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Previously... (end of Chapter 3)
Suddenly, I'm submerged in the steady topaz of his eyes. I'm not sure what we are or what I'm supposed to feel to make this right. I just know I want him near me, and I can't think of anything else at all in my world. To me love is everything. It's our purpose, what separates us from other living things and gives us a right to a soul, and whether or not he feels as strongly as I do is irrelevant. I am not a child. I want to give the gift of my love.
If he chooses to reject me, of course I'll be upset. In the end, though, I'll be most sorry for him, because he has no idea what he's losing. I can love so fiercely, so completely, and though I've never experienced a romantic love—I'm positive it will be earth shattering.
As I stare across the room, I feel the topaz surround me, like a glow and I know I can't wait any longer. I have to let him know, I have to make my move. Beautiful Denali girlfriend be damned. If Volturi guards come for me tomorrow, at least I'll have tried to live.
I take a step down into the room.
Chapter 4: Teammates
"Why do your eyes shift colors so much when I'm close to you?"
He doesn't say anything and averts his gaze.
"Why did you say we shouldn't be close to each other? Are you sure my pulse doesn't make you thirsty?"
He looks up now, his eyes wide with concern, "no, you're safe here, please don't worry. I won't hurt you. Your pulse doesn't bother me at all."
"Then what is it? Why did you say that to me?"
He looks uncomfortable, trapped, "Some people believe it would be best."
"Why?"
He doesn't answer and I'm getting really frustrated.
"Bella, can you just take my word?" he looks desperate, his eyes are darting around me, like he's looking for someone to get him out of the situation.
"No! Tell me."
He's silent, and begins running his hands through his hair. I decide I might as well give it a shot, and I throw my shield around him.
I know I can't do this for very long, it drains my energy store. I decide quickly to unwrap the shield wound around my own head. I hope that my scent will stay contained to the shield around Edward and me.
The millisecond my shield snaps off, Edward's eyes shoot up to mine. And like a magnet, he's pulled up right in front of me before I can blink.
His hand hovers by my face, "Bella, may I?"
I nod my head.
His eyes are completely black. I can feel the electricity before he touches my cheek. I sigh at the feeling of warmth when his fingers graze over the blush along my face.
"What are you doing to me?" he asks as he absentmindedly runs his fingers along my jaw.
His proximity is making it hard to think, and all I know is I want to pull closer to him.
When I realize just how much my scent is affecting him, as much as it does me, I know I have to be right. There's no way I'm wrong.
"You're my mate," I say confidently, and lean into his fingers. I'm a half-inch from his body and I'm about to make contact in an embrace when he takes a quick step back.
"Bella…please. I can't. Not…now,"
"What do you mean…you can't? We're supposed to be together…" I drift off as I realize what he means. He has that damn girlfriend.
"Oh, I see. You do have someone else." My confidence starts to wane. Perhaps he said it's best if we aren't close…because he loves his girlfriend…and that's why he can't…even though my scent draws him in…
My heart starts sinking a mile a minute; I can almost feel the free falling of my body. I know my body is growing weaker from my efforts with my shield and I start to return my inner shield to its natural position.
My scent still lingers between us in my outer shield.
Edward shakes his head, as if he too is in a daze, "what are you talking about…"
"…your girlfriend." As I say this, I feel my knees grow weak and I hunch over onto Edward. He grips my waist.
I pull the shield back over myself, and am grateful when I notice my scent doesn't linger in the air.
I look up and see his eyes slowly shift back to a mix, like topaz.
"Bella," he says each slowly, like I'm a child, "I don't have a girlfriend."
I'm so confused and my head is pounding. I feel like I need to lie down. Edward's scent is so overpowering…and the energy I used up with my shields…
"Huh?" I'm not sure I believe him, but I go with it anyway. "Then what's the issue? You don't think we're mates?"
He lets out a loud sigh, and the scent of his breath sends my head spinning. Edward is now holding me up.
"You are my mate, Bella. Believe me. I can't stop thinking about you, you're there everywhere I go, and the feeling of your warm skin makes me absolutely crazy. And just now? With the combination of your scent? I was one second from throwing you over my shoulder and never looking back. I'm about to loose my mind with just the memory of the way you smell."
His honesty startles me. I start to smile, realizing what he just meant. He wanted to do…what?!
My blush is reaching new places today.
I smirk at him, "So, why don't you?"
He lets out a low, dark chuckle, "Bella. You're too young."
He says this as a statement.
"And?" That is absolutely not a reason to hold back.
"And, I'm nearly a hundred years older than you. Rose would just about kill me. Probably at the very least rip me up and take a very long time letting my pieces back together. And, of course, your father—"
"My father?!" I take a step back from Edward, and I lean against the wall of the room for support while Edward's arm slips slowly back to his side.
"What does my father have to do with this?"
"He asked me to wait until he returned… Or at least until you were older…"
"My father could be gone for years."
"Bella, it's really not that long—I think it makes sense."
"What?! No. Edward. No," I start sliding down against the wall.
Edward cannot be serious. He wants to wait years to be with mejust because he and my father thought I was too young? Why don't I have a say in this, this is my life!
My vision starts to go blurry; black spots appear on the side. I'm so furious, and exhausted and confused and overwhelmed. I know I'll need to hunt, I can tell by the way my hearts slowing down and my vision is growing less and less clear…
I hear some other people clamber into the room as Edward calls out to Carlisle. I feel the cool hand of Edward brushing my hair out of my forehead.
Then everything goes totally black.
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
I wake up disoriented. It's dark outside, but it usually is here. I feel someone touch my hand. I look over to my right to see Edward, Alice, Rose, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Jasper staring at me concernedly. It's a little much and I try to sit up.
My head immediately throbs and I throw my head back on the pillow. I try to assure them all by saying, I'm fine.
It comes out more like, "Uhrmefne."
My throat feels scratchy and I move my hand up to my neck.
Carlisle moves closer to me, "Bella, don't try to speak yet. I think you've fainted from not drinking enough."
He holds out a warm thermos, "It's deer, your father mentioned your preference for it. Edward just caught it a few minutes ago."
I nod once and take a sip through a straw someone placed inside. It smells good.
It feels so weird drinking blood this way, but I can feel my head clear almost instantly.
I start to sit up, but both Alice and Carlisle push my shoulders back.
"I'm fine now." I mumble, my throat only slightly scratching up the words.
I see Carlisle turn around, and then everyone besides Alice starts moving towards the door. I cringe when I realize they all must have rushed home from classes and work when I fainted.
My eyes follow Edward, and I see he looks the most worried out of all of them. He lingers by the door, as if he's waiting for a response in his head.
Carlisle almost imperceptibly nods, Edward's frown lifts a fraction of an inch, and then he's out of my line of vision.
That kind of silent communication is really going to get on my nerves.
Carlisle and Alice help me sit up a little.
"Sorry to cause all this trouble, really I'm fine now though." I take a long sip from the thermos and smile at Carlisle, hoping he will let me go free.
"Bella, we were all really worried about you. It's not everyday someone in our family passes out," Alice points out as she grips my hand a little tighter.
Carlisle speaks then, "Has this happened to you before?"
"Uh…no. Not really like this…I mean…I have felt dizzy and stuff…I usually hunt right after and I'm okay."
"Edward said you were using your shield?"
I then remember all the things Edward and I said…and I feel my cheeks heat. I wish I wasn't lying in front of his father right now.
"Yes-uh-whenever I do stuff with my shield my energy drops, and blood seems to fix me up."
"Okay. Well, from the samples I got from you last week, your red blood cell count is on the low side, for a human. I thought it might be normal for someone like you—but perhaps not. I'm going to recommend you hunt with us regularly every weekend," he says.
I cringe. I really don't like hunting… I do my best to avoid it. Perhaps it's finally catching up to me.
"If you'd prefer one of us to hunt for you—I'm sure any of us would be happy to."
"Oh. No. It's okay, I'll come along with you all this weekend."
"Good. Now, I want you to finish that thermos, and there's some more if you're up for it. Don't use your shields, and try not to move around too quickly. I think it'd be best if someone stays in here with you tonight, if that's all right? Alice is just going to monitor your heartbeat and breathing to make sure nothing drops too low. I thought you'd be most comfortable with her."
"Yes, thank you, Carlisle."
"No need to thank me, Bella. I only wish I'd done a few more tests last week so I'd have a better baseline for your vitals."
He goes on to talk more about my human cells and hemoglobin and irregular heart rhythms and I just nod along like I understand. After a while, he leaves Alice and me alone.
"Do you want to sleep now?" Alice asks as she moves to sit on the chair by the fireplace. I see that fireplace is turned on and am thankful for the extra warmth it provides my room.
I look over at the clock by my bed; it's only four in the afternoon. "I'm not tired yet and I do have to finish that writing assignment for class tomorrow. Can you grab my laptop?"
She's downstairs and back so quickly I barely have time to register it. I get to work while she starts flipping through a magazine. I don't absolutely love the poems I've written, but I figure they'll be okay for the first assignment. Once I'm finished, I close the lid to my laptop.
Did today really happen? Did Edward really admit to me he was my mate? My mate is somewhere in this house, doing who knows what to avoid me. Because I'm too young.
I can't believe it. Edward's not staying away because my pulse bothers him. He doesn't have a girlfriend. He just wants to wait. Who does he think he is? Is he really trying to make this decision for me? And he thinks I am the one making him crazy?! Is he bonkers? At least he doesn't have to smell me everywhere he goes, and at least he has a hundred years of practice waiting around for his mate to show up!
I'm not just going to linger around for him to decide when I'm ready.
I smile to myself. Now that I know he's my mate, there's no way he can keep hiding from me.
Alice is looking at me curiously from her spot across the room.
"So if you're not tired yet, do you want to do a sleepover?"
I laugh at her excitement, "hm, I don't think either of us have any experience. And half of us don't actually sleep."
She grins as she lifts up a copy of Seventeen magazine, "there's a whole article dedicated to having the best sleepovers, apparently we need face masks, a romantic comedy, nail polish, the good kind of popcorn and ice cream."
She walks over to the bed and hands me the magazine. I gesture for her to sit and she climbs up beside me.
I tap my chin, "Alright. Okay. Well, since I'm not hungry and I've got a gallon more of deer blood to drink… I think we can skip on the snacks."
She laughs, "Oh, can I please paint your nails? Rose and Esme don't like it, plus their nails don't grow so there's no use for nail files and cuticle creams, or shaping tools or anything that's fun, really. I've always wanted to…"
She's got these puppy dog eyes and I find myself nodding my head. I appreciate her attempt to make me feel less like I'm being babysat.
She jumps up and is immediately throwing a bag of nail polish in my lap asking me to pick a color, stat.
After a while Alice is meticulously filing my nails and she's pulled out the movie When Harry Met Sally. I load it into my laptop and I sit back on my pillows.
I've seen this movie once before and my mind drifts back to the afternoon again. I realize the weirdest part of it all—that my Dad knew this whole time. Why didn't he tell me about Edward? Did he think I wouldn't figure it out?
I wonder how long ago he knew about this…did Alice tell him all those years ago when she met my father in the woods? Is that why he didn't want to bring me to meet their family back then?
Is that why, now, he trusted the Cullens would keep me safe?
Alice is deep in concentration over my index finger.
I figure, if Edward admitted it aloud, I should be allowed to talk about it…
"How long ago did you know Edward was my mate?" I say it low enough that I know only a vampire who was listening at the door could possibly hear us. I turn up the volume on the laptop just to be sure.
She looks up at me, not in shock, but like she was just waiting for me to ask.
Her voice is quiet enough so only I can hear, "I didn't really know for sure, at first. I saw glimpses of Edward in the future, happier, less of a grump. Just little images, flickers of things, and I figured his mate was due to make their appearance. Soon, our whole family's future was shifting in and out. I was afraid we would be torn apart somehow until Jasper mentioned if we were all looking happy, it must just be a new family member's gift making it hard for me to see. It wasn't until I met your dad that the pieces clicked together. I couldn't see his future and then he mentioned his daughter, and I figured you must be the one hiding from my visions of the family's future."
"Did you tell Charlie then…or Edward?"
"Yes, I told Charlie that our families might be connected in the future. And I did my best to hide those strange flickers from Edward, and he didn't quite piece everything together until the night when you and your father arrived here."
I remember Edward's strangely late arrival and realize he must have been somewhere trying to process the fact that he was going to meet his mate. After a hundred years alone.
"Why didn't you tell me, though?"
"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have told you. I feel like the worst friend…. Edward and your Dad and even Rose were being so stubborn about not telling you…while you were sleeping that first night, Charlie made us promise. He said he wanted to give you a chance to grow up, become your own person, and live your life for you, at least for a few more years. He said your mother lost that opportunity and he couldn't bear for it to happen to you, too."
That sounded exactly like my father. I started to understand where he was coming from, but it still did not give him the right to make that choice for me. If I'd known about it all those years ago, I'd probably stomp my feet and demand Alice take me to him way back then.
"And Edward agreed to keep his distance?"
"Edward's very old fashioned. I mean, of course he is, he was born half a century before me and a whole one before you. He was born in a time and a social place where men didn't spend time with women alone unless they were family or it was approved and probably chaperoned. He's not going to court you unless he has total permission from Charlie."
Court me? Yikes. It's not like we're about to get married or anything…
"And then, he'll ask for permission again before he marries you."
Gah!
"Wait. Wait. Okay, I get it, he was born a long time ago and that's what they did back then. But I was born 15 years ago. That's not what we do now…heck I don't want to get married. I just want to be with him. At the very least get to know him better."
"You're going to have a hard time convincing him. He's traditional and stubborn. But I'm on your side, Bella."
"Really? You'll help me convince him he's being backwards and delusional thinking I'm just going to wait around like some doll on a shelf."
"Absolutely. Edward might have been my brother first, but you're my sister and my best friend. Plus I think his head is on wonky if he thinks he can avoid you. You're mates—your whole beings are drawn to each other. Even now I can feel a pull to Jazz and he's just downstairs in his library."
Alice's eyes go hazy for a moment and then she says, "I might be able to recruit Emmett on our team."
"What about Jasper? And Rose?"
"Jasper's even older than Edward. He used to be in the military, and he's certainly one for following the rules. And Rose…she's from the same time as Edward, and, well I'll let her tell you her perspective. I think we will do fine on our own, though."
"Thank you, Alice, I believe you've already taken a step in the right direction with those boots. Not to mention your late arrival home this afternoon."
"What else are sisters for? I was just waiting around the corner."
She grins wickedly and I move to hug her.
"Bella! The nails!"
I totally forgot my one hand was polished.
"Oh well! Looks like I'll just have to start over!" She smiles innocently as she gets out the nail polish remover.
She's definitely the one to have on my team.
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