AN: Just a quick heads-up, there's gonna be some sexy stuff in this chapter. Sexy sexy sexy stuff. Oooh. So sexy. I've upgraded the fic to an M accordingly.
So if you're not down with that, you should bail out now, and just imagine it yourself.
I know you do, don't lie to me.
"There's nothing you and I won't do,
I'll stop the world and melt with you."
- Modern English
The first time I kissed Asuka Langley Sohryu, it was disastrous, and it ruined my confidence with women for the next three or so years.
The second time I kissed her, it was pouring and neither of us had brought umbrellas to class.
"Gott verdammt!" the redhead next to me yells, soaking wet from head to foot. My girlfriend.
Huh. That still feels new.
Right now, however, she's my angry girlfriend. "The one time we didn't bring umbrellas! I told you to pack it, but noooo!" She places her hand over her chest and cocks a hip to the side. "Look, I'm Shinji, and I have faith in the damn weather forecast!"
She kicks the small water puddle on the ground, splashing both of our shins. Not that either of us could get any wetter. I shake my head and sigh.
"I don't even think they use this bus stop anymore. We're probably stuck here until this rain lets up."
Asuka lets out a guffaw to my left, fishing around in her bag for her cigarettes.
"Yeah, well it sure ain't my fault, ace. '30% chance' my ass. I could have told you it was going to rain when we left this morning. I did tell you, in point of fact. Dunno if I mentioned that." Bringing her hand out, the stares ruefully at the carton, dyed a deep tobacco color by the water. "Oh come on!"
I watched the Marlboros sail out into the rainy abyss with a dark sort of satisfaction.
Next to me, Asuka crosses her arms over her chest, falling back against the wall. "Great. Just great…"
I turn my head away, so she doesn't see the smile spreading across my face. It'll only piss her off more.
I would never tell her, but the more time has gone on, the more I've realized that Asuka is spectacularly beautiful when angry. Not deeply angry, per se, but fired up for sure. That's when her eyes spark at their most fiercely intelligent. Her brow creases down and it frames everything just… angelically. I don't know, I've never understood it. The older I get, the more I'm attracted to stronger women. It's something to do with parent issues, I'm sure. I've sure got a lot of those kicking around after all these years.
I pat her on the shoulder, and give it a little squeeze. "It's been raining for a while now, I'm sure this will all blow over soon."
"Yeah…" she mumbles, but she doesn't sound convinced. My hand lingers on her shoulder, and I feel it start to tremble a little.
I cock an eyebrow at her. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just… you know," she shrugs, her shoulders shaking, "colder than I thought it would be."
"You know,I told you to bring your jacket this morning."
"Oh, shut up," Asuka taps my foot with hers, and falls silent.
The sound of rain on the tin roof over us gives me the impression that we're the only two people in the world. The stop is at a bend in the road, on a hill, with green branches framing the road, now several shades darker than their usual hue. A car passes slowly on the opposite us, and then there's only us and the water hitting the shelter over our heads.
With a soft shuffle, I feel the gentle weight of Asuka leaning against me, and I wrap an arm firmly around her shoulder, tugging her to my side.
It's been more of this lately for us. Ever since the night we began, it's been… tentative. Warm, but I think we're both still a little confused who we are around each other now. She was certainly right about dating changing things; I measure my words a little more now. I'm still unsure how forward I can be.
But that being said, any awkwardness has been outweighed by the perks. We've been holding hands a lot, though I think on some level she's still kind of shy about people seeing us hold hands. Except for Hitomi. She always makes sure to grab my hand when that poor girl is in eyeshot. Cuddling has gone up, and I've enjoyed that quite a bit. We were on the couch the other night, and she actually fell asleep on my chest. It was nice, it was just… us. The way I thought it would be, all along. Comfortable.
Asuka places her head against me and sighs.
"I'm not really angry," she mutters, "you know that, right? I'm just annoyed."
"Yeah, I know," I chuckle, "we may have just started dating, but I've known you quite a while. I can tell the difference."
She nudges her finger into my side, playfully, and then settles against me. She's trying to get warm, I assume.
"What are you thinking about?" she asks, which is also 'a thing' now, I guess. Ever since that night, Asuka seems increasingly earnest about knowing what's happening in my head at any given moment. Haven't figured out what that's all about yet, because sometimes the answer has been… well, not much at all. I'd been thinking about classes, or what to make for dinner that night. Domestic stuff. Uninteresting, largely, but she always listens, which is also different.
"Nothing really. The rain, and all that." I look down at her, "You know, actually, I was sort of wondering… "
And I trail off, because I hadn't realized until this moment how truly close her face was to mine. I can feel the warmth of her breath on my skin, blazing hot when contrasted with the dampness of our clothing. I see the slight pattern of freckles across her nose, which I always forget are there. I think she's embarrassed by them, perceiving them as somehow childish, but I've always thought they accentuated everything very nicely. And that blue, of course. The blue I could just fall into forever.
Her eyes, however, betray turmoil underneath. Even if there's nothing going on in my head, it seems that at any given moment Asuka is thinking about entirely too much. Her eyes dart back and forth nervously to mine, trying to read my expression, asking for… permission? She's worried. Something's worrying her.
Why is she worried?
Why would I worry her? What could she possibly -?
And then, before my mind can dissuade me from doing so, I lean down and press my lips against hers. A soft gasp escapes her lips before we connect, and there's a second of stillness in her body before I feel her sigh, and melt against me.
She's accepting it. She wanted this, too. It's with surprise I feel her tongue probe at my mouth, but I let it in gladly. That never happened the first time around, and the sensation is nearly overwhelming. I've wanted this for so long, I can't even remember a time when I didn't.
She wraps her arms around my back, and for several minutes, we're completely alone.
And the moment is ours.
And it will be forever.
That was kiss two.
If there were a wall between us, it was fractured with our second first-kiss, but it wasn't broken down completely.
The break came somewhat later.
A month after the fact, I'm settling in bed for the night when light floods the room, and I see Asuka in the doorway.
"Move over," she whispers, laying herself next to me on the bed. It's not exactly one designed for two people, but I think that's also sort of the appeal right now. Cuddling and human touch and all that. She tries to relax, and pulls the sheets so they're mostly over herself.
A long beat of silence, before she shifts again, uncomfortably.
"Come on, Ikari, how much room do you take up, anyway?"
"…I'm actually halfway off of the bed."
She scoffs. "That's because you're not touching me."
Dunno how to respond to that exactly.
"I mean…"
She glances over at me in the dark. "What's the problem?"
"Well," I lick my lips, choosing my words carefully. She had on a maximum of two pieces of clothing – the top one being far too loose and the bottom one being far too tight. It was a dangerous combination, even in reduced light. For my part, I had always slept in just the boxer shorts I adopted at seventeen. So between us we had three things being worn. Not exactly school-appropriate attire. "…you're barely wearing anything, Asuka."
"And what, that disgusts you? Come on…" her voice softens in the dark, "I didn't think that dating would just be holding hands and kissing."
My heart literally just stopped.
"N-not tonight, of course!" She trips over words, trying to backtrack. "But… you know. I'm not, like… offended if you want to… touch things…"
There was dead silence in the room.
Is that an invitation? I can't tell exactly how many things I'm allowed to touch, or in what capacity. Or when, or where, or how. Is Asuka the kind of person that would like me to just take the lead and be assertive or would she find that threatening? For as long as we've cohabitated, we've never spoken openly about sexual likes or dislikes, so I'm literally flying blind.
Of course, that's if she even means 'touch me' touch me. She might just mean embracing, but she's being very obtuse about it if she is.
Regardless, I've been staring at her for the better part of a minute now, and I make sure to shuffle back towards her on the bed. Grabbing my arm, she pulls me into a spooning position, and places the blankets over the both of us. Spooning is literally the only way we're both going to fit on the bed, a bed that I had never considered 'small' until precisely this moment, and it's not at all unpleasant.
I let out a sigh and settle in, making sure to keep my hips just slightly disconnected from her bottom, which I'm all-too-painfully-aware is only separated from me by my boxers, and the very thin garment that she's wearing. Whatever you call it. I'm trying not to think too hard about her body right now.
I shut my eyes and try to concentrate on literally anything else. I have a test tomorrow morning for European History, and I was actually meaning to ask her about it. I've never been very good with that stuff, and I'd bet quite a bit that she knows more about it than-
With a gentle nudge, Asuka pushes her ass into the front of my waist. The monster. I'm literally at the edge of the bed – there's nowhere more I can retreat to.
Literally anything else. Don't think about this. Anything else at all.
Which doesn't work. With absolute helplessness, I feel myself grow stiff against her.
I wince in the dark, holding my breath. She's going to feel it, and she's going to storm out of the room, I'm sure of it. This will be the end – the Asuka rage storm to end them all. I grit my teeth and expect the worst.
But that doesn't happen. It's several moments before I realize that Asuka is holding her breath as well. What is she doing?
Maybe… she's waiting to see what I'll do about it? She's facing away from me, but even if I could see her face, I wouldn't be entirely sure how to proceed, if she wanted it. How can you tell if a girl is horny, anyway? I've never been good at picking up on those signals, but she does have a point: if we're truly dating now, things like this are certainly on the table. Hell, it's half the reason most people get into relationships at all.
She's still here. She still hasn't moved. She's still waiting.
With my heart pounding like a drum in my chest, I gently slide my hand up to the most southward hem of her shirt – it's one of those soft, oversized ones they sell to girls to sleep in. Like Victoria's Secret or something. I wash it every week, but right now there's nothing on my mind except my hand, and its proximity to her naked skin underneath that shirt.
This is the moment of no return. I could ruin everything right here.
Oh, please don't let me ruin everything…
After several seconds of steeling myself, I slide my hand under the shirt, and start inching it up her stomach.
Her skin is molten hot underneath my fingers, and smoother than I'd ever imagined. For the amount of beer she drinks, her stomach is surprisingly taut. I find the gentle dip of her navel and trace a circle around it in wonder, which prompts her to laugh softly. My hand freezes.
"What?" I whisper, terrified.
"It's nothing, it just tickled," she says back, and there's a smile in her voice. She wets her lips. "You can keep going, you know. If you want."
"Are you sure?"
She presses herself slightly more against my boxers. "Positive."
Wow.
Okay, wow.
This is happening. This is literally every high school fantasy I've ever had, and it's happening right here, at this exact moment. I'm not entirely sure how to process it.
My hand continues its journey up her stomach, until I start to feel her skin swell outwards, and this is territory that I'm truly afraid of now. I've seen her breasts once, but they've certainly changed since then, and the memory of that moment remains a poisonous one to me. I don't know if I'm ready to confront that yet.
She gave you permission, though, says the part of my brain that I wish spoke more often.
I… maybe I'm misunderstanding.
Come on, Shinji. If that wasn't a written invitation, then I don't really know what is.
I'm still hesitant. This is a big moment for me.
Asuka shifts somewhat uncomfortably in my arms.
"…Shinji?" she whispers, "We uh… we don't have to go further if you're not… if it makes you uncomfortable. I," she gropes for words, "that really wasn't my intention. We can take things slower, if you want, I just thought that you would-"
Ah, fuck it.
My hand slides down her stomach, past her navel and her waist and down the front of her underwear, eliciting a moan from her that I never thought I'd hear. She arches her back against me, pressing herself even more firmly into my front, causing friction against my already beleaguered penis.
Oh, wow, she's…
She's actually very wet. That was not what I was expecting. I move my fingers around to get a better angle and I feel Asuka squirm, moaning again. It was a little louder this time.
I could… do this to her? The thought of me could? No, that's impossible. There's no way that I could possibly-
Reaching back, she loops her arm around my head and brings my mouth into hers. There's a need in the kiss. A tacit exclamation, imploring me not to stop whatever it is I'm doing down there.
So I don't.
She's only making vowel sounds now. They're not even words and they're the most erotic thing I've ever heard in my life.
As my fingers pick up speed, so does Asuka's writhing against me. She's… she's going to put a quick end to me if she keeps making that noise and moving like that, but I couldn't care less right now. There's nothing in my brain at all except for her.
Asuka Langley Sohryu wants me. She's my girlfriend and she wants me. The very thought is overwhelming, on top of the heat and her tongue in my mouth and the feeling of parts of her I never dreamed I would actually ever encounter. Her hair and her eyes and the sound of her voice when she-
"Oh, god, stop! Shinji, stop for just a second!" she says, pulling away slightly, which is disappointing to say the least. The last thing I want to happen right now is 'stop'.
She removes my hand from her front and pushes me onto my back, climbing on top of me and putting her face near mine. We're both out of breath from the encounter, and for several moments, I see her studying me. Her eyes are darting again, more silent gears are turning as this brilliant, beautiful woman weighs options in her head. I can't possibly imagine what she's thinking.
After several seconds, she grins devilishly.
"There's no way in hell you're gonna make me cum first. I'd never give you the satisfaction." She presses a finger against my nose, and smiles more gently, and murmurs "Baka-Shinji," before planting soft kiss on my lips.
And then she's kissing her way down my front.
And then she's taking my boxers off.
And her pride remains intact, which I'm only somewhat embarrassed to say takes very little time at all.
Then the floodgates were open, and not just the carnal things, either.
It's funny how when you start to become physically intimate with another person you start to open up in all sorts of ways. It's just little things – you hold each other's gaze more easily, you start to have inside jokes, you just… you know them more, strangely. If you're doing it right, anyway. I hooked up with someone once, near the end of high school, and that didn't have the same effect at all. It just made me feel used and discarded.
I don't know. Some people can make it work, I suppose, but I've never been one of them. Once was enough for me to know I didn't like it.
Being in bed with someone, you realize, is just an extension of being with that person – their personality translates to what they're like to have a sexual encounter with.
For example, Asuka can be very aggressive, but she's also… very caring actually. And strangely talkative. She asks if she's going too far, she asks if you like things, she backs off quickly if you're not enjoying something, and so on. There's no sense that you're being used for pleasure, only the sense that she's actually interested in you. Me, I suppose. It feels like a gift.
Maybe I'm just pontificating though. We haven't had sex yet, which is a little strange, but I'm more than happy to take things at the pace she wants to.
Besides, I've discovered that I have quite a gift for going down on her, which I've been getting a lot of mileage out of. If we had just jumped right into sex, I don't know if I ever would have felt her hands on the back of my head of heard her voice fill a room like that. It's quite… intoxicating, actually. There are nights I find I relish it more than she does. Well, I enjoy her enjoyment of it, anyway.
I… I feel myself falling in love with her. Really falling, I mean, not just being attracted to, and it's scary, because for the first time I know what she was talking about outside of the bar all those eons ago.
Because this must be the 'honeymoon phase', and the sinking feeling in my stomach is me wondering will happen when the honeymoon is over.
AN: Welcome to Chapter 4, in which things get sexy and hopefully not gratuitously so. Which is to say that if these two started actually dating, this would probably be one of the biggest immediate changes for them, and is worth talking about. I once had someone describe a significant other as "A best friend who you make out with," which is only somewhat true, but on point for here, inasmuch as it's the 'making out' part that designates a difference.
Anyway. There's gonna be more of that and I'll try to keep it to the 'not just a lemon' side of the tracks as much as I can. No promises. I'm an awful person.
In answering last chapter's question - Clockwork Orange is a great choice, though I think Full Metal Jacket might be my absolute fave Kubrick. Either way, I get being floored by the filmmaking prowess on display. Summer Wars is such a terrific film and I'm a little enamored with Natsuki for sure. Also, major ups to Sadamoto for designing these two lovely balls of issues that I've written so much about. And finally, for 'Screaming With Your Mouth Shut', I can only say eeeeEEEEVERYBUDDY GETUP; IT'S TIME TO SLAM NOW. WE GOT A REAL JAM GOIN DOWN. WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM. I think you won, buddy, bc you made me pull up that song on YouTube and it annoyed my roommate quite a bit. Keep on keepin' on, Screaming.
It's a little fast after the last survey to ask something else, but I'm a goddamn crazy person, so I'll just blaze on ahead. These are optional, so.
Survey question: If you were stranded on an island with any fictional character, who would you want to be stranded with? My answer, for the record, is Ellen Ripley, because we all know that she'd be the only possible way I'd get to safety.
Thanks again for being so cool, guys. You're superstars, all of you. Until next time.