Within the Heart of the Ocean

Chapter Four: Truth Like Glass

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the RMS Titanic.

Beta-read by CloSalvatore.

I watched as Lily walked away.

I felt like I never had.

I loved her, I had wanted to kiss her, to make her stop talking about all the laws that went against our feelings. I knew that she liked me back, and even so she had pulled back. Hidden away from me.

I didn't move for a long time, then finally I turned to stare at the picture of her.

She was right. That wasn't her, that was the girl most people would want to know. But it wasn't her. She was a girl who shone through no matter what she looked like.

And she's right. Those were just words.

Breaking down barriers, the ones she put up against me...against everyone around her. I had to tear them down to get to her heart.

I could see through her act, I could see how she avoided talking a lot. She didn't want to see the truth. She didn't want to see who she was, she didn't want to see herself as pretty. Long ago, people insulted her, and probably tore her down. So she's never seen her beauty. She's always seen herself as not good enough, never pretty enough. Or nice enough. She never looked away fast enough, and she never listened hard enough.

The truth is like glass, clean and clear to me. But for her, it is vague, foggy, and scarred...dirtied by people who don't believe. People who don't believe in chances...in faith.

She's sitting back and watching as that line between love and friendship blurs and yet she doesn't do anything. She won't move on, because she's scared, but she can't take back what we have. So now she's trapped, and she's scared.

I try to pull her onward, but she just pulls away even further. I'm trying to break down the barriers she puts up, trying to protect her heart. Trying to protect herself.

I sighed and laid against James's door. I hadn't even gotten ten feet before my knees buckled and I was on the ground, confused and hurting. The words had stung. More than just him though. I knew I was trying to convince myself of the same thing, that we couldn't be together and that it was forbidden. That what he was saying. that they were just words. Empty promises.

Those meant nothing to me.

Finally I managed to stand and I walked slowly back to my own cabin where Severus was at the door, arms crossed.

" Lily, I need to talk to you," he said.

I ignored him and walked past him, and began to pull out my suitcase. Severus gave me a glare, but didn't object.
" Where are you going?"
" I'm leaving. I'm going away, I don't want to be around you," I replied.
" Him? You're going back to him? He's never going to love you Lily. Not the way I love you, and he's not going to stick around. He's a noble...that's how they are," Severus interrupted.
I sighed and finally turned to face him. " I know. I'm not going back to him. I don't love him, and he doesn't love me."
" Then where will you go? If you have no one to return to, what will happen?"

I ignored his concern. " I'll jump off the ship, I don't know. And I really don't see why you care anyway. You don't love me. You don't even want me."

" I care about you Lily. If not out of love, out of friendship," he said.

I turned back to him. " We can be friends Sev. But that means nothing to me anymore. I don't care what you do with your life, but I'll always want you to be safe and okay."

" If you love him, why don't you go after him? Why not take a chance?"

I slowly pulled off my diamond ring and stepped forward, placing it in his hand.

" Because that chance isn't worth the risk," I replied, picking up my bag and turning to the door. " Bye."

" I don't know what to do Sirius. I love her. She said that she likes me, and yet she ran," I said running my hands through my hair in exasperation.

Sirius Black was my best friend from when I was little. We grew up together, that is until his parents wanted him to be a soldier and join the army. For a year or two he did join with his brother Regulus. But when Regulus died in the middle of a fight, he drew away from the war and instead came to live near my house. Well, at least until we boarded the Titanic.

Now, he had a suite right next to me and visited nearly every day.

" You're talking about the redhead right?" Sirius asked.

I nodded, and didn't look up.

" Well she was crying out in the hall last I saw," Sirius commented.

" What?" I asked.

" I'm just saying. But I think she might love you," Sirius said with a shrug.

" If she loved me, then she wouldn't leave," I muttered.

Sirius sighed with an air of having to explain something that was in his eyes obvious. " Well James, that's just how girls are. They don't know that they love until someone shoves the proof in their face. She'll deny it and deny it again until she can't deny it anymore. That's when she'll finally admit it and maybe confess."

" That's complicated," I said looking up.

He nodded. " Sorry mate, that's just how girls are."

" Petunia, open up!" I said rapping on her door.

She opened it and her brown eyes widened. " What are you doing here Lil?"

" I need a place to stay, I just broke it off with Sev," I replied.

" Why on Earth would you do that Lil? You love him," Petunia replied.

" No Tuney, I didn't. I thought I did. But I was stupid to think that I actually loved him. He's my best friend for Pete's sake, I mean really. I wouldn't ever love my friend...and that's all I think of him as, nothing more and nothing less."

" Then why did you have to leave? Was there another boy?" Petunia asked.

I huffed. She just had to be a lucky guesser. I nodded.

" Really? You have to tell me. Right now young lady," she said dragging me inside her cabin. It was much smaller, and it wasn't colorful but for now this was home.

" Now, tell me who it is," Petunia urged pulling me up a chair.

I sat down and sighed. " Well he's rich. And his name is James Potter," I began.

" THE James Potter? You mean the noble's son or something? Don't they own some huge company?" she asked eagerly.

I nodded meekly. " Yeah, that's him." I went on to explain to her in further detail what had happened.

She sat shocked when I finished.

" You love him Lily," she said finally.

I shook my head. " I do not. It's just a stupid crush."

" It is not Lil. And you know it. You love him, and he loves you. Why won't you just give love a chance?"

" I can't just lie to myself Tuney! What if he decides I'm boring and poor? And that he deserves better, that maybe he'll fall for some other girl? What if he's lying and it's just feelings...what if it doesn't last?" I asked.

" I know you Lily. You aren't one to run away because of your feelings. You should take action and accept these feelings. If it doesn't last-well then at least you can say you gave it a chance. It can't hurt to give him a chance. Let him into your heart. I don't know why you can't see that this will last though Lily, why can't you see that he DOES love you? Everyone else knows it, the truth is like glass."