You want me to put some type of disclaimer at the beginning of these stupid things? All right, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, I am Fullmetal Alchemist. Happy?

You made me pregnant?!

First of all, how the hell is that even possible?! Secondly, WHY?!

There is no way in hell I would want to be a teenage father in the first place, and even less chance I would want to have the baby myself. I saw what happened before Al was born, and I know I wouldn't want to go through that myself, not to mention the added pressure of somehow being the first male to ever get pregnant.

Did none of you pay attention in health class? A guy getting pregnant is not, I repeat, NOT possible. I hate to break it to all you rabid fangirls, but that's not how are bodies are designed to work. A girl's body, yes, a guy's body, no.

What is even the logic behind that? Not only do you get to torment me, but when the time comes to have a kid, (eww. As if.) you just get to sit on your ass and sip tea while I crave raw sushi. And then have my water break. And then go through extreme pain while cursing the heavens for my misfortune.

Of course, I'm skipping out on all the wonderful bits in between. First there'll be all the fun in finding out I'm pregnant. (who the hell decided to give a guy a pregnancy test, I have no clue) Then of course I would be rushed to a hospital, where they find out that the test was indeed accurate, and I will definitely be having a baby. But I'm not having an abortion, oh no. After all, this is going to be the first ever male pregnancy, why would we ever want to get rid of the baby?

Um, because the baby is some hellish freak of nature that managed to be conceived in a guy instead of a girl? Am I the only one who seems to be thinking 'ALIEN INVASION' here?!

Then there would be all the different food cravings. Woo hoo. Sounds like a barrel of fun. And I'm guessing that some of you may actually have an idea of how much damn milk a pregnant mother has to drink, and all the different things they have to do with their meals to make it healthy for the baby.

Screw the baby, it's not even supposed to be inside me, so I'm not drinking all that milk if I don't want to. And I damn well don't want to.

And then, of course, I get as wonderfully round as a hot air balloon. You can just tell how much fun this sounds like to me. All that exercise I did to get that nice, firm stomach you fangirls love so much? Gone. Because after the baby actually does manage to get out, my skin will be all stretched from well, stretching to fit the baby in the first place.

And all this so that I can become some publicized freak before I push a watermelon out my ass. My hips aren't even built for stretching like a girl's, and somehow I'll have to manage to fit a baby's head through. And from there it's onto the baby coddling, and more publicity, and changing diapers, and no chance at being a teenage boy ever again, much less getting much time off to actually look for the Philosopher's Stone.

Um, I think I'll pass.

This is why all of you belong in a mental hospital! Just the whole idea of "Let's make Edo-kun preggers!" is enough for me to want to get a restraining order. But even the thought of being forced to stay a certain amount of feet away from me probably isn't even enough, is it? I'm sure there's a good chunk of you that would be willing to get arrested just so you could get one kiss on me. Excuse me while I hurl.

And no, just because I don't want to get pregnant as a guy does not mean you then have the right to turn me into a damn girl. Just to set the record straight – I do not want boobs. Never have, never will. And that also applies to wearing the color pink, skirts, dresses lipstick, blush, eyeshadow, makeup of any kind, nail polish, high heels, girly hair products, or anything else that make me look the least bit like a girl. I'm not doing any of it, especially to please you fangirls.

And, oh, I'm not shaving my legs either.

I really would rather prefer to stay a guy than turn into a girl. I may only have a vague idea of what happens to a girl during puberty, but I really don't think I want to have a go at growing hips and boobs or having that period-thingy of yours.

But that just makes the story sooo much better, doesn't it? Not only is Ed and angsty, foul-mouthed teenager to begin with, now let's see what happens when 'that time of the month' comes around.

Someone will die, that's what will happen.

And by the way, what the hell is attractive about a pregnant guy turned into a girl? I don't think I would find a girl who suddenly grew a penis the least bit appealing.

Note: Okay, so I promised myself that update anything until I finished A Strange Arrival, but I couldn't resist after reading a certain fanfic today. Besides, this is short and I just posted for Strange Arrival yesterday, so nnyh.

ANYwho… I would like to thank you all for making what I originally thought to be some insignificant fanfic that wasn't funny such a big hit! A Note to the Fangirls has an average of 21.66 reviews per chapter! I consider that to be a HUGE achievement, especially when I started with just two reviews on the first thing I ever ever posted on fanfiction. But over 20 reviews per chapter?! –faints-

Yeah, I decided to go over the numbers. Maybe it would have been better if I didn't…