A/N: A lot of people have expressed disgust over the whole Draco/Voldie thing. And yeah, it's gross, it was supposed to be. But after seeing that weird hug in the movie, that's what I thought. Plus, it shows how entirely lost Draco became in his role as Death Eater.
A lot of people have also expressed anticipation on how Harry was going to get Draco out of prison. Unfortunately, that's not actually a part of the story I paid much attention to. o.o
More will be explained about Draco's prison experience later but it's sort of glazed over in this chapter. So sorry if I disappoint anyone.
I got tons of reviews in the past two weeks or so and I just want to thank everyone. There are a lot of names and I don't want to list and forget someone but every review was read and loved. Sorry while I'm in school I don't have time to reply to all of them but I really appreciate them.
On to the story!
Chapter 3
The first month or so after the final battle was full of celebration, but Harry didn't feel like he belonged. All of the shouting and confetti and cheers and partying felt so far detached from himself that he spent as little time outdoors as possible. Hogwarts closed down for repairs, the students getting to leave early for summer.
The second month after the war was not nearly as jovial. It was time to rebuild, time to take count of the dead, time to place the guilty in Azkaban, and most important to Harry, time to free the innocent.
Harry argued with Kingsley frequently and petitioned more than once for Draco to be freed. But the man was steadfast in holding to laws that Harry just didn't know enough about to even fight. Outside of his 5th year, he'd never really dealt much with the wizarding legal system. It turned out to be more convoluted than he'd ever thought and even weeks of studying law books brought him no positive results.
The trials were a bit hasty but Harry knew it was because there was a great number of them to be had. Though wizarding trials were never particularly drawn out in the first place.
Astoria was freed first, her trial taking barely more than an hour with Harry's testimony. She'd done very little amongst the ranks of Death Eaters. The thing she did most was help Draco, which in turn was helping Harry. She'd also saved Harry's life in the Dark Forest. When the Dark Lord thought he was dead, he sent someone over to check his heart and see if he was breathing. Astoria had been the one to do it. And even though she'd felt his heart beating strong in his chest, she'd proclaimed him dead. Even after committing such a daring act of rebellion against Voldemort, Astoria was still given 1 year of magical probation.
Harry testified on Draco's behalf as well, telling the Wizengamot about the boy's help throughout the war. Not only had the blond given him hints about where to go next when he and his friends were utterly lost, he'd also tried to protect them when they were taken to Malfoy manor. Surprisingly, Harry wasn't the only Gryffindor to testify for Draco. Both Luna and Ginny did as well. Luna claimed to have seen Draco casting a patronus to save Harry, Ron and Hermione. Ginny said she saw Draco helping and healing some of the wounded and stunned on the battlefield.
In the end, the courts had no choice but to let him go, though he was charged a series of large fines for reparations on behalf of the Malfoy family and given five years of magical probation. It entailed frequent and random checks of his wand and home performed by the ministry, as well as some restrictions on places he could go and things he could purchase. His Gringotts vault would also be monitored and regulated by the Ministry. At the first sign of anything even slightly suspicious, he would be imprisoned until he could get another hearing.
Harry was dissatisfied with Draco's punishment. He felt it should be lessened but there was little he could do about it. No matter what Harry said in Draco's defense, the blond had most certainly done some very illegal things while he was working under Voldemort. There were others with much shorter track records than Draco who were getting time in Azkaban. As it was, before and during the court proceedings, Draco was held in the infamous prison. Harry could do nothing to get him out, as there was no where else to hold the massive amounts of prisoners.
At least Harry felt a bit better knowing there were a lot fewer dementors there now. But still, each time he saw Draco in the court room, the blond looked dirtier and skinnier and more and more sullen.
It wasn't until late August that Harry even got to see Draco outside of court proceedings.
Harry, Ron and Hermione were all shopping in Diagon Alley. Mrs. Weasley had refused to let them go alone. Of course, the world was safer than it had been in years but she was always a mother hen. After a year of not seeing them she was clinging like a sticking charm.
Ron and Hermione still weren't talking to him very much, both of them preferring to instead talk to each other. Harry didn't mind being left out, as he had many heavy thoughts on his mind that he wasn't really up to sharing. Plus, since his two best friends finally started really dating, Harry'd really felt like a third wheel.
They sat down at the re-opened Fortescue's for a snack halfway through the afternoon. Mrs. Weasley decided she'd peek in and check on George at the Weasley Wizard Wheezes leaving the trio alone to their ice cream.
Harry prodded at the treat absently, his mind wandering as he wondered where Draco was and what he was doing. Was he planning on coming back to school too? He'd better be…
"So…" Hermione said, in a tone that was obviously meant to be disarming but bore hints of premeditation, "It's a good thing all the trials are over, isn't it?"
Harry hummed in agreement, noticing the movement of Ron and Hermione's eyes. They'd planned this, he knew.
Ron sighed heavily, apparently not happy with the Hermione's slow method of getting to the point, "We forgive you, alright?"
Hermione reached across the table and grabbed his hand, "You did a terrible thing Harry, but I understand why. We've thought about it and… The war made us all do things we would never have done otherwise. We want to get past this, for all of us."
Harry smiled hesitantly, squeezing Hermione's hand, "I really am sorry. It was selfish of me."
Hermione nodded, "This isn't the time for any of us to be holding grudges."
Harry agreed wholeheartedly and went back to eating his ice cream with a genuine smile.
"Malfoy, huh?" Ron asked bluntly, making Harry stop mid-bite.
He cleared his throat, "Yeah. Don't ask me how it happened, sometimes even I can't figure it out."
Hermione shrugged, "Well he must have some redeeming qualities, not that I've ever seen them."
"He does." Harry assured, "He's dramatic, sarcastic and has one hell of a sensitive ego but—" Harry began to feel a tense longing as he described him, "But… he's actually not so bad."
Ron gave him a weird look and Hermione stared at him dreamily, "Well… when it comes to looks you can certainly pick them."
"What!" Ron choked, his face turning red.
Hermione had the decency to flush a little, "I'm only saying, Ron. Malfoy, well Draco, is certainly not ugly. But of course, he's not my type."
Ron looked only slightly satisfied with that answer and Harry shook his head, ignoring them as they bickered back and forth for a while. He wished he had Draco by his side right now… Where the hell was he? He'd read in the paper that he'd been released and had returned to Malfoy Manor but had heard nothing more from the blond. Maybe Draco was waiting for Harry to contact him first?
Later that same day, as fate would have it, Harry saw Draco in Flourish and Blots. As he was picking up his 7th year Transfigurations book he caught a flash of pale hair and his heart rate sped up, hope inflating him like a balloon. Part of him was prepared for disappointment but his heart thumped hard when he realized it really was Draco. The blond was standing and skimming through a book he'd just picked up. He was still too thin, his usually well-fitted clothes a bit baggier than normal.
"Draco." Harry whispered and the man's head whipped towards him in surprise.
The blond nearly dropped the book he was holding.
Harry took a few steps forward, hesitant, "Are you alright? I haven't heard from you."
Draco swallowed and Harry's eyes followed the bob of his Adam's apple, "I haven't heard from you either." He whispered, "I'm fine. Just… Shopping for school supplies."
Harry breathed a sigh of relief, "So you are coming back."
"Of course." Draco said, "I wouldn't not finish school."
"Good. Great really. Maybe we coul—"
"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley said suddenly, rushing over with a very fake smile on her face, "There you are. If you'll excuse us." She said quickly to Draco, not even looking him in the face, "We've got to hurry to the apothecary now, Harry. Come on."
She was already dragging him away before he could even stutter out his refusal. Draco shrugged and gave him a soft smile before waving goodbye. But Harry was sure he saw a fogginess in his pale eyes and tightness in his expression. Still, it wouldn't do to make a scene. He had enough trouble dodging reporters as it was.
In a way, Harry understood everyone's hesitance to believe him about Draco. But he was also surprised with the lack of support he received. Even if they couldn't trust Draco, they could trust Harry, right?
Harry's greatest trouble over the last few weeks had been the distance between Draco and himself. They were finally safe, the war was over, Draco was free, Harry was free, and yet… They hadn't really made an attempt to get back together. Harry was disappointed. He felt stupid for expecting Draco to run into his arms and kiss him… He knew the Slytherin had never been very romantic or anything…
But you'd think they'd maybe talk at least once about how they felt and what they were going to do now. There were nearly no opportunities for them to, but that didn't stop Harry's foul mood over it.
So now, here he was, sitting on the train to Hogwarts for the very last time, crammed in with as many of his friends that could comfortably fit, and still, he was unhappy. The moods of his friends were not as somber as his own, though Ron and Hermione understood him the best. They shot him a few concerned looks as he scowled out at the countryside, but they didn't bother saying anything.
As much as Harry wanted to go back to Hogwarts, he wasn't entirely looking forward to everything that would go along with it. It was going to be crowded, and he was more famous than ever, making crowds daunting. Most of the students, in fact, would have to stay in their same year instead of moving ahead. Many of them hadn't gotten a chance to learn very much with the Carrows in charge. And plenty others hadn't gone to school at all during the war, their parents refusing to let them. Along with all of the muggle born students who hadn't gotten their letter to attend last year, Hogwarts was going to be filled to its maximum.
"Harry." Ginny said, gently tugging on his arm.
He sighed and turned to look at her. He still cared for her deeply and the few times they'd been able to speak last summer before he, Ron and Hermione had been on the run, she'd been nothing but sweet and supportive. Since she was purportedly in a magical coma, she couldn't attend school last year and had mostly stayed home. No one was saying anything about it, but it seemed like she was… relapsing.
Harry knew he couldn't be the only one to notice her saying odd things, her eyes misting over, her face going slack as she went into trances. He knew he wasn't the only one who was concerned that she could sleep for more than a day and still wake up tired. But the Weasleys were notorious for denial. They weren't commenting on it, so Harry kept his worries to himself as well.
"Yes, Ginny?" He asked.
"Smile." She said softly, offering him a smile of her own.
Harry sighed and gently patted her head tucking her hair behind her ear. He struggled to smile for her, knowing the expression was mangled on his face, but she seemed happy enough that he was even attempting it.
"It'll be alright," She said wrapping her arms around his middle and leaning in close.
"Yeah," Harry replied feeling drained. In those first days after Draco had left with Snape, Ginny had taken care of him so fully, he became nearly dependent on her for his mental stability.
Being with her was like being asleep; he worried less, he ached less… She kept him level, even without saying a word. For the first time in what felt like forever, his mind was quiet. No self pitying comments or angry ranting, just peaceful silence. Ginny had that affect on him. She stopped the chaos of the world for just a few moments and made everything seem as soothing as a lullaby
He closed his eyes and relaxed against her. She smelled sweet, like flowers and he felt one of her hands running through his hair, making him almost dizzy with sleepiness.
For what felt like the first time in eternity, he was relaxed. Deep inside, there was still a little tense part of himself, waiting and terrified of what the future would bring. But for the most part, he was content with letting it come to him as it may.
It felt odd getting off the train in his new school robes. He was sure his friends were experiencing the same feeling. The usually vibrant group was suddenly taciturn, looking at each other and the other students with eyes far too wise for their years. This was the last time Harry would ride this train here. Why didn't he feel more… sad? He wanted to feel this was something monumental, something important. But strangely it felt normal. He accepted it.
He was used to losing things.
He squeezed into a thestral drawn carriage with as many of his friends as he could while the others had to go into another. Ginny, unfortunately, did not end up riding with him.
Hermione reached over and touched his hand, "Harry." She said seriously, "Relax. You look like you're ready to pull your wand on someone."
He smiled softly, "Sorry, 'Mione. It's just… It's odd isn't it? I thought I'd… I don't know; feel more. This is our last year at Hogwarts."
She smiled back, "No, it's the first year of the rest of our lives. No more Voldemort. No more war. You should be happy."
He nodded, "I'm trying."
She patted his hand once more with a soft, "I know you are."
Harry was glad his friends were being so patient with him. He knew it made little sense for him to be so morose but… He just felt so lost. He'd never known a world without having to fight for his life. The only time he hadn't been worried about Voldemort was when he was with the Dursley's and that was not a part of his life he wanted to remember. It was as though now that the war was over, he had nothing left. It was all he'd ever known. He realized now, without something to fight for, the foundation of his life was shaky at best. He'd never learned normalcy. His years before he was eleven were filled with abuse and neglect. His years afterward were filled with fighting for his life and lives of others. Now what did he have?
He was lost and tired and lonely and confused. He was trying to see the positives, really he was! But they just seemed so small in comparison to the heavy weight of his regrets and doubts.
He tried to ignore the awed whispering and bows of some of the other students when he went to sit in the Great Hall. It was the younger years that were the most reverent. They looked at him as though he was a god. Harry didn't look back, trying to discourage the hero worship before it could start in earnest.
He saw Draco. He saw him, sitting beside Astoria, whispering to her and smiling and something in him seemed to clench. He felt a fire of envy that should not be there begin to burn in his chest as he watched with slowly narrowing eyes. Draco glanced up at him once, looking a little shocked before his darkened gray gaze fell to his lap.
He didn't look up again.
Harry stared down at his empty golden plate, hardly paying attention as Professor Sprout led the first year students to be sorted. Headmistress McGonagall now sat in Dumbledore's spot, overseeing only. Only Ron elbowing him got him to clap whenever a first year was sorted into their house.
Like Harry had predicted, Hogwarts was truly filled to its capacity. There were more than double the amount of first years there usually were and nearly all of the tables were cramped. Except for Slytherin. At the end, where the 8th years sat, the green and silver house table seemed almost pathetically empty in comparison to the others. Harry supposed many of the students might be serving some time or maybe… they were dead.
Why was everything so…wrong?
Shouldn't killing Voldemort have fixed everything? Wasn't the world supposed to go back to normal?
When the sorting was finished, the new Headmistress stood and addressed the school. She was both confident and tactful and Harry gave the woman his full attention out of respect. She spoke of healing and moving towards a new future that could only be as bright as they made it. She then informed them, with a flick of her wand, that table arrangements by house were disbanded.
She'd changed the banners that hung over each table, so that only one of the originals remained over each respective table, and the others simply held the Hogwarts insignia. She encouraged unity between the houses and strongly discouraged all unfriendly house rivalries.
With a final warning about not going into the Dark Forest, the feast began. Harry tried to shake off some of his unhappiness, encouraged by McGonagall's powerful words. He even managed to laugh with some of his friends and not get bored with the same questions over his many war stories.
"Yes," Harry said pointedly to Seamus, "We really rode the god damned dragon. Now can you shut up so I can eat in peace?" He finished though there was no spite in his words.
Ron seemed to enjoy retelling the stories, and they continued to get more and more outlandish every time. The last time he'd told of his and Hermione's trip down into the Chamber of Secrets, not only had he been able to speak impeccable parseltongue, the basilisk had come alive once more, twitching and writhing and he'd single handedly slayed it.
Harry was paying attention as best he could to Ron's retelling of their visit to Luna's house, but his eyes wouldn't stop flicking over to Draco. The man and the rest of his fellow 8th years were nearly entirely silent, only whispering among themselves. Harry knew many of them were only here on release due to his petition to Kingsley about letting the student who started the war under age finish out school. Some, like Pansy Parkinson, were technically on house arrest, and therefore couldn't leave the castle. Harry was glad that hadn't happened to Draco.
Still, the more he watched, Draco interact with Astoria, the more jealous he started to feel. He knew he shouldn't. But… She just looked so close to him. The way she touched his arm, the way she leaned in close to whisper to him. And Draco did absolutely nothing to dissuade her. In fact, he had a soft sort of affectionate look on his face whenever he spoke to her.
Through the entire feast, Harry couldn't help but stare. He noticed that Draco actually ate some of his dinner; more than usual anyway. But then, that didn't strike him as odd. What did strike him as odd was when dessert came. Harry's own favorite treacle tart was on the menu tonight and he gladly partook. He was so busy chewing happily on the sweet, that it took him a moment to realize Draco hadn't made a grab for anything.
That worried him more than anything else Draco could've done. How much had the blond changed in a year, not to eat anything for dessert. It was a simple thing, something most wouldn't care about. But it was one of those tiny things that just made up who Draco was. Voldemort could've come back and the Draco that Harry remembered still would've at least taken a bite of something before preparing for a duel. This Draco was so… different. Harry felt like he'd have to learn the man all over again.
The feast ended late, like it usually did. The first years had already been lead out by a few prefects but the remainder of the students dawdled a bit longer.
The dorms at Hogwarts could only hold so many students at once. Many of them would now be mixed between years but all would be undoubtedly full. The 1st years alone could take up two dorm rooms. Because of this, and the fact that more than one 8th year couple had gotten married over the summer, all of the 8th years would be given private rooms.
From what Harry'd heard, only some of the rooms had actually always served that purpose. Hogwarts didn't have enough private rooms for all of them. So many of the prepared rooms were once old class rooms that were refurbished. Harry didn't care at all. He was happy to be able to have his own room. A room that was really his. That no one could lock him in or out of on whim like his uncle and aunt had.
Plus, he didn't want to disturb his dorm mates with his nightmares. They were worse than they'd ever been. Ron had tried to be understanding over the summer but Harry knew his friend was tiring quickly of being woken by screams.
8th years had to go up to McGonagall to get their room assignments. When Harry went up to her, he realized that his name was very near the top of the long list she had. It confused him since his last name began with the letter P.
"4th floor, east wing, portrait of a girl in a yellow dress. The password is… Mugwort." She whispered the last word so lowly, Harry had to lean in close and he hardly heard it.
He nodded though, intending to change the password the first time he could. Something a little more difficult to guess at than 'mugwort'. He'd feel safer if his password was very, very hard to guess.
But then… why did he need to feel extra safe? Voldemort was dead. He was in Hogwarts among friends. Was he really becoming so paranoid?
Harry shrugged off the question, finding it much too deep to contemplate now. Maybe when he was in his new room he would have time for deep thought. He exited the Great hall with his friends not far behind.
"So where's your room, Harry?" Ron asked as he hurried to catch up and fall into stride beside him.
"4th floor." Harry answered simply, "I'll show you all tomorrow I guess. And you can show me yours. Right now, I'm just really tired."
"What?" Ron whined, "But Seamus and I were—"
"We understand, Harry." Hermione cut him off, "We have all year. No need to rush anything."
Ron frowned a little but nodded in resolute understanding. In 6th year, that would've been unheard of. But Ron had matured a lot during the war, and in living alone with Harry and Hermione, came to learn a lot more about them than he'd previously known. Harry smiled in thanks and took off, leaving them to go wherever they would.
But rather than go directly to the 4th floor, he thought he'd look around on the 2nd floor a bit. That's where Draco's room was, he thought. At least, if his lip reading skill could be trusted. He wandered a bit, looking down every hallway for a flash of that pale hair, but he didn't see a thing. He gave up after only minimal effort, figuring he'd just see the boy the next day. Maybe actually arrange to meet him rather than sneak around trying to find him.
As he turned to head to the stairwell his heart caught in his throat when he realized someone was standing behind him. He'd already pulled out his wand and had a hex on the tip of his tongue but it fell away when he saw the amused smirk of Draco Malfoy.
"Fuck. Don't sneak up on me." Harry snapped seriously.
Draco's smirk fell away and Harry was nearly sad. The flat, emotionless expression that replaced it was much worse, "Sorry." Draco said simply.
Harry nodded once before sighing softly, "It's alright. You just startled me, is all."
Silence stretched between them for a few long seconds after that, their eyes trained completely on each other. Each of them coming to terms with the last year and the last few months in particular. Each of them struggling to find themselves and figure out where they stood.
Harry knew that behind those placed gray eyes was a whirlwind of thoughts and questions. He knew because the same was ravaging his mind. What were they supposed to do now? How did they start again? Where could they even start to pick up the pieces? How much had they changed?
Draco smiled a little and took a few hesitant steps forward. More than a little pleasantly surprised that the Slytherin had had the guts to make the first move, Harry smiled in return and stepped closer as well. He swallowed once before carefully pulling Draco into a hug.
It was awkward for the first moment but both of them eased into it quickly, taking up familiar positions. Their bodies seemed to fit against each other like puzzles pieces. Harry nuzzled his face into Draco's neck, closing his eyes as the man's warmth and scent washed over him. Oh how he'd missed this…
"Harry…" Draco muttered softly, the vibrations of his soft, deep voice rumbling through his chest, "We have a lot to talk about."
Harry laughed, "Fuck yeah, we do." He said too giddy to care about his foul language. He was just realizing that Draco Malfoy was in his arms and it was perfect beyond words, "I really don't care right now though. I'm tired and I just… You're here. Merlin, you're here!"
Draco chuckled lightly at that, "Mm, I noticed." He whispered, "And you're alive." He finished with a reverent sort of lilt in his voice.
Harry truly hadn't bothered to think about how terrible it must've been for Draco to have thought he was dead, even if only for a few minutes. He felt awful for it now, unable to imagine what Draco must've gone through in those few moments of terror. He swore silently to himself to never scare the blond that badly again.
"I am." Harry assured, pressing closer in hopes of Draco feeling his heartbeat, "So umm… your room. Where's your room?" he asked.
Draco pulled away slightly and looked at Harry's face, obviously amused. One of his pale eyebrows even arched up causing a bit of heat to flood Harry's cheeks.
"My room?" he asked.
"I… I didn't mean. I mean, it's not like we're going to, you know, do anything. We only just got back but I just. I really just wanted to sort of spend time with you because I don't think I can let you out of my sight again for at least a month or so. Not that I'd like stalk you or anything. Or become super possessive. I know you're independent and everything so if you don't want me to go to your room, that's fine. But I just wanted to because, well, you're you and—"
"Harry." Draco interrupted, "You're rambling."
Harry snorted an embarrassed laugh, "Yeah, sorry."
Draco just shook his head before moving to step past Harry and walk down the corridor. Harry turned and looked after him, confused.
"Well?" Draco said glancing over his shoulder, "You coming?"
Harry grinned and nodded, hurrying to the man's side. Draco's room was pretty out in the open and Harry could tell it was probably one of the ones that used to be a classroom. The door was wooden but etched on it was an owl whose large eyes focused on them immediately.
"Selkie." Draco said to the door simply and the latch clicked and opened, "Have to change that tomorrow…" the blond mumbled to himself as he stepped inside.
The room was small, sort of like a hotel, Harry thought. There was a small sort of sitting area with one couch and a desk and only a partition that blocked it from what was meant to be Draco's bedroom. There was a door in the corner that probably led to a bathroom and a wardrobe squeezed in next to the bed. Draco didn't seem affected by the size of the room and he didn't comment on anything in it. He simply pulled off his robes and threw them onto the couch before reaching up to loosen his tie.
Harry only watched, a smile spreading on his lips at the familiarity of it. This he could deal with. This he remembered.
He came up behind the blond and slid his arms around his waist. He went to whisper in his ear but found he had to lean up on the balls of his feet to do so.
The words of admiration died on his lips and he instead found himself saying, "When the hell did you get so bloody tall?"
Draco chuckled before turning around and pressing a soft kiss to Harry's forehead, "The same time you got so bold?" He said motioning to Harry's arms still around his waist.
Harry pulled back with a smile and took off his own school robes, finding all the layers of fabric between them quite annoying. Now in just his uniform, he embraced Draco again, happy to feel the boy's body more clearly. No words were exchanged and they stood thus for longer than Harry had intended.
Draco let out a small sound that Harry only barely heard, but he most certainly felt the man's arms tightening around him. It sounded almost like a whimper. He wondered what Draco could be thinking about. Deciding it was time to get some of that messy talking business out of the way, Harry pulled back slightly and motioned to the bed.
"Let's sit down." He whispered and Draco nodded absently, allowing himself to be led and obediently sitting down next to Harry.
"I'm sorry." Draco said again, just as suddenly as he'd said it the last time.
Harry nodded seriously some of his happiness draining as he remembered all of the things Draco had done.
"I know you are." He said honestly, "I've… seen some of Snape's memories and I know that Dumbledore would've… would've died anyway. That it was necessary for you to… do what you did. But why didn't you just tell me?"
Draco sighed, "I suppose I was ashamed. It didn't help that I completely avoided even thinking about what my father had done to make sure I was loyal. I broke down whenever I did because I was so sure I would die… I wasn't going to take the mark. I was too scared. I didn't talk about it at first because it seemed too personal and then later because… It was so much easier to hide it. And I was scared that… if you knew there was no hope for me you'd…"
Harry shook his head, "You should've known better." He scolded, "You should've known I would've still loved you."
"There was so much going on already. I was too scared to risk it. Part of me just hoped to spend as much time with you as possible before you'd hate me."
Harry took Draco's hand, cradling it in both of his and finding comfort in the touch.
"I couldn't hate you. Especially not now. You've done so much for me, risked your life.
And really your messages were amazingly helpful as soon as I figured out what the hell they meant." He joked slightly and Draco's lips curled the tiniest bit.
"Honestly," Harry continued with a shake of his head, " 'Follow your mate.' I thought you were talking about Ron and I stupidly went stumbling through the forest a few times after him."
Draco cocked his head slightly in question, "Weasley?" He asked, "Why'd you have to follow him. Wouldn't he have been with you?"
Harry coughed once and reached up to rub the back of his neck, "Well… it's a long story. But he sort of went AWOL for a little bit."
Much to Harry's surprise, Draco didn't spit any insults about 'disloyal weasels' or anything. He simply nodded and stayed silent, waiting for Harry to continue the conversation.
"Well I… Ginny. Ginny forgave you a long time ago. She told me about the Felix Felicis. And I… I forgive you too, I guess. I mean. I have to. I can't lose you again so…"
"Not for that." Draco said softly, turning away, "Don't force yourself to forgive me because you want a relationship. If you forgive me, then say it. If you don't… Then it's my job to redeem myself. Not yours to force something that isn't there."
A bit startled by the response, Harry only nodded at first. But when he thought about, when he truly tried to search his mind for any lingering doubts or hatred or even anger, he could find very little. He was still a bit upset with the way things turned out; hell, everyone was. He was still upset that Cedric was dead, that Voldemort had come back in the first place, that Sirius was gone, that Fred was gone. But he understood that those things had happened and he accepted them. Sure he'd have preferred they hadn't happened but that wouldn't undo them.
He would've preferred Draco not do what he'd done. Harry would've loved to go back and change it. But it seemed everything had worked out at least and he knew that Draco's intentions had always been in the right place. He'd never be happy about it, but then he didn't think anyone had the right to expect him to be.
But this wasn't about Draco's past. This was about whether they had a possibility of a future, and Harry believed they did.
"I forgive you." He said firmly.
Draco didn't turn back to face him but Harry saw his lips curving into his almost smile once again. Harry was a bit frustrated with the man's halfhearted expression. He couldn't help but wonder when he'd be able to see true life on Draco's face again.
When will I be able to get him to laugh again... Hell, when will I be able to laugh again? Harry thought, recognizing that he too was more somber now.
"We can let it all go, Draco." Harry continued reaching out to place his hand over the Slytherin's, "It's in the past where it belongs."
Draco's eyes flashed brighter than usual when he glanced up, "You mean that?"
Harry nodded, "Of course. It's over. The only thing that matters now is what's ahead of us."
"It's late." Draco said suddenly, and Harry blinked at the change in topic.
"…Uh, yeah." He replied.
"Are you going to your room?" Draco asked finally looking up fully again and holding Harry's gaze.
"Actually… I kinda thought I'd be staying here." Harry said before quickly backtracking, realizing how presumptuous that was, "I mean—only if you want me to. Or I can just, you know, go back to my room. I haven't even seen it yet, and I do want to. So it's no big deal at all. I completely understand and everything. This is only our first night back after all so it makes sense that we wouldn't—I mean I wasn't intending on doing that. Just sleeping with you. I mean, not sleeping with you, just. Oh Merlin…"
Draco rolled his eyes and reached out to grab Harry's blushing face. His thumbs stroked absently along his cheekbones and he held Harry's gaze, leaning in close.
"You can stay." He said simply, his breath warm against Harry's skin.
Harry swallowed once, "I'm sorry. For rambling, you know. I just… I don't know."
Draco nodded as though he understood, even though Harry hadn't truly explained anything. Draco's eyes looked heavier up close, darkened and dulled but somehow, much, much deeper.
"You look so… tired." Draco said softly, a frown marring his gorgeous face, "Like you haven't slept the entire year you were gone."
Harry shook his head not willing to tell Draco about just how much he'd suffered and exactly how little sleep he'd gotten. Trauma could be saved for another night. No, tonight, all they'd needed to do was get the necessary reconciliation out of the way to make room for just enjoying each other's company again. They deserved some peace for at least a bit. They would take the rest as it came.
"I am tired." He admitted honestly.
Draco nodded once before pulling away and standing, motioning for Harry to do so as well.
"We'll have to make the bed big enough for both of us." He said in explanation as he pulled out his wand.
Harry nodded, watching only absently as he pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He disliked sleeping in shirts unless it was too cold to do otherwise. But he felt heat rising to his face as he realized he didn't have any pajamas or anything. He knew Draco preferred to sleep in his boxers, and Harry would sometimes as well; especially considering the activities Draco and he usually got up to whilst in bed. But for just sleeping he usually liked something that didn't leave him feeling quite so… exposed. This was only the second time he'd really even spoken to Draco since the war had ended. He wasn't entirely sure he was ready to just hop back into bed with him. That sort of intimacy would take a little more time to rebuild.
He tried to recall how confident he used to be. How he'd easily strip his clothes in front of Draco without so much as batting an eye. He reminded himself that he trusted the blond; as much as he could anyway. His hands, thankfully, didn't do anything embarrassing, like tremble as he removed his belt and unbuttoned his trousers.
He turned his head once and saw Draco had already spelled the bed to a more accommodating size, though it now seriously dwarfed the room it was in. The blond had already pulled off his own trousers and was sitting on one side of the bed.
After removing all of his clothing save his boxers, which were blue with tiny hippogriffs flying across them, Harry walked back to the bed. He eagerly lifted the covers and got in, happy to be safe from the chill of the stone room
Draco watched him with a familiar wariness in his eyes and Harry felt a sort of tenseness in his chest. He remembered this too. Suspicion. It wasn't a pleasant feeling.
Draco moved to pull up his side of the covers as well but Harry stopped him.
"Your shirt?" he asked, knowing for a fact that Draco disliked sleeping in them.
Draco's eyes became glassy and even the smallest lines of expression on his face faded. It was terrifying to watch, truly. The blond shook his head once and moved to pull the covers up again but Harry grabbed his hand to stop him. He narrowed his eyes pointedly in suspicion, remembering perfectly clear what had happened the last time Draco had insisted on hiding his body.
Draco blinked once before frowning and turning away.
Harry watched, satisfied and relieved as Draco unbuttoned his shirt and it slid from his shoulders. The relief was quickly wiped away when he saw the many faint scars that had been carved into the man's supple flesh. He swallowed and felt raw guilt gnawing on his stomach as he now realized Draco's reason for trying to hide. It was embarrassment, not deviousness.
Wordlessly, Draco got into the bed, turning to face Harry, a soft half-smile on his lips, "I know." He whispered, "Ugly."
Harry shook his head, "No, Draco. I-I didn't mean. It's just that last time—"
"I know." Draco interrupted again, "But you're right. No secrets this time."
Harry nodded reluctantly, still feeling like an ass. Draco scooted closer and carefully slid his arm around Harry's waist. The touch was calming and familiar and Harry found himself easily falling into it. Both of them shifted around a bit in the bed until they found the most comfortable position, Harry's nervous insecurity slowly easing away.
Harry's head was on Draco's shoulder and he lifted it once to look at the man's face one more time. Draco stared back, his face open and calm. Harry, encouraged by Draco's obvious relaxed state, leaned in for a kiss. He hardly realized it would truly be their first since reconnecting but by the time he did, it was too late to pull back. Their lips touched and it was as if the entire world melted into nonexistence.
Harry's eyes fluttered shut at the soft movement of Draco's lips against his and he moaned softly at the flash of a hot, wet tongue against his lips. It was just so… good. It didn't even have to be wildly passionate and intense, or even very long. It was like a lightening bolt of pleasure that struck them both at the same time as their happiness fully solidified.
They were here, together, and they'd never part again if they could help it.
The kiss was short and sweet but it punctuated their evening perfectly.
"I love you." Harry murmured, fully believing the words with all his heart.
"I love you too." Draco said and just like the last time, it caused Harry to go a little weak and shuddery.
They relaxed again afterwards, because Harry truly was tired. He snuggled into Draco's warm body, his embarrassment nearly entirely gone as he remembered the many, many nights he'd done this. Draco was silent, staring up at the ceiling and absently stroking the Gryffindor's hair.
"Odd how idioms contradict, isn't it?" Draco whispered into the silence of the room. Harry raised his head to look at the blond, completely confused.
"I just can't follow your train of thought anymore." Harry joked.
Draco sighed but there were traces of amusement in the sound, "I was thinking about the past. Not literally, figuratively. Funny how they say your past doesn't define your future. But then also say that you can't know where you're going if you don't know where you've been."
Harry nodded sleepily, "Yeah, funny…"
Draco sighed again, but Harry could almost hear the man's smile, "Go to sleep, Harry."
" 'Kay."
Well, this chapter in general isn't as good as I'd like. I feel I jumped too quickly back into their relationship. But I was sick of Harry and Draco nervously avoiding each other. So they actually spend some time together, yay! Things will get better with time, I think.
Leave a review with your thoughts or if you see any errors or anything that I may have missed. :]