okay, so I'm trying to update all of my stories so if you want to go check 'em out! Heres the next chapter!
Him:Do
you like me?
Him:Honestly?
Me:No, I dont like you
Him:O um
ok i gtg bye
(he "left")
Me:I dont like you I love
you
Him:AWWW
Me:SHIT! I thought U left! who the hell goes on
invisible!
Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
I
laughed so hard;;
tears rolled down my leg
&if
the average person
[laughs
thirteen times a day]
*~
im certainly not normal. ~*
So
let me get this straight;
I'm
a slut, because
I have a lot of guy friends?
I'm
a geek, because
I didn't
fail my science test?
I'm
a pothead, because
I hang around with 'bad'
influences?
I'm
an emo, because
I wear eyeliner and the occasional tight jeans?
I'm
a bitch,
because I just don't
like you?
I'm
self centered, because
I'm confident?
So
I guess that makes you...
Jealous.
Try
This!(#
3)When
an unknown number calls your
phone and you have no idea who it
is
pick it up and scream;;
"WE DONT WANT ANY!"
And
hang up.
guy
#1 : "dude, why
are you reading
twilight?"
guy
#2 : "shut
up!
i wanna see what all the girls
like about that
guy!"
URGENTWARNING...
ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH ON FRIDAY, AND THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.
OF COUSE, YOU WILL BE SAFE,
BUT I
JUST WANTED TO
SAY
GOODBYE(:
Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916
Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843
Alice Cullen: Quirkier Than You since 1901
Rosalie
Hale:
Better Than You since 1916
Edward
Cullen:
Sexier Than You since 1901
rules
of
me:
#1.
i am always right
#2. just in case i am wrong, see rule #1
Boys
are cheats and liars,
They're such a big disgrace,
They will
tell you anything
To get to second base-
-ball,
baseball,
He thinks he's gonna score,
If you let him go all the
way
Then you are a whore-
-ticulturists study
flowers,
Geologists study rocks,
The only thing a guy wants
from you
Is a place to put his cock-
-roaches,
beetles,
Butterflies, and bugs,
Nothing makes him happier
Than
a giant pair of jug-
-lers and acrobats
And dancing bears
named chuck,
All boys want to do is...
Forget it no such luck.
Two people are sitting at a bar drinking, one of them turns to the other and says
"You arent irish by any chance are you?"
"Why
yes I am",replied the other man
"Fancy that! Where
abouts in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin"
"Cor!
Me 2"
"Really, where did you graduate?"
"St
Marys"
"Me too!! What year?"
"1986"
"Oh
my God! So did i!"
The bar man sighed "Its going to be a long night... The O Malley twins are drunk again."
your
90%
the reason i get
up in the
moring
the other 10%
is i need to
pee
always
smile
you never know what kind of freak
could
be falling in love with your frown.
Bella:
How far is it from Florence to Volterra?
Alice: That depends how
fast you drive....Bella?
Bella: Yes?
Alice: How strongly are
you opposed to grand theft auto?
And
Ladies? Can I Say?
Romeo? I'm not into fairytales,
E dward
Cullen? I'm sick of vampires now
Night in shining armor? Yeah,
right.
.. Jerk
in tinfoil?
I want Adventurous,
Daring,
Crazy
I
' d t a k e
Indiana
Jones
_Anyday
3
Caution: I sniff sharpies!
because i'm special that's why!
peoplethatdon't
know
me think im quiet &+ the
peoplethatdo
wish i was quiet =]
I
just applied for a job
At the mental hospital,
and they said I
needed
24 hours experience before
I can start, so uhm...wanna
hang out tomorrow? I'll buy
you candy ;)
connecticut
welcomes
you. birthplace of george w. bush.
...
w e a p o l o g i z e .
elephant:
why
do you have boobs
on
your back?
camel:
thats a funny
question coming
from someone with a dork
on their facee.
You
know the world is going crazy;
when
the
best rapper
is a white guy,
the best
golfer
is a black guy,
the
tallest guy in the NBA
is Chinese,
the Swiss
hold the America's Cup,
France
is accusing the U.S. of arrogance,
Germany doesn't want to go to
war,
and the three most powerful men in
America are named
'Bush',
'Dick', and 'Colon'.
"Dear
Edward,
piss
off;
you
poser.
-Love Dracula"
A
wise man once said,
"I
don't know. Ask a woman."
girls are NOT complicated. Seriously, how hard is it to say "you're pretty" and give us chocolate?
I
have the hickups...
They are like little bursts
of excitement
ILOVETHEM!
Some people ask if i talk. no idiot i bit off my tongue when i was 5 but people who know me tell me all the time to shutthehellup.
Remember,
when somebody annoys you, it takes 42
muscles in your face to frown.
BUT,
it only takes 4
muscles to extend your arm and bitch
slap that
F***** upside upside the head !
wilson:
you stole my patient!
house: well, you stole my guitar.
wilson:
give him back.
house: give her
back!
wilson: your guitar is a girl?
house: well it's certainly
not a DUDE!
your
looks are pretty
if your face
DIDN'T
SCREW THEM UP
Children
in the back seat cause accidents,
But accidents in the back seat
cause children.
This
is why women should not take men shopping
against their will.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her
trips to Wal*Mart . Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my
wife is like most women - she loved to browse.
Yesterday my dear
wife received the following
letter from the local Wal*Mart:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.
June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's carts
when they weren't looking..
2
.. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares
to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3.
July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4.
July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her
in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away.'
5.
August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to
put a bag of M&M's on
layaway.
6.
August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR'
sign to a carpeted area.
7.
August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers
he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department.
8.
August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?'
9.
September 4:
Looked right into the security
camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10.
September 10:
While handling guns in the
hunting department, he asked the clerk
where the antidepressants were.
11.
October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously
while loudly humming the '
Mission Impossible' theme.
12.
October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced
his ' Madonna look' by using
different sizes of funnels.
13.
October 18 :
Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled
'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.
October 21 :
When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And
last, but not least ..
15.
October 23 :
Went into a fitting room, shut the
door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here!'
You're Birth certificate Is an apology from a condom factory!
Yes,
I do sing in the shower.
But;;
I
also dance =]
rawr.
YOU
JUST GOT
OWNED IN DINOSAUR.
sorry
metrostation,
but edward
cullen
will
be
seventeen
forever