This is my attempt of slowing down the story, did it work? it's quite short, but this is just about Suze's feelings.
Disclaimer: I own nobody except Juliet and Doctor Ralph.
"So, Suze, you're right, you are pregnant" Said Doctor Ralph, in the kindest voice possible. For a while now I've been feeling horrible, always ill and I'm always needing the toilet. I needed to make sure that I wasn't pregnant because Jesse had forgotten to put on a condom that night we had sex.
So, I went to doctor Ralph and he checked me over, he had just told me I was pregnant. Me? Suze? Pregnant? At the age of 19. Too young. My heart was beating loudly into my chest, so hard it almost hurt.
I can't be pregnant, I just can't I'm too young. "No, I'm not right. I'm not pregnant, I just can't be" I was sitting in the doctor's chair, staring at a wall, I felt Doctor Ralph's hand on my knee, patting it. "It's true, you are pregnant. It'll all be fine." He was trying to say it calmly.
"No it wont, Jesse will hate me, he won't want children now." I quickly said. I pushed Doctor Ralph's hand away. Then came the tears, I felt them trickle down my cheek, I wiped them away in disgust. I wasn't about to cry, I had been through to much to have this thrust apon me.
"We could always…well…there's options" I stared at him, he meant abortion. No, I could never get rid of a baby, my baby. "No, I won't have that done." he patted my knee once again. "Stop it, will you?" he looked taken aback.
"Sorry, Doctor, just this is too much, I can't loose Jesse." I couldn't help it, the tears flowed before I could even think about repressing them.
"I don't think he would leave you Suze." Sure, me and Jesse have known Doctor Ralph for a while but I was sure Jesse didn't want kids, he was only just starting his medical profession.
"Do you want me to talk to Jesse?" asked the Doctor. He was wearing a long white coat and was getting old, his face was wrinkled and his hair was greying, he didn't need me in here bawling my eyes out over a baby, he probably thought I was a stupid, young little girl who should of thought about her actions before she went through with them.
I expect he thought that I'm being idiotic and that I should be happy about a baby. Was I happy? No, I wasn't. I had watched videos in school about pregnancy, it seemed so hard, the birth looked terrifying.
Nothing was even mentioned about having a baby at 19. Was I ready? Diapers, crying in the night, bathing. My head was spinning just thinking about it, sure I like kids, but screaming babies? Too much for me to handle.
I was going to be such a useless mother, useless and single. With no husband or boyfriend to support me. Seeing as Jesse won't stick around once he knows I'm pregnant with his child.
"No." I said, simply. "I need to tell him, this is for me to do" Doctor Ralph nodded in agreement. Well, what did he know? He was just happy he didn't have to tell Jesse himself. He was just glad I had to deal with his reaction.
Oh no, his reaction. What will it be like? Terrible I expect, he'll blame it all on me and leave me, right there and then. I cried more, Doctor Ralph didn't dare try to comfort me this time, seeing as last time I had told him off. I can't tell Jesse, at least…not for a while. Not until I figure out what to do.
What about Juliet? She was still terrorising me, sending me death threats, creeping up on me when I'm alone, shouting at me in my sleep.
I can't deal with all the stress, the stupid bitch still wouldn't tell me why she was angry at me and I just couldn't be bothered to figure it out.
What about when the babies born? Would she do something to the baby? I can't put my child at risk but I'm not going get an abortion, I don't believe in that, I started this kid's life, I'm not about to end it.
I put my head in my hands, all these thoughts, all these worries. They were driving me mad. "Now, Suze, you aren't that far gone, about, 6 weeks" that isn't a lot, in about a month we'll check out the baby and see how he's doing." I looked up at him "he? You know? Already? I thought you couldn't yet."
"We can't, I just call your baby a he instead of 'it' it's more polite" he said, smiling.
I sighed and put my head back into my hands.
"You can go now, Suze, I'm a phone call away if you have any questions." I got up and headed towards the door. "Oh and Suze…" I turned round quickly, I don't know what I was hoping he would say, but I hoped it was something good. "Congratulations".
"Thanks" I mumbled and walked out the door, full of worry and doubt. I went to my car which was parked outside. I got into the car and put the key in the ignition. I stared down at my stomach, there was a baby growing inside me. For a slight moment I was happy, knowing there was something inside me that I was protecting, something good, made of me and Jesse, I smiled until I picked up my phone I had left in the car. There was a text. From Jesse.
'Hey, Querida, where are you? I miss you a lot x' was all it read, the smile escaped from my lips, I couldn't tell him, the thought of never being called Querida again made me scared, really scared. I couldn't tell him, not yet. I started up the car but deciding that I couldn't face Jesse right now, I headed for CeeCee's place, she would make me feel better. Hopefully.