Chapter 4 – A red ribbon
"A kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being; nor can the dead ever be brought back to life.»
The night was long settled, the lords were having fun and the whole estate rumbled with laughter, yet Sakura could not stop her hands from shaking. She had taken a leave, letting, at her annoyance, the men to their talks and drinking games. She knew Kakashi and Naruto were insuring that her will was carried through the night, yet she had been reluctant to leave, way too aware that, as a woman, she did not belong there. `
No matter her titles, her power, or her wealth - she was excluded from these moments were everything untangled, and it made her mad.
She was in her study, sliding doors open to her private gardens, with a firm word no not be disturbed. She had let go of her ceremonial dresses and, for the first time since her arrival at the estate, allowed herself to be in more comfortable, informal clothes.
A plain grey kimono was covering her as a jacket, and she was wearing a black top and pants underneath. Her maids considered it to be a sleeping outfit, where she could already barely breathe. Her bare feet were balancing in the air, enjoying the sensation of wind and the freedom of not being tangled up in tiny lacquered shoes.
Her long hair was left flowing for once, and her crimson tie was holding only a small section of her tresses on top of her head in a loose ponytail. She downed her glass of shochu in one swift gulp, enjoying the roughness of the alcohol Naruto had smuggled in for her, while reading some diplomatic scrolls.
She was annoyed, she kept telling herself. It explained everything: her shaking, and the unsettling sensation in her stomach. It was not fear, nor apprehension. She had to trust that everything would settle as planned, that the lords would fall behind her and unite against Danzo.
In moments like this, she missed her mentor terribly. How she wished to send her a message, asking for guidance! Tsunade however, had been clear: no contact until the situation was settled. She couldn't afford to loose how little of influence she had now by being associated with Tsunade, still seen in court as a traitor and an enemy of the shogun. Her frail appearance and her position as a wealthy daughter saved her, and allowed her to pose as exactly what everyone expected her to be: a pawn, a doll, a mere girl with no experience.
At this thought, she snorted and poured herself another glass. It was probably for the best.
Just like Naruto or Sasuke, she was sent to Sakumo's estate for tutelage at age 10. For girls however, the trainings were very different. If they were taught the basics of fighting, and mostly with a spear, the instructors were quick to lock them indoors with protocol teachers and ikebana arrangements. They were taught how to obey, bow, and procreate without a noise, and that was it.
Back then, she craved the sensation of a sword in between her hands just as much as she wished she was born a boy.
So she escaped, running away in secret and befriending Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi, a little more older than them, who acted as a chaperon of sorts. With Naruto, she perfected how to fight bare-handed. With Kakashi, she was taught the mastery of the samurai sword. And with Sasuke ...
She took a sip of alcohol. The burning sensation came back, and invaded her whole - it was probably the alcohol, she stammered. Despite herself, and her self control, she was invaded all of a sudden with memories of a young man, powerful, caring and proud.
Everything, before that night, was so simple.
Ten years ago
"Sakura-chaaaaaaaaan", a young man whined. "Wait up!"
"What, too hard to follow a girl, Naruto? Hurry, I don't want to miss it!"
"If you two carry on with your yelling, we will get caught before we can even get there", an other man running beside them scolded.
The three of them were all clad in black, with matching hoods. They were swift as shadows, blending in the dark around them, the moonlight being the only source of light beaming on the rich estate. They looked like mischievous spirits, jumping and running around without a noise.
"Sasuke-kun, we know you are as eager as us to see if Kakashi is as good as they say."
"Oh, no more « sensei » now?" Naruto interjected in a teasing voice.
Sakura stopped suddenly in the shadow of a giant tree near the surrounding wall. Both of her friends halted, falling in step behind her. Her words were barely audible, a soft whisper.
"I will be gone in a week, so titles like sensei and student won't matter anymore, you know."
All of her small figure, including her bright hair, was clad in black. Her jade orbs, however, were shining in the beams of the moon, and the two boys couldn't look away. She observed them both, so handsome and powerful, at the cusp of adulthood, yet so close to the childhood they shared. She wanted to cry so badly, and hug them tightly. This is where all of their littles games stopped. No more late-night talks and undercover trainings, no more games of hide-and-seek with the instructors, no more lessons for her and no more of her ringing laughter to their ears.
The three of them grew up, and from boys and girl they were turning into men and woman; and women in this world had a specific purpose to fill.
She was to be sent to another estate to « perfect her instruction » and meet her future husband. He was a rich, fine man, and not too old apparently, she was lucky. She was, after all, of rare exotic beauty, and her father insured she would be traded at the highest value. Their marriage would bring great stability to the estate of her father's, and she was going to fulfil her role as dictated. It was all she was, despite the words of her father, despite his carefulness: a very precious object, a political pawn and a sweet little doll sent, as all noble women before her, to a man she didn't know. It would take a year, or two, but the three of them knew that when their paths would cross again, she would probably not go by the name Haruno again.
Silence fell, heavy as a mountain above them. She could feel her throat constrict and couldn't bear to look at them. Naruto's eyes were watering, and Sakura felt the scorching heat of two black orbs caress her entire form. It felt as intense as if if was trailing a path on her body with his thin, soft lips, leaving a trail on her that as branding her his, forever. None of them budged, and when she found the strength to grasp Naruto's hand and meet Sasuke's eyes, she found something there, something raw and heart-breaking, pure and unwavering.
"Stop it, or you are going to make me cry", she managed to whisper in a strangled voice.
Naruto, all of a sudden, jumped to hug her tightly. His arms were so big, warm and comforting, the strength of a man and the innocence of a child, she thought for a moment.
"Please Sa-don't go. We will find a way. I'll talk to my father. You can't be taken away from us. You don't know that guy, he could be a creep. You are better here with us."
His voice was a strangled whisper against her shoulder, and she returned his embrace with warmth. They both knew his father couldn't do much. Naruto was promised to a beautiful princess he had yet to meet, from a clan hidden in the mountains, and General Namikaze couldn't go against Sakura's father simply on a whim. Kizaishi was a negotiator, they had to be an alternative for him that would be interesting enough. Despite his power, and gentleness, there was not much he could offer.
She hugged him tightly one last time before letting go and stepping back. Sasuke's eyes were all over her again, but he had yet to say a word. She turned her back to them so they couldn't see the glimpse of her tears. She exhaled.
"Let's go. It would be a shame to miss the ceremony after all the trouble we went through."
Naruto nodded and lurched forward, overtaking her and disappearing in the shadows. She was about to follow him when a soft pressure on her hand stopped her dead in her tracks.
She slowly turned to see Sasuke's intense gaze trailing all over her face. There he was, vulnerable, open, hesitant, like he always had been around her. She felt her heart jumping almost painfully against her ribcage, enthralled by his eyes the looks of him, all dark and ivory under the moonlight.
"Later", he said simply.
She nodded timidly, and he pressed her fingers lightly between his, like a butterfly's kiss. Heat rose to her face, but she turned away from his grasp. Those treacherous eyes burning her and making her crave for something she couldn't yet name would be the death of her, she knew. She wouldn't dare to imagine the taste of his lips on her skin, yet they both knew the sweet, innocent infatuation they shared as children had grew into something magnetic, impossible to equate or grasp in its frightening entirety.
They both disappeared in the shadows, catching up to Naruto in a silent, swift stride. They said nothing, but the silence between them echoed of future promises and something irremediably shifting.
The three apprentices arrived at the top of a hill, concealed as planned in the thick foliage around them. They were overlooking a clearing, at the bottom of a high slope, lit by torches in a wide circle. The moon was high and clear, and despite the shadows, it was clear enough to see all of the silhouettes in the circle of torches. They were not recognisable, wearing white masks painted in various shapes and colours, representing animals, but they knew who to look for.
"There he is!"
Naruto hushed at his two friends while slamming his fist in Sasuke's arm. The latter glared but said nothing as they spotted a tall, thin figure in a white dog mask, bare of any paint or decoration.
He was on his knees, no training katana at his side, no armour on, all clad in black in a similar training outfit as them three, curious pair of eyes in the dark. They were attentive, contemplating in the distance with apprehension at what was about to unravel.
It was the most important moment a samurai apprentice would go through - the genpachu. Boys and girls would go through this crucial ceremony establishing them as adults and warriors but there were different variants for each. Girls' ceremonies were public, a huge display of beauty and grace, concluded by a traditional dance in front of a selected audience, including, very often, their future prospect husbands. Boys' however were more secretive, and if the official coming of age celebration was during the day, shown as a parade for all to see, some were saying that the finest warriors had to go through a clandestine trial, in the middle of the night, to assess their skills. The content of this trial however, was unknown and kept under a thick layer of ancient mysteries.
It was rooted in tradition, raw and unaltered for centuries - and tonight, it was Kakashi's turn, and for their eyes only to see.
The thump of drums echoed in the mountain around them. Their source was there, in the crook of this hill, and was echoing in their ribcages as if themselves were music instruments carrying its rhythm. Slowly, the black silhouettes started to turn around Kakashi, holding torches and moving in in the same wave of shadows, dark and light combined. The thumping of the drums had gained in intensity to reach a rhythm echoing in their heads and hearts. What was about to happen next?
All of a sudden, one of the torch bearers, with a crow mask, silently slid a katana blade out of its sheath, shining in the beams of the moon. The other followed, and soon Kakashi's silhouette was surrounded by gleaming katana blades. They attacked at what seemed to be the same moment, the sound of the drums making all other noise disappear under roars and thunder. The three teenagers held a gasp as they saw a storm of katanas aiming at Kakashi. He was not going to be able to avoid them, he was ...
He blurred out of sight. The blades stroke the grass, and Kakashi's silhouette appeared behind a man with a lion mask. Still unarmed, he stroked the side of his palm to his neck, making the man fall down. All other silhouettes carried on with what soon became relentless attacks, not sparing him any time to think. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto were watching anxiously, but Kakashi's figure was easily avoiding the blows, almost like dancing between the blades. It was gracious, and lethal, and every time he was touching one of the silhouettes, it fell down as if struck by lightening. Soon there was only three of them, the man in a crow mask and another figure in a wolf one facing Kakashi, still standing, without any blade.
They started to turn around each other, the drums still banging in their heads and pounding against the hill as strong as the heartbeat of earth itself. Torches were still lit around their little arena, making shadows and figures falter and sway in sensual waves, following the wind.
Suddenly the man in a wolf mask stepped in, katana shining in front of Kakashi. One of his hands stroke gently the blade as he stepped aside the man, who let go of the weapon in a yelp of pain.
The three observers were curious. Kakashi didn't touch him -yet. How comes?...
Kakashi's second hand fell on the man shoulder and he went limp. Such a technique was impressive, as the first enemies were barely getting up only now. Sakura looked intently at Kakashi - it was discreet, full of grace, almost feminine, yet concealed so much raw power she felt her insides burning with envy - what was that technique? Was it the famous Hatake combat form passed by generations of warriors? She was so envious - how she wished to be born a boy, in a family of fighters! The Haruno were good combatants, and very wealthy, but some clans, very ancient, had something else to them. Techniques passed in the most absolute secrecy, ensuring their victory on the battlefield and their upmost superiority. Blood traits that looked like magic -and were guarded as such.
Kakashi took the Wolf's blade to challenge the Crow. They were facing, and the drums fell silent. The wind was blowing and howling between the two opponents, and Kakashi stroke the blade one more time, whispering something carried away by the furious wind. Suddenly, under their eyes, the blade turned into a beautiful shade of blue, grey and white, sizzling with raw energy and light. It felt like he had thunder in the palm of his hand, and the hill got filled with the sounds of a thousand chirping birds. They gasped. It was going to be the final assault.
Both men lurched towards each other, blades in hand, Crow's one black as the night's sky. In one swift move, they passed each other, and stopped. Both were standing, yet, after a few second during which they all held their breath, Crow faltered. His hand rose to his shoulder, and came out bloody; he let go of his sword in sign of resignation.
Naruto took Sakura's hand and Sasuke's shoulder and squeezed them so tightly they gritted their teeth to not either yelp in pain or at the boy. The drums got back on a triumphant rhythm, and all removed their masks to uncover familiar, rejoicing faces - Kakashi had succeeded!
Crow took off his mask to reveal a smiling, yet distant Itachi Uchiha. It was Sasuke's older brother, younger than Kakashi yet already one, if not the best, warrior of his generation. It was tradition that the genpachu was to be carried when the head of clan deemed necessary, and Sasuke's clan -the Uchiha, known for their mysterious combat techniques and their supreme mystery of the art of war, were used to make their youth undertake genpachu very early. It was both to assess their strength and install their supremacy on other clans. It was an ancient, very noble, rich and respected clan.
Sakura shot a look at Sasuke; his trial was to be conducted next week, after hers, even if he was not expected to leave Sakumo's estate just yet. She knew for a fact that he highly respected and loved his big brother, but living in the shadow of such a warrior while being the cadet son of the clan's head had to be difficult. Sasuke was an incredible warrior, from the glimpses of what she saw, and he trained extremely hard, yet she suspected he was not near the level of mastery his older brother displayed. For Kakashi to manage to strike a blow was incredible -but Itachi was probably holding back.
Kakashi, on the other hand, had taken his genpachu relatively late. She knew - he told her once, as they were finishing their training with a glass of sneaked shochu- it was because his father wanted him to meddle with the younger generation for as long as possible. There was a dark patch in Kakashi's past, one that would probably explain the scar on his left eye and the fact that very little of his age class were still alive, but he would always brush it off with feigned indolence. Sakura knew there was something else - and she knew better than trouble him with asking. He was an incredible warrior, and they just witnessed the proof of it tonight. So much mystery clouded him, like a mantle of secrets. He would be an amazing instructor, and a great clan leader, when the time would come, she knew.
The three friends ran away in the dark when they got the occasion, cheeks flushed red with adrenaline and exhilaration. They talked excitedly of what they saw near the girls' quarters, in the shadows of a willow tree until the sun started to stretch its light in the mountains at the eastern border of the estate. Naruto yawned and grabbed Sasuke by the kimono -the latter being quick to slap his hand away- to drag them both away from a smiling Sakura. The blond waved at the girl and took off without looking if Sasuke would follow - she suspected it was to give her and Sasuke a few moments alone. Did the two of them talked about what was unravelling between them? There was room for wonder. However, how to talk about looks and unspoken promises, sighs and missed opportunities?
Sasuke took her hand, and Sakura, all of a sudden, felt like the world around her was dissolving. There it was, her only haven from all she wanted to avoid, from her future, from her life. He had this mysterious power to him, to turn the embracing falling branches of a willow tree into a shelter, the light of the rising sun starting to turn shadows into reality. Dusk dancing in the boy's eyes however, was warm and enticing, swirling like dancers around a high fire. They remained silent for a while before, without letting go of her hand he had firmly in his, Sasuke started:
"I ... will talk to father."
"There is nothing you can do, you know."
Her voice was soft but the edges were breaking.
"I am to marry lord Asano and your father cannot offer much that would top that proposal. It is a great honour, and a great clan, I..."
"Marriage with an Uchiwa would top that offer by far", Sasuke snorted a bit too fast.
Sakura gasped and looked at him with wide, doe-like eyes. Was he?... Sasuke looked away for a moment, the shadows still hiding the light colour in his cheeks.
"Are you?..."
"I will talk to father."
Sakura couldn't believe what she was hearing. Sasuke was probably talking about someone else, one of his many cousins, probably. He was meant to marry Asami, a lovely Uchiwa from a lower branch of the clan, who was set to pass her genpachu the same day as Sakura. She was a wonder to the eyes, all sombre hair and porcelain skin, soft smiles and dutiful beauty. She was going to be a perfect spouse and matriarch of the clan, her and Sasuke being very well accorded.
When she decided to align her eyes to Sasuke's, he was looking at her with such intensity she felt like she was burning from the inside.
He retracted in the shadows, letting his hand slide away from hers with excruciating slowness. He then directed his eyes to her hand expectantly, and when she looked down, a superb crimson ribbon was folded in the crook of her palm. She felt her heart lurch in her chest and water coming to her eyes. Her free hand shot to her mouth to smother a soft cry. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the ribbon.
"It is ..." she started in a strangled whisper.
She knew exactly what is was, as Sasuke once told her smugly that his mother was still wearing hers around her wrist, given by her father. An Uchiha promise ribbon. Of the same colour as their clan emblem, it was to be given between promised lovers, meaning to embody the unbreakable bond between two souls and destinies. It was very secret, and rare, even within the clan. The Uchiha treasured loved deeply, and Sakura thought that it was why they were the fiercest at war: they were willing to burn everything to the ground in order to protect what was dear to them.
"At your trial. Wear it", Sasuke whispered.
Tears were now pooling freely on her cheeks without her being able to control anything.
"It is... It is ..." she desperately tried to articulate.
His thumb went to capture a tear from her cheek, burning her everywhere in its wake. He stroked her face gently, and for a fleeting moment, allowed himself to smile.
"Wear it. They will know."
"Sasuke, you ..."
"I will talk to father."
Without a word but one lingering look, he left her under the willow tree, chasing the last shadows of the rising morning.
"Thank you..." she whispered to his fleeting silhouette, not sure if he heard her.
It took her minutes to calm her hitched breath, wipe away the remaining tears and come back quietly to her quarters as the estate was coming alive.
One week was going to be a long wait.
The sound of rustling material at her side made her smile softly. Of course, it had to be him. After all, ghosts of the past always came together. She took one hungry breath, letting herself be invaded with the familiar smell of burning wood, dust, soap and crushed berries.
Without acknowledging the last Uchiha, she poured another glass for him, between them, and refilled hers. He sat down at her side in a respectful distance, his katana discarded by his left side. They sat in a comfortable silence, drinking regularly. Laughter and music echoed in the distance.
"So, I get that you didn't wish to take part in the festivities", she started.
He didn't answer with anything but a short, cold laugh.
"You could've been surprised to what they had to say to you."
"They have nothing to say to me."
"Yet, it's not very good for your image."
"I don't care."
"I do."
She looked at him for the first time since he sat beside her.
"You realise how badly I need these alliances, right?"
"..Do you?"
She shot him an inquisitive look, as he downed another gulp from his glass. She let her eyes trail on the edge of his throat for a fleeting second as the alcohol went down, but was quick to go back to scolding him.
"I need an army, and more importantly I need political protection."
"Well, if it's political leverage you are looking for, you have Shinzo Akamatsu", he shot in a gloomy voice.
She raised an eyebrow at his remark, then sighed as she returned to her glass.
"I do indeed. As you said, it is a good offer."
He stayed silent for a while, staring at the garden in the dark. She took this moment to look at him, all chiselled jaw and dark hair, brooding looks and nobility. He turned to look at her, and their eyes met with sizzling intensity. It was like always, between the two of them; like a tide taking everything on its wake, like two planets colliding. She felt carried away, when he looked at her like this, like there was nothing else but the two of them, no war, no past, only their untangled paths that kept crashing into each other, again and again.
"Why did you give me this ribbon?"
Her voice was soft, and for a fleeting moment Sasuke saw a young girl standing next to him, all grace and innocence. Part of him didn't want to answer her question, and let that unsullied memory linger here, in-between two worlds.
"You know why."
The fleeting image vanished. Sakura was standing here, all radiating beauty, anger, and regrets, and he couldn't bear to carry on. He never did, never could, and thought some things were better left unsaid. It had been their punishment, this attraction, their curse, this unbearable desire. It was like walls kept building in front of them, to keep them apart. Every step closer was a push further.
He deserved no better, he thought. No better than watching her belonging to someone else while knowing their hearts were connected, their souls promised. He gave her that ribbon as a hopeless teenager not fully understanding the meaning of his actions, and what was about to unravel. It was all part of a survivor's burden, he thought, to watch the very last thing he ached for ripped away from him every time he reached closer. He deserved no better, he repeated to himself. And he had to carry the weight of this curse alone.
"I was trying to help you."
Ten years ago, a week later
He wanted her to be his.
Sasuke was sitting in the front row, next to his mother, his father on the other side with his brother. The whole room was kept in a carefully-arranged half-light, and, while musicians were tuning their instruments, conversations were carried between the attendants in whispers and murmurs. Heavy drapes of crimson and gold were arranged around the walls to conceal the back of a large wooden platform, where the two girls supposed to dance for their genpachu were waiting.
He was trying to imagine was Sakura was looking like, feeling like. Boys' genpachu were harsh and violent, but this was another form of violence, much subtler. They were, at the cusp of adulthood, branded and marked as women, raised on a platform to be sold into marriage. It was all concealed behind tradition, grace and skill, but it was a forced spectacle of the only values they were supposed to display: beauty and obedience. They were not allowed a slip-up, not allowed to squirm or trip or fail: it was perfection or nothing, or their worth would be chipped.
Looking around the platform, Sasuke saw only men in the first row, except for the clan leaders. They were all middle-aged, wealthy nobodies with a taste for young skin, and Sasuke wanted nothing more in that instant that to rip their smug little faces apart. He saw Naruto's face, on the second row, next to his father and mother, who was –no so discreetly- waving at him. He glared at his friend in order to not display any of the relief he felt: he was not alone. His genpachu was for tomorrow night, and he knew his father had great expectations. He could not, however, prevent himself from feeling incredibly nervous.
Would his parents notice the ribbon? What were they going to say? And more importantly:
Was she going to wear it?
Music started as the first girl walked into the stage, face concealed by two large fans. She was wearing a delicate midnight blue ceremonial dress with golden trimmings and sleeves, the fans of Uchiha colour. Asami.
His mother turned slightly to him with a warm smile, probably mistaking his nervousness about Sakura for Asami's appearance. He fixed his eyes somewhere on the tiny, perfect feet at the bottom of the platform, and tried to appear as detached and calm as possible.
The dance ended before he could notice it, and Mikoto leaned on his son to whisper:
"She is beautiful, isn't she?"
Sasuke avoided her look and answered in a grumble, which Mikoto interpreted once again as shyness. She put her hand on his son's lap with tenderness.
"Are you okay my love?"
He couldn't bear to lie to his mother amongst all people, and turned to look at her, transparent of all the nervousness, despair, fear and apprehension he was facing. She frowned, suddenly worried, but before she was about to speak, music started again to announce the second girl.
Sasuke's eyes immediately jolted to the platform where a slender silhouette was standing, concealed by two green fans, in a gold and white kimono. He reached for his mom's hand on his lap, and squeezed lightly as Sakura's perfect, trembling pale hands lowered to reveal her face to everyone. Sasuke's breath hitched at the same time as everyone in the room.
She was gorgeous, face painted in a way no one ever saw her, rich crimson lips and jade eyes, white pearls and golden jewellery all over her tresses left half flowing in her back. He could feel everything in her expressive eyes: her fear, her apprehension, and her iron will to amaze. She lowered slightly and started to dance in rhythm, in a slow manner that let light caress her body. He couldn't see if she was wearing the ribbon, as she was directly facing him, but he was captivated by the slight movement of her small wrists, the wave of the green fans, the low tilt of her head making her hairdo tint and shine.
All of a sudden, she started to dance in bigger movements, moving her feet to cover more of the platform, the music growing louder. Her gestures became more sensual, animated with raw energy and passion, and as the sound of the shamisen answered to this increase in intensity in Sakura's movements, all the room was hung to her. She seemed oblivious to what was going around her, to all the men in the front row appreciatively judging her, and left herself consume by the music she heard and the dance she practiced for so long.
Her performance soon reached her crescendo, and, at the apex of her dance, she gracefully fell into her finishing pose, fans opened around her face, looking at the side of the room. Suddenly, Sasuke saw, as everyone gasped slightly.
A crimson ribbon was attached in her tresses, at the back of her head, holding her golden hairdo and her hair in place. His ribbon.
He felt like his heart had lurched painfully. Naruto threw a triumphant grin at his best friend from the second row, as the lords in the front were perplexed. One among them, slightly younger, and of extremely wealthy appearance, threw a questioning look to Kizaishi Haruno, who looked livid.
"Yes", Sasuke whispered to his mother.
Her hand squeezed his slightly, and, as he rose to face her look, he only found the adoration of a mother, and hints of amusement in her black orbs so similar to his.
"Oh my love", she only answered in a murmur.
Sasuke looked back on the stage, where Sakura was standing in pose, and her jade eyes connected to his in a jolt that made him shiver.
She was terrified, excited, petrified, just like him.
But she was his.
Sakura laughed bitterly, dragging her and Sasuke away from memories of other times.
"You are not a very good liar, you know."
She sighed softly.
"But I couldn't blame you. After everything that happened … It makes you think back, doesn't it?"
She poured herself another glass. The bottle was almost empty, and her cheeks tainted in a lovely shade of pink.
"Did you wish you never gave it to me?"
Sasuke finished his glass before setting it down beside him. He turned to look at her, and her insides twisted almost painfully. That man! How could he be so distant yet so close, say so much without opening his mouth? She couldn't bear to look at him, to stay so close, yet not touch, she was craving ghosts from another lifetime, shadows of his touches, hints of his lips, flickers of his eyes. He was bearing so much, she knew, he was hating her and loving her so much, she knew.
Because the night she danced with that ribbon in her hair, was the night his entire family died.
She could still hear the screaming, and the pain, remembered being shoved away with the other girls, remembered him leaving her ten years ago, under that same willow tree, with a crushing, despaired kiss goodbye and her tears pooling down his face and neck. They were fifteen, and thought they would never see each other again.
He shot a hand to trail his fingers between her pink tresses, and stopped at the crimson tie holding them still. She could feel the conflict in his eyes, the way he frowned and battled with everything that was so bottled up inside of him.
"How could I?" he finally answered, his voice a broken whisper.
Hey there. I made you wait, but this one is twice as long. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Thank you again for your reviews, I read them with care and they fill my heart with absolute joy.
See you around xx