffy almost whispered.

"Y-your cold… need to w-warm you up again… r-right?" Sanji tried to say calmly, but failed miserably doing to that he himself was starting to freeze like a mad, and the embarresment of laying this close against another man. 'How the hell can he survive, being this cold?' He thought, letting his hands run up and down along the teen's back, scrubbing it slowly. He did this a bit faster and kept on until he finally could feel that a warming sensation was starting to spread out from the place his hands where running. After a while the warm started to spread more out through the raven's body, while Sanji's own hands slowly were getting tired of the constant movement, even so, he still he forced them to keep on moving.

Luffy moaned in pleasure as he could start feeling the warmth in his body… Sanji blushed slightly and started to think of something else as he heard the pleasurably moan from the raven haired teen. He mentally kicked himself in the ass for thinking like that, but in the same time begged to what ever God that there may exist that no one at all ever would come walking by these doors right here and now… if they did and said something about it, he would literally kill them! How ever it would sounds like, he was just trying to work some warm into one of his friend's body… wait… that just sounded so perverted as well… 'Shit!'Luffy's second moan make him blush even more, but then he shrugged it off, and smiled down to the raven haired teen, there were slowly making it comfortable in his arms. What the hell did he care about what the others would think? As long as he knew what really was happening, then he didn't care about the others… he thought so… "Like it?" he asked calmly, and then mentally kicked himself again. 'Now that would really sound like something… fuck it, Sanji! Stop thinking like that!'

"Uhm… I do…" Luffy said tiredly and snuggled even closer into him, if that even was possible. "I really like it… Sanji…" Sanji looked up in the ceiling with a tearful eye as he bit in his lower lip. 'God how I wanted that to be a beautiful little young brunette, saying that to me!'He screamed in his thoughts. 'Why am I never that lucky? Why can I never get a wonderful lady in my… Fucking HELL! Why the hell do I keep on thinking like this? Shit! I'm almost as perverted as that bonehead to Brook! I'm just trying to help, help, a friend to get some warm… and all I can think about is…'

"Sex!"

"What…?" Luffy asked confused, as he tiredly looked up at his chef's face. Sanji paled at once. Oh shit… had he just said that word out loud?

"Uhm, ehm… n-no-nothing, nothing at all." He tried to say calmly… failing miserably. He tried to help it up with a small laugh, but it was just making it all even worsen than before.

"But… w-why are you talking about sex, S-sanji?" the raven haired teen asked innocently, still stuttering duo to he still was freezing. Luffy felt a bit dizzy, his vision blured just slightly as he tried to fix his eyes on something. Frowning he blinked to get his sight clear again. Sanji's hand stopped moving up and down along his back, the blond had even stopped breathing. Luffy looked worried up at him; the chef's face was now pale as a sheet, so much could he see. "You not sick, Sanji… are you?"

Sanji slowly started to pull away from him, trying just to get out of this mess before he would do any other stupid things… Now when he was at it, he might as well just drown himself in the ocean… yeah, that would be a good idea, and then he wouldn't do any stupid things and still die as a fucking man! A man, who liked, loved women, got turned on by beautiful ladies… and not when he was 'rubbing' a friend, a man, on the back… ARRRGH! What the hell was he starting to think at again? 'Might as well just take that jump…' Sanji said to himself, not focusing on anything what was happening around him by now. 'Born at the sea… lived on the sea, died in the sea… yeah, that sounds beautiful enough for me…'

"Sanji, no wait… please!" Luffy begged him and grabbed his wrist before he could move more away from him.

"No…!" Sanji said coldly, without facing him and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Just, leave me alone…"

"…do you still hate me, Sanji?" Sanji froze in his movements.

"W-what?" he asked confused, slowly returning back to the world around him.

"I'm sorry… I've always been such a nuisance, haven't I?" Sanji looked back down at him, not believing what he was hearing… more so that the raven haired teen's voice sounded colder than before, gone was that unsure, scared and sadly voice. "You're still mad at me for what I've done… right?"

"I-I, Luffy, wait, no… I"

"Why do you keep on turning away from me like that? Why do you all facing me like this?" Luffy's grip around his wrist started to tighten. The chef looked down from the wrist and up into his eyes… they were cold and empty, and unfocused. Sanji started to tremble, why, he couldn't put a finger on… but something in here wasn't right… even the atmosphere in here had changed. 'Damn it, Luffy! You're starting to freak me out here!' A thin smile started to form at the young captain's lips, a sickening smile as he whispered; "Are you scared, Sanji?"

"What? No, why should I be scared?" He tried to say calmly. "And I am not turning away from you on any way… Luffy, you scared the hell… Luffy?" he looked nervously down at him, trying to get an eye contact with him. "Okay, stop smiling like that; you're freaking me out with that. Oi! You hear me?" A chuckle came down from Luffy's little frame, and a shiver ran down Sanji's spine like ice cold water.

"I begged you to forgive me," the raven haired teen started slowly "I knelt down and asked for your forgiveness, I even saved your sorry ass in the fire…" he clenched tighter around the blond chef's wrist, digging his nails into his flesh. "And all you could do was yelling, screaming and beating me for doing so, in hate, in anger… in dismay…!"

"Damn it, Luffy, it's not what you think it is!" Sanji cursed under his breath and winced as his nail was digging deeper down in his wrist… small streams of blood started to run down from where the nail met the flesh. "Luffy, let go of my hand… it hurts!"

"It hurts…" Luffy repeated in a flat tone. He turned his gaze away from the chef's panicked stare… the same stare he had back then. It hurt when he yelled at him, when he beat him, when they all turned away from him, when they all looked at him in dismay… when Zoro slapped him and when Sanji slapped him… his heart broke, his soul felt it was being destroyed, deleted… he felt he was dying inside back then… and now he felt completely dead inside. Nothing cared any longer. No one cared about him any longer… they hated him, right? There was only this little feeling, this little voice there kept on speaking to him, kept on stopping him from loosing his mind.

It was a voice, a strange feeling, a meaning there there messed with his feelings, with his personality, for then to straighten him up. He pulled harder in the blonds' arm, making him loosing his balance and fall back into the bed right next to him.

"What the…?"

"It hurts… to get your heart shredded in pieces…" Luffy carried on like he hadn't heard the chef's protest and crawled up on top of him, sitting on his bare chest. Something told him to do so, and it felt right, felt nice to letting go like this and just act on… on what? His need? Something in his mind told him it was that, while a small voice screamed at him to stop acting like this. Sanji looked surprised up at him. "It hurts to be pushed away… to be… alone…!" So why should he care about anything now? Now when they all wanted to leave him anyway?

'What is happening to him?' Sanji thought… he saw a glimpse of the raven haired teen's eyes and froze... They were cold and empty, empty for any emotions, except for an maniac look hiding in the deep, a look he never had seen in the captain's eyes before. 'What… what the hell is happening here…? Is it me? is it my fault?' "Oh my God, Luffy… I-I'm sorry. Fuck!" he grabbed his blond hair in a fist and stared up in the ceiling. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! What… the hell, have I done…? I-I'm so terrible sorry, Luffy," He clenched his eyes shut. "I was just so… I-I didn't mean to hurt you… like that, I, I was just… we all were…"

"…mad at me…" Luffy said and started to chuckle again. Sanji looked up and met those way to dark eyes once again. 'Where are you, Luffy?'He thought. "You hated me; therefore you punched me in the face… with your hands!"

"I-I, I'm sorry, Luffy, please, listen to me… I, I didn't, I don't hate you… God damn it…!" He sighed as his one hand ran through his hair. "I was frustrated… Don't you fucking get what could have happened… back then?"

"God damn it, Luffy! You just such a damn, fucking, stupid dick-head!"

"What?" Sanji said shocked. But Luffy didn't look up, instead his grip around his wrist tightened even more. He winced once again. "Luffy, stop it… now!"

"What kind of a captain are you, anyway? Hah?" Luffy looked down and met the chef's blue eyes, both now visible… angst was starting to overwhelm the both of them, he could see that. His smile widened even more. "That's what you said to me back then; in the library…" he leaned down and whispered into his ear "…remember that?"

"Stop it Luffy!" Sanji said warningly, as he tried to get out of this position, moving the raven to move away from him.

"A 'dick-head', hah? So, that's what I am, hm?" he brushed his nose against the chef's chin, who froze immediately, and stopped right in front of his face to looked down at him with an empty stare. "So, if I'm a 'dick-head'… what are you then?" Sanji pushed him this time roughly away from his chest and hurried out of the bed, panting heavily. He could feel his face heating up, but at the same time paling… what the hell was going on with him? "So," Sanji screamed in surprise as Luffy suddenly was standing right in front of him, staring right into his face. 'When the hell did he come over here?' "Tell me… Cook! What are you?" Sanji's eyes widened as he suddenly were pushed into the nearest wall, so hard that the medicine glasses were all scrambling on their shelves. "Hmm…?" Luffy took Sanji's one shaking hand into his own and tilted his head as he looked at him. "What are you?"

Sanji clenched his teeth and moved his free hand to plant a punch right in the middle of his face, but before he ever got it halfway, the teen grabbed the fist and slammed it back into the wall. "Let the hell go of me!"

"Why should I…? You never wanted to listen to me…" Luffy said coldly and tilted his head over to the other side. "You didn't care about how I was feeling, did you?"

"Luffy," Sanji said warningly "This isn't funny!"

"Who said it should be fun? And why should I even listen to you?" He leaned his head into the chef's bare chest… his heart started to pound faster than before… it sounded so funny. Luffy looked up at him, his smile never faded… and that scared the hell shit out of the blonde chef. The young captain stretched just a little up on his toes and leaned in to whisper into the chef's ear. "So, if you are going to leave me anyway… and I'm all alone afterwards… then I better should take some advantage, now when I have you…!" He lept his tongue out and licked the blonds' earlope, pulling a shivering breath from the other, as he bit the thin flesh, the chef jerked his head away from him imediately.

"Luffy, this is enough!" Sanji said irritated and tried to get free, but without any luck. "You're not yourself tonight! Let the hell go of me!"

"Who are you to think that you can give your own captain any orders?" Luffy said coldly. Sanji looked surprised down at him, though Luffy has gotten a bit taller at an age of nineteen, Sanji was still towering just a bit more than him, but before the blond ever made to open his mouth to yell back at his captain, his feet got swept away underneath him and crashed hard to the floor. Luffy slowly crawled up on top of him again, while trailing a way with his tongue from his torso and up to one of his nipples.

"Stop this, God damn it!" Sanji yelled up and let out a scream of pain, as the young teen bit down in his left nipple. He struggled to get his arms free from his grasp, but without any luck. "I don't want this!"

"But you said, that you did want sex, didn't you?" Luffy asked flatly and licked around the nipple he just had bitten in.

"With a girl! Yes thanks, not with ah aah hng you! Stop it, I-I don't w-want, t-this…!" he managed to get a leg free, and was about to smash it down in the head of the raven as a hand shot up to grab it, and forced the leg back to the floor. Hadn't he been as flexible as he was, that movement would have been damn painful. Having one arm free as Luffy's hand now held onto his leg, he punched hard at the other's shoulder, but Luffy was fast and quickly replaced his hand with a knee against the blonds' leg, and swept pushing hand away. "Urgh! GET OFF ME!"

"But you like it… don't you?" Luffy, acting like he hadn't just prevent the cook from escaping, trailed his tongue away from the nipple and up to the blonds' collarbone. Sanji bit down in his lip and fought to keep a moan away to release… in his shorts a bulk was starting to form as Luffy's ass touched his… place… Fuck! His body was even betraying him!

"Please, stop nngh ah stop this. N-now! Stop it I said!" Finally he managed to yank his leg free, and hammered the knee upwards, planting it with full force right in the middle of the teen's chest. Luffy was taken by surprise as all the air in his lungs was 'kicked' out, but managed to keep his hands around the chef's wrists, digging his nails further into the flesh till it tore. Sanji let out a scream as he stretched his body upwards. "Fucking let go of me, shit-head!" he yelled in his head. "Don't fucking think that you can do what ever that please you!"

"I am the captain, and I can do and have what ever I want!" Luffy roared up in a dark threatening tone. Sanji hesitated for a moment and looked shocked up at him, before he struggled against him again with full force. He was not going to let this happen, never! He tried to kick him in the guts this time, but was met by a knee there protected his aim. Luffy yanked his knee in between the blonde's legs and split them out to each side of his body. He pulled the chef's arms over his head and held his hands together with only one hand. Sanji struggled like a mad, tears of anger and fear started to run down his cheeks. 'No, this can't be true…!' He cried in his mind. He yanked his body upwards, from the one side to the other, he tried to rip his hands out of the crazy captain's grip, he fought to get his legs free… he turned them as much as he could and 'grabbed' around the teen's waist and tried to squeeze him as much as he could… with a normal person he might would have been able break their back or some few ribs… but on a rubber-man, it was useless. Luffy smiled mockingly down at him and chuckled a little by his meaningless actions, getting more thrilled the more the blonde chef tried to fight his way free. 'No...!'Sanji's stream of tears kept on running. He wanted to scream… he wanted to be far away from all of this right now. He wanted to be free. 'No, no, no, no, no!'What had he done…?

"NO FUCKING HELL!" Luffy leaned down and suddenly claimed his mouth, drowning his scream. Taking advantage of Sanji's stunned and shocked expression he slipped his tongue in between his lips and waged a war with his tongue, there constantly fought to push him back out. Sanji planted his feet hard down in the ground and kept on struggling, but it was useless. Luffy ran a tongue all around in his mouth, exploring everything in there, tasting his sweet saliva of cigarettes and something else he couldn't put a finger on what was. As soon as he touched the roof of the mouth, a moan escaped the chef's throat and he trusted his tongue further down in his throat. Sanji yanked his body upwards in protest and tried to turn his face away from him, unfortunately, Luffy had a good grip in his blonde hair as well. He finally pulled away as they both needed some air. Sanji slammed his head back down in the floor, stars forming for his eyes as he had forgotten all about his injured head. 'Fuck!'He paused for a moment as he tried to taste on the new saliva there had mixed with his own in his mouth… it had a taste of strong alcohol. 'He hasn't… have he?' Sanji thought, biting his lower lip as Luffy came over him again and this time started nipping at his skin, down at his collarbone and over his Adams apple. 'That… hng! That will explain a lot…' "L-Luffy, you are the one w-who are responsible for all those empty bo-bottles in the –hng- kitchen, aren't you?"

Luffy smiled up at him and slid his one hand down through the chef's hair, teasing the soft skin underneath it with a finger, over the chest and all the way down to the shorts strap. He leaned over his face again and once again claimed his mouth, exploring it as his hand slipped underneath the shorts. Sanji's eyes widened in fear as he felt the young captain's hand rub teasingly on his burning skin in between his legs.

"No, no…L-luffy," Sanji begged into his mouth, the rest of his sentence where muffled by a deepening kiss. Another tear trailed down from his eye, a moan escaped his lips in the same time as Luffy once again had pulled away and now had fixed all his thoughts down on what was underneath the fabric of the chef's shorts. He pulled his hand up from the warm place, as he placed small kisses along the waistband. He released the chef's hands and grabbed the waistband of his shorts. He moved his knees so Sanji could stretch his legs fully out, but before he could do anything more than that, Luffy tore the shorts off him. Sanji grabbed Luffy's hair, trying to pull him off him. "please… Luffy…s-stop th… stop this!"

"But, you want this, don't you?" Luffy answered lustfully. Surprised at hearing the sudden change in the teen's voice, Sanji looked down at him and was met by those same cold, empty eyes once again… no, not everything had changed. The young captain crawled down his body, facing what sadly enough was an erection. Lapping a tongue out to taste the burning skin, Sanji hissed, hating how nice it actually to get some attention to it. "Your body tells me it wants this…!"

"N-no… ssstop… stop it…!" Sanji begged him; his mind was slowly shutting down as his headache slowly was waking up again... overwhelming him with a deepening pain. He couldn't move, not even his racing heart wouldn't slow down just a bit. He was starting to feel dizzy, and he was faintly aware of a deep unsettling pain in his core. His body betrayed him; he couldn't control it as it answered to Luffy's mouth tasting his most sensitive place with his tongue. He tightened the grip in the captain's hair… he tried to move his legs so he could kick him away, but they didn't want to do the same as he wished… they were too weak! "Stop this n-now, I be… beg you… please! I don't want thi –Oh my fucking GOD!" he screamed the last sentence as Luffy suddenly had reached down and without a warning had swallowed the whole thing of him, reviling in the sensation and taste. Sanji's hips bucked upwards as the teen began sucking him off hard. Luffy placed his hands on the agile hips, pushing him back down to the floor, feeling the soft skin mould to his forceful fingers.

Sanji's body gave up trying to fight against the young captain's lust… He felt his orgasm rise and flood his body, blinding him from any good senses… sprinkling him in what felt like burning needles attacking the inside of him. He kept his hands on Luffy's head, keeping the violating jerks of the head to a minimum. Luffy slowed down a little, pulling halfway out from him, and teased him by moving his velvet tongue and hot mouth over the pulsing flesh in very slow movements. Some part of Sanji wished him to pull completely away, leaving him alone, while another part of him wanted the other to speed up again… the slow movements were teasing him and torturing him to no end. A moan escaped his throat as the hot tongue playfully ran all the way down of his shaft and then back up again, small fingers now playing with his balls as small kisses were placed on the dripping head.

'Oh my God… this is… fuck! Please stop…!' Sanji yelled in his mind. 'I-I can't control mmm- m-myself any l-longer…!'"Oh shit! Haahh…!" Luffy swallowed him once again, sucking him harder than before. He bit down momentarily on the chef's length, ripping a loud and long moan from his lips… he was close to his climax, just a few times more and Luffy knew that Sanji would reach his climax… the relieve of all of this… he could sense that and smiled at it. Sanji gnawed at his lip, his fingers working in the black hair of his captain. He was so close, just a few more thrust and he would be there… and all this would be over. His hips bucked upwards, wanting to finish this off as fast as possible, but then they were pushed back down to the floor, and Luffy's warm mouth pulled away from his length, leaving him in that painfully state.

Sanji moaned in protest as Luffy now had moved completely away from him, and at the same time cursed himself, though his own 'sanity' to what he was letting happening to himself, were slowly being pushed aside and hidden in a locked box. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head further down against the ground, panting, gasping for air. He should get away, he should move, but the arousing state he was in in the moment, paralyzed his body and mind to think straight.

The sound of fabric landing on the floor was heard, but he didn't think more about that. Even knowing that the raven haired teen was now watching him, he reached down to finish him self of, so he could get out of this nightmare. But before he ever could touch his own pulsing shaft, Luffy had used his Gum-Gum-power to stretch his arm out, around the beds one 'leg' and then back down to wrap it around his one hand like a snake and 'catching' the other there barely touched the heated shaft, and then pulled. Sanji whined in pain as his arms where yanked back over his head, he tried to wriggle himself loose, but without any hope… he was trapped. Fuck! Why hadn't he tried to move away, instead of trying to finishing himself off? He looked up at his captain with hazed eyes through tousled hair, lust filling like tears in it, and begged him to release him.

"Why?" Luffy asked coldly, like he could read his watering eyes and thoughts like an open book, a thin smile once again appeared on his lips. "Didn't you ask me to stop this?" he now said teasingly. Sanji nodded slowly, hating himself for being in that state he was in now… hating himself for not being stronger than this. Luffy leaned in over him, only being a few inches from his nose; he could feel the chef's fast, unsteady panting of hot air hitting him in the face. His smile widened even more as he knew what a painful state he was in this very moment.

"…p-please…" the blond chef mumbled under his breath, his voice filled with lust and sorrow. "…let me go…"

"No!" Luffy answered short and coldly.

Sanji shut his eyes tight closed, biting hard down in his lower lip and turned his face painfully away from him. He took in small breaths of air, trying to calm himself down… trying not to let his lust to overtake his mind as well. 'Shit!' He was so close to come and he couldn't do anything to control it or finish it off. His body wriggled in small ministrations, his hips bucked upwards once again, pleading him and begging him to come… Sanji hated himself for doing that. Luffy smirked by this and nuzzled his nose into the chef's heated chin. He trailed small kisses from there and all the way down his throat, liking his little beard, kissing down his shoulder, chest and down to one of the nipples. He licked it, teased it and to the end he bit hard down in it. Sanji whined by the action and hissed out through clenched teeth, begging him to stop and begging him to let him go… But Luffy wouldn't listen to him. Instead he bit harder down in the skin right beside the nipple, tearing the flesh completely as Sanji started to complain, and licked the fresh running blood away. As the blood had stopped running, and the chef stopped complaining, since he now knew what would happen if he didn't shut it, the hot, wet tongue started on its trail down the stomach once again, placing small kisses here and there, until it was just a few inches from the hot pulsing shaft. He smiled devilish and placed a ghostly kiss on it, at once the hips jerked upwards, wanted, needed some more attention… wanted to finish all this now. He moved away, looking up in his now open eyes with that devilish smile of his plastered on the else so happy face. Then he moved up to meet his lips, taking them without any permission and explored his mouth once again. The kiss didn't last for long as Sanji pulled away, disgusted by the taste of blood in his mouth and spat some of it out on the floor somewhere, earning a sharp, painfully bite in his shoulder as he did it. He bit in his lip for not screaming up, if he did, the younger teen would just bite through his skin once again... God he hated himself right now.

Luffy chuckle a little as he looked him in the tearful ocean blue eyes… his own vision started to blur a little as well. "Looks like that your body wants me to finish it off for you…" he teased and blew some warm air on the cock. Sanji moaned by this and he had to restrain himself from not bucking his hips up to the raven haired teens warm, teasingly mouth. "But the question is just then… what do you want?" He trailed his two small fingers softly and almost ghostly over the pulsing shaft, smirked when it released another unwanted moan from the chef.

"Let, let me ahh g-go… please…?" Sanji begged him once again, but Luffy shock his head. "p-ple nnngh please…" a new blow, but this time of cold air, travelled over the hot pulsing cock… teasing him to no end.

"Not what I want to hear," Luffy teased him as well and suddenly grabbed the pulsing shaft in his one hand and squeezed it hard. Sanji's hips came up to him, his head landed with a loud bang on the floor, followed by a loud long moan. He was close. "Don't. Come." He ordered him.

Sanji looked shocked at him. "W-what?" he asked confused.

"Captains order: Don't come, I'll tell you when to come… think you can do that, Sanji?" Sanji swallowed hard and gave a hesitating nod. "Good… now… want me to finish it off for you?"

"But I'm n-not allowed… t-to ahh come."

"True." Luffy smiled and squeezed it a little again. The chef screamed up, he was at his limits, but he wasn't allowed to come… shit! "Answer…?" Sanji gave a hesitated nod. "Can't hear you."

"Y-yes…" he managed to whisper out.

"Yeswhath?" teased Luffy, not aware of that his voice was starting to slur. Something deep inside of him yelled, screamed him to stop, but the doped effect of the alcohol made him deaf to his own pleadings. Heh! He was drunk… he never got this drunk before. Yes, he had been in the kitchen after he had been sitting out there in the cold, and yes he had emptyed the rest of Zoro's rum and other kind of alcohol there where standing right next to the sleeping swordsman at the table… and yes, he had been drinking the rest as well there had been 'hidden away', the most strongest alcohol there existed on the ship, and then after a while he had walked back out with a handful of bottles and sat back down at the figurehead… the empty bottles had now disappeared underneath the white snow somewhere. So what if he was drunk? So what if it took him this long time to realise that he was drunk? So what anything at all? Nothing cared any longer, no one wanted him, and no one liked him anymore…. So what if he pulled someone else down in his shitty black hole as well?

Sanji sighed defeated. "Do what ever you want…!" He mumbled and looked away. He didn't care any longer, he couldn't do anything… he could only hope that this nightmare soon would be over. His heart wrenched and hurt to no end, it felt like it was ripped over again, and again, and again… until there was no more left of it.

"Really?" Luffy asked with a lifted brow and with that devilish smile growing bigger on his lips. "You're really sure 'bout this?"

"What ever…" Sanji mumbled tiredly, a fresh tear running down his face. He had to be strong when that wet, hungry mouth came over him again… who knows what would happen if he came without his captains permission? He trembled just by the thought of it. He was scared now. A fear deep inside of him started to wake up… he was scared of the only person he trusted his life to. Was this how Luffy felt before? Is this what he wanted? To let him feel how he had been feeling the whole damn fucking day? If it was, he had understood it now… and he could stop 'showing' him it now!

"So, you don't care at all…" Luffy asked him teasingly and slowly moved his head down to the pulsing shaft, there was dripping with pre-cum "what I might do to you?" Sanji lazily lifted his head and looked quizzically down at him. What did he exactly mean about that? Somehow he didn't care, but in the same time he got even more scared about that sentence.

Luffy let the warm shaft alone and came up to meet his lips, he licked it and pressed his tongue in, there surprisingly now were met by the chef's own tongue and played along, kissed back and started to explore his mouth as well. He moaned by the chef's sensitive, deepening kiss, there would have swift his legs away underneath him, if he hadn't been kneeling down beside him, but he was still well aware of that he didn't touch the blond haired man on any other ways. Sanji self thought that if he could play a little bit along with him, he might forget what other things he had in mind and just leave him by this… unfortunately that was just a little stupid hope.

Sanji's eyes widened in fear as he suddenly felt a finger forcefully press in through his entrance, pushed its way through the tight rings of muscles and roughly scraped at his inner walls. He let out a scream of pain into Luffy's mouth and tried to pull away. "No, no, no, no, please -hnng argh!- No!" he cried out and finally scrambled away from him, enough to that the finger came out again. He stared in horror as he now saw that the raven haired teen slowly crawled towards him… completely naked!

Luffy chuckled as he neared the anxiety chef, there constantly tried to get further away from him… too bad that he still had a good grip around his hands. "Don't tell me, Sanji, that you of all people, the womanizer… still are a virgin?" Sanji's heart stopped beating, he stopped breathing and just stared frightful at him. 'How… how could he know?' The expression on the chef's face was enough for Luffy to let out a heartless, cold laugh. Using his Gum-Gum-power once again he wrapped his other arm around the chef's legs, there constantly tried to either kick him in the head, his chest or right in the guts and pulled them over his head. Sanji begged and pleaded him to let him go and gave out a yelp as he suddenly felt the tongue of the raven haired teen pressed in between his cheeks and began lathing his sensitive entrance.

"Nngah ahh! No, no stop, sto-ahh!" Luffy's tongue pushed its way past the tight rings of muscles, bathing Sanji's inner walls briefly before flicking the tongue out again, returning to torturing the abused shaft, there slowly was getting a sick colour of blue. Sanji panted heavily, each breath felt like it was fire he was breathing in. He yanked his head back and prayed under his breath to what ever God there may exist that this soon should stop. He was getting even dizzier than before, he felt his stomach turn around and a big feeling to vomit overwhelmed him. He gagged some of it up but forced himself to swallow it all again, and let it stay down there… the venomous taste of it scratched all the way down his throat and back down to his stomach. He felt bad… fuck, he felt bad right now. A new moan there suddenly escaped his lips felt like sandpaper running up against the walls of his throat.

Luffy gave it another little kiss before he looked up in the pain strained face of the chef. He loosened his grip around his legs and could feel at once that there were no more restrain left in them anymore. They fell hard down on his shoulders and were almost sliding down from there, if he hadn't made a move to let them stay there. "What is it?" he asked innocently. The question ran like ice down at the blonds' spine, made his whole body trembling in fear. "I thought that you shaid to me dat I cou'do what ever I've wanted to do… did you not, Shanji?" Damn it! He was starting to slur a bit more when he was speaking and his head started to hurt. He moaned in displeasure and grabbed his throbbing head with his free hand.

Sanji cocked his head and looked worried down at him, Luffy wasn't feeling good, no wonder; he had almost been burned alive, drowned, he had yelled at him, kicked him, punched him, pushed him away… they had all pushed him away, none aware of what kind of bad state he slowly was falling into, knowing that it wasn't that long ago when he had lost his brother. People didn't overcome such traumas that fast, the sorrow, the depression always lurked in the deep of ones mind, and those feelings, could change a person, but into this state? Sanji had never thought it been possible. Luffy had even got himself completely dead drunk and then almost frozed to death… all thanks to him. It was all thanks to him that all this had happened to Luffy. He wanted to tell himself that something else was wrong with the young captain, but another feeling, a whisper in his mind told him something else; it was all his fault! This was his own fault!

The rubber-arm disappeared from his wrists and returned to grab in the owners own black hair. Luffy shut his eyes tight and ripped in his hair as he bent forward and let out a high grumble. It hurt! His head hurt so much! What was he doing? He didn't know but his body knew and a stupid voice inside of his head kept on telling him to finish off what he had started. No… no, he couldn't hurt Sanji like that… he was his nakama!

'But he has hurt you!' The stupid voice in his head said.

'He didn't mean to!'He tried to tell the voice. 'It was my own fault!'

'But you even saved him! And what did you get in return? A good handful of beating! He hates you!'

'No!'

'He doesn't care about you!'

'Stop this! It's not true!'

'He would rather see you dead than alive by now.'

'NO!'

'Especially after what you just have done to him… your dream will become true… it almost have!'

"No!" Luffy suddenly cried out and bit in his lip. Sanji looked stunned at him at the sudden outburst. Tears was forming in those tight shut eyes, squeezing its way free and ran down the red strained chins. "No…!" he hiccupped down in his legs.

"L-Luffy…" Sanji asked worried and stretched his arm out for him. Luffy turned away and got up on his shaking legs, almost falling over his own feet as he walked over to the door… as far away from the chef as possible. Sanji swallowed hard and took a deep breath of air before he dared to form the next sentences. "Just, just stop this now, its okay, I-I wont tell it to anyone. I promise."

"No, no its not...!" he cried. "And now you will hate me even more, and after that… after that…"

"I wont hurt you Luffy, I p-promise." Sanji said, biting in his lower lip for holding back the painful urge to come right here and now. "Just please let me… let me,"

"No..!" A cold, shaking voice came from the little frame in front of him. "No you won't keep your promise… It all will going to happen!" He turned fast around his heal, showing his black eyes bathing in glistening tears. "And you are not allowed to come before I say so!"

"But, God dammed, Luffy… I can't, I can't hold it much longer…!" he pleaded him.

"I could do what ever I wanted, right?" The dark tone in the young captain's voice made Sanji to freeze on the spot. "You said so, didn't you?" The air around them started to get thick with a bad feeling about something uncomfortable soon would happen. Sanji started to move backwards, moving away, using his hands, his legs pushed away from the floor in front of him. Luffy took one threatening step after the other, fallowing the chef until his back met the wall. Fear lightened out from his now one visible blue eye, the ther hidden underneath thick blond hair, as the raven now stood right in front of him, staring down at him with no expression. "If that is going to happen," he suddenly said. Small fast gasps were heard down from the trembling blond on the floor. "…then I just as well can finish it off."

"No, no, Luffy, don't, don't do this!"

Luffy bent down and grabbed the chef's legs and pulled so hard in them, that the blond haired chef hit his head hard down in the floor with a yelp. He kneeled down and placed the legs on each side on his shoulders and leaned as close to his face as possible, whispering down to him with a dark, heavy, lustful voice. "I would gladly be your first one, Sanji, the one who takes your virginity from you…!" Sanji tried to scramble away with his arms, panic started to overtake him, his heart hammering hard against his chest, as would it at any time soon burst out through it.

"N-no, no, no!" he begged constantly "I don't want to! Stop this, Luffy, stop this, stop this, stop –AAAARRGHH!" the soul ripping scream hallowed the whole infirmary and was defiantly heard all over the deck, as Luffy forced his cock through his tight entrance without any warning. He paused for a moment and bowed his head painfully down.

"Unnngh uah… So tight…!" Luffy whined as he could feel the tip of his cock forcing its way through the clinched rings of muscles in the blond chef's ass. He grabbed his pale hips and jammed his harden member roughfully in, releasing another stream of heart wrenching cries from the chef underneath him. Every scream that escaped the blonds' throat, he swallowed with passion and he loved the way it already was going horse… but a part of him again, the sober part of him, the real him, wished himself to stop… the other part of him hated to listen to those soul ripping cries coming from his own nakama… especially when it was himself who was causing it. Luffy could feel the head slowly beginning to slip in, as the chef underneath him whimpered by it. He pressed further into Sanji, eliciting another scream from him, and was barely able to keep from smirking by the horror stricken, white paled face staring painfully back up at him … fresh tears ran down his red strained cheeks.

Sanji's nail was digging down into the wooden floor as the young captain pulled back out and slammed brutally back into him, but this time hitting some kind a spot inside of him there turned the blonds' vision white, made his body to whimper and release an very unwelcome pleasure ably moan from his throat. His hips thrust upwards to meet Luffy's, but Luffy held him back to make the move himself, and groaned in a very gratifying way, as the whole of him went into the blonds' ass, so deep that his balls were resting on his ass. The raven haired teen whimpered by this and released a moan himself and pulled back out of him, to slam back into him… releasing another painfully cry from the chef.

"Luffy stop, stop-" he begged him, his nails scraping so hard in the now ripped wooden floor that the flesh underneath the nails tore and started to bleed. But Luffy did not listen to his pleadings and instead quickly set a gruelling pace, thrusting harder and faster into him. Sanji bit hard down in his lip, stopping the screams from coming out, but it hurt so much that he not long time after was biting so hard down, that the flesh tore and the taste of blood slowly filled his mouth. Suddenly Luffy hit that spot again in the same time as his one hand had seek down and squeezed a little on his pulsing manhood, there ripped a loud and long moan from the chef's throat. "Oh God mmmm! This is, this is so ah aah -Aargh!- no, not that fast," Sanji cried as the captain started to pumping his weeping cock as well. "No please, please hnng, st-stoh… stop, please stop it!"

"Mmmm, nooo," Luffy answered him and pressed his thumb down on the dripping head. Sanji's back bucked upwards and his head hammered down on the floor. 'No, no…!'Sanji cried in his thoughts. He shut his eye tight and bite harder down in his lip that teeth almost meet each other through the wounded flesh. 'This, this is… to… too much!'

"I, I can't -nnng aah- take this much lo-long –ah shit! I can't! Nnngh! St-stop!" Splinters dig into his bleeding fingers, lust overflowed his mind, his thoughts, and a pain, that he couldn't describe, ripped, burned his heart to ashes. "Please Luffy, sto ah ah AAARGH!" Luffy slammed hard into him in the same time as he stroke hard down on the blue looking shaft in his hand. Sanji's hand slammed down in the floor, fought to push him away from all of this… but he couldn't, he was trapped in this nightmare.

"Don't. Come mmm ah, S-Sanji!" He ordered the blond man, moaning in pleasure as he slid back into him. Short time after followed another moan from the chef as he hit that spot inside of him once again. Sanji was crying… but he didn't care. He closed his eyes and revealed in the sensation.

"Luffy ah-" that spot again, he kept on restraining himself to come.

"Mmm-"

"Luffy, I ca-can't… nngh! Ah ah, I'm going to come-"

"Don't-"

"I-I can't!"

"Nngh, captn's order aah!"

"Oh shit, Luffy nngh -Aargh!" Sanji couldn't hold it any longer and came all over Luffy's chest and hand, and out on his own chest. The relieving sensation shut down his mind, and before he got a black out he could feel Luffy stop straight away, apparently surprised by all that white cum there suddenly came on him.

As Sanji woke up again he was met by the erotic sight of Luffy who was licking the white cum of his own fingers. Sanji groaned as he laid his head down on the floor. His head hurt, his ass hurt, his fucking manhood felt like it was dead and his heart felt like that there only was a ghostly shape of it left… his eyes hurt from crying, his throat hurt from screaming and his lip hurt from the constantly biting in it, duo to that there now was a little hole through it. Chopper would hate him for this. Everyone would no longer look at him as they did before. He felt dirty. And he was sure about that the green headed swordsman before long would come and kill him, as soon as he heard about all of this.

Faggot!

Faggot-whore!

Dirty shit!

He looked up at the young captain once again, who now was looking back down at him; his eyes were still cold and empty. Sanji breathed in small sharp gasps, he couldn't move a muscle and his whole body hurt like hell… like millions of small needles were swimming around inside of him, piercing through every little cell. Luffy had stopped in what he was doing and suddenly stuck his two fingers into the chef's warm mouth, taking by surprise the chef released a moan. The taste of himself was weird, but not bad. He looked with a hazed visible eye quizzically up at him, but the captain's face was motionless. "Suck!" he ordered him, and before he could think more about it, he did what he was told. Luffy moaned in pleasure and then suddenly pressed his two forefingers down on the chef's wet tongue; the other fingers grabbed under his head and pulled him up that way. He pulled his fingers out and replaced them with his hungry mouth. The tongue was exploring every corner of his moth, tasting him, teasing him… but Sanji felt too tired and didn't do anything to stop him from it.

Luffy broke the kiss and moved just far enough away from him that their lips just barely brushed each other. "I thought that I told you, not to come." He said in a low, threatening tone. He forced to make eye contact with him as the chef tried to avoid his eyes. Luffy dig his nails into his chin and finally got an eye contact with him. "You didn't fallow a captain's order, Sanji." A cold shiver ran down at Sanji's spine as his name literally was spat out with disgust. "You are not nice, Sanji… you didn't even let me come." He whined pitifully… only, that it sounded so freaking scary when he said it in that dark drunken tone. It took long time before the blond chef figured out what he had meant about it, but then it was too late. His eyes widened in fear as he found out that Luffy's cock still was inside of him, slowly pulling back out to suddenly jam brutally into him again… a soul ripping scream escaped Sanji's throat and hallowed the whole infirmary.

Scream after scream shredded his throat up, tears ran down his red strained chins with no end, his heart was almost hammering out through his chest, a torturing fire burned inside of him, getting even warmer and more unbarring as the raven haired teen slammed harder and faster into him once again… trying to reach his own climax. The chef's whole back was tensed; his fingers scraped in the shredded floor, splinters were tearing up the flesh, leaving a trail of blood where the fingers had scraped in the wood. 'I-I can't take it! Can't... m-much longer…!'

"Aaargh! No, no, NO! Don't -hnng aah! Don't t-touch it, pl-please! It hurts!" He cried in pain as the captain started to stroke his all too sensitive manhood. His whole body whimpered by the action, he bit in his lip and tasted the metallic taste of blood once again. "No, I can't, I can't take it… Luffy stop, stop it pl-plea ahh please… it's. Too. M-much!" he panted. His vision started to blur, he just barely could make out the few sentence that Luffy said about he was so close as well and that he had to be a little more stronger… stronger? No, impossible. Send him both Enel and Crocodile at the same time, send him a hundred blood lusted pirates, send him the whole Marine, send him Kuma as well, God, send him the maniac Luffy as well, he could handle them all in a fight and get stronger as he fought them… but this… this was too much for him. His whole body and especially his manhood was all too sensitive, and with a horny long-lasting Luffy on top of him, he just knew that he couldn't hold out much longer…his heart felt like that it soon would explode if this wouldn't stop soon.

Sanji whimpered, asked himself constantly why the Gods hated him so much. He was slowly drifting away into unconsciousness, as he suddenly heard a door slam open and someone stamping in with heavy boots.

"Luffy! What the fucking hell you think you're doing?" he heard someone roaring up… it all sounded like that he laid underneat the surface of water as he listened to the muffled sounds. He turned his head a little to look at the 'intruder' and saw something green and dark standing three steps inside of the room.

"Z…Zo-ro…" he whispered and suddenly screamed up in a heart wrenching cry, as Luffy slammed into him once again, as was they still the only people in the room.

Zoro stood there completely in shock and with horror writing clearly in his pale face, as he saw the scene in front of him. His hand was still resting on an invincible doorknob there once had been there. What the hell? Luffy was fucking Sanji, who looked more dead than alive? The chef looked at him with an embarrassing, terrified tearful eye and trails of blood on the floor leaded up to his bleeding hands.

He had heard someone screaming, as he was out to get some fresh air, after finding out that someone had emptied his bottles and taking one of his strongest booze with them, and had hurried back to find out that the heart wrenching screams came from the infirmary. He had thought that someone had sneaked on board and now was trying to murder one of his nakama's. That was what it sounded like… he never in his life would have imagined that it would be… this that was happening, and defiantly not the innocent, cheering Luffy who would do such a… a… thing! His thoughts ran inside his head like a mad hurricane, and before he knew of it, he had stepped towards them and ripped Luffy away from Sanji who moaned in either pleasure or pain, when the raven's cock came out of him. He forced the kid to stand up and as he did, shakily on his legs, he slapped him hard in the face so that he flew across the room and landed into the shelves. Half of the things standing on the shaking shelves fell down and crushed to the ground. Chopper would kill him later for doing that.

Zoro stood there panting and stared at the little, naked frame with dangerous dark eyes. Luffy didn't move from the spot, only his hand was searching up to the arching chin where a red print of the swordsman's five fingers clearly was seen. His eyes moved from him and over to the naked blond, who slowly had crawled away from them and curled up into a tight ball, as far away from them as possible. Red handprints of blood were seen trailing from the spot where he had laid and all the way to the corner where he now had sought hide to. Zoro's eye widened as he now saw the new forming pool of blood forming underneath him, looking closer he found out that the blood came from the chef's ass. Sanji's blue eyes looked tiredly up at the green haired swordsman through tousled sweat-covered hair, whose one dark eye were looking straight back at him, staring right into his soul, searching for something. But he didn't care… he was so ashamed of himself and he felt so dirty that he didn't care about anything anymore, in this very moment.

He had been… and someone else had even seen it, and then it was him of all people.

Zoro was indeed 'examinating' him, listened to his every breathing there was unsteady and wheezing. Sanji's whole body shuddered and he looked anguish. His dark eye soon returned back down to the raven haired captain, who was just sitting there, staring out in the fucking room.

"The hell you think you were doing?" he said with a threatening deep tone. He grabbed the young captain in his one arm and pulled him roughly up so they were facing each other… a cold shiver ran down the swordsman's spine as he saw into those empty, cold eyes. He shook him hard and roared him right into the face. "THE FUCKING HELL YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, HAH?"

"…"

"Fucking answer me, asshole!" still no response… just that fucking, annoying, empty stare. Zoro gritted his teeth and threw him back down on the floor, not aware of that he still was pretty bad wounded. Luffy winced by the pain in his back as he landed hard on the floor, and slowly his mind woke up to a throbbing pain in his right cheek and a yelling Zoro above him. "Do you have any idea of what the fucking hell you were doing? Have you completely lost it, Luffy?" he roared down to him, taking a few steps back and swung his arm in the direction where Sanji was laying… wait… Sanji? "You could have killed him on that way, you knew that?" 'What?'Luffy looked quizzically up at his first-mate. "You could have fucking killed him if you kept on! Sanji is just a fucking virgin and you rushed over him like a maniac, those few seconds I was in here to witness… that, was enough to know!" 'I was… what? Kill…killing San-sanji…?'The ravens eyes suddenly widened in horror as he now came aware of what he just had done… and almost had done as well.

A squeaking sound was heard coming from the chef in the corner, now when Zoro listened closer to it his breathing started to get slower and slower… all too slow to be normal. He turned slowly around to face him, his eye widened in fear as he saw that the chef slowly was drifting away into a dangerous state of sleep… his heart couldn't take it anymore, probably Luffy must have pushed him all too far since that Sanji was falling into such a dangerous state. He walked over to the shaking chef there didn't even make a blink with his eyes, as he kneeled down beside him and put a hand on his cold shoulder.

Sanji's eyes closed slowly together, and only released a wheezing sound as he tried to breathe... he was so tired. "Sanji?" the swordsman asked worried and tried to shake him. 'So tired…'Sanji thought. "Sanji, can you hear me?" 'Mmm, just let me sleep… please…' "Oi, Cook, answer me!" 'Not now, shit-head, just let me sleep… okay?' "Shit!" Zoro took him up in his arm, resting his ear on the blond chef's chest and listened. …dodok, dodok, dodok, dodok, do-dok… do-dok… do…dok… do… dok… do…

Zoro shook him brutally. "Don't you dare to do that! Oi, you hear me, shit-cook? Don't you fucking dare to do that!"

"Z-zoro…" Luffy finally managed to say, slowly waking up to his senses "what, what's wrong with Sanji…?" he never got an answer, neither did he need any because now when he came a bit closer, he could see it himself. His eyes widened in fear, he stumbled and fell back on his ass as he saw the blond laying still in the arm of his first mate, eyes closed, breathing very, very slowly, it almost sounded like that he was fighting for to keep on breathing. Luffy started to tremble, as realisation hit him. "No…no no…. w-what have I done?"

"Shit!" Zoro cursed under his breath and turned abruptly to stare dangerously at the collapsed captain just a few metres away from him. "Get your fucking pants back on and get the hell down and get Chopper up here NOW!"

"…"

"Luffy, you listening?"

"…"

"LUFFY! LISTEN TOO ME!" The raven stared with horror at the drowsing chef, who just barely had opened his eyes again, and who was now staring back at him… empty, hurt, sad and cold. He didn't hear his first mate yelling at him, he heard him, but he couldn't make out the sentence he was saying. Luffy was shaking, more than ever before, his eyes locked with those two visible blue eyes. It hurt to look into them; it ripped his already ripped heart into smaller pieces.'What have I done?' A tear released from one of the eyes and ran down the red strained cheeks.'I'm sorry, Sanji…!' Luffy's eyes stung from not blinking, he didn't dare to blink, to wet his eyes again.

When Zoro never got any response from the young captain, he laid Sanji's shaking body carefully down on the ground again, mumbling something to him about he should be strong and not be such a girl, and hurried out the door, leaving the two of them alone again. He jumped down the staircase, taking three steps at a time and turned fast around to reach the door to the men's bunkroom. He wanted to scream the little doctor's name out loud, he wanted to slam the door open and stamp in to get the little reindeer with him out… but he didn't want to wake all the others up as well… he didn't want to humiliate Sanji and Luffy over for they others. Luffy was scared to death… Sanji was close to be dead.

He opened the door carefully, clenched his teeth as it creaked too much, and stepped almost soundless into the sleeping quarter, searching for the fuzzy doctor in the darkness. It was almost a wonder that no one else had heard anything at all of the screams and the loud noises that he had make when he had thrown around with Luffy and yelled at him… apparently Franky had done a very good job when he had made those walls in the infirmary and in the sleeping quarters so no sounds could get through and disturb anyone when they where sleeping… apparently that was also why he had put up those loud speakers in the rooms, so they always could hear if the watcher could see any enemy-ship in the near. Finally he found the one he was searching for, almost tripping over him as the little reindeer had rolled down from the sofa; looked like he had been studying his medical books as always… in the clear light from the moon he could make out the big bolted text from some of the books:

Psychology –how to treat the broken soul

By Christine Appelmouth, Psychologist & Professor in the mental body

And then there where a larger book saying:

The big encyclopaedia of the whole body

By Doctor Tora Yamasaki

Two other books were flipped open and a lot of notes laid spread all over the table, he could barely catch the words from the notes saying something about, Sanji, heart, stress, lungs and smoking… shit! Did he know? Oh yeah, of course he did, he was the one who caught his attention to the infirmary, the one day he did an exanimation on Sanji… 'oh fuck, Sanji!' That was right; he was almost slumbering into thoughts as he remembered why he even came here in the first place.

He reached down to pad Chopper lightly on the back and whispered to him that he should wake up. Even before he touched him, Chopper jumped up in fear and yelped as he scrambled over to the corner, staring back at him with wide eyes. Zoro hushed at him and glanced nervously around to see if any of the others had woken up at the screams… none, both Usopp and Brook kept on snoring loud. Good.

"I-I-I-I thought that you were a villain there came to k-k-kill me too," the frightened doctor said, still trying to 'glue' himself up at the wall.

Zoro widened his eye. "So, you heard it all?" Chopper hesitated for a moment before he gave a confirming nod.

"I-is S-sanji okay?"

"…"

"Zoro…?"

"No, there are no villains on the ship. But the Ero-cook… I'll tell you it on the way." Zoro bit down in his lip. Chopper could tell on the look at the swordsman's face that something was really wrong. He nodded and hurried up packing his things and fallowed the swordsman. Just as they had closed the door to the men's quarters they heard some kind of a heart wrenching cries… It was Luffy's voice. They both stiffened for a moment before they ran after the sound of the cries… this wasn't good.

Luffy hadn't moved an inch since Zoro had left the room… he didn't dare. His onyx eyes were still locked with those blue eyes, or rather, there where they once had been. Sanji lay on his back now and stared up in the ceiling, gasping for air. It hurt. Everything hurt so much… even breathing. He so badly wanted to just fall asleep, but that moss-head had told him not to. Heh! It was the second time this day that someone had told him to be strong. He came to think about something, something that Chopper once had told him a long time ago about his heart when he did that examination on him, after they had been in Thriller Bark. He had a hell with him when he saw what that Absalom-guy, or whatever that shit-heads name now was, had stabbed him with that knife… it had been so close to his heart. After that day the little fuzzy doctor wanted to make some examinations on him, almost every second day. None of the others knew about it, and at first hand Chopper didn't want to tell him why he had to take a look at him that often. Then they were sepperated, two years later when they met again, Chopper demanded to take an examination-test on all of them. Sanji was called in every week for a test, but without any of the others knowing anything about it.

~flashback~

Chopper moved the stethoscope on the bare skin of the chef's back as he listened carefully. He had a serious expression on his face. "Try to take a deep breath again." The little reindeer told him. Sanji did as he was requested and took a deep breath and breathed slowly out again. Chopper nodded confirming and walked over on the other side of the chef and put the stethoscope to his heart. Sanji hissed when the cold thing touched his bare chest, but was instantly told to be quit. He gave a confirming nod once again and walked over to scrabble something down in one of his notebooks. "You can take your shirt back on again." He told him as he wrote some more notes down.

Sanji reached out for his shirt but hesitated for a moment before he took it on. "Okay, Chopper, mind tell me what's going on?" Chopper stopped at once with writing down as the chef suddenly spoke up, but didn't answer. "You have been taking my blood pressure, glucose, my pulse, my weight… you have listened to my heart and my lungs and done other kind of examinations I can't name, ever since that Thriller Bark-thing, and even now again, a bit over two years later. Mind telling me it now why you are doing all these tests? What happened back then should be over by now, by what I know." he asked calmly. The little doctor sighed deeply as he dropped his head and clutched his pen harder between his hove.

Several minutes past before the little doctor gave a confirming nod and turned around to face him. His hard expression startled Sanji to no end… it was really rare that Chopper looked this serious, with a slight of sadness in his eyes.

"Sanji," he started slowly and took a deep breath. Sanji only looked confused at him… why was he getting this serious all of a sudden? "You are too stressed and you smoke all too much!" He was about to interrupt him but got cut off as the little reindeer lifted his hove towards him. "This is really serious, Sanji. You are destroying yourself like this!"

"What?" the chef said stunned. "W-wait, Chopper… w-what do you mean about that? Of course I get a little stressed sometimes but that's-"

"This is not a little, Sanji, this is too much!" Chopper said angrily… whenever the little reindeer got into his doctor mode, he could sometimes become pretty scary. "You are stressing yourself up because you want to do everything perfect at your dinners, because you want to do everything good… I also think that we are a part of that rood to your stress. And then the fights-"

"Fights are stress-relieving," interrupted the blond firmly, but Chopper continued as hadn't he said anything at all.

"…and when you get stressed, you smoke even more!"

"Well, that's to calm my nerves down wi-"

"Well, that is what there is killing you too, Sanji!" Sanji shut his mouth at once and looked shocked at the little reindeer in front of him. A tear threatened to release from those big, hazel brown eyes. Chopper's lips quivered as he bit hard down in them, stopping himself from crying out loud. "Ten at day, then I wouldn't had said anything, but five packs! That is too much… when you have finished one cigarette you lit a new one at once… and sometimes when you are alone you even smoke two at the same time!" The chef dropped his head and sighed deeply as he ran his fingers through his blond hair. He was ashamed of that what he had done had worried their little doctor this much… but killing himself? That sounded a bit too drastic for him. "If you carry on, doing this what you are doing now, the cigarettes soon wont be enough to calm down your 'nerves', your body will get used to the nicotine and then… then you will need something stronger… and then, and then…"

"No, this is ridicules! Chopper, I would never go that far, you know that, right?" Sanji rose up from his chair and went over to kneel in front of the little sobbing doctor and grabbed his small shoulders in his hands. "You know that I would never do such a thing, right Chopper?"

"…"

"Chopper?"

"When the body want something its really hard to convince it to not doing it," he mumbled down to the floor, sniffling sometimes before he looked up at the worried chef with teary eyes and spoke to him again with a quivering voice. "I-I-I'm just so worried about you S-Sanji *sniff* I don't want you to end up like that. *sniff* I-I-I don't like to s-see you suffering like t-this. I-I d-don't want you to di-die!" Chopper couldn't bare it any longer and cried out loud, sniffling, sobbing.

Sanji's hands started to tremble a little and grabbed harder around those small shoulders, he dropped his head and sighed deeply… his golden bangs now covering both of his eyes. Chopper's wailing echoed through his head and mind. His heart started to pump faster. This couldn't be true, but then again, Chopper would never lie to him like this just to make him stop smoking. So… he was practically dying? And it all was his own fault… shit! He never thought of it like that. Sure he had started to smoke a lot more, and yeah, he had sometimes been smoking on two cigarettes at the same time… yesterday he just started to try smoke three at the same time… fuck-head! What the hell was he thinking? That he could solve his own problems and calm his nerves by himself? What the hell did they else have a doctor on board for? Oh yeah, now he remembered… that was all because of that shitty overconfident of his… don't wanted to be taking for being weak, a pansy. Well, the thing was just that, that he was weak! A weak little shit-head…!A fucking pansy! Even Usopp was braver than him when it was about to tell about his feelings, angst and weakness… he could confess his weakness to anyone without thinking on loosing his proud of being a man. Yeah, even that you couldn't see it on him, Usopp was braver than the most of them… that was for sure. The idiot just needed to find it out himself.

"Please, Sanji," Sanji looked up to meet those big hazel brown eyes once again. "Please tell me what's wrong… please let me help you…" the fuzzy reindeer begged him. He sighed and turned his head to face the wall instead, ending up looking at the little doctors desk instead… it looked like a completely mess with all those notes and books laying all around on it.

"Tell me, Chopper," he started slowly, after his friend had calmed down a little. Chopper looked at him, knowing what would come now. "If I continue with this that I'm doing… how long… I mean, how old can…"

"If you go on like this," a cold shiver ran down at Sanji's spine as the else so sweet and dearest reindeer talked to him in a hard tone, or rather, he tried to keep it hard, but tears were threatening to appear in his eyes again "and everything goes as I have told you… then you will only…"

Sanji's eye widened in fear as Chopper spoke out those words. This couldn't be true!

~end of flashback~

Sanji woke up to that someone was rummaging around with him…wait, since when did he fall asleep? He opened his eyes to find Luffy looking down at him, mumbling something that he couldn't make out what was… apparently the captain hadn't seen that he had woken up just yet. He closed his eyes once again, taking a deep breath. He tried to move his body but immediately found out that that was a really stupid idea; a pain shot its way from his ass and all the way up along his spine. A scream was threatening to escape from his throat, but he swallowed his pain… he didn't want the raven to find out that he was awake. He was somehow scared, but he didn't remember why and he didn't remember why his ass hurt that much either.

The heck had happened? He took a deep breath once again, feeling that something was odd when he did so… it was like when he tried to breath in some air, he got an extra amount air down in his lungs… and then there was that weird feeling like something was covering a part of his lower face… like a mask. Wait, was it a gasmask? He took another breath. A gasmask there gave him extra amount of air… was it an oxygen-machine that it was connected to? Chopper had been talking a lot about that thing lately since they had left Sunderlay Island, a really high technologic place with buildings as high as mountains… well, almost that big, but some of them had tops there literally was disappeared above the clouds!

Suddenly realisation hit him hard; pain in the ass, scared like hell for a certain raven haired captain, his heart hurt, his soul hurt, bandaged hands and dried tears around his eyes… he remembered it now, all too clearly. No, that couldn't be true. This could fucking hell not be true…! Had Luffy really, Luffy, really just… 'Oh my God!' Sanji thought and banged his head down in the pillow –damn soft for laying right there. 'That can just fucking not be true! Luffy have… me … Oh, FUCK!'Luffy, the Luffy, had just… raped him?'Shit!' He wanted to get away… far away from everything right now… but he was still so tired, everything hurt in his body and his head still hurt like had an elephant ran over him twice!

Sleep overtook him once again… and it was more than welcome. He had almost fallen asleep again when someone was rummaging with him again and he felt something on his one side. First it felt icy cold and he wanted to jump out of the bed right away… then it got warmer and he just wanted to cuddle closer into that warm feeling. The smell of forest and alcohol swirled around his nose and somehow made him drowsing again. He wanted to move closer into that comfortable feeling, but something was like holding him back. He opened his eye once again and looked down to see what there was giving him both this comfortable and uncomfortable feelings. His eyes widened in fear as they saw the young captain trying to cuddle closer into his body, and was about to push him away, but hesitated for a moment and looked closer at him: he was trembling all over the body, his face looked pale and full with worries and then his lips moved as it was forming words without any sound. What was he saying? Sanji tried to move his own lips after his; trying to find out what kind of words he formed. 'I-I l-lo-' lo what? Love meat? Oh, wants meat! Was he even thinking on food in such a moment? He wouldn't be surprised if he did. He looked closer… no, that forming of his lips didn't say 'want' or 'meat' but… 'I, l-love you… Sanji…' Sanji's eyes widened. No, he must have been mistaken, that couldn't be the sentence that the young captain kept on mumbling again and again… could it?

The sleeping Luffy moved his hand up on the chef's bare chest and grabbed in a shirt there wasn't there. "M'sorry… Sanji…" he mumbled, now loud enough for the blond to hear. A tear escaped from his eye and rolled down at his red strained chin and down to his nose where it stopped. "…so sorry… m'sorry… Sanji… I… I love you… love you… love…"

Sanji's eyes closed, sighing in relief he laid an arm around the little shaking frame next to him. Luffy could be such a kid, almost like a little brother in times, yes, a brother, a really close friend. His meaning of the word 'love' was meant for every person that he knew of; some he liked; those on this ship he loved, that was just how Luffy was. Yes, a friend, nothing more than that. Sanji rubbed Luffy's arm up and down, as he did this, pictures from earlier invaded his mind like an explosion of a bomb. He stopped his movements and got swallowed by those many thoughts.

"Luffy, let go of my hand… it hurts!"

"It hurts…" Luffy repeated in a flat tone.

Sanji removed his hand from the sleeping form and stared down at him once again.

Sanji clenched his teeth and moved his free hand to plant a punch right in the middle ofrrrrrrw his face, but before he ever got it halfway, the younger teen grabbed his fist and slammed it back into the wall. "Let the hell go of me!"

"Why should I…? You never wanted to listen to me…" Luffy said coldly and tilted his head over to the other side. "You didn't care about how I was feeling, did you?"

"Stop this, God damn it!" Sanji yelled up and let out a scream of pain, as the teen bit down in his left nipple. He struggled to get his arms free from his grasp, but without any luck. "I don't want this!"

Luffy started to shake even more than before… like he was having a really bad dream right now. Sanji felt his heart starting to pump even faster than before as the memories from earlier kept on attacking him… a weird bibbing sound started to get louder and faster as well.

"Please, stop nngh ah stop this. N-now! Stop it I said!" He yanked his knee upwards and planted it with full force right in the middle of the teen's chest. Luffy was taking by surprise as all the air in his lungs was 'kicked' out, but managed to keep his hands around the chef's wrists and dig his nails further down in the flesh so it tore. Sanji let out a scream and stretched his body upwards. "Fucking let go of me, shit-head!" he yelled in his head. "Don't fucking think that you can do whatever you please to do!"

"I am the captain, and I can do and have what ever I want!" Luffy roared up in a dark threatening tone.

"NO FUCKING HELL!" Luffy leaned down and suddenly claimed his mouth, drowning his scream. Taking advantage of Sanji's stunned and shocked expression he slipped his tongue in between his lips and wages a war with his tongue, there constantly fought to push him back out. Sanji planted his feet hard down in the ground and kept on struggling, but it was useless.

He could see it all for him, like he was a third person standing on the sideline and watching it all; he could see himself being pinned down to the ground by Luffy, who was sitting on top of him and was…kissing him, exploring his mouth. He started to remember how that tongue had felt around his shaft, teasing him, torturing him, wanted him… loved him, on its own sick way. He shook his head and grabbed his bangs in his hand as he lay back on his back. It had been a nightmare, a long fucking nightmare. The sounds, the pictures, the pure memories tortured him, as was he reliving it all over again.

"No, stop this…" Sanji begged to no one in particular and shut his eyes close… but that was a bad idea since it only made it seem much clearer than before, as the pictures of Luffy driving in and out of him, molesting him, raping not only his body, but also his mind. It was horrible. "Stop this…" he shook his head, trying to shake those stupid thoughts out of his head. Luffy's voice echoed in his mind, back then when he leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"I would gladly be your first one, Sanji, the one who takes your virginity from you…!"

"I don't want to be reminded…!" he said out through clenched teeth. His heart started to pump even faster, the bibbing sound getting faster as well… his heart felt like it soon would burst out through his chest.

Sanji's nail was digging down into the wooden floor as the young captain pulled back out and slammed brutally back into him, but this time hitting some kind a spot inside of him there turned the blonds' vision white, made his body to whimper and release an very unwelcome pleasure ably moan from his throat. His hips thrust upwards to meet Luffy's, but Luffy held him back to make the move himself, and groaned in a very gratifying way, as the whole of him went into the blonds' ass, so deep that his balls were resting on his ass. The raven haired teen whimpered by this and released a moan himself and pulled back out of him, to slam back into him… releasing another painfully cry from the chef.

"Stop this, God dammed!" he now said a bit louder… Luffy made an unpleasant moan at the loud sound, but didn't wake up.

Sanji grabbed his hair with his other hand and jerked his head hard down in the pillow, as the pictures, the memories kept on playing on in his head. the feelings, fuck, he would even say that he could feel the others hands on his again, the torturing jerks on his manhood, the constant thrusts in his burning ass. Cold tears were running down his chin. He bite harder down in his lips, tore the thin skin there had healed the earlier wound… the taste of blood started to fill his mouth once again. "Stop this now… please…it hurts!"

"Aaargh! No, no, NO! Don't hnng aah! Don't t-touch it, pl-please! It hurts!"

"It hurts…" Luffy repeated in a flat tone.

He suddenly heard Luffy's voice in his head again. He hesitated a moment and looked down at the sleeping form next to him from the corner of his right eye… his heart galloping like a mad.

"It hurts… to get your heart shredded into pieces…"

The voice said again. He started to take shaking breaths.

Sanji looked surprised up at him. "It hurts to be pushed away… to be… alone…!"

There was a momentarily silence as he heard the two last sentences repeating themselves again and again inside of his head. The raven next to him was in the same time twisting in his dream and moaned in displeasure, as he constantly mumbled the words 'no' and 'I don't want to' and then 'please stop this!'. Sanji didn't know what to think; should he feel pity for him or should he just not care a shit about that bastard there had coursed him those nightmares? Even that he wanted to be mad at him, somehow he couldn't be that. Somehow there was a feeling deep inside of him there felt pity for him, felt sorry for him… a feeling deep inside of him told him that it all had been his own fault anyway.

He sighed deeply and scratched his head in frustration as the young teen's complaining and silent begging's started to get louder and more heart wrenching to listen to. Sanji looked down at him once again and slowly reached his shaking hand towards him. "Luffy…" he mumbled and placed his hand lightly on his shoulder, there tensed by the touch. Luffy's eyes flew open and the teen suddenly pushed himself away from him and landed hard down on the floor with a yelp. The raven scrambled away from him, over to a corner, as far away from him as possible, and looked scared back at him, like a haunted rabbit with a gun pointed to its head. "Luffy…?" the blond said with a cracked voice and made a move to move closer to him… bad idea. The pain shot its way up from his ass and all the way along his spine. Sanji fell immediately back down into the bed with a painful scream, his back pressed upwards as he wrenched in pain.

Luffy looked shocked at him. His heart was racing as he saw the chef twisting in pain. 'That is my fault that he's suffering that way.' He said to himself. 'And now he soon will come and…'

"Luffy, you alright?" asked the blond through clenched teeth, trying to still the pain and his unwilling vocals. He didn't want the raven to know how much in pain he actually was… unfortunately his eyes couldn't lie, tears escaped from them and ran down at his cheeks. Luffy kept staring at him, but didn't answer. "Luffy -hng! S'okay, s'nothing. Handled things there were much worse than this." He chuckled, he forced himself to chuckle, and gave him a pained smile.

But Luffy shook his head and 'glued' himself even more against the wall behind him, pulling his legs up to his chest… arms wrapped around them.

'Oh fucking hell! This can't be true!'Sanji thought and squished his eyes shut, biting down on his abused lip. 'Shit it hurts! I can't move without it feels like I got a stick stabbed up in my ass… a thick stick!'He took a deep breath of air and forced himself to sit up. He bowed his head and grabbed his hair. 'Shit shit shit shit!'He cursed over and over again. 'Okay, a stick from my ass and all the way up to my head, fuck it hurts!'

Sanji removed the mask from his face and ripped all the tubes off that were attached to his chest and the… thing on his wrist that he didn't remember right in the moment what it was called –fuck if he even cared about that. When the last tube was removed, a long howling tone filled the infirmary. He didn't care about it and neither did he care about the warning senses inside of him, as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

Luffy's eyes widened as he saw this and buried his head down in his knees, protecting his head with his hands as well. 'Now he's going to do it. I know he will…' The raven kept on telling himself.

'I told you that it would happen, didn't I?' Said that annoying voice in his head again and started to chuckle a little.

'Stop it, it's not funny! I didn't want this to happen!'

'You should have been thinking about that sometime earlier… don't you think?'Luffy squeezed his eyes tight together, forcing the tears to stay back. Sanji slid down from the bed… he could hear that. His steps were slow, unsteady and awkward, not as sliding and easy as it normally was, as they came closer, and closer towards him. The young captain's body started to shake like a mad, the nearer those steps came towards him. His breathing became shaking, cold tears ran down his cheeks more than before, and his lips started to bleed as he had been sitting there, biting hard down in them.

'He's going to do it. Everything is going to happen now!'

The stupid voice in his head started to laugh coldly. 'Told you so that your 'dream' would become true.'

'What have I done?' Luffy cried in his mind, starting to hate himself even more than ever before. 'What have I done…?'

'You almost killed your cook!'

'No!'

'He told you so!'

'But… I-I…'

'Don't remember what your own first-made told you? Back then?' Luffy took in a shaking breath of air, as he mentally nodded.

Last night, Sanji suddenly had stopped with breathing. He had just laid there, closed his ocean blue eyes slowly and then took one final deep breath before he became all still. Luffy didn't know what to do back then, his chef, Sanji, was suddenly… dead! He had scrambled over to him, shook him nervously, called his name in hope for that he was mistaking things, but he never got any answers back. He had pulled the blond up into his arms, hugged him, lolled him, whispered into his ear that he should wake up again. Pleaded him to not leave him here alone… told him that he… loved him and that he was sorry. But the chef never opened his eyes… he never took in another breath of air and patted him on the head, telling him that everything was alright and that he shouldn't be worried. Luffy had hugged him tighter into his embrace, buried his nose into his hair, breathed in his smell. 'No, no no no no…! What have I done? No Sanji, No!'He had taken a big breath of air before he had lifted his head up from the quit form of his chef and cried out his name… sorrow and angst desperately clung too it.

"SANJIIIII!"

Then suddenly the door had burst open, letting in his swordsman and his doctor. They stopped for a moment and paled… staring at the two naked forms in front of them. He had cried, steams of tears, he had held tighter around his chef's body and stared back at them… they had now known what he had just done to him… he had killed his own chef… his friend… the man he had started to love on another way than he loved the others. Zoro was the first one to move, he pushed him away, ripped him away from Sanji. He had said something, he didn't remember what, and the swordsman had answered him back… what ever it now had been. Chopper had then woked up, jumped over to Sanji's side, looked at him, did an examination on him and then had started to cry out loud, streams of tears there never could end. Zoro's shoulders had sunk; he sighed and tried to calm the little reindeer, telling him something that only the two of them could hear.

Luffy had crawled back to his corner, staring at them through tearful eyes… cursed himself for what he had done… the sober part of him had come back up to the surface from the moment his first-mate had slapped him, yelled at him and thrown him away… again. He had pulled his legs up to his chest, buried his face down in his knees… cried until there were no more tears. Things happened around him, Chopper had taken a hold on himself, gotten back into his doctor-mode, yelled at Zoro to do this and that… Luffy had heard them, but he couldn't make out what they had said. When he forced himself to look up, Sanji had a black thing covered over his mouth and nose, because of his tears he couldn't see clearly what it was. Chopper was 'pushing' his hove down onto his bare chest, in the same time he was counting… he thought. As he stopped, Zoro squeezed the black thing a couple of times before Chopper started to do the same thing over and over again. He had lost the counts on how many times they had done this, trying to bring Sanji back to life… but he knew that it was useless.

Suddenly he heard gasping and gagging… something there didn't come from the two of them. Luffy's eyes had widened in disbelieve as the two of them moved away from his sight and he now could see that his chef's chest had started to risen and falling slowly again. Zoro grabbed around Sanji's naked body and held him up in a bridal style, close into his own chest as it meant life or death, and cared him over to the bed… the same way that Sanji had done to him just a bit earlier. Luffy's heart had literally stopped beating, as he saw that his chef was back to life. The rest what the two of them had done to Sanji, he didn't remember, nor did he remember when he had gotten his shorts back on, a cover around his body or when Zoro had sat down next to him… staring at the sleeping form of their chef, never looking down at him.

"The oxygen machine will help him breathe," his first-mate had told him, Luffy somehow listened to him, but in the given moment he didn't really listen … his eyes and thoughts where fixed at the rise and fall of his chef's chest, wondering when it would stop again… hoping that it would never do. But Zoro had told him that the machine that he now was connected to, was helping him to breathe… it was Sanji's only hope to life…! "Chopper found this thing on the last island and told big about it. Gladly he got it…" Zoro had sighed in the end.

Luffy didn't look up, he kept on staring at the body in front of him, tears never ended escaping his eyes and falling down his cheeks. "Luffy," He could feel his first-mates dark and worried eye resting on him… he could sense the sadness and worries in it, though his voice were steady. "Did you know that Sanji had a weak heart?"

He had frozen on the spot at first, then dared to look up into Zoro's eyes; the one with a long thin scar ripped over it, and sadly enough forever would be close –he still didn't know what had happened to it, and Zoro still didn't want to talk about it, like he didn't want to talk about the big scar he had gotten on his chest… back then-, the other looked back at him… showing those emotions that he had sensed before. His lips started to shiver… Zoro didn't move a muscle… patiently he was waiting on his response. "W-what…?"

Luffy hugged his legs closer into his chest and bite hard down in his lips, tasting the metallic taste of blood, as he thought about it all again and again… what he had done, what had happened to Sanji and what Zoro had told him back then. Now he just waited for him to come… now he just waited on to acquire those beatings that he knew soon would come. 'I'm sorry, Sanji… but don't forgive me!' His nightmare would become true…!

To be continued

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AN: Aaaannd… End of chapter four! Finally done (phew) well, but I hope that you like it… ^^ think on this as a DOUBLE-CHAPTER I must say that I finished this one faster than the last one. So… it ended up to be a Yaoi-story and not a Friendship-story? Well… somehow… what will it even end up like? Honestly, I don't even know that yet; there's yaoi in it BUT… let's just see what's going to happen, ne? ^c^ But, hey… you know what? I just took a look on my story traffic, and after what I can count, there have been: 687 Visitors and… believe it or not: 1118 Hits! Since 30th July 2008! Cool, ne?^^

And then once again a biiig thanks to my very, very good friend Mei-chan also known as Silvey115 for Beta-reading this chapter as well.

Luffy: Yeah! Mei-Mei! Thankiii! (Huge smile) oh, and do you have any meat with you?

Sanji: Luffy, NO!

Luffy: Aww… Mei-Mei…? (Big puppy eyes)

Silvey115: Uh...-eyes Zoro for help who turns away- whatever...sorry Luffy but I don't have any! XD But anyways I hope everyone enjoyed it! (I didn't do much really) again don't forget to say happy birthday to our dearest crystalbluefox-chan! If you do I'll give you virtual cookies! If you don't I'll give you a...a...oh look she just called me... laterz guys!

Me: Ah, you don't have to…

Zoro: Whahahaha! You just as red as a tomato right now! Ha ha ha!

Me: (mumble) shut it Zoro… (mumble)… So… take care until next time^o^ and Luffy? Here cake from my grandpa ^^

Luffy: Yeah! Thanks grandpa! (Starts eating the cake) Fheee aaaahh ghaaaais! (Seee yaaaa guuuuys!)

Sanji: (curses over Luffy's behaviour of how he eats his food) and all you beautiful flowers out there, remember that there are a poll-voting on Pernille-chan's profile-page.^o^