Jacob spent the next few days phased in the woods, he refused to leave, refused to do anything other than run patrol. Last I heard Bella was with the visiting leach and Paul did his best to keep me up to date on what was happening outside of my room. He brought me new books but I never had the energy to read them. That broke my heart, the books sat in stacks and I lay in my bed not knowing why it was so hard to move. Every time I lifted an arm it felt as if I had run a thousand miles and lifted a car over my head. The weight in my chest seemed to grow with every passing moment, something was missing and I couldn't find it within myself.

The world had seemed to grow grey and bleak as the days passed. The clouds had dominated the sky's and the rain almost seemed never-ending. The Thunder didn't scare me but the darkness it brought with and the howling wind seemed to bring back moments I wish I could forget. The darkness always crawled into my room and its bleeding edges touched and clawed at my skin until I hid under my quilt and passed out from exhaustion.

The curtains were open and the sun was streaming into the room for the first time in weeks. The light seemed to mock me with its glowing youth. It beckoned me to leave to walk under its beautiful rays if only this weight wasn't settling in my limbs and keeping me under.

The room was silent for a moment and heavy footsteps climbed the stairs and stopped.

"Avery?" Paul asked from the doorway

I sat up and looked at him

"Look at you. You're a mess," He sat down next to me and grabbed the hairbrush, "Turn around." he brushed my hair and I leaned into his hands, relaxed for the first time in days. His hands brought comfort and warmth to my cold bones, but something was missing, the heaviness was still there and it was weighing me down the more he touched me. I knew it wasn't right, nothing Paul could do would help this go away.

He ran his fingers through my hair, "Jacob wants to talk to you."

My shoulders slumped and I shook my head. My heart clenched in my chest at his name, and I pulled in a ragged breath.

"Come on. You can't ignore him forever." He told me braiding my long black hair behind me.

'He hasn't talked to me. Why should I listen just because he's ready now.' I signed to him sadly

"Someone has to be the bigger person." Paul groaned flopping onto the bed next to me

'He can.' I told him with my hands

"He's trying. He wants to talk to you, but you can't leave your room. Is what happened before still bothering you?" he asked softly

Silence.

"Come on Ave, talk to me, please."

Lifting my heavy arms, 'He haunts me at night. The shadows claw at my skin and try to take me away," tears burned in my eyes

"Jesus, Avery." He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me

'He's in my dreams.'

He growled low in his chest.

'Jacob shows up in my dreams…'

The growling stopped, "What happens."

'He saves me from the darkness and I wake up every morning and when I'm alone my heart breaks.'

"You need to talk to him."

'He doesn't want me. But I think he's the only thing that can save me.'

"Can you at least talk to him Ave? Please?" he asked tightening his arms around me

I got up and, tossed a blanket over Paul's head. I dressed in my jeans and Paul's large sweater, and we left. The wind was gentle and the sun warmed my skin. Paul walked us down to Jacob's house and we walked inside to find Billy watching some kind of sports game.

Paul laughed and slapped Billy on the back, "Hey, Billy! Where's Jake?" Paul asked as he opened the fridge, and then closed it again

"Hello, Avery. You doin good?" I nodded with a small smile and he turned to Paul, "He's out in the garage. And stay out of my fridge Paul I already have to feed one black hole." He chuckled

We walked back outside into the sunlight and Paul dragged me over to the garage.

"Jake!" he called out into the oil-stained room smelling of gasoline and rust

"What do you want Paul?" he called out from under the car

"She's here." He sang into the air as he sat in the corner and propped his feet up

There was a loud crash as Jake tried to get out from under the car he was under

He sprang to his feet and gazed at me a little scared and confused.

"Hey, Ave," he said smiling awkwardly

I nodded.

"I really wanted to talk to you."

I nodded again and walked outside of the garage into the warm glow of the sun again. I could hear his heavy feet following me as I went. I stopped near the road and turned back to him.

"Ave. I made a really big mistake. I should never have ignored you, not for her." He looked at me, "You were hurt, you needed a friend. I've been killing myself over this. I left you alone when you needed me. I can't stop seeing your face broken from that day. I see it every time I close my eyes. I guess you had Paul, but it kills me that I couldn't see past that stupid game to know that you needed me, that I was ignoring the best thing to happen to me in forever. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I realized I need to be in your life. I want to be your friend, I want to be with you."

Tears were forming in my eyes and they burned. I wanted to run to him. Hold him and hug him close and never let go. I wanted to let him fix me and help me. I wanted to sit with him as he fixed his cars and read as he worked. The darkness crept into my mind and the air left my lung in one foul swoop.

His voice crept into my mind and in a disgustingly sweet dark voice, 'No one wants you. You're damaged. You're broken. You're used and disgusting. He doesn't want you. He'll never want to be with you. You're not her. You'll never be like she is. She is beautiful, smart, and he wants her. He'll never love you. He'll never love you." It taunted me

I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and looked up at him as the tears started to run down my face, I took another deep ragged breath. My throat was raw and scratchy, it hurt to breathe now, hurt even more to talk, "That's all so wonderful Jacob. I know you've been thinking I know you feel guilty. You don't have to feel bad about not being with me I know you're only doing this because she left." I tasted blood in the back of my throat the more I spoke

"That's not why I'm saying this!" he pleaded

"So, she didn't leave? You're choosing me because she's still here and you want me instead?" I looked at him with hope in my eyes and doubt seething in my words

"I want you Ave. I know deep down I always have." He told me holding me by my upper arms

"Answer my question, Jake."

"No, I don't see the point. I know that I want you. To be your friend, anything at all."

"Did she leave?" I spoke with a cracking rough voice

"What?"

"Did she leave?" I asked again tears burning my eyes. My fists clenched at my sides and I looked him in the eyes. He avoided the question and wouldn't answer.

"Paul! I called out as loud as I could manage

He ran out from inside the garage, a huge grin on his face "Hey, you're talking again. What is it? What's wrong?"

"Did Bella leave Forks?" I asked in a whisper

He looked between me and Jake. "Ave, I don't know. Maybe you should just listen to what he has to say."

"Did she leave?" I asked louder now, pleading with my eyes for the truth

He nodded.

"That's what I thought. You would never just choose me. I'm just your friend when you want me to be. When Bella isn't here. I'm broken, disgusting and used. No one would want me unless they had to." I whispered as tears fell

"No! Ave it's not what it seems." He pleaded as I pulled away

I started to walk away from him when he pulled me back.

"No, don't touch me, Jake. I don't want to be your second choice. I don't want to be anyone's second choice."

"You're not!"

"You waited until she left to come talk to me. You waited until she was gone to do anything."

"That doesn't matter. She doesn't matter, Ave."

"She mattered a few days ago. So, what changed Jake?"

"She isn't you."

"I've never been her. So that's not good enough." I told him

I walked away from him. No one followed me. The further I got the more my heart broke, pain filled howls followed behind me. The world started to tip and turn as my head was going fuzzy and my vision was going black at the edges. My heart was breaking and the clouds got darker the further I got.

'I won't ever be her.'