Disclaimer – If we owned Naruto. Pretty sure it'd be in shoujo beat instead of shonen jump.

Pocky here! How many years has it been? SO SORRY. This is our exam year so the updates will be slow and...slow. Well, even after years there's nothing much for me to say, yes I'm a tard. ENJOY!

Please be warned of major oocness and profanities as well as mature adult themes.

READ & REVIEW!!

Popularity wasn't an easy thing. It was Thursday and the Uchiha prodigy was just about ready to climb down the cherry blossom tree. It was his new…door. He slung his school bag over his shoulder and swiftly leapt on the windowsill. This time, he would definitely get to school…alive. A sturdy branch was perched outside his window. He slowly and steadily crawled on.

One hand.

Two hands.

One leg.

Two legs.

The branch shuddered at his weight.

Snap.

He froze. A smaller branch had snapped in half behind his foot. He sighed heavily with relief, "Phew…"

"Yah! Where's Sasuke-kun!?" The voice of a fangirl cried.

Oh shit.

He could see them. The hungry cats grouping outside the apartment, they were ready to claw his clothes off. Literally.

"Sasuke-kuuuun~ I made you chocolate pudding, I'll feed you if you come out!" Another shrill voice called.

"You whore! Who gave you the right to feed Sasuke-kun!?"

"Yeah! If you're going to feed him with that spoon, I get to feed him with my mouth!"

Sasuke was sweating now. Nothing scared him more than chocolate pudding filled with love and fangirls fighting to feed him via mouth to mouth. He crawled along the branch a little further, its leaves rustled against the movements. He crawled a little further. Further. Furthe—

"Sasuke-kun what are you doing up there!?" Sakura cried from below.

Why don't you all just leave me ALONE!?

"SHH! Don't let them hear yo—"

SNAP.

----

That was the last straw.

Sasuke was panting, and his perfectly gelled chicken's butt hair was amuck. Not to mention the many smudges of chocolate cream on his face that showed his earlier torment. He was lucky to be alive. But that was it, and he was fuming.

His shirt had to be mended – the fangirls had tore holes in it – and disinfected. Heck, he would just have to scrap it.

His pants, they were beyond hope. The creamy white was covered with thorns and tree bark, more smudges of chocolate cream – that made it look like he had a little 'oopsies' – and the thread had been unraveled until it basically looked like a pair of undies.

Sasuke triple bolted his door, shoving a couple of chairs under the handle to be safe. He sealed every single window with duct tape and drew his curtains firmly across. His final step was to turn on the air conditioner, his source of ventilation.

Now he sat down on his sofa, a smirk playing on his lips. It was time for revenge, and to preserve his image, he'd do it without violence. Wasn't he such a good boy?

The phone rang. He had expected it. He let it ring a few more times before getting up and lazily walking towards it.

"Uchiha residence," he said into the receiver monotonously.

"Uchiha-san?" the voice in the phone asked, and when a silence was all it got, it continued. "You're supposed to be in school now."

"Hn?" Uchiha finally decided on his answer.

"Why aren't you in school?" the teacher on the other end finally asked again, after an awkward pause. "Are you sick?"

"Che, of those rampaging dogs? Definitely," He replied.

"You do know school is compulsory unless you have a legible reason Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke twitched, "I told you. I'm suffering from the Pissed-off and Violated Syndrome right now"

"No you didn't, and that's not even a—"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

His phone was obviously unavailable at the moment, or rather…unusable. He cursed a profanity under his breath and plopped back onto his sofa irritably. He thought for a long while, a very long while. His mind was surfing plots, many in which he tried to avoid—in other words the ones with murderous intents.

5 minutes.

10 minutes.

30 minutes.

Then he had it. His head jerked up along with his legs. He pulled out a piece of paper and snatched a pencil off the coffee table. A smile was painted on his face. A very, very diabolical smile.

"Booby traps," He chuckled.

The phone rang again. But wait a minute, his phone was dead. Oh right, it was his mobile. He sighed angrily and picked it up.

"What?" He growled.

"SASUKE YOU—Naruto stop it or I'll back hand you!" A females voice chided, "Sasuke-kun, why aren't you at school?"

"Sakura, don't wait for me tomorrow. If you do, don't blame me if anything happens to you"

"What why—"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Uchiha Sasuke seemed to have developed a habit for hanging up on people.

--------

Morning came, and—

"KYAAAAAH GOOD MORNING SASUKE-KUN!"

"RISE AND SHINE SWEETIE!"

No reply.

Pocky: Hope you enjoyed this twisted, not yet any action, chapter!

Next chapter preview: SASUKE'S UNDERWEAR KYAAAH!!

Pocky: Please support out hard working butts! Or rather...lazy. Pocky signing out, Ushii for the next chapter!

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-Ushii & Pocky