CHAPTER 4
A/N: So I've finally got my new laptop and this is my first official fanfiction post with it, and I can guilt trip you all for reviews because it's my birthday, ha ha x
Dean was dead. He could see himself, lying alone on the operating table, not moving.
There were no staff around, no Doctor's trying to revive him, even though Doctor Singer had promised he wasn't there.
Dean supposed this must be an out-of-body experience, but as he looked down on himself, not breathing, he suddenly realised he didn't have a body to go back into.
Fighting off his anxiety, Dean quietly exited the operating theatre to find someone, anyone that could help him, he'd be damned if he was going to stay a disembodied spirit forever.
Dean was surprised he could actually walk through the hospital, he half-expected he would fall through the floors.
He didn't really know much about ghosts, or any sort of Supernatural being, he really should though.
Among other things, Dean was slightly concerned that it didn't seem to bother him that he was dead, that he hadn't made it, it had been inevitable, he supposed.
What really bothered him was that he couldn't see anyone, the whole place was like a deserted ghost town, he supposed he should find that phrase offensive now.
Dean shook his head, the hospital was exactly the same in every way except he couldn't see anyone.
Then, suddenly, it hit him. Maybe because he wasn't a Human anymore, it wasn't that no one was there, it was that he just couldn't see them, like they couldn't see him.
Dean began to panic and made a beeline for his hospital ward. When he got there, he couldn't see the one thing he wanted to see.
"Sam?" He called out, looking around the room, but there was nothing there. "SAM!"
"Sam is not here." Came a sudden, inhuman voice. Dean turned and gasped in shock as he was faced with an almost translucent creature with a horrifying face, it was floating a few inches from the ground and was more what Dean expected a ghost to look like.
Dean's survival instincts kicked in immediately and he bolted for the door, trying to find Sam, Mom, anyone that could help.
He heard the air whooshing behind him as the ethereal spectre gained on him.
"You cannot escape me, Dean," it called out to him in it's hideously wispy voice, "I need to reap you..."
Dean suddenly collided with a wall and in a fit of pain found himself in his hospital bed, breathing heavily and staring up at the ceiling, his head was sore.
"You all right?" Asked Sam.
Dean turned to see the younger man looking at him in confusion.
Taking in his surroundings, Dean slowly sat up. "Yeah," he said after a while, lifting a hand to his throbbing forehead. "Weird dream, that's all."
"Have you got a headache?"Asked Sam, Dean nodded.
"Yeah, don't worry. It'll go away soon."
Sam nodded but Dean could still see he was worried.
As Dean got a proper look at Sam, perched on the side of his bed, he pushed all thoughts of his bizarre nightmare out of his head.
Sam's face looked drawn out and ill, not as ill as he had been previously but he definitely looked like he'd woken up on the wrong side of bed.
His eyes looked tired and his hair was a mess, and he looked a little glum.
"When did you get back?" Asked Dean, referring to Sam having to leave a few hours ago so they could finally get to the bottom of what was wrong with him. Dean had offered to go with him but Sam had gently reclined, telling him to get some sleep.
Dean had gratefully taken the offer but he wished he hadn't now.
"About 15 minutes ago," Sam said, "you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you."
Dean almost told him that he should have, to free him from his ridiculous nightmare, but the kid looked like he had enough to worry about.
"And?" Dean prompted, leaving the matter to rest. "What did they say?"
Sam's eyes wavered for a moment and he scratched his elbow, it was obvious he was feeling uncomfortable.
"Hey, you don't have to tell me." Dean reassured him gently, Sam and Dean's relationship had pretty much returned to normal after the awkward, hand-holding incident. But Dean could tell Sam still felt bad about it, but he couldn't think of any way to bring it up. Besides, now wasn't the time.
"No, it's not that I don't want to tell you," Sam explained, "I just know you're going to be worried."
Dean raised an eyebrow. "Well, I'm already worried so there's no point closing the stable doors after the horse has bolted."
Sam hummed in agreement. "all right," he said after a while, taking a deep breath. "I've got Pneumonia."
Dean jerked his head forward in shock, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What?"
Sam shrugged.
Dean's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "How the hell do you just catch Pneumonia?"
"Like I said," Sam began, "I'm a lot more susceptible to some stuff, Pneumonia's pretty common in H.I.V sufferers."
Dean nodded slightly. "My Uncle had Pneumonia." He said, although he neglected to mention that he died.
Dean was worried, from everything he'd heard and experienced Pneumonia was bad, and Sam didn't have a strong immune system anyway.
"Sammy," began Dean, "are you...?"
Sam could see that Dean was deeply worried, but he found he had no idea what to say to him.
"I'm okay," Sam admitted, "it was a bit of a shock, I'll give you that, but Doctor Singer reckons I'll recover just fine."
"So long as you're okay." Dean persisted.
Sam nodded, "I think I'm fine, I feel fine anyway."
"You don't look it." Said Dean before he could help himself. Sam laughed, dimples and all and it made him look better instantly, Dean couldn't help but smile too.
…
"Like some sort of Reaper?" Sam asked, and Dean clicked his fingers.
"Exactly! That's the word." He shook his head, "that was a creepy ass dream." He admitted.
Sam nodded, "yeah, you're good at that."
Dean couldn't help but grin.
"The only reason you're having these dreams is because the date for your operation has been set," Sam reminded him, Dean guessed he was trying to be comforting him but wasn't helping.
"Yeah." Dean agreed, smile gone.
"You need to stop worrying," said Sam, not a shadow of doubt in his voice. "You're gonna be fine, I just know you."
Dean laughed humourlessly, "I hope you're right, kid."
Sam grinned. "I'm always right."
Dean laughed again, "yeah, you are." He admitted quietly.
"I don't know how I would have done this without you, Sammy." Said Dean after a while, Sam wasn't smiling anymore, he was just staring.
Sam cleared his throat. "I'm sure you would have been just fine."
Dean shook his head, "no, I wouldn't have." He looked up at Sam, "I'm telling you this because there's a good chance I might not make it out next week-" Sam went to interrupt him but Dean shushed him.
"I just want to thank you, Sam. For putting up with me and helping me...you know...cope."
"I guess, you're welcome." Replied Sam after a while, the pair laughed but something in the air was changing and Sam couldn't put his finger on it.
Despite everything in his body screaming out in protest against it, Sam had to admit that Dean was right, there was the slightest of slight chances that this operation could go horribly wrong...it was in that moment that Sam realised Dean was saying goodbye.
"I don't want to say goodbye," Sam admitted softly, "I don't want to be faced with the prospect of losing you." These things were easier to say with his eyes glued to the ground, but it didn't make them easier to feel.
Sam knew from the start that some sort of ending was coming for Dean, that they wouldn't be in the hospital ward forever, but he'd always pushed it to the back of his mind, he figured there was no point in giving in any energy when it wasn't happening yet.
But now it was happening, now Dean had a life and death operation in a week and Sam didn't know if he could cope.
He put on pleasantries and hope for Dean but he was scared, he was so scared he wasn't going to be spending the rest of his life in this hospital ward with Dean.
Dean didn't know what to say for a moment, he knew he and Sammy were good friends and there had been something between them for a while now, something to make him question whether his feelings were unrequited.
But he was trying to say goodbye in the easiest way possible and Sam wouldn't let him.
"Sammy," began Dean, voice heavy. "I know it sucks, but you know as well as I do, that I might have to leave."
"You can't leave," Sam said, looking up at him, eyes brimming with emotion. "You can't leave me, I love you!"
The room was completely silent for a long time, it felt like hours. But the silence was doing enough talking for the both of them.
No matter how much Dean tried, he couldn't tear his gaze away from Sam's tear-filled eyes, and he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach.
In his subconscious, he wanted Sam to love him back, but it was also the last thing he wanted. Even though it hurt like hell, Dean didn't want the kid to waste that emotion on him, especially considering he was no good for him and especially considering he could die.
"Sam, you can't feel that way." Dean told him.
"I can't help it," Sam replied, emotion in his voice. "You don't see it," he continued, "you don't see that you're amazing and clever and funny," his voice braking as he ticked off his metaphorical list. "You're strong and you're brave and literally everything I ever wanted to be." He paused for a moment, trying to gage Dean's reaction but he couldn't. "I think I've been in love with you from the start," he admitted, "I just needed you to know that."
Sam watched as Dean shook his head, he looked genuinely miserable. "You can't have feeling's for me," he said, more to himself that Sam.
"All right," Said Sam, "I'll drop it, I promise, I'll act like nothing happened. Just look at me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel anything."
Dean complied, he looked into Sam's brown eyes, overflowing with tears and of course he felt it, he felt everything. He'd felt everything for a long time.
Looking into Sam's eyes made him powerless, it made him want to get down on his knees, it made him want to be selfish.
Dean shook his head and sighed to himself like he was telling himself off before he plunged and hand behind Sam's neck and crushed his lips to his.
Sam moaned as he made contact with Dean's lips for the first time, instinctively throwing his arms around Dean's neck and pulling him closer, his lips hot and soft and urging and everything Sam had wanted it to be.
Dean forgot, momentarily forgot Sam was sick and kissed him harder, swallowing the moans Sam made like it was life energy.
Sam opened his mouth and Dean found his tongue and it was everything he wanted in his life.
If the tumour decided to turn right now and kill him he'd die the happiest he'd ever been.
Dean finally broke off the kiss after the need for Oxygen won but he didn't take his hand from Sam's hair, he hadn't noticed that in the heat of the moment he'd put an arm around Sam's waist and Sam still had his arms around his neck and now the pair were impossibly close.
Dean searched Sam's closed eyes, and swollen lips, mouth open in bliss.
When Sam eventually opened his eyes they found Dean's and he smiled.
Dean couldn't help himself, it had been the right thing to do.
…
The next morning, Dean had barely had a chance to say hello to Sam before the nurses had come to take him away to some scan.
Generally this only served to piss him off but not today, today Dean was actually happy for the first time in a long time, he hadn't realised how much he'd missed it.
He knew he should feel bad, he knew he should hate himself for taking advantage of Sam or for letting things go too far when any number of bad things could happen to either one of them, and in a way, he did.
But Dean couldn't shake just how genuinely good he felt and he didn't want to let go of that, he figured it was at least fair to let himself have that for a little while.
Dean remembered what Sam had said to him, all the things he said about wanting to be just like Dean.
He remembered him telling him he loved him, it was something he doubted he'd ever forget. Despite the guilt and the sadness it also brought him a sort of light, a fulfilment he hadn't felt in a long time.
Dean knew he should have said it back, because it was true. Oh God it was true, but the words just didn't come out.
He didn't want Sam to feel like he was leading him on or that he didn't feel the same, but the way he had looked when Dean had kissed him suggested he was quite content with everything the way it was.
Maybe that was it, Dean thought to himself, maybe Sam was his second chance? Maybe they'd genuinely have a shot at this, maybe they'd both get out just fine.
…
Sam smiled at a Doctor he had never met before as he sat at his desk, he momentarily wondered where Doctor Singer was.
"Hello Sam, my name is Doctor Jenner," he introduced himself, offering a hand to Sam.
"Hello." Sam replied politely, taking the Doctor's hand and shaking it.
"Now we've taken some blood tests and I would like to start you on some new pills to try and clear your chest," Doctor Jenner explained, "how are you feeling?"
Sam smiled again, more out of habit than anything else. "It feels like I have a terrible cold," he admitted honestly, "but I feel better everyday, like my bones are getting stronger."
Doctor Jenner smiled and nodded. "That's good, Sam. That's very good. Whilst Pneumonia is fairly common for people suffering with H.I.V, a lot of people overcome it quite easily. While your immune system wasn't at it's best when you acquired Pneumonia, it certainly looks like you'll make a decent recovery."
Sam sighed in relief. "That's good, I was worried."
Jenner smiled again, "no need to be worried, your tests show you're in good health."
Sam smiled despite the fact Doctor Jenner was completely wrong, he wasn't relieved because he was going to be okay, he was pretty sure about that from the start. He was relieved he had the conformation so Dean would stop jumping out of his skin every time he coughed, Dean needed his mind to be put at ease, especially with his operation coming up.
Thinking about Dean made Sam smile, he knew he shouldn't act like a love sick teenager over it, but he couldn't help it. Dean was his friend, so the familiarity was there, but now there was a whole new side of him he was going to get to see, he wanted to giggle but it wasn't exactly helping with the gay stereotype. Everything was going his way, all his positive thinking couldn't be for nothing.
…
"This is...lovely..." Ellen began awkwardly, and Dean and Sam snickered.
The Wesson family and the Winchester family were all sat around a table in the empty hospital canteen.
The food wasn't exactly the best but it didn't make anyone want to puke.
"You'd think you'd get better treatment." Mary began, Dean rolled his eyes.
"We don't always eat here, but since you're bombarding us with your presence..."
Mary punched Dean lightly in the arm and Gabriel leant into Sam. "They're like best mates."
Sam shrugged, "it's cool." He admitted,
He looked over to where Dean was laughing with his Mom and leant on his arm, watching him.
Dean caught Sam's eye and grinned at him, Sam tried not to blush.
It was fair to say that the two families weren't exactly best pals yet, Mary and Ellen got on well and Dean and Gabriel were really started to hit it off, Michael however, seemed to being pretty inclusive, he didn't make any effort to talk to anyone.
Whilst Dean's Dad hadn't been amazing, he was at least friendly.
Another awkward thing that came from both of their families being there was that Sam really just wanted to be with Dean. He wanted to kiss him and hold him instead of furtively looking at him across the table.
"So, Sam said you played football before all this." Said Gabriel, looking at Dean.
Dean nodded. "Yeah, a little bit,"
Gabriel nodded. "You gonna go back to it?" He asked.
Dean shrugged. "I'm not sure, I'll probably still play but not full time."
"Fair enough," Gabriel said, "you got any other plans? I know Sam's being geeky and going back to school." Sam rolled his eyes as Gabriel shook him jokingly.
Dean laughed. "Actually," Dean continued, eyes drifting to Sam. "I'm going to go College."
Mary looked up. "Really?" She asked, glee in her eyes.
Dean nodded, "yeah, best next move after High school and all that."
Mary positively beamed, Dean glanced at Sam to see him smiling proudly at him.
Dean wished they were closer together, he wanted to hold his hand under the table at least.
"What are you studying?" Asked Ellen.
Dean smiled. "Literature."
Mary quirked an eyebrow and Sam smiled behind his hand. Mary wouldn't know, how could she know, how much Dean read when it was only him and Sam. Sam could see the way he devoured every word, the way he truly enjoyed reading to Cas.
Cas hopped from his seat and sat on Dean's lap, Dean snaked his arms around the 6 year olds waist to keep him in place.
Cas looked up at Dean with interest. "Dean, what's..." he looked like he was struggling for a moment, "litatore?"
Dean smiled despite himself. "Lit-er-a-ture, Cas. It means books."
"Oh!" Said Cas delightedly, "you can write new books for us! We can be the characters!" Cas was giddy as he formed the plot line to his masterpiece in his head. "I can be king of the pirates, and you and Sam have to hide the treasure from everyone!"
Dean laughed.
"Us against the world," said Sam, staring at Dean. "That sounds like us."
"Hey Sam, pass the salt please." Said Michael suddenly, effectively cutting off the intimate staring contest between Sam and Dean.
Sam blushed as he looked away and Dean just wanted to grab him and never let go. Sam dutifully picked up the salt and stood to lean across the table and pass it to his Father, but as he stood, his brain clouded and he felt suddenly weak.
Sam stumbled and dropped the salt, the crack as it hit the floor was loud and reverberated inside Dean's sensitive skull, Dean had already stood and was ready to make the mad dash for Sam if he saw him falling again, but Sam managed to steady himself and regain his balance.
Ellen looked worriedly at Sam and Gabriel put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "You all right, buddy?"
Sam nodded and smiled slightly even though he looked flushed. "Yes, I just felt a bit weak suddenly, I'm fine though."
Ellen nodded but there was still concern in her eyes, Gabriel retracted his hand but it looked like he didn't want to.
Dean stared worriedly across to Sam from the other side of the table, he was still stood.
Not wanting to make things more awkward for Sam, he slowly sat down, feeling the tremors of a new and familiar headache in his skull.
Sam sat down again and he was laughing.
"What?" Asked Gabriel.
Sam tried in vain to conceal his smile. "I did a Dean." He said before laughing again.
Everyone around the table joined in with the laughter aside from Cas and Dean. Cas, most probably because he didn't get the joke, and Dean because he was too busy rolling his eyebrows and making a mental note to tell Sam how very not funny he was.
…
Gabriel was watching over Sam as he rested on one of the chairs in the canteen. He'd closed his eyes for a moment and hadn't opened them in ten minutes, Gabriel assumed he'd fallen asleep but didn't want to wake him, he looked so peaceful.
After a moment, Sam blearily opened his eyes and shifted on the seat, he looked up to see Gabriel looking down on him and grinning, he recoiled slightly in shock and frowned, sitting up.
"Did I fall asleep?" He asked, looking around.
"Only for a minute," Gabriel told him, "I didn't want to disturb you."
Sam smiled at his brother. "Thanks."
Gabe smiled back.
Sam continued to look around the canteen. "Where's D...everyone?" He quickly changed, blushing. Gabriel smirked, nothing about Sammy could get past him.
"They all went back to the ward." He explained, "you were asleep and they didn't want to wake you up," his lip twitched in amusement as he contemplated bringing it up. "It was a job trying to get Dean to leave without you."
Sam looked up to his brother. "Really?" He asked, sounding more satesfied than he should have been.
Gabriel nodded. "You guys have gotten pretty close lately." He observed after a while.
Sam merely shrugged, Gabriel frowned slightly. Sam never shrugged stuff off.
"We're friends." He answered simply, "we get on well. I guess that's what happens when you're stuck with each other."
Gabriel nodded once. "I'd have thought you'd be tearing each others hair out by now, especially seeing as Dean doesn't seem the type to make friends too easily."
"You know what? He used to be," Sam admitted, savouring the fact he was finally able to be genuinely open to someone about his feelings for Dean. "He used to be so reserved, like some kind of loner, and he used to be so sad." The memory of Dean's near-constant misery hurt Sam in a way it didn't use to when his feelings for the older man weren't so strong.
"But nowadays," Sam continued, "I can see happiness in his eyes, I really can. In a really weird way, it's made me the happiest I've ever been.'
"That was always so you," Gabriel admitted.
"What?" Asked Sam.
"Sam Wesson," Gabriel explained, "saving the world one person at a time."
…
When Sam finally made it back to the ward, Dean was sat on the end of Sam's bed, reading. He looked up when Sam walked in and a grin crept across his face.
"Hey." He greeted.
Sam flopped down onto the bed on his stomach next to Dean. Dean just stared at him, funny smile still in place.
"So," began Sam, "literature, then?" He asked.
Dean shrugged and looked away, book-marking his page. "I know, a little ponce-y, right?"
Sam laughed and shook his head. "Not at all, I think it's great!"
It was always the genuine enthusiasm in the kids voice that always got to Dean.
"What made you think of it?" Sam continued.
"Well," began Dean, shuffling so he was sat closer to Sam, Sam suddenly became uncomfortably aware at how close they were. Sam was attracted enough to Dean when he wasn't even trying, he figured his head was going to explode now that Dean was.
"I was always the tough guy," Dean continued, "you know, big and strong, don't screw with my little brother or I'll kill you."
Sam snickered.
"I always cared way to much about what people thought about me." Dean admitted honestly, snaking out a hand to Sam.
Sam reached forward and held Dean's hand, he shivered as Dean began gently massaging the back of his hand with his thumb.
"But in here I'm not the tough guy." Dean carried on, Sam looked up to him again. "It's surprisingly liberating, and I don't really care what people think anymore because only a few opinions really matter, so I'm doing what I want."
Sam was swelling with pride. In a way, he'd sort of made Dean like this, it was like admiring your own handy work. But in another way, it was seeing the person you loved more than anyone you'd ever loved finding themselves, it was a high Sam had never experienced before.
Dean suddenly noticed how intensely Sam was staring at him and he momentarily thought that holding his hand was the wrong move until Sam reached up and with his free hand brought Dean's face down to his and pressed his lips to his.
Dean tentatively allowed himself to sink into the kiss, not wanting to come on too strong considering Sam's track record with relationships wasn't great.
Kissing Sam was like breathing, not like some trashy Vampire romance where he needed his love like air or he'd starve, but it was like second nature.
Something he could easily do for the rest of his life and not give a second thought to.
Dean was so scared that when that bubbling mass of tension finally came to a head between them it was going to be so intense it would ultimately be self-destructive.
But it wasn't, obviously Dean could feel the passion, he could feel the way he wanted Sam in a way he'd never wanted another man. But he felt like he'd loved Sam his whole life and he just couldn't quite remember it.
Dean moaned as he felt Sam's hand around his neck tighten, Sam retracted his other hand from Dean's and slid it around his neck to join his other like a vice, pulling Dean closer.
"We were so stupid," he whispered against Dean's skin. "I've wanted to do this for so long."
Dean nodded. "I know, me too." He agreed, arousal clear in his voice.
Sam clutched at Dean's neck again and smashed their lips back together. Dean could feel Sam's tongue against his lips and obligingly opened his mouth.
He heard Sam moan at the contact and it nearly made him cum in his pants like he was 13.
Dean ran his hands up Sam's back until they were clutching at his collarbone and he slowly lowered him down onto the bed, never once breaking the kiss.
Sam loved the feeling of Dean's weight on top of him, weighing him down and he finally felt like a whole person despite the fact he couldn't recall ever feeling less of one.
Sam was so caught up in the moment that he didn't notice anything was wrong, he slid his hand under Dean's t-shirt and he could feel his abs.
Dean shuddered and Sam assumed his hands must have been cold. Sam looked up in shock when Dean's mouth was gone, when the weight of his body was gone.
He looked up to see Dean straddling his hips, supporting himself on his arms with a look of concern on his face.
"Dean?" Asked Sam worriedly, sitting up as far as Dean's restricting body would let him. "Dean, what's wrong?"
"Are you sure you want this?" Asked Dean, his voice was harder than Sam had expected.
Sam's brow furrowed. "Dean, what are you talking about?"
"I don't want you to do this just to...impress me or make me happy or something." He explained, voice softer now. "I mean, I get it."
"Get what?" Asked Sam, running a hand over Dean's clothed chest. Dean closed his eyes at the feeling for a moment.
"I get that you would be uncomfortable with sex," Dean explained, "after what happened."
Sam suddenly understood what Dean was trying to say and got why he couldn't say it straight. Sam hadn't even given a thought to what Gary had done to him, nothing about what was happening with Dean right now reminded him of it.
Sam was glad Dean had stopped him though, glad he had a chance to think about it before he rushed into anything. He was glad that Dean was willing to put off physical intimacy just to make sure Sam was at ease.
"Thank you," Sam said, Dean smiled at him and went to move away but Sam held onto his arms, kept him there. Being in that position and holding Dean the way he was holding him, Sam had never actually realised how big Dean was before.
"But..." Sam continued, "I can't dwell on it for the rest of my life," he grinned slightly, "it's time for me to take my own advice. I trust you," Sam admitted, "and...I want you to make love to me."
Dean merely nodded, but Sam could see his eyes were screaming as he leant down and kissed Sam softly again.
The pair were stood by the bed and tentatively began stripping their clothes until they were both stood only in boxers.
Sam finally had a chance to admire Dean's glorious body, his years of football had done him well, making him chiselled and defined and even more beautiful.
Sam was more muscular than Dean had been expecting but he was still small, Dean felt almost bad, and almost weird that he was about to have sex with a guy, but a large part of his mind didn't even care.
Dean watched as Sam walked to his bedside table and opened the bottom drawer, Dean quirked an eyebrow as he saw Sam fish out foil packets of lube and condoms.
"You come prepared?" He asked, "is there something between you and one of the male nurses I should know about?"
Sam laughed nervously, placing the items on his bed. "One of Mom's rules," he explained. "Ever since the..." he trailed off, he didn't have to say anymore.
Dean walked to Sam and kissed him slowly on the mouth, hoping to expel some of that nervousness.
He heard Sam giggling against his lips as he pulled away again, hand still cupping Sam's cheek and titling his face up to his.
"So, um..." began Dean, not sure how to word his next sentence. "How do we do this?" He asked, causing Sam to smile.
"Hey, don't laugh!" Dean protested embarrassedly.
"I want you to top me," Sam said, blushing.
Dean nodded. Despite how much he loved Sam, being the receiver on their first time might be a bit too much for him.
"You won't be at risk of catching it." Sam explained, "if you top and even if we always wear protection..." Sam babbled on.
Dean nodded seriously. "It's okay, Sammy. I trust you."
Sam nodded and tentatively sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.
Dean slid his boxers down his legs and discarded them on the floor before climbing onto the bed, straddling Sam again.
Dean tried to ignore Sam staring, aware that he was already half hard and a decent size.
"Woah." Said Sam softly.
"Don't make me giggle in bed," said Dean, "it's unprofessional."
And man did that set Sam off, he must have been laughing non-stop for about ten minutes.
Dean rolled his eyes. "You're useless at being sexy and seductive, do you know that?"
Sam stopped laughing and looked up at Dean, reaching out with a hand to touch his collarbone, to explore parts of Dean Winchester he hadn't got the chance to before.
Dean stared down at Sam. "Sammy, look, this is kind of my first time with a guy..."
Sam nodded, "I know, don't worry, I'll talk you through it."
Dean nodded gratefully as he leant down and captured Sam's mouth into a kiss.
He felt Sam's surprisingly strong hands wrap around his cock and begin stroking him softly, Dean moaned involuntarily into Sam's mouth as Sam's movements began to get quicker.
Dean convulsed and pulled away. "Sammy," he breathed out as he saw Sam's hand flying over his cock, it was the most erotic thing he'd ever seen. After another moment, Sam pulled his hand away and Dean felt suddenly empty.
His cock was now fully hard and pressed against his stomach, Dean breathed heavily for a moment.
"Is there anything you want me to do for you?" He asked, eyes dark. Sam shook his head.
Not listening, Dean reached a hand out and pulled Sam's boxers down his legs and threw them on the floor.
He stared at Sam's hard member, it was long and thick and Dean found himself wondering what that would feel like inside him.
Dean had never given a hand job before, he slowly reached out with one hand and gripped Sam's dick loosely in one hand.
"Dean," Sam breathed out as Dean began shallowly rubbing Sam's cock. The faces Sam were making were unbelievable. His eyes closed and he opened his mouth but no sounds were coming out, it was so fucking hot Dean could have stared at it all night.
After a few moments, Sam shot his hand out and stilled Dean's. "Stop, or I'm gonna come."
Dean nodded and retracted his hand.
"Can you pass me the lube?" Sam asked quietly.
Dean nodded and reached around behind him and fumbled for one of the foil packets and handed it to Sam.
Dean watched, transfixed, as Sam awkwardly ripped the packet open and drizzled some of the lube onto two of his fingers.
Dean was a complete novice to this, he had no idea what Sam was going to do.
He very nearly salivated when Sam shifted between them so he was showing his puckered, pink hole and he then reached down and began circling his entrance with his wet fingers.
Dean's eyes widened in pure arousal as he watched Sam dip a finger into himself and begin moving his hand. It wasn't long before he added a second finger, Dean watched his hole greedily swallow the two digits and saw the look of pure animalistic pleasure on Sam's face.
"Fuck, Sammy."Dean growled.
Sam opened his eyes and met Dean's. Not thinking straight, Dean took hold of Sam's hand and slowly eased it away from his ass, watching as his fingers slid, unresisting, from his dripping hole.
"Dean?" Asked Sam, but his voice came out in a whisper.
Dean ever so slowly pushed one of his own fingers against Sam's entrance and Sam arched his back, moaning. Dean tried to mimic the way Sam had moved his hand inside himself. He was so hot and tight around Dean's finger and the filthy moans spilling from Sam made his cock grow harder.
"Oh God, Dean," Sam's voice came out in a breathy moan. "God, deeper, please. Add another one."
Dean tentatively pushed another finger into Sam's quivering hole and stilled his movements, not sure what he was supposed to do.
He looked to see Sam was staring up at him, face flushed and dripping with sweat.
"Scissor your fingers," Sam explained, "open me up."
Dean began to gently make scissoring movements with his fingers, too caught up in Sam's breathy moans to care about much else.
Dean experimentally curled his fingers and Sam cried out, arching his back and curling his toes.
Dean stilled immediately. "Jesus, Sam are you all right?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah, prostate." He explained.
Oh.
Dean slowly pulled his fingers from Sam as Sam made an effort to sit up a little straighter. He leant around Dean and pulled a condom from behind him.
He tried to open it with shaking fingers and Dean carefully took it from him. Sam watched as Dean ripped the foil packet with his teeth, he took out the condom and rolled it down his impossibly hard cock.
Sam stared into Dean's eyes as he lowered himself back onto the bed. Dean shifted down so he was again hovering over Sam but supporting his weight on his arms so not to crush him.
There was no noise the room, just the sound of their heavy breathing. The pair couldn't look anywhere but at each other as Dean felt Sam's hand around his cock, guiding it towards his entrance.
Dean felt the tip of his cock bump against Sam's skin and he shuddered, it was so long since he'd had sex, so long since he'd even jerked off, there was something about a hospital ward that took you out of the mood.
"Are you sure?" Asked Dean one final time.
Sam nodded.
Dean slowly pushed himself forward and felt the full force of his cock breeching Sam's muscles.
Sam arched his back and scraped down Dean's back with his nails, Dean growled at the pain but it was more of a turn on than anything else.
He waited for Sam to nod again before he sank in, watching as Sam's hole swallowed all nine and a half inches of his dick.
As he got full seated he stilled completely, allowing Sam to get used to his girth. Being inside Sam was unbelievable, it was so tight he felt like his cock was going to suffocate and it was so hot...Dean was genuinely worried that he would come just by shifting.
It was the most bizarre and amazing thing he'd ever felt in equal measure, Dean genuinely found that he preferred this to all of the women he'd slept with. But then he assumed sleeping with someone you had genuine feelings for made it so much better.
Dean didn't precisely know what he was doing, he'd found Sam's prostate out of luck last time he had no idea how he was supposed to do it again.
But he knew he should stay still until Sam said it was okay for him to move. But Sam didn't say that, he didn't tell Dean he could move.
He moved himself, he jerked and twisting his hips back and Dean thought he'd die from pure feeling alone.
Sam twisted his hips to the right and moaned loudly, gasping, and Dean suddenly realised what he was doing, he was showing Dean how to move, how to please him.
Dean placed both hands on Sam's hips and stilled them, Sam opened his eyes and met Dean's.
Without saying a word, Dean pulled out slowly and plunged back in, angling his thrust to the right.
Sam sighed contentedly and leant his head back, closing his eyes again. It was one of the most beautiful things Dean had ever seen, he realised how much he wanted to do this. How much he wanted to give Sam all the pleasure in the world and see him make that face everyday. Dean had well and truly fallen, and he didn't even care.
Dean pulled out again, and thrust back in at the same angle, Sam gasped loudly and grabbed onto Dean's arms.
"Dean!" He gasped out.
Dean continued to fuck Sam slowly, with long, hard thrusts. Dean leant down and kissed Sam, hard. Swallowing his moans.
"Dean, Dean..." Sam breathed out between their kisses,"harder, please..."
Dean complied, he knew in that moment he'd do anything Sam asked him to do, he'd never felt a pleasure as intense or as erotic as this, the pressure in his cock was becoming too much, he knew he was going to come any moment.
"Sam," Dean almost whimpered, letting his head fall onto Sam's shoulder as he sharply thrusted into him faster than before, losing control of himself, hitting his sweet spot every time.
"Sammy, I'm gonna come..."
"Me too." Sam answered, a look of sweet agony on his face, Dean wrapped a hand around Sam's cock and began jerking him off in time with his thrusts, Sam cried out loudly before spurting thick, white ropes of come all over his stomach and Dean's fist.
Sam's ass clenched around Dean's cock unbelievably tightly and pushed him over the edge, Dean could feel his come filling up the condom.
Dean collapsed onto Sam, feeling his arms wrap around his waist. He could have happily stayed there forever but he felt his cock softening inside Sam.
He leant back and gently eased himself out of Sam, not wanting to cause pain to his over-sensitised skin.
As Dean slowly pulled the condom off of himself, he noticed Sam, lying on the bed, looking fucked out and covered in his own come.
It was the most surreal experience Dean had ever had.
Dean tied the condom off and threw it in the bin, collecting the tissues Sam had from his cough and wiping his cock clean, the sensation was almost painful.
Dean saw Sam smiling contented up at him as Dean leant forward and wiped the come from Sam's stomach.
Sam's face was instantly worried. "Be careful with that!" He said, "don't let it..."
"Sammy, it's okay." Dean assured him, scrunching the tissue into a ball and throwing it into the bin from the bed.
"Look, all gone."
Sam smiled. "I'm sorry, I just don't want anything to happen to you."
"Nothing is going to happen to me," Dean assured him, lying down next to Sam. "I promise."
Sam rolled over so that his head was lying on Dean's chest, Dean slid an arm around his shoulder and held him close. They were both still naked but neither were cold, they supposed the post-coital bliss was keeping them warm,
"So," began Sam, angling his head up so he could see Dean, "was sex with a guy anything you expected?"
Dean laughed and shook his head. "Not one bit." He admitted, "anyway, it wasn't sex with a guy, it was you."
Sam stared at him for a few moments. "Did you enjoy yourself?" He asked.
Dean looked down at Sam. "I've honestly never enjoyed myself more."
A smile crept onto Sam's face. "Really?"
Dean nodded. "It was amazing."
"I love you," said Sam settling into Dean's chest, Dean kissed him on the forehead, he still had no idea why he couldn't say it.
Sam knew Dean hadn't said it, he knew it was the second time Dean hadn't said it, but he didn't care, he was just too damn happy.
Besides, it was obvious that Dean admitting love to anyone would take a long time even if he did feel that way.
One step at a time.
"I was so confused," Dean finally said after a while.
Sam angled his head up so he could see him, Dean's emerald eyes were wide and staring at the ceiling, he didn't look troubled, just perplexed. He knew he'd get a punch if he said it out loud, but it was one of Dean's most adorable traits. "Confused about what?" He asked.
"You," Dean answered, causing Sam to look at him quizzically. "I mean, I was so confused because I didn't think I was gay. I honestly didn't." Dean was silent for a moment, "I don't even think I am." Dean admitted finally, "I know it's a trivial thing to get caught up on but there is no other guy."
He pulled Sam closer. "I think you're just special."
Sam grinned and looked up at him. "Are you still confused now?" He asked.
Dean shook his head, "not anymore."
Sam leant up and kissed Dean slowly, it was the closest to pure happiness Dean thought he'd ever been. In that moment, the tumour, the H.I.V, the operation even his Father, it just didn't matter. He felt warm and alive and safe, he felt himself again. Sam settled down in between the crook of Dean's neck and shoulder and closed his eyes, breathing softly. Dean smiled to himself as he felt the weight from his shoulders lifting, within the next half an hour they were both asleep.
…
Dean woke up around three hours later, Sam's warm body still draped over him. Dean had never felt more comfortable or warm, but he reluctantly slid from under Sammy's body, trying not to wake him.
He crept back to his own bed and slipped under the covers, they were cold and they didn't smell like Sam.
Dean hated leaving him but he didn't want the nurses to get suspicious.
As Dean watched Sam sleeping soundly in the other bed, he was yearning to go right back over there and hold him again.
His mind wandered to all the nights he'd be able to do that, to all the freedom they'd have when they got out of here.
Dean smiled as he watched Sammy sleep. Don't worry, he thought to himself. We'll be okay