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Chapter 4
He groaned as he opened his eyes. His neck was stiff from the position it was in and Merlin tried to remember how he fell asleep on the sofa for the third night in a row. The first night was forgivable but his body protested from the lumpiness of the sofa.
He sat up and stretched, looking up at the photo. He knew from the very beginning that he didn't want to take part in the job and the last couple of days had just confirmed his initial thoughts. He wanted out. He wasn't going to do it. He just needed to tell Uther that.
Merlin turned to the clock. It was just a little after 8 and he knew that Uther would be with Arthur. They always met in the morning. Uther wanted to make sure that Arthur was going to be up to the job.
He got up and walked over to the kitchen to see what there was for breakfast. He opened all the cupboards to find them practically bare. He rubbed a hand down the side of his face as he tried to remember the last time he had been shopping. It was always something Freya would do. She would just pick up a few bits and bobs on her way back from work.
He turned away from the kitchen and the memory of her. He walked over to the lounge window and pulled back the curtains for the first time in five days. The sun was still rising but it felt too bright for Merlin's eyes. This is why he should never be on his own. He would only neglect himself, always putting his work first.
He looked back at the picture before looking around at his flat. He didn't even realise how messy it had got. He knew what he had to do. He was going to go and get some food before tidying up his flat and having a shower. Only then was he going to call Uther. For once, he was going to put himself first.
Merlin wondered down the aisle, looking for something that would inspire him to cook. He had got the main essentials but now he was just looking for a few meals to keep himself going for a couple of days until he had the chance to go out and do a proper shop. He picked up a few things that he knew he could easily do something with.
He smiled at the woman behind the counter as she started scan the items.
"I haven't seen you about recently."
"Work has been a little hectic recently."
"Anything else I can get you?" She asked.
Merlin knew that he should fight the urge but there was no one to stop him now. "Berkeley Superkings. 20 pack please."
The woman turned to get them. "I thought that you had stopped."
"I had but sometimes the urge is too much."
She scanned them and told him to total before looking at him. "Are you okay?"
He smiled at her. "I have been better."
"I know that you loved her and I am sure she had her reasons for leaving you. I haven't the foggiest why but I know that she wouldn't have wanted you to wallow in self pity."
"No, she wouldn't have. Thanks." He said before leaving.
He felt refreshed after having a shower and something to eat. It just reminded him again that he had to look after himself. The woman in the shop was right. He could just hear Freya rant about how tired he looked or how messy the flat was or how he had sat around all day doing nothing.
The packet of cigarettes laid on the lounge table. He rubbed his hands as he looked at it. He shouldn't have bought them. He had been fighting the urge for so long now. She wouldn't want him to give up now.
At that thought, he grabbed the packet and took one out. He wasn't as strong as people thought. Everyone thinks that assassins would be heartless and emotionless. Merlin was the exact opposite. He cared so much it hurt sometimes. He cared about his family and his friends. He cared a hell of a lot about Freya. He changed so much just so he could try and give her a normal life but still do his job. They had moved six times due to her job and he just followed her to wherever she needed to be.
He took a long drag and felt the relief of the smoke filling his mouth. He forgot how much he did actually enjoy it. He knew the bad sides to smoking but that made it more appealing. He killed for a living, why should anyone else be the one to kill him than himself.
He fell down onto the sofa and dug into his pocket for his phone. He had to do it now or he was scared he never would. His thumb hovered over the number for a few moments before he tapped it and brought it to his ear. The dull ringing tone made him more anxious about what he was doing.
"Uther Pendragon, how can I help?"
"It's Emrys."
"Emrys. Have you done it?" He sounded shocked.
"No, this isn't that type of call. You will have to tell your shareholder that he will have to hire someone else to do his dirty work." He looked up at the photo. "I don't want anything to do with it."
"He asked for you specifically."
"I don't care. I can't do it."
"I don't think you understood me."
"No Uther, I don't think you understood me. I am not doing it and I will give you the reason why. Look up Le Fay." Merlin hung up afterwards.
He groaned as his last words. Uther was a busy man so he hoped that he wouldn't find the time and would just forget the name.
He kept looking at the photo with one question still in his mind. Why would someone want an assassin dead?