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Chapter 4 - Catch And Release

So now, here we are. Edward's hand is still in my underwear, and I have no fucking clue what to say or do.

"Remember that time we went to First Beach after we ate at the diner and the sun was setting?" he asks suddenly, tucking his face back up underneath my jaw.

"Um…" I swallow hard, trying desperately to ignore the tingles originating from where his breath is washing over my skin and where his hand is currently trapped. "I don't know. We've been to the beach a zillion times growing up."

"This was recent," he says. "You were standing and looking out over the water, and the rest of us were lazing around on driftwood." His lips graze my neck as he speaks, and the goosebumps run rampant over my skin. "The sky was orange instead of gray for once, and your hair was this blazing red. You didn't notice because you were staring so intently, but while you watched the horizon, I was watching you."

My breath catches in my throat. "Why?"

Pulling back, Edward looks into my eyes with an expression I've never seen before. He's looking at me like... he doesn't just want to make me wet or merely take me out on a date… It's like he wants it all with me.

"Because you looked beautiful," he murmurs. "You are beautiful."

My heart lodges in my throat, but my sarcastic comments are like bullets in the chamber, already locked and loaded. They fire off without a second thought and always hit their target. "Did you hit your head or something?"

Frustration pulls at his features, and he shakes his head at me with a heavy sigh before flopping to his back, taking his perfect hand and fingers with him. "Forget it, Swan. You win."

Guilt churns in my stomach for shutting him down so hard. But he was watching me? Because he thinks I'm beautiful?

He's one of the only people who's seen me at my absolute worst. He's seen me muddy, dirty, bloody, you name it. He's brought me chocolate and watched Netflix with me when I was on the rag and cramping like the Hulk was squeezing my pelvis in his meaty fist. He's seen me just rolling out of bed with my hair looking like I'd stuck a fork in a socket. And I've purposely breathed my stank-ass morning breath in his face to get him out of my doorway.

We've had burping and farting contests, for fuck's sake.

This just does not compute.

I know I'm not ugly, but had he really hidden his attraction to me that well, or had I just been that freaking oblivious to it?

Or is he just messing with me? He does love a good practical joke. But I don't think he'd take a joke quite this far.

Panic crawls up my throat when Edward starts to get up.

"Wait," I say, reaching out and laying my hand on his arm.

He freezes but doesn't say anything, and the tension between us threatens to overwhelm me. We've never been this uncomfortable around each other, and the foreign feeling makes my heart squeeze.

A shaky breath leaves his mouth when I slide my hand down his toned forearm to his hand and lace our fingers together.

We continue to stare at the ceiling and just breathe. Holding hands.

I'm holding hands with my best friend, Edward, Eddie Pee-pants, Harry Henderson. My E.

And it actually feels like the most natural thing in the world right now.

"I'm not…" I start but don't know how to finish.

He turns his head toward me, but I can't look at him yet. "Not what?"

"You've... dated cheerleaders," I say like it's a curse-word. "You date girls who wear short skirts and heels to school. You even went on a date with our über-hot valedictorian. I mean, how…?" I trail off, shaking my head.

"How could I be interested in you?"

Closing my eyes, I nod and wait. If this has all been a joke… if he's awakened whatever the fuck this is in me just to yank it away, I think my little black heart might just disintegrate altogether. Would it ever respawn after something like that? Does it have extra lives? Seems unlikely.

The bed shifts, and I suck in a breath as a warm finger runs down my cheek. I open my eyes to see him peering down at me.

"Dude," I say to him, feeling like I'm on the verge of tears and like my heart might implode if he doesn't stop looking at me like that… like the way he looks at a new video game he's been waiting months for before tearing it open. Will he tear me open? "You're freaking me out."

"I know." His lashes lower and fan out on his cheeks, which are covered in a faint blush. Then he laughs, and I'm just about to hurt him when he says, "I'm freaked out too, B, but I know what I want."

"An XBox One? PS4? Sex robot?"

He chuckles and pretends to think. "Well, now that you mention it, a sex robot might be n—"

The flick to his forehead that I expertly administer shuts him up, except for his laughter.

"All right, seriously. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and you're just… You're my best friend, B. Things have been a certain way all these years with all the other guys around, but now we're going to college together, and I don't want to lose you."

My brow wrinkles. "You wouldn't lose me, E. Never," I reassure.

"I know I wouldn't lose you as a friend, but I—"

We both freeze, eyes wide as the garage door downstairs starts rumbling open.

"I thought they were going to Costco," I whisper into the intimate space between us. The drive is an hour each way from Port Angeles, and they've only been gone just over an hour.

"That's what they said," he replies, digging his phone out of his pocket and glancing at the time. "Dad even took the afternoon off for it since they're busy all weekend."

Carlisle really loves Costco.

Almost as much as I love Chipotle.

Dammit.

My face twists in disappointment.

"You're thinking about losing the bet right now, aren't you?" Edward says. "That's your 'I want Chipotle but can't have it' face."

"Okay, that's freaky."

Chuckling, he taps his temple and rolls away from me, hopping up and watching me try to smooth down my disheveled hair. He smirks at me while I adjust my clothes, and I flip him off.

Edward laughs harder but offers me a hand to haul me off the bed. He's a solid wall of lean muscle in front of me once I'm on my feet, and he settles his hands on my hips, gazing down at me. "We'll talk more later, okay?"

Dazed, I nod, and he leans down to leave a soft kiss on my cheek.

Esme calls Edward's name from somewhere in the house, but we don't have to scramble. It's not unusual for me to be here or even for me to be in Edward's room. Things have only ever been platonic between us before, and his parents trust us.

Whoops.

We hear someone in the hall, so Edward goes to open his door, and I trail behind him, totally not checking out his tight round ass in those jeans.

Esme is shutting Emily's door as we emerge into the hallway.

"Hey, you two," she says.

"What's up?" Edward asks, succeeding easily at appearing nonchalant while I fidget at his side.

"Emily was feeling sick in the car, so we had to turn around. Your father is heartbroken." She laughs softly, and Edward and I both snort.

"She okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine. She's just having her first period, and her cramps got really bad all of a sudden, so she begged to come home."

"Aw, Mom." Edward cringes. "I don't wanna hear that shit."

Esme ignores him. "My baby is growing up." She sniffles and heads to the stairs but turns back at the last second. "Oh, Bella, honey, are you staying for dinner?"

I glance at Edward, feeling weird and shy now that we've kissed and he's had his hand down my pants, but he flashes me an easy smile and throws his arm around my shoulders like we're best friends again and nothing more.

"Um." I chew on my lip, and Esme tilts her head, studying me. She's probably never seen me look so unsure. I don't think I've ever been so unsure.

I need to know what Edward was about to say when we were interrupted, but I don't think I can sit through dinner with his family and pretend everything is the same as it's always been.

"I think I'll head home, actually. But thank you," I add hastily.

"Are you feeling okay, Bella?" she asks, casting a questioning glance at Edward and then back to me.

"Oh, yeah. Fine. Cramps, you know," I lie and clutch my lower abdomen.

Edward removes his arm instantly, putting several inches of space between us, and I laugh at him and slug him in his bicep.

"Ah, yes, well," Esme says, smiling at me with sympathy. "Get some rest, sweetheart. I hope it passes quickly."

"Thank you."

Edward turns to me when she's gone, glancing down at my crotch. "You're not really about to—"

"No! God, you're so dramatic." My words come out on a laugh, and I push against his arm but only succeed in making him shift his weight. "I had to tell her something, though. She could totally see something was up. I can't even act normal around you now. Thanks for that." I punctuate my statement by pinching his nipple hard through his gray t-shirt.

Instead of retaliating like I think he will, he shocks me by humming and backing me into the wall, pinning my arms above my head. "I wasn't kidding when I said I like it rough."

All I can manage is a shaky exhale as he leans down and runs his nose up my jaw line.

"Stop," I finally croak out. "I should go."

"You don't want me to kiss you again?" he asks, letting his lips touch under my ear.

Despite my best effort, a whimper escapes me. But I shake my head, and he rears back as if I've slapped him, releasing me. "Not when your mom could come back or your sister could come out here at any second and see us." This is all so new, and I can't make sense of everything I'm feeling. I don't need his family catching us making out added to the mix.

"Oh." He steps back, glancing down the hallway. "Yeah, you're right. Uh…" He rubs the back of his neck, looking as unsure as I feel. "See you at Jake's tomorrow, then?"

Confusion knits my brows together. I thought he'd want to talk some more tonight.

"Um. Okay. I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Yep."

He gives me an odd salute as I turn to head toward the stairs, and when I glance back, he's disappeared into his room.

Okay, that was fucking weird. He seemed pissed at me for not letting him maul me right there in the hallway for anyone to see, but why would he want to risk that?

I trudge home, wondering how this will play out. Is Edward actually into me now? Has he been for a long time? Or maybe I'm his fall-back girl? But I'd think he'd want to play the field in college first.

So. Confused.

As I climb my porch steps, my mind tries to fill in the blank he left when that stupid fucking garage door opened. "I know I wouldn't lose you as a friend, but I…"

I can't think of anything that makes sense.

But I what?

I think we should go on this date and see how things go?

I want to kiss you again?

I want to stick my hand down your pants again?

That, I could totally live with, but shit. It's Edward.

It's obvious now, that I'm attracted to him. And he said he thinks I'm beautiful. And then there was the kissing and touching.

And the massive erection.

Maybe it's all just a physical thing for him.

Maybe he's still a virgin and doesn't want to go to college with his proverbial cherry still intact.

I shake my head at that thought. Edward? A virgin? Right, Bella.

Wishful thinking, I guess, since every girl in our school all but swooned in his presence and hung all over him ever since his acne cleared up and he got his braces off.

Every girl but me, that is.

Maybe that's all this is. I'm the one girl he thinks he can't have.

Guys love the chase, right?

But what happens if I let him catch me?

Will I be for keeps, or is this some kind of catch and release program?

"Hey, Bells," Dad says from his recliner on my way through the living room to the stairs.

"Hey," I mumble. "What's for dinner?"

"Spaghetti."

"Again? Ugh."

"You want something else, you can cook it."

I snort. "Yeah, right."

I can't even make toast without burning it, and neither can Mom, who I assume is out shopping or something equally boring.

"I'll just make a sandwich or something," I tell him, turning toward the kitchen.

"More leftovers for me, then."

I swear, that man eats spaghetti twice a day, five days a week.

Disgusting.

Lucky for me, I make killer sandwiches.

After whipping one up with turkey and avocado, I go to my room and sit at my desk, laying my phone next to my plate to make sure I won't miss it if Edward texts or calls.

Oh, maybe he'll come over. An excited flutter dances in my chest at that thought.

Ugh. When did I start caring about this stuff?

Probably right around the time Edward Cullen stuck his amazing tongue down your throat.

Damn that boy for turning me into a girl.

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