Before you read: The timeline of this story goes as follows: Kyouya is sitting in his office as a 38-year old in the year of 2020, looking back at his life before and after his wife's suicide. He married Haruka Mikagawa in 2001 at the age of 19, when she was 18. Their only son was born in 2003, two years after their marriage. Her suicide is committed in 2008 when Kyouya is 26 and she is 25 (they had been married for 6 years by then). Kyouya narrates the memories of the years after her suicide, with flashbacks to his marriage to Haruka. Each of the diary entries she encloses in an envelope to him on the day of her death is the introduction of each chapter, and were obviously written before her death. Kyouya read all the letters right after her death, but with each passing year as his son grows up, the letters gain more meaning as Kyouya searches for what is important in life. The end of this series concludes back in "present day" (2020) with Kyouya nearing his 40s and his son at the age of 17. Throughout this fanfiction, Kyouya is re-reading her letters on the anniversary of her death in 2020.

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Enjoy!

November 12, 2020, Kyouya's Office, Ootori Mansion, Tokyo

When I found myself at 30 years of age - and Ryusei at the tender age of 9 - the bits and pieces were beginning to come together. It was my own failure to see myself and my past for what it was - it was this failure that cost me someone who I should have cherished closer much earlier.

Wisdom ripens with age, and hindsight is crystal-clear. I wonder if this is how people find hope in their trials - by learning from their mistakes and committing to personal betterment.

August 2, 2004

From the Desk of Haruka Mikagawa

Diary-chan;

What a wild ride the past two years have been. I have been both at my happiest and at my worst; is it normal? My unmarried friends are all still enduring college, while Kyouya-kun and I are busy taking care of Ryusei, who will be turning 1 soon.

My 20th year of life was blissful - what with the pregnancy and the joy of welcoming Ryusei into the world. Kyouya-kun was a different man during that time; he showed me the side to him I knew was always there - the side that came out when I saw him near Tamaki. It'd been dormant for a while after Kyouya-kun fought for and inherited the company (and it's stressors), but it seemed that the opportunity of new life brought the fire back into his own. I longed so dearly for the magic spell to never end - both for my sake and for Kyouya-kun's. I didn't know I could see him smile so sweetly, or care so deeply. It had been a myth until then.

In the past year, it all came crashing down around us.

Kyouya-kun is as handsome and accomplished as ever, but the stress of work is weighing on his face and mind. I can see it in his eyes - the hurt, the stress, the guilt. I tried to convince him otherwise, but I could tell I wasn't supposed to know.

A few months after Ryusei was born, we began noticing some problems. He wasn't thriving - Kyouya-kun and I worried so much. For a few days, Kyouya-kun was away from home, and hadn't said a word to me… But I knew I could trust him.

Earlier this year I was cleaning up around the house while Kyouya-kun was at work and happened to see his note. The doctor's note, from the week he had been missing. Kyouya-kun never told me, but he was out taking physical exams and stress tests - and the results had been devastating. He was the carrier of Ryusei's heart disease, and the illness seemed to be passed down through paternal lineage.

As far as Kyouya-kun was concerned, he was not only a failure, but the product of a man who had lied to him for years as he held the Ootori Group over his third son's head like a threat. Kyouya-kun was the reason for his son's suffering, poor health, and pain.

After that, Kyouya-kun's moods made more sense. He withdrew, I realized, because he couldn't cope with the guilt of being a father like that. He poured himself into the familiar - into his work - to avoid the painful unfamiliar. I didn't pry or ask about the test results; it seemed he didn't want to share anything.

I want so much for him to come back to me; to those blissful months when I saw him begin to soften, when I began to imagine a future with a warm, loving Kyouya-kun. Perhaps it's a bit selfish to ask for this for myself… But even so, I still also wish for those days to return to Kyouya-kun. He's living only for the company these days… I want to see him live for himself.

Diary-chan - I can only hope that this family can overcome battles together. For me, for Ryusei, and for Kyouya-kun.

November 12, 2012, Kyouya's Office, Ootori Mansion, Tokyo

The letter fell through my fingers to the floor. I was shell-shocked; to think that she had known all along! And still supported me through it! I couldn't understand. Why would Haruka even see me in that

way still - how could she? It was illogical, impossible.

Today was the fourth anniversary of Haruka's passing, and I found myself in the eighth year after my father's death. If I calculated correctly, Haruka had written this letter shortly before my father experienced a heart attack and his last breath, thereby leaving the rest of his company shares to me.

Eight years prior, I had been frustrated beyond all belief. My world had been falling apart around me - it'd been crashing right after a brief period of time in which I felt at peace. Rereading Haruka's letter, I believe that yes - maybe I did actually love her at the time. She'd listened to me as I expressed my goals for the unborn Ryusei, learned about all the things I was doing with Ootori Group, and been strong and independent when I got whisked away for work and couldn't take care of her pregnancy.

The bliss lasted for only a few months before Ryusei had serious issues, and with nearly the entire hospital industry at my fingertips it was folly to not investigate the cause. I went through a week of hell, running on treadmills with electric nodes attached to my body - and the results? Well, they were horrible. I hadn't known Haruka had seen the papers… She'd never brought it up.

Come to think of it, she never brought anything up first. She let me speak to her first about things if they were weighing on my mind, and even then rarely said much but let my mood abate.

Was that love? Sacrificing her words in favor of mine - because I needed it? Or never complaining, when my father died and I was completely immersed in my work?

I didn't need to be working that hard; before my father died, I had pretty much taken over most of the company. The last bit was signing off on the last few shares my father owned - and once those were given to me, I drowned myself in duties because it was what I knew best.

When I discovered my implication in Ryusei's disease, I cursed my failures and genetics. Work was the easiest drug I could find, and the death of my father (and therefore completion of my inheritance) provided the best escape. It was - now that I look back - an excuse to not face my own son.

Maybe it was Haruka who was the stronger of us all along. She'd been steadfast, while I was the one running.