Chapter Four: A Little Truth
[Kukai's P.O.V]
After the question she looked away from me and went back to staring at Amu. I couldn't tell if she was thinking about the question or she was just worried about Amu. As I watched her I noticed something. Maybe it was because of Amu but she seemed to have the same kind of look that Amu had weeks ago when she looked so miserable but I hadn't managed to find the time to ask her what was wrong.
"Do you want to talk about anything?" I felt guilty for not helping Amu but maybe I could help Ami.
"Do you think onee-chan would be angry if one of my eggs had an X?" She didn't have to say it for me to know.
"I think it would depend on the reason." Did Amu never tell Ami what happened to Dia?
I bit my lip as I thought back to that day. I still remember when she told me about Dia. It was right after I graduated from Elementary School, when Rima and Kairi came in but Nadeshiko also left. I thought back, comparing the way she looked then to the way she looked a couple weeks ago. Her Charas still existed but I think it might be related to the fact that she had gone to the Road of Stars to get them back.
"I think she would be angry if it was intentional or maybe if someone made it turn but in that case she would be angry at who did it but not angry with you." Ami didn't make any movement besides curling her hands into fists gripping the bedsheets tightly.
"What if it got an X before it hatched and before I knew what dream it was for?" For the briefest of seconds I had the urge to laugh.
Ami had a similar situation to Amu when Dia had an X. It took a while for Amu to realize what Dia represented and took her a while to get the X off of Dia too. I took a step towards Ami and placed my hand on her head. I can't help Amu any right now but I can help Ami. I looked at Amu and my stomach churned. She had to pull through. I wanted to sit by her side until she woke up but I couldn't do.
"I don't think Amu would be angry about that after all something similar to that happened to her." Ami looked up to me.
"It did?" I nodded and gave her the best smile I could muster.
"Yeah so she would probably understand actually." She nodded.
I expected her to turn back to Amu but she turned and she rested her head on my side. If it was hard on me I couldn't imagine how hard it was on Ami. Ami looked up to Amu and was really close to her. Things changed in the last three almost four years, they were close and Ami didn't bother Amu as much as Amu lets on any more then again I doubt Ami had bothered her as much as she said she did back then. They're siblings so they were bound to annoy each other but they also would stick together.
"Oh, Kukai-kun, it's a surprise to see you here." I turned my head to see Amu's mother.
"I didn't think you would come, you were pretty shaken the other day." She had been the first to arrive since Amu's father had been at work and Ami had actually gone with him to work.
She saw the mess I was the other day. I tried hard not to let anyone see it but I was crying and I could barely keep myself together. I was scared too. She was worried but there was little we could do and she surprised me by comforting me the other day even though she was worried about Amu.
"She's my friend." It was all that I could force out, a small part of me whispered that I liked her but I knew that I wouldn't get a chance because it probably would be either Tadase or Ikuto for her.
Even after what happened she wouldn't blame them for what happened. She would just blame herself for being stupid. It would take a while but she would probably forgive both Tadase and Ikuto for what happened. For once I wish she would just get angry and tell them to stop it. I doubt that they would stop until she chose.
"I know you like her much more than that Kukai-kun." I was surprised at Amu's mother's words while I glanced at Ami when she laughed slightly.
"Nii-san loves onee-chan." If Ami could tell then was it that obvious?
"Is it really that obvious?" I muttered the words as I looked from Ami to the floor.
"No, call it a mother's intuition or say I might've figured it out the other day in the waiting room." I nodded.
"Nii-san kissed onee-chan's forehead once, that's how I know!" My shoulders slumped slightly and a bit of heat rose to my cheeks at Ami's words; I thought no one had seen that!
"I gotta use the bathroom." Ami muttered the words as she suddenly started to rush to the bathroom that was in the hospital room and despite the current situation I could help but laugh slightly.
"How are you holding up Kukai?" I looked at their mother; she had taken a seat on the couch in the room.
She didn't wear the normal shirt and skirt outfit she wore any other time I had seen her. She wore a baggy shirt and pair of pants. Even if she had asked me a question she was looking at Amu. She looked terrified almost but that was expectable. I glanced at Amu, she still wasn't awake and she still seemed to be on the weaker side.
"I couldn't focus in school and I almost punched Tadase." There weren't many people that I could be honest with.
My brothers had been kind of supportive but they didn't understand. They thought I should be able to recover pretty quickly. They didn't think it should affect me. I knew why they thought that and I understood their point. Even if I understood it, it didn't make their point correct. Maybe it shouldn't bother me as much as it does but it does. There was nothing that would change it.
"Do you have anyone to talk to?" It was odd having her worry about me not to mention I thought her worry and focus would've been Amu.
"I have four older brothers." I guess the situation wasn't helped any by the fact that I loved Amu.
"Can you talk to them?" My hands slowly curled into fists.
"And don't lie to me either." I let the words die in my mouth, the door opened and Ami came out but instead of standing beside Amu's bed she sat by her mother.
"They don't think that this should bother me as bad as it does." I sighed and closed my eyes.
It also was too close to that day. A part of me was actually afraid. I didn't know what would happen and the possibility of her dying wouldn't leave me alone either. I opened my eyes after a few moments of silence. Amu's mother was just watching Amu while Ami had curled up against her mother's side. Ami looked like she was going to go sleep. There wasn't anything that I could do at the moment.
"Why?" I almost jumped at her mother suddenly speaking after letting it fall silent for a good ten minutes.
"I'd rather not talk about that." I was already fighting with those memories and I didn't want to give them an invitation to invade my mind any more than they already did.
"Kukai-kun, you know it helps to talk things out right?" I nodded; I knew that but there were things that I didn't want anyone to know.
"You helped my daughter a lot, you always listened to her complain." I shook my head quickly.
"I was just helping her one of the only ways I knew how to." I always helped my friends and when she started to become much more than a friend then it only grew stronger.
"Yeah and that's why if you need to talk then you can talk to me." I bit my lip to keep in the words that wanted to spill out of my mouth.
"It was nice talking to you Hinamori-san." I took a step back away from Amu's bed before turning so I faced the door.
"Where are you going now Kukai-niisan?" I glance at Ami and gave her the best smile I could muster, I even closed my eyes.
"It's my okaasan's birthday today; I need to go get something for her." I opened my eyes slightly, Ami seem satisfied and it seemed like Amu's mother believed me then again it wasn't exactly a lie.
"See you later Kukai-kun." I nodded, saying have a good day just didn't fit the occasion and I didn't want to stay any longer so I left.
I rushed through the hospital hallway. I wanted out; I couldn't be here any longer. I couldn't stay any longer and keep myself together. I curled my hands into fists as I shoved them into my pockets. I chewed on my lip as I made my way to a flower shop, I'd get my mother's favorite flowers for her. I've done it every year for her. My brothers didn't do anything for her birthday anymore but I always did. Once to the flower shop I went to the counter and waited for a few moments.
"Ah, what can I get for you?" I looked up a bit surprised.
It was rare but I had heard of the occasional male florist. I blinked seeing him; he stood out against the flowers that surrounded him. Black hair with dyed red strikes and eyes that were a lighter brown than usual; his black jacket stood out against the dirty green apron that he wore too. He narrowed his eyes after a few moments and I realized that I had stared. I gave a nervous laugh; he was probably around my age so maybe it was his family's shop?
"Do you have any white Winter Roses?" He thought and glanced over the shop before nodding.
"Yeah, picking up flowers for your girlfriend?" He sounded annoyed but I watched him as he navigated through different rows and plucked the last four white Winter Roses they had.
"No, they're actually for my mom." That seemed to ease the glare he had settled on me.
"That's nice." I pulled out my wallet and paid him the money.
"So, why the flowers?" I glanced from the flowers to him.
"It's her birthday." That was all I said before I tried to rush out.
"Yeah, have a good day too." He grumbled it but I ignored him.
I wasn't in the mood to deal with people. Especially people are going to try and pry about information. I navigated my way back to familiar roads and before long I ended up walking the semi familiar route. I didn't head home after all that wasn't where my mother was. After walking for a few moments I came to the fence and I slipped in, walking past various graves. I let my body move on autopilot as I made my way through the silent graveyard. It didn't take long before I stood in front of my mother's grave. I bent down and brushed some of the snow off of the grave.
"Happy Birthday okaasan, sorry I haven't come around for a while." I carefully laid the flowers beside the grave.
"It's been really busy lately." I didn't care that I would get cold; I sat down and crossed my legs.
"Last time I was here I mentioned my friend, Hinamori Amu. She got sick recently, she's in the hospital and the doctors say she'll make it depending on her will." I folded my hands in my lap and I looked up at the sky.
"Ciel's doing well too; she came for a visit didn't she though?" I glanced back to the grave, Snowdrop flowers sat by the grave which Ciel would often leave if she came by.
"My brothers don't think it shoulder bother me after what we went through years ago with you though. I don't exactly have people to lean on now like I did then though." The only one that stuck around me from back then was Ciel.
"Ciel's been pretty busy with her life too so I didn't want to burden her any so I haven't really relied on her much." I tilted my head back and closed my eyes.
"How are you and otousan doing up there okaasan?" I opened my eyes when cold wet flakes started to descend and land on my face.
I stared up at the sky as snow started to fall once more. This was the time of the year that I didn't like all that much. I did my best to keep busy but with what happened with Amu I can't focus. My mind is preoccupied with Amu and the constant battle with memories from years ago as well. Yet a whole bunch of bad situations pop into my head thanks to what else happened around this time in the past.
Is anyone reading the story? If anyone actually likes it tell me and I'll try to update more often. [I like the story but since it seems like this isn't that popular I write and post this whenever I feel like but if people do like it and read it I'll update it and actually make it much more closer together.] Just tell me k?