A/N: Hello from Vancouver! I'm on the road right now and I'm told internet might get spotty for the next few days so this will probably by my update for the week. If you're also reading "Once Upon a Time" I'm sorry I couldn't get a chapter of that out as well but between the packing and driving I just couldn't make it happen!
4.
"By all the gods what were you thinking taking her out to see those ruffians in their huts?
Sofia felt…blurry, as if her mind and body where just out of her grasp, fuzzy at the edges of her consciousness.
"Oh please, you're crushing her with all your overbearing lectures and snobbish expectations. She needed to get away from here and that's where she wanted to go. Nothing happened! You saw the way the ones who helped me bring her back behaved. They think she's an angel fallen from heaven!"
There was a snort then, the most unladylike sound Sofia had ever thought to hear from her most refined and exacting lady.
"I wasn't aware tending to her gentle soul was in the purview of your orders."
"I don't have any orders. He doesn't own me!"
"Doesn't he?"
"The both of you be silent!" A new voice broke into the squabbling. A decidedly male one. "Her Highness is waking."
Forcing her eyes open, unsure why it was such an effort, Sofia found three anxious faces standing over her: Duchess Dusselstein, Countess Ormandy, and a man Sofia hadn't met yet but was sure, by his look, was the Royal Physician.
"Your Highness, how are you feeling?" The man asked as he picked up her wrist and began taking her pulse, his eyes on his pocket watch rather than her.
"I'm…alright." She answered slowly, trying to figure out if that was really the case. "I'm just very tired."
"Hmm." The doctor said noncommittally. "My counterpart in Enchancia didn't mention you had a history of fainting. Does this happen often?"
"No," Sofia felt bewildered by the naked expressions of anticipation that now shone on all three faces. "I've never fainted before."
The doctor made another wordless noise and then turned to the Duchess.
"Has she had her courses since coming to Freezenberg?"
The Duchess blushed at the question, but Sofia realized it must be one of her duties to know such things because she was able to answer readily.
"Not yet. Though it's only been three weeks since his Highness started…fulfilling his duty."
It was Sofia's turn to blush. The heat in her cheeks was so uncomfortable she was sure she was beet red from the roots of her hair all the way to tips of her toes.
"Well, it's too early to be certain, but I think there's cause to hope."
Duchess Duesselstein's embarrassment turned into a wide, hopeful smile, complete with hands clasped under her chin. Countess Ormandy's expression was harder to read, but she nodded her head in a serious manner.
"Hope for what?" Sofia asked, finally fed up with the way they seemed to be treating her more as a specimen for their consideration than an actual person.
"An heir my dear." The doctor looked down on her again with an expression that suggested he thought she was particularly slow. "It's not usual for young, healthy women such as yourself to faint but, given the amount of magic the Countess said you were using it's possible you collapsed because the majority of your energy reserves were already being directed towards something else. Nurturing a new life if Freezenberg is lucky."
If Sofia had looked confused before, she was sure her expression was only more so now. She might be pregnant… with Carl's child…after only three weeks? Of course she knew eventually motherhood was in her future. It was inevitable, not just an expectation, but a requirement of her new position in life.
And of course she'd always wanted to be a mother. But so soon? And…with him?
Duchess Dusselstein and the Doctor were still talking, the doctor giving her explicit instructions on how she should care for the Princess in the coming weeks, until they could be sure if there was reason to celebrate or not.
Sofia wasn't even listening. Instead she turned, trying to block out the three hoverers, wanting to curl into herself protectively as the tears began to fall.
Yes she'd always wanted to be a mother. A mother just like her own. A nurturing, loving, presence there for all the wonders and all the sorrows life would bring. And she'd always imagined the father of her child as a man she could love, respect, and adore. She'd pictured it once in her most secret fantasies.
The three of them on a small bed together. Her holding their child, exhausted but exhilarated to know she'd fought the good fight and brought their babe hale and hearty into the world. Him holding the both of them whispering how elated he was as they looked down on the tiny bundle of perfection they'd created out of their love! Joy and happiness surrounding them like an impenetrable bubble. Their first child would be a son, of course. One to make him proud…to take his wand.
"Get out! Just shut up and get out!" Sofia screamed, suddenly sitting up on the bed and slashing her arm out violently, almost slapping the doctor in the face. "All of you! Get out and leave me alone!"
Sofia could hear the astonished murmurs of her other ladies, just beyond the open doors of her bedchamber, as well as see the shock pale faces of the two in front of her and she'd honestly never cared less about the fact she might have offended someone.
The doctor, Duchess, and Countess all looked at each other, confounded by her outburst, but then the Doctor rose from the seat he'd pulled over to her bedside and made a motion for the two ladies to proceed him out of the room.
"Come, her Highness needs her rest." He said, authoritatively.
The ladies followed him out, the Countess giving her what Sofia could have sworn was a look of sympathy before closing the door.
Once she was by herself, blessedly alone for the first time in five weeks, Sofia didn't even try to stop it all from crumbling to pieces. The pressure she felt in this new world, her hatred of Carl, her longing for her home, her friends, her family, her mother, and… Cedric. She missed Cedric so much!
Throwing herself back on the pillows Sofia let the storm of tears break. She cried for her freedom, for her dreams, for her faith in life and love and people which felt might be forever gone now. She cried because she'd lost the man she loved and her very best friend all in a single moment and she could never have him back. She cried because she knew Cedric had never loved her, not the way she loved him. If he had he would have taken her away.
She cried because she felt as though the walls were falling in around her, burying her alive under the weight of the expectations of this new life and she'd barely found her footing, hardly knew how she would make it here and now there might be a child too. A tiny, helpless little life who would need her to be strong for it, to love it, to keep the light of hope, and the strength of love alive in his heart and she didn't even know if she had any hope or strength left.
And then she suddenly she stopped, a fear like never before rising in her. Her husband was this child's father. The sobs wanted to continue but the thought of sharing this innocent life with him made her body so violently revolt that while the wracking spasms continued Sofia felt choked. She couldn't get enough air anymore to make the sound of crying.
Sitting up, breathing hard, she looked down on her form, pulling the nightgown she'd been changed into tight around her body. Her stomach was flat. No sign whatsoever anything was different than it had been a day ago, or a week ago, or a month ago.
Placing a hand on the flatness Sofia closed her eyes and prayed for something she'd never dreamed she would.
"Please, don't let it be true! Please, not now, not yet. I can't, I just can't." The sobs were back and she just let them come, not thinking of anything or praying for anything or hoping for anything, just letting the gale of emotion crest and finally recede leaving her haggard, but blessedly numb.
For a long time afterward Sofia simply stared at her reflection in the great mirror opposite her bed.
Then, never really making the decision to, she rose and walked over to her wardrobe. Opening the gilded monstrosity she pushed the heavy, intricate court gowns to the side, revealing a dress that had been frowned over when it came out of her trunks and hidden at the back where it couldn't offend the eyes of any of the ladies who dressed her. It was a simple dress in dark purple that required no petticoats or other cumbersome undergarments. It was a dress she'd often worn when she was playing apprentice to her sorcerer.
Forgoing a corset as well she slipped the ankle length gown over her head, did the single button at the back of the neck, and tied the black sash that belted the waist. On her feet she put her simplest pair of black satin slippers and then she walked out the doors to find all her ladies really had fled from her.
It would make finding her destination harder, but otherwise Sofia felt completely indifferent to their presence or lack thereof.
Thinking about a possible baby would make her insane. She was quite sure of that after the hurricane which had been her grief. She needed something to preoccupy her. Something meaningful she could throw herself into to soak up the days until she knew for certain.
Countess Ormandy said the people from the village had helped bring her back here after she'd collapsed. That they had treated her like an angel fallen from heaven. Sofia knew she was no angel, but that didn't mean she couldn't help them. Someone needed too and it was clear her husband and father in law couldn't have cared less.
Rounding another endless corridor Sofia felt certain she'd found her destination in the double doors at the end of this hall.
She believed her husband was a lost cause, but the King she wasn't sure of. Maybe if she could present him with a concrete course of action he would be willing to do something.
Opening the double doors Sofia smiled, feeling pride she'd found her way without help.
Freezenberg's Royal Library was a huge structure that took up five floors of the east wing of the palace. And in it, Duchess Dusselstein had boasted on the tour she'd given Sofia and her family after the wedding, was contained every book ever printed in the hundred and thirty-seven kingdoms.
Sofia knew if she were to find an answer to Freezenberg's food problems the clues would be here somewhere.
"Cedric would love this place!" She said to the vast emptiness as she stood in the middle of the room and turned quietly in place, awed for the both of them.
Over their years together Sofia had come to realize Cedric's knowledge far outstripped what anyone gave him credit for. Of course his tower was covered in spell books from top to bottom, but he also had an interest in science, machinery and invention, and in the last few years he'd taken a particular interest in medicine and healing.
Unfortunately for both of them the Royal Library of Enchancia was a sad little thing. Her father loved many things but reading had never been one of them. He was meticulous in making sure the collection they had was maintained, as a duty to his forbearers, but he had no interest in adding to it. What few books they had acquired in her time there had been procured at her mother's request.
"At least there's some good in never settling for anything less than the best."
Sofia wasn't sure what she was looking for but she thought the best place to start was to figure out if the land could be made arable and so she found a large section on farming practices and soil compositions and began reading.
Sofia had no clue how long she sat at the table perusing one book after another. Dark had fallen just as she'd hit on the first inkling of an idea and she'd almost forgotten her manors when the servants who came in to light the many candles in the main room left her a few to take through the stacks.
Sofia settled back in her chair, a large map of Freezenberg laid out in front of her. Yawning and rubbing her eyes she tried to piece everything together. She'd collected a table's worth of books and had focused herself on something which seemed incredibly outlandish at first, but might actually work.
To make it reality though she would need to put aside her bruised heart and swallow a healthy dose of her pride. Not just in going to the King, but in asking for help from the only capable person she knew.
She hadn't spoken two words to Cedric since the day of her betrothal. She'd been so hurt by the way he seemed eager to throw her out of his life she hadn't even picked out the spells he'd performed during her wedding. She'd turned and ran, leaving him standing on the ladder in his workshop slack jawed and shouting for her to come back.
After that she'd avoided him at every turn, abandoning her apprenticeship and refusing his attempts to smooth things over. Even months later when he'd preformed at her wedding, beautiful spells that floated out on purple ribbons of magic and burst and sparkled like sunlight shattered by diamonds, magic she knew he'd made just for her, to apologize, to affirm her status as his most treasured friend, she'd done nothing more than coldly nod at him in acknowledgement.
In retrospect she was ashamed of the way she'd treated him. But at the same time she wasn't sure she was ready to prostrate herself at his feet and beg forgiveness.
"Have you lost your pathetic, provincial little mind?"
Sofia jumped at the sound of the voice. The double doors banged into the walls behind them, as her husband came roaring into the room.
"LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING TO YOU!" He shouted, made angrier by her lack of attention.
Closing her eyes and gritting her teeth, Sofia rose from the table and turned slowly around. It took everything in her not to cringe back when she found he was directly behind her.
"Have you been in here all night? Everyone is looking for you!" He accused, fuming at her. "You missed dinner and when I inquired where the hell you were, I was told you collapsed, while gallivanting in a peasant village, waving your little wand about. So I'm going to ask you again Madame, have you lost your mind?"
Sofia took a deep breath and met his gaze unflinchingly.
She'd never been a coward and she'd never been a wilting, weeping girl, but she'd let herself be cowed into appearing as both since the moment she'd gotten here. It had to stop. Especially if there was going to be a child.
"I've never been more in my right mind, Carl." Before he could interrupt her she barreled on. "You're right, I am provincial. No one lied to you about that. I was born a peasant, but my father made me a royalty, and what I saw today angered the peasant in me and shamed the princess.
Your subjects are sick and starving and afraid of the very people who should be helping them. You sit in your gilded palace, with more food than you could ever eat, and more money than you could ever spend, and live high on the backs of people who can barely scrape by enough to keep their childrens' bodies and souls together.
You're their Prince! Don't you feel even the slightest responsibility to them?"
Carl Scoffed at her and rolled his eyes.
"I am prince! They owe me loyalty and devotion, not the other way around Sofia! Besides their peasants, they breed faster than rabbits! Why should I care if one or two of them die today, they'll be ten more born tomorrow!"
In her mind's eye Sofia saw her hand swinging out, the large diamond on her fourth finger catching the side of his cheek and opening it in a spray of blood as she beat the monstrous in-humanness out of him.
But she knew if she wanted to actually help the people she'd met today she would have to have him on her side. Now he knew what she was about he'd make it his mission to block any attempt she made with the King out of malice.
"You are the Prince. One day you'll be the King. Would you like to be revered? Sung about in songs and remembered in stories? Or would you like to be buried under the people's hate, forgotten the second your flashy, gaudy funeral is over?"
"What could you possibly do to make sure they revere me?" He scoffed and Sofia bristled at the knowledge his question was sincere. He really believed she was nothing, incapable of anything more than looking pretty and giving him heirs.
"I can show you how to feed your people. I can give them the means to feed themselves. Put food in their stomachs and they'll love you till the world ceases turning. As long as even a single Freezenberger is left on this earth your name will be remembered."
"How?"
Sofia could have laughed.
She'd been so afraid of him all these weeks, cowering at even the thought of him, but the truth was sobering. He was just a man, and an easily maneuvered one at that. If she were honest she knew she'd won Cedric over all those years ago by applying to his vanity, stroking his ego. He wanted to be appreciated, admired, respected, and cared for, though he'd never admit the last.
Cedric was a man worth admiring, respecting, and caring for though. He hadn't always been, but just knowing one person thought he was sensational had made him so, and it had been the key to putting him on the better path.
Carl wasn't a tenth the man Cedric was and as she looked at her spoiled, arrogant, avaricious husband she knew he never would be. But maybe she could bend his vanity to the same end, putting him on the better path even if he himself would never become truly better.
"Magic," she began, "Magic and your volcano."
"Mount Skjolder? It's been inactive for three hundred years, what about it?"
"It's been dormant, but it's not dead. And the land around it has been blanketed in volcanic ash. Volcanic soil is the most fertile on earth." She explained, turning to hold up a book.
"That may be, but the ground is still frozen." He countered, with a superior smile.
"That's where magic comes in. If we can make caves at the base of the mountain we can move the soil underground. The geothermal heat will thaw it and provide the warmth needed to grow plants. For light we can make cave crystals with diamond dust, enough to mount on the ceilings. A very talented sorcerer can even enchant them to only shine half the day so the constant light won't interrupt the proper cycle of photosynthesis."
He looked at her well and truly astonished, and Sofia had to tamp down on the beautiful vision of slapping him again.
"My people don't know anything about farming." His voice was weaker now, not necessarily looking for a way to cut her down.
"I know some people who live their whole lives in caves. If you can find people willing to re-locate and learn a new livelihood my friends can teach them."
"Can you really make a cave system and move the soil yourself? Countess Ormandy said your magic is quite good." The last was muttered begrudgingly but Sofia ignored the tenor and simply took the compliment.
"Not right now." She began, but then found she couldn't bring herself to tell him why. "But what I can't do Enchancia's royal sorcerer can. Between him and me it won't be a problem." Carl made a disgusted face at the mention of Cedric, but then he looked back at the book.
"If this fails and you humiliate me, I swear I'll make life harder for you than you ever imagined it could be."
"It won't fail. And you'll be a hero."
He seemed to ponder that for another long minute, his disdain for her clearly warring with his greed.
"Let's go talk to my father."
Sofia's watched as he walked determinedly back towards the door, feeling something like that butterfly anxiousness she felt after crossing the finish line during a derby race. That odd in between feeling where the mind knows it's won but the body still thinks it's fighting.
"Well, are you coming? …
Sofia eyes shot open, the sound of her husband's voice still echoing in her head.
"He's not here." She whispered to herself a few times before pushing the heavy velvet of her blankets away and swinging her feet over the side of the bed.
Walking over to her dressing table Sofia poured some water from the pitcher and began washing her face and brushing her teeth. She'd nearly finished when Violet knocked softly on the door.
"Good morning Princess. Did you sleep well?"
Sofia didn't think it was worth admitting that even though she went to bed feeling better and better with each passing day, she still spent her nights reliving memories, as though her mind were trying to make a final peace with the last fifteen years before laying it to rest.
"I did thank you, Violet." She answered instead.
An hour later Sofia was dressed in a high collared, sapphire colored travel gown, trimmed in black. Her hair had been pulled into a low ponytail secured by a matching blue ribbon, her wealth of long, cherry brown hair curled into four thick ringlets that fell most of the way down her back. And Violet was just securing the wide brimmed travel hat to her head with a diamond and sapphire hat pin before giving the enormous blue bow a finally tug to make sure it would stay secured under her chin.
"You're sure you won't take a bite to eat before you go, Madame?"
Sofia smiled at her maid with true affection. She'd so wanted to take Violet with her when she'd first moved to Freezenberg. And she knew the loyal woman would have come with her if she'd asked it, but King Henrik hadn't wanted the extra expense of moving Violet's husband, Armstrong the Sculpter, and their three children. So Sofia abandoned the idea, knowing she couldn't bear to separate Violet from her family.
Perhaps now though, she might be able to convince Violet to come with her. Her children were all grown and had lives and families of their own, and Sofia could afford to move and house two more people.
"No I'll eat when I get home. Thank you Violet."
Her maid smiled and bobbed a curtsey.
"If you're sure, M'lady." She prodded one more time, her eyebrow slightly raised, wishing Sofia would reconsider.
"Thank you Violet, I hope I'll see you soon." Sofia said instead, already beginning to plan how she could lure Violet to Freezenberg, maybe with a little cottage on the grounds of her estate, so she and Armstrong could have some privacy and a real home of their own.
Stepping out into the morning light, Sofia saw the whole family, even the King had come out to say goodbye.
The girls and Vivian all hugged her heartily, as did James. The King was less profuse, but he did say farewell and bid her a safe trip. Just as she was about to get into the coach, Cedric came hurrying out, the handle of his shabby old green carpet bag in one hand and two huge spell books gripped precariously under his arm.
Handing them off to Sofia's footman he bowed to the Rolland, James, and Vivian. Then Sofia watched, astonished, as he bent down to receive a hug from both of the little princesses. Rosamund was much more graceful and reserved about it than Lynette, but Sofia did notice it was the eldest princess who took it upon herself to let Cedric know he would be missed.
"I'll make sure to come back with a little magical something to delight the both of you," he said softly, smiling fondly at both girls as he rose back up, giving a final stiff bow to the King before entering the coach.
Sofia waved one last time and gave her gloved hand to her footman so he could help her up into the gilded conveyance as well.
Once she was in, Sofia found herself feeling brave, if not a little mischievous, and chose to sit next to her sorcerer instead of across from him. Cedric rewarded her bravery with a raised eyebrow, but she noticed he didn't move to give himself more space. And again she found herself thinking it might be okay to hope, just a little bit.
Once the coach was in the air she couldn't help teasing him.
"When did you become such a softy?" She chuckled, as she unpinned the atrociously uncomfortable hat and threw it gracelessly on the empty bench across from them.
"Pardon?" He said, turning to her.
His expression was so wonderfully irritated she knew he understood exactly what she meant, but again she couldn't help herself. Using what she thought was a very passable imitation of his unique accent she parroted his parting words to the girls.
"I'll make sure to come back with a little magical something to delight the both of you. That's a far cry from 'What are you doing here and why are there so many of you?'"
He made a huffing noise and rolled his eyes at her.
"I have not gone soft!" He insisted, but then smiled at her just a tiny bit. "But a certain someone may have shown me not all children are rotten little brats who deserve to be turned into toadstools."
Sofia put her hand to her mouth in mock astonishment.
"Aww, look at how sweet you are!" She giggled.
"Yes," he pulled the word out to twice its normal length. "I'm made of cotton candy and unicorn tales." He ended with a shake of his head before turning back to the window.
"You're in a good mood today." She ventured, knowing she should stop teasing him now.
He looked back at her and this time there was a real smile on his face.
"Yes, I suppose I am. I've been shut up in that drafty tower for too long. It's nice to get out for a bit, even if it is to Freezenberg." He shuddered as he said the last, and Sofia couldn't help rolling her eyes at his abject dislike for a place where he was so well thought of. "I dare say it's certainly nice to have you here safe and well beside me, instead of in trouble or angry with me as you usually are when I'm racing off to that frozen hellhole you call home."
Sofia crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow at him.
"That's hardly fair, I've almost never been angry with you." She tried to keep her tone light and bantering.
"Yes, but when are…you never do anything by halves!"
Sofia snorted and smirked good naturedly, but inside she felt an old niggle of guilt and also a little bit of astoundment. It had been fifteen years, how had they never talked about any of this? Sofia knew the answer was that whenever they were together now it was usually because of some crisis. They were always single-mindedly focused on finding an answer or fighting her husband and his father to achieve their end.
"If I never got around to saying it, I'm truly sorry I took out all my anger on you. You didn't deserve…any of it really. I shouldn't have come to you asking for a way to shirk my duties."
He turned fully to her now, so their knees touched, and laid his hand on her gloved one.
"Thank you for that, but I think we both know I deserved at least some of your anger."
She put her other hand on top his, clasping it tightly.
"How do you figure that?"
He sighed and ran his other hand through his already messy gray hair before turning his head to look back at the window.
"You wanted me to save you and I could have. I just wouldn't. I could have taken you away, hidden you for the rest of your life, but I didn't." There was a tone to Cedric's voice that surprised Sofia. As though he were making some sort of deep, dark confession that had been weighing on him all these years.
Patting his hand, she felt the need to comfort him. It was practically instinctual for her to want to make others happy, or take away their hurts, but with Cedric the compulsion was always doubly strong.
"I always knew you could have and I won't lie, it hurt. I think that's why I was so…dreadful to you. But if you need forgiving, Cedric, I forgave you a long time ago."
"Really?" He asked, turning back to eye her suspiciously.
"Of course. I was angry and I was desperate. But after you came to help me make the caves at Skjolder I realized how utterly unfair to you I was. If you'd helped me run away you would have had to give up everything you'd worked so hard for. Everything your father and his father and his father had worked so hard for. You would have been disgraced and it would have ruined your whole family, everyone who came before and everyone who'll come afterward.
Something I ignored. I was so caught up in my own drama I never even thought of the sacrifice I was asking you to make. To shirk your duty not just to Enchancia but to your family, that's a lot, even for a friend."
Sofia held back, not willing to admit why she'd hoped he would want to take her away without a thought for his duty. If she wanted to believe his feelings for her could still grow and change, she couldn't risk him saying outright he'd never felt that way about her.
"Not just a friend Sofia, you were...you still are my best friend."
Sofia let the ends of her mouth tip up at that. It wasn't love, but his friendship had been one of her only sources of strength all these years and she would never belittle or undervalue it.
"I'm glad to hear you say that."
He quirked the corner of his mouth slightly.
"Were you in doubt of it?"
Sofia shrugged.
"Not really, but I guess sometimes I let myself forget. After all you didn't really seem to miss me all that much. When you came to Skjolder you were…."
He cut her off with a wave of his free hand then.
"Please don't. Somethings and some people are better left in the past."
Sofia nodded, understanding better than he knew the hurt he was trying to avoid remembering.
"I'm just very glad you're not one of those people." He said, and Sofia got the feeling he offered such a revealing peak at his affection for her as a thank you for letting old ghosts lie.
She wished she could do the same. But now the playful banter had become more serious, and before he put an end to the first open conversation they'd ever had about their friendship she had to know.
"Did you miss me? Even a little?" Sofia almost immediately regretted asking, as she watched the look of genuine pain that came over him.
"Merlin's Mushrooms, girl! How can you even ask that?" He ripped his hand out from between her own and started gesticulating wildly, forcing her to slide away from him on the bench. "It was like a piece of me was ripped away! Like I had a gaping wound nothing could staunch." His face grew red as he gaped at her. "And then that letter! I can still recall every line, Sofia, every line! 'Though I know I have no right to impose upon you by any personal persuasion, as Crown Princess of Freezenberg I beg you to use the wealth of your talents on behalf of those who have none'. Were you trying to shove the knife in deeper?"
He seemed to lose steam then, his chest visibly deflating as he shrank back against the seat.
"You can really quote the letter?" squeaked out of her for what reason she couldn't fathom.
His only response was a kind of deadpan cocking of the entire left side of his face.
"No I wasn't trying to hurt you more. I was just so hurt myself and so confused by how you seemed to want me to go to Freezenberg I thought if I asked you as my friend you might refuse."
"I never wanted you to go Sofia, never." His words were quiet but filled with conviction.
"Then why didn't you help me, or at least…" She stopped frustrated, trying to make sense of all the old, fetid emotions inside her. "Or at least sympathize? It would have meant so much just to hear you say you'd miss me."
"Do you want me to answer honestly, or prettily?"
She sneered at him though there was no real venom in the look.
"I don't come to you for tact Cedric, I already know you have none. If I didn't want the honest answer I wouldn't have asked to begin with.
"To true," he murmured matching her sneer for sneer before taking a deep breath and diving in. "Here it is then. At first I believed I said what I said because you would never really be happy going back to being a peasant. But after many years of reliving that moment I think my true motivations where less straightforward.
The world is full of bad rulers and mediocre ones. King Henrik is, in my opinion, the former, and your father is the latter." Cedric stopped, holding up his hand as though to keep her from rushing to Rolland's defense. "Oh I know he's generally thought of as a wonderful King. But he isn't. He's benefited from an almost providential streak of good fortune and his policies have done nothing more than maintain the status quo. Luckily for all of us there has never been a serious challenge or threat to Enchancia during his reign.
Your brother is much like his father. A good sort of lad, not overly greedy or entitled, but no matter how much you love James' you can't deny he's no more of a mental titan now than he was when your father so wisely let him play at being king for a day. Any hope Enchancia has I lay squarely at the feet of Princess Vivian. He will get the credit, but she will be the mind behind his rule.
No there are a great lot of bad ones and an even greater lot of so-so ones. But in order for the world to thrive and not just survive, every once and a while there must be a great ruler. You proved that day when you held James' hand from throne room to crumbling cookie house you had it in you to be a great ruler.
No matter how much I wanted to make you happy. No matter how much I wanted to keep you by my side, eventually you would have regretted your decision and the world generally and Freezenberg most assuredly would have suffered for your absence.
I am sorry I made the decision for you, truly. I won't insult you by pretending I've had it harder than you all these years. Or that you don't have every right to look back on it all and ask why you should have been forced to endure all this when so many others are given a free pass at life. But I knew it was a moment and a choice that could never be gotten back and I knew in the end, you were meant for greater things than cobbling shoes in some squat little village of hovels.
I just hate that I had a hand in forcing you to grow up, and in the inevitable destruction of that innocence of yours I found so irritatingly charming."
"You can't rule and be innocent." Sofia whispered, overwhelmed by his confession. "Carl taught me that."
Cedric nodded, a small, wistful air turning up the corners of his mouth, just a bit.
"No, I don't suppose you can. But when I see you each time I feel less and less guilty for that because you have retained something more special and more beautiful than your innocence."
"Oh?"
"You still have your compassion and now you've added wisdom and knowledge to it, and they've served your people well."
"If you had it do over again would you do anything different?"
Cedric took her hand again and this time he cradled it between both his own.
"I would tell you how much I was going to miss you. And how deeply sorry I am that things couldn't be different. But I would still tell you to go to Freezenberg. And I would still be sitting beside you now, as your friend, your best friend, proud to know the woman you are today."
"You've changed too you know." She said, smiling through the mist of tears that were threatening to fall.
"I dare say. I'm far grayer than I used to be!" He quipped, breaking the heavy atmosphere of confession and absolution that had been enveloping them.
"It's quite distinguished." Sofia laughed softly, sliding back against him and putting her other hand over his. "Quite handsome."
Then, ever so slowly, giving him time to see her intention and refuse if he so chose, she laid her head on his shoulder.