Monstrosities Part Four: Torn

As the gate opened, Ichigo wasn't surprised. Shinigami were always in and out of his room, crowding his house, and getting him in trouble at school.

What he didn't expect, however, was for Rukia to walk through the gate. He was so happy to see her, he had almost missed the fact that Renji was there. As he wrapped Rukia in his arms, he realized how long it had been since she had been to the real world and just how much he missed her. He wanted to see her more often but was torn because he couldn't go to Soul Society (where he wasn't even wanted) and leave his family behind.

"Rukia! Wow it's really been awhile, huh?" he said, trying not to look too excited, totally failing.

"Uh, hai…." she answered as awkwardly as she pulled away from him and unruffled her shinigami uniform and fixed her messed-up hair.

"Renji…" he said with a nod, trying to be polite when he much rather would have liked to kick his pineapple-headed ass.

Ichigo heard rather fast steps coming up the stairs and could have guessed who it was. "Go Hide!" he said as he shoved them in to his small cramped closet.

"Ow! They can't see us anyway, baka!" Renji and Rukia protested together.

Too late. They were crammed in the tiny closet, nowhere else to go. They peered out of the small crack between the door and the wall and watched, wondering what the hell was going on.

"IIICCCHHHHHIIIGGGOOOO!" screamed his eccentric father. He jumped into the air and flew at Ichigo, landing a solid kick right in the center of his stomach.

Renji began to snicker. He realized he didn't even need to be in the real world for Ichigo to get his ass beat! Renji and Rukia laughed together as they watched Ichigo deal with his father and when he finally let them out of the closet. The two shinigami fell on top of each other, laughing.

"Oh, get a room!" Ichigo said, annoyed. He wanted Renji off of Rukia as fast as possible. It annoyed him to see them like this.

"What, you jealous?" Rukia teased. Ichigo blushed and stood there awkwardly, having nothing to say. Renji liked how Rukia always had something to say.

As the two friends were untangling themselves, their cellphones beeped simultaneously. Before he knew it, Ichigo had been left behind. He could have sworn he saw a smart-ass smirk on Renji's face as he leaped out the window, following Rukia. Ichigo sensed only two hollows so he phased out of his body and ran towards the hollow he could sense Renji and Rukia weren't already chasing after.

Renji let Rukia handle this hollow. She was always so graceful when she fought and he loved seeing the determined look she got on her small and beautiful face when she was in battle. He also enjoyed the large flow of reiatsu he felt come from her as she fought with such skill. It only lasted a short while but Renji enjoyed it all the same. He thanked the gods for every day that he could wake up and see her face and feel her spiritual presence.

Just as Renji was about to congratulate her on a job well done, Ichigo walked onto the scene. Just seeing the two pissed him off.

"Wow, you two are really great friends, huh? Killing hollows together, going on missions to the real world together, yeah you two are quite the pair, huh?" Renji could feel the anger and jealousy in his childish voice.

"Har har, baka!" Rukia quipped back, thinking Ichigo was joking around again.

"Yeah, it's hilarious, isn't it?" he said sarcastically, his voice not only carrying hurtful words, but a hint of venom as well. Renji saw Rukia's small face turn from smiling to hurt and confused.

"Ichigo…?" she was hurt, she didn't know what she had done to bring on his anger and she didn't know why her friend had suddenly turned on her. Renji saw the hurt in her eyes and it was as if someone had shot adrenaline straight into his veins. He was almost shaking with anger. He stepped in front of Rukia defensively; he knew exactly what this was about.

"Listen, kid. Don't feel like you have a right to a shinigami's powers. You don't. You shouldn't even be alive right now but you are. And do you knowwhy? It's because of her." He nearly began to scream at Ichigo while pointing at Rukia. He let his anger take the reins. All of his pent up rage and pain would finally be let loose.

"I thought I already told you, stop acting like everyone owes you something. You've hurt Rukia enough." He was almost spitting out his words now. "If only she had never met you…." He unsheathed his sword. "Damn you…. Damn you for ruining this!" Renji's voice was heavy and strained. His face was etched with pain and anger and he didn't care who saw it.

Ichigo invited Renji to tear into him by unsheathing his sword as well. As Renji took his first step forward, he felt a firm grip around his waist. He froze. As he turned in her embrace, he lifted he chin in his hand. What he saw in her eyes took him by surprise and sent a wave of anguish and pain through his heart. She was afraid. He prayed to the gods for forgiveness and plead with them to take this pitiful expression off of his love's face.

"Don't….don't…." Was all she could say, almost whispering. He thought he saw a hint of a tear in the corner of her eye but before he could reach up to wipe it away,she turned away. She turned away just like she had in the academy, the day he made the biggest mistake of his life: letting her go. He felt his heart break a little further. He felt his whole world shattering with a rude awakening; history was repeating itself. He could feel his heart preparing for something that would be devastating but he couldn't kid himself, there could be no proper preparing. But then a thought struck him, he didn't need to prepare because he wouldn't let this happen again.

He knew he couldn't reach out to her so he tried to reach her through his words. "Rukia, please…." was all he could get out. His mind was desperately trying to find the right words to make her stay, to make everything alright again but he just couldn't find a way to piece things together the way they were before Ichigo had broken it all.

She didn't turn to look at either of them but Renji listened to her words as if she was a god. "Renji, you stay with Ichigo, work things out. I'm staying with Urahara…." Renji could almost feel the anguish and sorrow seep out of her voice. He would do anything to stop her from hurting; he wanted to fix this so bad.

If that was what she wanted, he would obey. "Hai…." he said, as if receiving an order.

Renji couldn't sleep, let alone stay at the Kurosaki home. He sat outside, his eyes closed. He searched for Rukia's reiatsu and when he found it, seemingly unharmed, a wave of relief washed over him. He concentrated on her delicate signal all through the night. He tried to keep everything else out of his mimnd, especially the monstrosity.

Ichigo hardly slept but when he did, he had nightmares. His dreams were plagued with images of Rukia and the day she was taken back to Soul Society by Byakuya and how Renji had nearly killed him. He almost wished hewas dead. It would be alot better and easier for Rukia if I were dead. He thought painfully. To her, I'm a monstrosity.

Rukia lay awake, not particularly thinking, just drifting from thought to thought. She didn't want to but couldn't help her mind from going back to Renji and Ichigo. He was so ready to kill for her and the whole time, she had no idea. It was surprising but she also found it somewhat comforting.

As she thought further, her fear for Ichigo grew.

She was so warm and so comfortable. She had no idea where she was she felt a warm and loving aura about her. She also felt a calm and sleeping reiatsu next to her. The man's arms were wrapped around her and hugging her tightly and her back was snuggled against his wide and muscular chest. She felt so right, almost like she was fitting herself along with a puzzle piece that had been missing from herself for a long time. Not wanting to wake her sleeping lover, Rukia tried to turn smoothly to see who it was that was holding her in such a loving embrace. He stirred and awoke as his strong and warm hands found her waist and he let out a sigh of satisfaction just as she did. She closed her eyes, for some reason not wanting to see who it was that was showing her such affection. Her body told her yes, this was right. somewhere in her heart told her that she had missed him so much.

She gasped and snapped her eyes open, awakening to a dark room. It pained her to find that nobody was sleeping next to her. She felt like she had known him for a thousand years and now that he was gone, she was lost. She shook her head, telling herself it was only a dream. Her brain was screaming at her.

No. No, no, no! These feelings couldn't be true, she didn't want them to be. She knew without a shadow of a doubt who the man was but she couldn't face herself to say it. She was torn between wanting that dream to be true and forbidding it to come back. No, she thought. To fall in love with him would be a monstrosity.