"Wow, those are some mean mermaids," commented Arleen, breaking in on the story.
"That's the traditional portrayal of them, ain't that right, nerds?" asked Joker, turning to the Crane family.
"Well, the roots of the mermaid figure in folklore aren't particularly clear, as with so many figures of folklore, since they were created by oral cultures when no written records existed. But many people do believe that their attributes were based on the sirens of Greek mythology, who were half bird rather than half fish, but did of course infamously lure men to their doom, such as in Homer's The Odyssey…" began Crane.
"Y'know, sometimes it's ok to just say yes to a question, without having to show off how much you know as a side note," interrupted Joker.
"You mean there aren't any real mermaids?" asked Arleen, looking disappointed.
"It's very unlikely – most of what sailors claimed to be sightings of mermaids were actually probably things like manatees and similar aquatic creatures like that," said Emilia.
"People call me crazy, but I'm seriously not sure how you can mistake a manatee for a half-fish, half-woman creature," said Joker. "But then I suppose I've never been too long at sea where you get so desperate that apparently anything can seem attractive…"
"And it's probably a good thing there are no real mermaids if they act the way they do in this story," said Harley.
"I dunno – Aunt Ivy can try to drown me anytime," muttered J.J. from the other room. "They say it's better while you're being asphyxiated…"
"What's better?" asked Harley, looking at him in confusion.
"Nothing," said J.J., hastily. "Didn't realize I was…thinking out loud there."
"I guess I can accept there being no mermaids," sighed Arleen. "Just as long as unicorns still exist."
Joker saw Katrina open her mouth to contradict Arleen, but cut her off before she could. "You know, the way I see it, in a universe where you've got super-powered aliens who are faster than a speeding bullet, and dorks like Aquaman who can talk to fish, who's to say unicorns or mermaids don't exist? There have been weirder characters in the DC universe. I'm now looking forward to the introduction of the first mermaid superhero Swimerella and her unicorn sidekick Horny. It may not be a series which is appropriate for children, but few comics are these days…"
"I'm not sure this story is, what with the mermaids drowning all these people," commented Harley. "That's not exactly the sort of thing you put in a story for kids."
"Oh, c'mon, pooh, kids love violence!" exclaimed Joker. "Anyway, the Little Mermaid saved the one who mattered."
"I hope she's not gonna get in trouble for it," said Arleen.
"Well, that depends how you define trouble, sweets," said Joker, nodding. "When Harley returned to the palace, she was greeted by a very angry Poison Ivy."
"I can't believe what you did, Harley!" she snapped.
"I can't believe what you and Selina did!" exclaimed Harley. "Tricking men into crashing their ships and drowning them, and then you call them the barbaric ones!"
"Harley, you don't understand anything about the world!" snapped Ivy. "That's partially my fault, since I've shielded you from so much. But you have to understand that what we do is for the greater good. If we didn't kill men, do you know what they'd do to us? They'd catch us and exhibit us as freaks, or kill us and dissect us for science! We are attacking them as a means of defense, so they can never hurt us again!"
"Again?" repeated Harley. "When have they ever hurt you?"
Ivy was silent. "Once," she muttered. "A long time ago. And that's all you need to know about that."
"Stop treating me like a child!" snapped Harley. "I'm eighteen now, and I'm just as much of a grown up as anyone in this queendom! You need to start trusting me to be able to handle the truth!"
"You need to stop talking back to me!" shouted Ivy. "You should be ashamed of what you did, not defiant over your actions! You should have come back here contrite and apologetic, not demanding things from me! What happens when that man you saved realizes it was a mermaid who saved him? Do you think he'll just keep that information to himself? Or do you think he'll tell everyone, and they'll hunt us down and kill us…"
"Mother, he's not like that!" cried Harley. "You don't know him!"
"Neither do you!" shouted Ivy. "And I know that all men are the same! They have only the power to hurt and destroy! They might deceive you about their intentions for a while, but it will all end in pain and misery, since that's all that men are capable of creating!"
"You're wrong," said Harley. "What I felt when I saw him wasn't pain or misery."
"What are you talking about?" demanded Ivy.
Harley paused. "I…I love him," she stammered. "I think I love him."
Ivy stared at her in horror. "Harley, you will stop this right now!" she shrieked, seizing her by the arm and dragging her to her room. "It's not only impossible to love one of them, it's dangerous! I'm not going to let you make the same mistake I did, and until you see reason, you're going to be locked in your room!" she shouted, shoving her inside and slamming and securing the door. "I will not allow my daughter to throw her life away pining after some barbaric fish eater! You will not be allowed to go up to the surface until this madness is over, and you will never see that horrible human again! I'll make sure of it!"
Harley knew it was useless to argue with her. She sank slowly down on her coral bed, trying not to cry.
"Psst, Harley!" whispered a voice.
"Selina?" asked Harley, swimming over to the door.
"I overheard you and Ivy," Selina said. "I think she was being a little harsh, but I know why she overreacted. And if you knew what she'd been through, you'd understand too."
"What has she been through?" asked Harley.
"It's not my place to tell you," said Selina. "She'll tell you herself if she wants you to know. But let's just say she's no stranger to having feelings for a human man before, and I think she of all people should know that locking you up won't make those feelings go away."
"It won't," agreed Harley. "I think I'll just go crazy if I can't see him again. But I guess she's right in that it's an impossible love," she sighed. "There's no way I can trade in my fin for legs, after all."
Selina was silent for a moment. "Actually, there is," she said at last.
"How?" asked Harley, excitedly.
"There's a type of magic, known only to a few," said Selina. "But it comes with a price which you might not be willing to pay."
"What is it?" asked Harley.
"It's different for everyone," said Selina. "He decides it."
"He?" repeated Harley.
"One of the few who possesses that type of magic," said Selina. "But Ivy would seriously kill me if I told you anything else."
"But I thought men didn't exist down here under the ocean," said Harley. "Mother said there are only mermaids…"
"He's not a mermaid," replied Selina. "At least, he doesn't look like us…he's half-man, and half-manta ray. I don't even know what you'd call that as a species, and as far as I know, he's the only one of his kind. The legend goes that he was created by black magic thousands of years ago, and now practices it himself. He is as old as the sea and tides, and just as eternal. Now I really can't tell you anything else or I'll get in serious trouble…"
"That's fine," said Harley. "You don't have to tell me where to find him or anything. Just tell me his name."
Selina sighed. "His name," she said. "Is the Batman-ta-ray."