Roy finds her in her office at Verdant.

"Can I come in?" he asks, hanging in the doorway.

"Sure," she says. She gives him a professional little smile and gets up from her chair. "What's going on?"

Roy gives her a look that cuts her straight to the core. "How are you?"

"I'm alright."

"Yeah?"

She raises an eyebrow at him. "You said you were going to call."

"I was. I thought maybe you wanted some space first."

"Three days worth of space?" She smirks at him. She's so proud of herself, acting calm, acting professional.

He doesn't need to know that she spent the past few days in a frenzy, hand glued to her phone. Wondering if 'I can't do this anymore' was code for 'I'm breaking up with you."

"Thea."

"Roy."

"Would you just get over here please?" Roy reaches out to her and she takes a few steps, trying not to wobble in her heels.

He crushes her to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She has to shut her eyes tight, tears threatening to spill over. Nothing in her life has ever felt as good as this does, right here.

"I love you," Roy whispers.

Thea sniffs and buries her face in the crook of her neck.

"Thea."

"I'm okay."

"Thea, look at me."

She surreptitiously wipes her eyes on his shirt and tilts her head up to look at him. His blue eyes are glassy.

"I love you," he says. "But don't ever ask me to do that again."

Thea exhales shakily. "Okay."

"I mean it, Thea."

"I know."

Roy tucks a curl behind her ear. "You sleeping any?"

"It's kind of hard without my security blanket..." She gives him a flirty smile. "You're the blanket."

"Yeah, I kind of got that." Roy grins. "I could come over later."

Thea swallows and tries to act cool. "If you want."

One of Roy's hands slide up the back of her shirt. "Oh, I want."

xxx

She goes back to the loft in a great mood, intent on taking a hot shower and maybe popping a stolen pill while she waits for Roy, when Oliver catches her.

"Hey Speedy, do you have a second?"

Damn.

She whirls around, plastering on an annoyed smile. "Can't talk Ollie, Roy's coming over later."

"So he's not here now."

"I have to get ready."

"I thought you guys were fighting," Ollie comments, and she freezes.

"We're fine," she says stiffly.

"Thea, you know you could talk to me if you were, right?"

"Like you talked to me?" she spits out.

Her brother has the grace to look sorry. "I was protecting you."

"You were lying to me."

"Thea, we talked about this."

"No Ollie, you talked. You lied and you lied to me, and you think saying sorry is going to fix it?"

"Thea, I'm doing everything I can to fix it!"

"You can't fix it. I killed Sara, and you knew. You knew, Ollie."

"Look, Speedy." Oliver takes a step towards her and she stumbles back, watching him frown. "I know you're having a hard time right now, but you have to try, okay? You have to or this is going to eat you up inside."

She gapes at him. "You think I'm not trying? Are you kidding me? You have no idea how hard I try. I'm not like you, Ollie! I can't handle it the way you can!"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind," she mutters.

Oliver looks devastated. "Say it."

She can't look at him. "I'm not a killer like you are."

Oliver doesn't say anything. The look on his face tells her everything she needs to know.

The front door slams loudly behind him when he leaves.

xxx

Ollie stops talking to her.

There are no more family dinners at Table Salt, no late night joy rides. Operation Cheer Up Thea has clearly been shut down.

It's not that he's mean to her, or even disappointed.

He acts like she isn't there at all.

xxx

"What the hell is up with your brother?" Roy says, wincing, as Thea holds an ice pack to his bruised ribs.

Her jaw tightens. "What do you mean?"

Roy gives her a look. "He lost it tonight, Thea. If I hadn't been there with Dig...I don't know if I would've been able to stop him on my own. Something's up with him."

Thea sighs. "We got in a fight."

Roy shifts on the couch. "About?"

She bites the inside of her cheek. "I may have called him a killer."

"So?"

"Roy!"

"He is a killer!"

"I may have implied he had no conscience."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

Roy scratches his eyebrow. "Were you guys talking about Sara?"

Thea goes very still. "Why would you ask that?"

"Come on, Thea. Everything's about Sara."

"No it's not."

Roy raises an eyebrow. "The other night, that wasn't about Sara?"

"That's not fair," Thea snaps, snatching the ice pack up and moving to put it back in the freezer.

"Hey, I kind of need that."

"Get it yourself."

"Thea, come on! Don't do this."

"Don't do what?"

"You think I don't get what you're doing?" Roy asks, easing off the couch slowly so he can stand level with her.

She crosses her arms across her chest. "What am I doing, Roy?"

"You're punishing yourself for something that isn't your fault."

"You know the last thing that Sara saw? Me. Firing arrows at her. Tell me how that's not my fault."

"It was Malcolm. He used you, and you know that. That is not your fault."

"But I did it. She died because of me."

"Okay, fine. Whatever. Either way, Sara's dead. What are you going to do, punish yourself forever?"

Thea raises her chin. "Maybe."

Roy's hands touch her waist loosely, giving her room to slip out of the embrace. "Don't do this, Thea."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're better than this."

She laughs bitterly. "No, I'm not."

Something like fire flares in his eyes. "I'm not going to let you do this."

She sighs. "Do what, Roy?"

He backs them up, pushing her until she's against the window. "I'm not letting you go back to the girl you used to be, who drank and got high just to deal with all the craziness around her."

A hysterical laugh bubbles up and escapes her. "Guess what?" she says, and then she's full on laughing, hands around her stomach. "You're too late."

Roy steps back from her. "What?"

She laughs and laughs, madness swirling in her brain. She's going to ruin this, right now, she knows it. The voice is back, telling her she never deserved him. Doesn't deserve his love, his concern.

"You wanna see?" she taunts.

She makes him chase her to her bedroom and holds up her jewelry box triumphantly. She pops off the bottom, digging out a handful of pills.

"Guess you know me pretty well, Roy Harper," she says, and then she swallows.

"What the fuck did you do that for!" he shouts. He smacks her hand and pills go scattering. "How many did you just take?"

"I don't know. Two. Three. Maybe more."

She's a terrible person. She wants him to scream, she wants him to rip her open and let the evil out.

She knows she's about to get high out of her mind and she sways against him, watching the horror on his face. "Do you still love me now?" she drawls.

His phone rings.

Roy moves suddenly, pinning her to his chest with one arm and answering the phone with the other.

"This isn't a great time, Felicity."

Thea doesn't know what Felicity says but Roy's mouth drops open. "You've got to be kidding me."

There's a long pause and then Roy says, "Yeah, I understand. We'll see you downstairs."

He hangs up and groans softly. "Oliver was just arrested."

"What? Why?"

Roy pinches the bridge of his nose. "Assault. He got in a street fight."

"Idiot," Thea says.

"Come on, we have to go bail him out."

"No thanks," she says, faux polite. "As far as I'm concerned he can rot in there."

"You don't mean that," Roy says tiredly.

She doesn't, but that's not the point. She's still mad at Ollie and she's about to be very, very high. Police stations are a major buzzkill.

"Thea, don't make me carry you out of here."

She looks pointedly at his bruised ribs. "I don't think you'll be carrying anything tonight."

"And as soon as those pills come on you're going to be high as a kite. I can't leave you here. Quit arguing and get your shoes on."

"Roy."

"Goddmamnit Thea, just do it," he snaps.

"Fine," she grumbles. "God, you are no fun."

Roy looks at her, and something in her stomach contracts. "There's no way I believe for one second you're doing this because it's fun."

She doesn't say anything back. They both know he's right, anyway.