No infringement intended to the TDI and TDA corporation.

Dear Diary

Chapter 3

I heard Danny start coughing dramatically. I smirked slightly at him. "My story long enough yet for you, because I could always go on," I said full of sarcasm. What a pile of bullshit. He doesn't know half of it. Danny waved his hand at me and said, "Let's save the rest for another day." I inwardly smiled at the thought of him saying that we will see each other on another day.

Good idea.

It's only been a couple of hours since I met Danny, but he cheered me up from my depressive let-down, so he's okay in my book.
Really OK in my book.

He was extremely charming, nice - did I say gorgeous? Nope I didn't. Gorgeous. Everything was perfect about him, but he was missing a certain flair. A certain flair that every boy that I dated never had. And I sadly know what that flair was. Green hair, blue eyes and lip piercing. I grimaced at my internal thought.

"Is there something wrong?" Danny asked me. Oh crap, I was ignoring him. "No, sorry," I said apologetically.
Yes, everything is wrong with me.

We started conversations almost about everything. I learned that he had about 3 brothers and sisters on both sides and that he was the oldest. My only response to that was "poor boy." We both laughed at each other and it just felt right.
What a fake laugh.

Danny's phone beeped and he look down at me apologetically. I waved him off. "Go ahead," I said nicely. "I'll live," I added dramatically. "Hopefully."
I'm already dead on the inside.

Danny chuckled at me and thought for a minute. "Meet me here tomorrow same time?" My inward smile grew and grew till it showed on my face. "Okay," I said.
Yeah, keep my busy and away from my depressing thoughts.

"Great," Danny said, rushing towards the door. "See you tomorrow," he yelled out the door. I started thinking of the possibilities of Danny and I. It was confusing. I couldn't necessarily say that Duncan was back in my life, but whenever I thought of something, my head traveled back to him. I knew what would happen if Danny and I became a thing. I would end up breaking his heart for the one boy I couldn't have.
Duncan.

It always happens to me. Whenever I find the perfect boy that makes my heart soar, I find out in the end that it's not soaring for him. I don't even know why I still have feelings for him. Everything that happened a few years back was my fault. I couldn't stand the pressure and I just cracked, Slipped and broke. And I always knew that Duncan would never forgive me. If I had just kept my mouth shut, she would have never jumped and Duncan wouldn't have gone down that path. I grimaced at the thought of seeing that. Her beautiful limbs flopping around in the air untill she hit the ground. I remembered hearing that noise, too. All my cheering up, that Danny had worked so hard on, went straight out the window. I stilled had the nightmares. Nightmares full of darkness and just the noises she made when she hit the ground. Splat.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Nothing ever worked. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw her threatening face. I've learned to put a mask over myself. To let people think that I have healed, but truly I haven't.
Even though I know that I'll never get over Duncan, at least I have somebody now that will not make me feel so hollow. So empty.
Danny.

That sounds sick. Using somebody to heal. But as much as I wanted to feel bad there was always a part of me saying: "It's my time to shine and not his."
Could a dead star still shine? Hopefully. One day I might find out. Probably not. It was like taking a fire hose to the sun. Not happening.

I crossed the street and headed up to my house. I was exhausted on the inside. Acting like a sane person always made me tired. I stepped in my room to find a book displace "Noah did say the Twilight book sucked." I looked over to my couch to see him fast asleep. I slightly laughed another fake laugh. Is it sad that I try to lie to myself? I think so. I rolled my eyes at myself and headed to my bathroom to strip down. I put on my PJ's and lay in my bed and did the only thing I knew how to do to get myself to go to sleep. I cried.
Splat. Splat. Splat.

9 years into the future.

"Wow," Duncan said, listening to what I said about the diary page I wrote. "We were some fucked-up kids," Duncan said, trying to ease the tension. I rolled my eyes at his barbaric attitude to a serious predicament. I couldn't say I minded it though. I've been married to this idiot for 5 years and I have a good feeling it will never change

"It's true," he said, reading my mind. I shook my head in a sarcastic way. "Yeah, it kinda is," I said, smiling at him. I felt his body stiffen. "You had feelings for that 'Danny' kid," he said, empathizing Danny.
"Yeah, I did," I said truthfully. "But not anymore," I continued, trying to calm him down before he said or did something retarded.

"He's not coming over for dinner anymore," Duncan said grumpily. "Oh my god, Duncan," I said, annoyed by his stupidity. "We're both married, for Pete's sake," I said, yelling an octave louder.
"Is she hot?" Duncan let slip out. Stupid ass.

"Coach."

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