Always, 4
INTRODUCTION: To make it easy for yourself, read the 1st three parts before this one... :)
DISCLAIMER: The "Friends" characters aren't mine, no matter how much I want 'em to be, lol!
"Monica!" Chandler screamed, and lightly slapped her on the cheek, on some level hoping it would wake her up again. "MONICA!"
He got to his feet and ran towards the doors, flung them open and grabbed the young doctor by his coat arm.
"Help! Quick! She's dying!"
*
The whole thing was over in about three minutes, although it felt like a lot longer in Chandler's mind. The doctors had managed to get her heartbeat back and her vitals in order. She was working as she should again.
Chandler held her hand and watched her breathe calmly. She was breathing through a respirator, because the doctors feared she might stop breathing again if air wasn't pumped into her lungs in artificial way.
Ross stood in the doorway holding his niece in his arms, eyeing his sister and brother-in-law. Chandler wouldn't take his eyes off Monica, it was almost as if he was afraid she'd drift off again if he let her out of sight. Ross thought about it for a second, then decided to talk to Chandler instead of letting him think he was alone with Monica.
"She's gonna be fine, Chandler" he said. "It can only go in one way from this point, right?"
"Where are the others?" Chandler asked, not looking up.
"Phoebe and Joey went home to get some sleep. Phoebs has been here since four pm yesterday, she's wiped. And Joey's pretty exhausted too. Rachel's out in the hall."
"Where's Gina? Is she with Rach?"
"With me."
Ross walked over to the bed. Chandler lifted his eyes off Monica and took Regina in his arms. Then he turned his eyes back to where they'd been. He sighed, completely exhausted.
"Chandler, shouldn't you be better off just going home?" Ross asked. "Take Regina and go home to sleep."
"We're not home free yet, Ross. Don't think for a second that I'll be going anywhere until the danger is over."
"It IS over, Chandler."
"It is not."
Ross sighed.
"So what, then?" he asked. "Are you planning on sitting here until she's completely well again?"
"No, I can't do that" Chandler replied. "But not even wild horses could make me leave until we at least know she'll survive the nearest 24 hours."
"Chandler think about your daughter!" Ross said, trying his best to get Chandler to go home and sleep. "She needs sleep, in a real bed not on someone's shoulder. Take care of her, and let us and the doctors take care of Monica."
Chandler didn't reply. He still kept his eyes on Monica. Ross started to wonder if he was even aware that he had a child in his arms. Ross left to find a doctor who could help him send Chandler home. As soon as he left, Chandler leaned closer to Monica.
"Please don't die, please don't die…" he whispered. "You cannot die now… Cannot die…"
"Not die" Regina echoed her father.
Chandler placed a hand on the back of her head and kissed her on the forehead, absentmindedly.
"Family democracy says you can't die" he said to Monica. "It's me and Regina against you on this one… Unless you too want to live. But either way you have to, we're a majority here."
"Mommy…" Regina said and reached out her hand.
Chandler leaned her closer so she could touch her mommy's forehead. Regina had her serious look on her face, and Chandler smiled slightly. They really looked alike.
"What that?" Regina asked, pointing to the respirator.
"It helps mommy breathe" Chandler explained and sat up straight again. Regina eyed it carefully and seemed very confused over why that plastic thing could help her mother breathe, especially since she's always been able to breathe on her own before.
"Try to go to sleep, honey" Chandler said to Regina and kissed her on the forehead. "We're gonna stay here with mommy until she wakes up."
*
Monica woke up a few hours later, feeling sick and feeling funny. There was something covering her mouth and nose. She realized it was a respirator. She blinked until her eyes focused again, and looked around.
She felt her heart swell with love when she saw her family on the chair next to her. Both were asleep and Chandler had Regina in a firm grip, making sure she wouldn't fall down.
Monica closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again. What had happened? Why had they put her on a respirator?
She saw Regina open her eyes and look at her. Monica smiled.
"Mommy!" Regina said.
Monica lifted her hand and stroke her daughter on the cheek.
"Hi sweetie…" she said, though she didn't know if Regina could hear it. A combination of a cold and a respirator made her voice seem very distant and fragile.
She smiled wider when she saw her daughter trying to squirm out of Chandler's firm grip to get closer. After a while she seemed to be fed up with trying, so she gave her father a push.
"Wake up!" she demanded.
Chandler grunted and opened his right eye.
"Sweetie, what is it?" he mumbled, wanting to go back to sleep.
"MOMMY!" Regina said, pushing him again.
Chandler got scared and opened both his eyes. Then he saw he had nothing to worry about. She was awake. He smiled widely and looked deep into her eyes.
"I think she wants loose" Monica said.
Chandler had no idea what she was trying to say, but he gathered from the squirms his daughter was occupied with that she wanted to get loose. He begun setting her down on the floor, but the child protested and he lifted her up again. Then he realized she wanted to go to Monica. He carefully lifted her over to Monica's other side and just as carefully put her down there.
Monica ignored the feeling of weakness that made it hard for her to move. She pulled the child into a hug and wished she could breathe in the smell of baby, so different from the smell of hospital. But the respirator was in the way.
Chandler leaned down and kissed her lovingly on the cheek. Then he rested his head next to hers and put an arm around her and the baby.
*
By the end of the week Monica was feeling a lot better. The respirator was long gone, and she didn't feel pain anywhere. She started to believe the doctors when they told her that the worst part was over now, and she would most likely be fully recovered.
She looked up with a smile when she saw Chandler enter, whistling and seeming to be in a really good mood. He sat down next to her and gave her a kiss.
Rachel, who had been 'on duty', realized that a sortie would be good around this moment. She rose and left the room quietly.
"My my, someone is in a good mood…" Monica said with a smile.
"I don't come only with a good mood, I come with good news!" Chandler said with an even bigger smile and took her hand. "The doctors are really pleased with how you're doing. It will only get better from now on, apparently."
"That's good news, but I have heard it before" Monica said with a crooked smile.
"I haven't gotten to the good bit yet" Chandler assured her. "You see, the doctors are ready to finish your treatment."
Monica's face lit up like a candle.
"Really?"
"Really. They have to phase it out as you know, but they've already started that process… Today is the fifth, right?"
"Sixth."
"Sixth, okay. The doctor said that by the thirteenth you'd be ready to go home. Just in time for valentine's day, actually."
"Honey, I DO know what date valentine's day is."
"Anyway, you'll get to be home for that and for Phoebe's birthday. And then around the twentieth you'll have to go back so they can give you the final treatment. And then you can go home again sometime in early March and then in late March they're gonna do the transplant."
"Wow…" Monica said. "And I thought *I* planned ahead…"
Chandler smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
"I can't wait to have you back… I miss you so at home. Life just isn't the same without everything being compulsively neat and someone sleeping on my shoulder."
Monica chuckled.
"Oh please, you've been longing for the day when you could have a home that wasn't compulsively neat."
"Completely untrue" Chandler claimed. "If that were true I'd only have to spent a night at Joey's and then I'll be more than happy to be back."
Monica smiled and coughed.
*
Monica felt weak standing up. And it was no wonder. She hadn't exactly been standing a lot this year. But she didn't feel like getting depressed over her stupid legs not working as they should. After all, she was going home today.
She looked up at Chandler and smiled. He was there with Phoebe and Rachel to take her home.
"Monica you must be SO relieved to get out of that awful hospital gown!" Rachel said sympathetically.
Monica rolled her eyes. Rachel seemed to be able to connect everything to fashion.
"Personally I didn't mind seeing you in that extremely sexy outfit" Chandler said, almost laughing.
"Well you do like things that are open in the back…" Monica replied acidly.
"Ouch, she gets a jab already and it's not even 12.30" Chandler said, still with his warm smile. "Good to know I've gotten the same Monica back!"
She tilted her head and gave him a 'ha, ha' look.
Phoebe and Rachel shared a look. They were used to the friendly banter and joking quarrels that Chandler and Monica seemed to like to devote their time to. But they had missed it the past months.
"Weather or not I'm still the same person remains to be seen" Monica said, with feigned seriousness. "You just wait until we're alone in our bedroom tonight."
"Oh, good, thanks for reminding me! I've gotta go call Janice and tell her that she can't stay over tonight" Chandler replied, feigning seriousness as well.
"I think we'd better get going before the punches start to hit below the belt" Rachel said.
Monica and Chandler shared a confused look.
"Start to?" Chandler asked Monica.
"She talking about US?" Monica asked Chandler.
"You two are already getting on my nerves, now Monica march your hiney out the door!" Rachel said with a sigh, grabbing Monica's bag.
"Just Monica?" Chandler asked.
Rachel growled and hit him on the arm with her free hand. Then she marched out the room, the other three following closely behind.
*
That night Monica hugged Regina closely and looked around in the apartment, unable to put words to the joy she was feeling.
"I just can't believe it, baby…" she said to Chandler, sitting next to them on the couch. "I just can't believe I made it. I'm home!"
Chandler lovingly kissed her on the cheek and put his arm around her, pulling her close.
"Told you never to give up, didn't I?"
"Hey Chandler, I was dead there for a while though, wasn't I? I mean the doctors won't tell me, but I'm pretty sure I was."
"Yeah…" Chandler reluctantly said after a few quiet seconds. "Yeah, for five minutes maybe. I don't know for sure."
"Oh man…" Monica said with a disappointed sigh and sat back. "And I didn't have ANY cool near death experiences."
"You don't believe in near death experiences."
"Well I guess this proves my theory" Monica sighed. "Seriously, all I can remember are vague parts of fever dreams… and your voice, of course."
"My voice?" Chandler said, slightly embarrassed. "You, you heard me? You heard what I was saying?"
"No, I didn't hear words… I just heard your voice, mumbling and things like that." She looked up at him. "It was sort of my lifeline. It was what I clung on to."
"Seriously? 'Cause you… died… right after I was left alone with you."
Monica raised her eyebrows and let them fall, not really up for the discussion.
Chandler's hand gently stroke her left shoulder. She took a glance at him. He was staring straight in front of him, seeming deep in thought. She rose.
"I'm putting Gina down. She's fast asleep. Don't go anywhere."
Chandler looked after her when she went into the nursery and smiled slightly. Regina had been so thrilled to have her mommy home, and Monica had only held her for ten minutes before she was fast asleep. She seemed more secure now than she had before.
Monica came back with a mischievous grin on her face.
"Now, if I remember it correctly…" she said. "I was gonna show you exactly how much or little I have changed."
Chandler raised an eyebrow, confused.
"Don't just sit there" Monica said with a smile. "Or, well, okay… You can sit there."
Chandler looked even more confused.
Monica smiled and giggled slightly. She sat down next to him and began to unbutton his shirt while talking as if they were playing a board game or something. Definitely not as if she was undressing him.
"I guess I haven't changed too much at all. Probably not at all. I had one of those brain damage tests taken the other day. Quite interesting actually, I got to retell stories and describe things and associate… Oh, and I got to spell my name."
"Did you pass?" Chandler said, trying to sound as casual as she did.
"With flying colours" Monica said, pulling up the part of his shirt that he had tucked in his pants.
"Well that's good then" Chandler said.
"Very good… You have a wife with no brain damage."
She smiled at him and took his shirt off. Chandler smiled at her and stroke her cheek. He was curious over what she would do next.
Monica rose and went over to the ironing-board she still had out from earlier during the day, and started ironing his shirt. Chandler's chin fell.
"You're doing that NOW?" he said, trying to sound surprised, not disappointed.
"Now is as good of a time as any" Monica replied, with a light shrug to her shoulders. "The board is already out, so…"
Chandler made a 'yeah, imagine that' face, crossed his arms and went back to looking in front of him. Monica ironed his shirt, folded it and went into the bedroom to put it in the closet. She came back out and sat down next to him. He turned his head to look at her.
Monica grinned and slid down to the floor, standing on her knees. She took his socks off.
"May I ask what is going on here?" Chandler asked.
"Your socks are smelling like butter acid" Monica said and went with them to the hamper.
"Why don't I just take of all of my clothes and then you can examine them and determine what needs to be ironed and what needs to be washed…" Chandler said, slightly annoyed.
Monica came back out from the bathroom and unplugged the iron.
"Chandler don't be silly. I'm not ironing anymore tonight."
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"Well I get what you mean…" he said. "You really haven't changed much."
"Of course not, stupid!" Monica said with a laugh and came back and sat with him. "And I don't understand why you think I would have!"
She held his face between her palms and kissed him while giggling. She stroke his cheek with her thumb and looked into his eyes.
"Well, I guess I was playing amateur doctor or something" Chandler said.
"Probably" Monica giggled.
"Would you cut out the giggle?" Chandler asked, balancing on the line between being mad and starting to giggle himself.
Monica went from giggling to laughing, leaning forward while she did. She just couldn't stop laughing, even though she didn't really have anything amusing to laugh about.
"What in the world is so funny?" Chandler asked, realizing that the battle was lost and he had fallen over to her giggly side.
"I have no idea!" Monica managed to get out between her laughters. She shook her head. "I haven't laughed this hard since last time I saw '60 Minutes'!" she joked.
Chandler burst out laughing as well, leaning forward too. He shook his head and tried to stop, but it was no use.
Monica made an effort to stop, but soon burst out laughing again. Then she took a deep breath, heard Chandler do the same, and turned to look at him. Their eyes met, and after just a second or two they were laughing like crazy again.
"Oh gosh… my stomach!" Monica whined between laughters. She put her hands on her stomach.
Chandler laughed harder and made a moaning sound when his stomach started to hurt as well. After about five minutes of uncontrolled laughter they managed to calm down.
"Was it good for you too?" Monica asked, wiping tears from her face.
Her comment made them both start laughing again. Chandler playfully gave her shoulder a push with his right hand.
"Oh shut up!" he said, trying to repress the main in the stomach and at the same time trying to stop laughing.
"Oh gosh…" Monica said, calming her laughter a little, and wiping tears from her eyes. "I don't think I've cried this hard since last time I saw 'Dawson's Creek'!"
Chandler gave up trying to keep the laughter down and sank down on the floor.
"It's really fun to have you home" he said, and she started to laugh harder too.
"Chandler do you realize our sense of humour sucks?" she asked, leaning forward to look into his eyes, and calming down.
"Totally" he said, hardly getting the word out because he was laughing so hard. "Maybe we should have sex, that ought to make you stop laughing!"
"Are you kidding me?" Monica said, giggling worse again. "That would only make me laugh harder!"
Chandler moaned in pain again since his new laugh attack made his stomach ache. He grabbed Monica's legs and leaned his head against them, laughing uncontrollably.
"Oh gosh…" Monica said again, finally managing to stop laughing. She wiped her eyes and leaned forward to stroke his head. "I don't think I've had this much fun since the last time Rachel tried to bake bagels."
"Monica cut it out!" Chandler moaned, not being able to stop laughing. "Shut up and give me a chance to stop laughing!"
Monica couldn't resist the temptation, and leaned closer and started to tickle him.
"Come on Chandler, stop laughing! I dare ya!" she said with a loving smile, while he tried to squirm away from her. "Come on, what kind of a man can't even manage to win over his wife in a small tickle-war? Show me you're a man!"
Chandler didn't reply, he was busy trying to get away from her and to stop laughing. Finally he managed, and she let her hands slide back up to play with his hair. Chandler leaned his head against her knees, all of a sudden serious again.
"God I love you" he said.
"I know. Who doesn't love a person who tickles them?" Monica joked.
"I think it's pretty strong of me to love you even THOUGH you tickle me" Chandler joked.
"Well I love you too. More than words. But now you're gonna have to hug something else than my legs, because I kinda' wanna stand up."
Chandler let her go and she rose to her feet.
"A little peace offer…" she said, and pulled her shirt over her head. She tossed it at him with a smile. "And that's all you're getting out of me at the moment."
"I want your socks too" Chandler said. "You took mine."
Monica smiled and leaned down to kiss him on the lips. Chandler resisted the urge to press his lips harder against hers. Monica then went to the bathroom, leaving Chandler alone.
He picked up her shirt and smelled it. He smiled. It smelled like her, all right. He rose and folded it, walking into the bedroom. Monica came in a few minutes later. Chandler looked up at her from where he was laying on the bed. He recognized the sly smile on her face.
"Okay Chandler, I'll make a deal with you…" she said. "I'll trade. My socks for your pants."
"Sounds like a fair trade" Chandler said sarcastically.
"Of course…" Monica said, reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra. "You get me topless too. Three of your clothes off, three of mine."
Chandler smiled at her lovingly, and obediently let his pants slide off. Monica picked them up and folded them, letting her bra hang loose. She then took it off along with her socks. She smiled at Chandler who had a look on his face that she was very familiar with.
She put the clothes away neatly. Chandler wondered what was up with the tidy procedure. If she was playing with him, or…
Monica crawled up on the bed and straddled him. She sat down on him and eyed him carefully.
"You know, it feels like as soon as your pants are off it's much easier to control you" she remarked.
"Actually I think it's your clothes being taken off that makes me easier to control."
"Well, you know, it is no fair…" she replied, stroking his right thigh. "After all… You only have your boxers left to take off for me. I've got both pants and panties." She shrugged her shoulders. "But that's no worry. I'll keep the panties on."
"Whoa, hold on there!"
"Oh, do you want me to keep the pants instead?" Monica asked, pretending not to understand what he was complaining about.
"Couldn't you have left the socks on, or something?" Chandler said, whiny.
"Nah…" Monica said.
She moved so she was sitting next to him and slid his boxers off. Then she took her own pants off, keeping her underwear on, and lay down next to him. She kissed him lightly and ran her hand up and down his right side.
"Ah, that tickles!"
"Sorry…"
She grinned and let her lips brush against his. Her touch was so light that he could barely feel her lips on his. He closed his eyes and tried to resist. He knew she was out to get a reaction in him. He was determined to win this one.
Monica slowly let her tongue lick his lips, barely touching them at all. She kept her eyes on his closed eyes and tried to see if he was reacting. She knew he was, but it was the physical reaction she was after at the moment.
Chandler tried to get annoyed instead of aroused. If he got fed up with her light licks he would probably be able to resist it for a longer time. But he knew it was useless. There was something about her that made it impossible for him to be mad at her.
Monica grinned slightly and pulled away. Chandler was just about to open his eyes when he felt two of her fingers press on his cheeks, exactly where his line of teeth ended.
"Ouch!" he said, although he was more surprised than pained. Her fingers pressing him there made him open his mouth, and as soon as he did her fingers were gone. Then he felt her tongue again, this time inside of his open mouth.
Monica saw him clench and unclench his hands, and she knew his reaction wasn't far away by now.
'Gosh he is easy to break…' she thought in amusement. 'Hardly any sport at all!'
She let her tongue carefully feel the inside of his mouth, still with the same light touch. She leaned her upper body down on his chest and placed her hands on both sides of his head. Hopefully she was making Chandler think she was going to kiss him hard and deep at any minute. That would make it harder for him to not react to her hardly feelable kiss.
Chandler tried his best to resist her. It almost felt like torture, and it was silly! It was just a kiss, it shouldn't be enough to make him feel this way. His determination to keep still until she decided for herself that she couldn't wait for his reaction any longer and kissed him deeply grew weaker. He tried to think about boring things, like math, David Bowie and the presidential election, anything to keep his mind elsewhere.
Monica let her lips softly brush against his and her tongue stroke over his, barely touching it. She could feel him tremble. She lifted her head up and blew out some air on his eyes, just to see what reaction she got. His hands came up and grabbed her around the waist. But that was all he did. Monica smiled lovingly and gently let her tongue enter his still open mouth again.
Chandler tried to at least keep his hands still. It was very tempting to let them run up and down her hips and waist, but he realized that it would mean giving in to her slightly. He already had, when his hands had reached up for her. But she wanted a better reaction.
Monica smiled and lightly, lightly nibbled his upper lip, then let her tongue slide down his lip into his mouth again, still barely touching him at all with her mouth. She heard him take a deep breath and lovingly rubbed her nose against his. She placed her light kisses on his lips again, tracing from one corner of his mouth to the other, and then back again along the other lip. She was slightly amazed by how long he'd resisted her. His hands moved from being on her hips to being lingered around them in a firm but tender grip.
'You're loosing, Chandler…' she thought with a smile and let her tongue trace back the same way her kisses just had gone. She knew she was on the brink of braking him. He wanted a real deep kiss and he wanted it now.
She let her tongue enter his mouth, then leave it again a few times. Then he finally couldn't resist anymore.
With his right arm he pressed her hips closer to him, and his left flew up and grabbed the back of her head. He pushed it down at the same time as he lifted his own head up and kissed her long, hard and deep.
Monica smiled, enjoying the kiss a hundred per cent. She had made him react, finally, and they both knew it. She had shown him she could break him even when he tried his best not to be beaten.
Chandler moaned as he let his right arm slide up her back and stroke her, and he kept her head in a firm grip with his left hand. He wouldn't want to risk letting her go. In that case she might pull away and continue teasing him, and he'd had enough for now.
He finally broke the kiss, in desperate need for air. Monica gave him a loving smile and lay down next to him with her head resting between his shoulder and neck. Chandler continued stroking her with his right hand. The left one now lay more relaxed on her head. He took a few deep breaths and tried to think of a way to put her to the test like she just had done with him. He realized that he could let a hand slide into her panties and see how long it took before she was begging him to take them off.
He slowly let his right hand slide down towards her hips again, then realized she was crying.
"Monica?" he said, confused. He forgot what he had been thinking just seconds earlier and carefully sat up, taking her head between his hands and tilting it up to him. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her eyes were getting puffy.
"But honey, what's the matter?" he asked, feeling scared. He hoped she wasn't feeling bad, after all she still wasn't really well.
"I just realized…" Monica whispered, trying to wipe her eyes but new tears came immediately. "I just let it sink in…"
"Let what sink in, honey? Talk to me!"
Monica carefully sat up as well and gently grabbed his hands, pushing them away from her face.
"It hasn't become reality until now."
"Honey, you are going to have to tell me what you're crying about" Chandler said. He couldn't understand a thing. One minute she was teasing him, seducing him, the next she was in tears.
"I'll probably never be able to have another baby" Monica said through her tears, and Chandler understood in a split second. "I'll never be able to call Regina my OLDEST child instead of my ONLY child. I'll never have a son, or even get the chance to have one!"
"Never say never, you know that!" Chandler said, lamely trying to comfort her. "You said the same thing about watching Gina grow up, and now you've beaten the cancer!"
"But in return I've most likely lost my fertility" Monica said through her sobs. "I've never let that part sink in before, even though the doctors told us that since square one. I never bothered to think about it since I didn't even know if I was gonna live. But now it's become hard reality."
"You listen to me for a second…" Chandler said, stroking the tears off her cheeks. "You listen to me, the doctors said you MIGHT get infertile. Not that you WOULD get infertile. Let's not panic over this until we know for sure, okay? And either way I love you so much that I wouldn't even have cared if you'd been infertile when we met." He smiled slightly. "But I'm so thankful for the daughter you've given me. I must say I like the fact that you were fertile when we met. And you most likely still are."
Monica nodded, mostly just to agree, not up for the discussion at the moment. She tried to stop shivering and she tried to stop crying.
"Come here…" Chandler said. "I'll let you use my tongue as a pacifier-substitute."
Monica chuckled slightly through her tears and leaned in to him. He put his arms around her and gave her a soft French kiss.
Monica ceased to cry, ended the kiss and leaned against his chest for some mental support. Chandler slowly stroke her back. He would have to wait to put her to the test like she'd done with him, this wasn't the time. She wasn't in the mental state to be teased and played with, even if it was done with lots of love and affection.
He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away gently. He helped her get under the covers and then pulled her closer.
Monica couldn't remember the last time she'd been through so many emotional storms in only one day. First nervosity that morning, then excitement to get to leave. Then joy to be home and lots of love for her family and friends. Then she and Chandler had had their long laugh together on the couch. And then the sexual part, which had been shortly followed by sadness. She wondered if she was going schizophrenic or something.
She exhaled sadly and stroke Chandler's chest absentmindedly. Chandler seemed to be miles away as well, probably in surprise after all of her mood swings.
She came close to telling him how much she loved him, but she knew that he already knew. And it somehow felt like words would be out of it's place at this moment. Like there was something very fragile in the room, and it would break at the sound of a voice.
Monica let her head rest on his chest as well, and continued stroking him. She wondered if she would have still been alive if she had been single when she'd gotten the leukaemia. He had helped her through more than he could know, and without him she probably would be dead now. But it was hard to say if she would have survived without him by her side as a lover and soulmate. She had no idea weather or not she was strong enough to deal with it on her own. She hadn't had to find out either, since he had been there for her to rely on.
"Oh god I love you so…" she whispered, quietly so that nothing would break.
"Babe I love you too" he whispered back and begun stroking the back of her head. "It's always been you, Mon… My secret crush…"
Monica didn't comment. She didn't know if he really meant it, or if that was just how it felt now, on the other side of marriage and love. Either way she knew he would be hers for as long as she was alive, which would be a lot longer than she'd thought just a month ago.
"It's almost valentine's day" he softly said. "I've forgotten to get you anything… I've had other things to do."
"It's enough that you give me you" she answered, sighing content. "And unless I get dressed quickly and run out to find a store open after 23:00, I'll be out of a gift for you too."
"We've been there before" Chandler said with a smile.
"Been there and back" Monica mumbled. "Thank you for you… That's the only thing you ever need to give me. I can do without material stuff."
"Technically I'm material" she heard him say, and she hit him lightly with the hand that was stroking him.
"Chandler just being near you is enough" she said, then yawned. "And being home is all I could ask for this valentine's day."
Chandler closed his eyes. He had come extremely close to loosing her. It had been a wake-up call. He'd never fully realized how life without her would be until he'd been standing in the corner of her hospital room, watching a team of people dressed in white trying to bring her back to life. He never intended to forget, he was determined to love her each day as if it was the last one they had together. Never again would he forget exactly how important she was to him.
Please review. Even if you didn't like it. Just let me know what you think... Oh, and to answer a question, this series is already completed and there are a total of 13 parts + an epiologue... So I wasn't joking when I talked about 12 parts... :)!
INTRODUCTION: To make it easy for yourself, read the 1st three parts before this one... :)
DISCLAIMER: The "Friends" characters aren't mine, no matter how much I want 'em to be, lol!
"Monica!" Chandler screamed, and lightly slapped her on the cheek, on some level hoping it would wake her up again. "MONICA!"
He got to his feet and ran towards the doors, flung them open and grabbed the young doctor by his coat arm.
"Help! Quick! She's dying!"
*
The whole thing was over in about three minutes, although it felt like a lot longer in Chandler's mind. The doctors had managed to get her heartbeat back and her vitals in order. She was working as she should again.
Chandler held her hand and watched her breathe calmly. She was breathing through a respirator, because the doctors feared she might stop breathing again if air wasn't pumped into her lungs in artificial way.
Ross stood in the doorway holding his niece in his arms, eyeing his sister and brother-in-law. Chandler wouldn't take his eyes off Monica, it was almost as if he was afraid she'd drift off again if he let her out of sight. Ross thought about it for a second, then decided to talk to Chandler instead of letting him think he was alone with Monica.
"She's gonna be fine, Chandler" he said. "It can only go in one way from this point, right?"
"Where are the others?" Chandler asked, not looking up.
"Phoebe and Joey went home to get some sleep. Phoebs has been here since four pm yesterday, she's wiped. And Joey's pretty exhausted too. Rachel's out in the hall."
"Where's Gina? Is she with Rach?"
"With me."
Ross walked over to the bed. Chandler lifted his eyes off Monica and took Regina in his arms. Then he turned his eyes back to where they'd been. He sighed, completely exhausted.
"Chandler, shouldn't you be better off just going home?" Ross asked. "Take Regina and go home to sleep."
"We're not home free yet, Ross. Don't think for a second that I'll be going anywhere until the danger is over."
"It IS over, Chandler."
"It is not."
Ross sighed.
"So what, then?" he asked. "Are you planning on sitting here until she's completely well again?"
"No, I can't do that" Chandler replied. "But not even wild horses could make me leave until we at least know she'll survive the nearest 24 hours."
"Chandler think about your daughter!" Ross said, trying his best to get Chandler to go home and sleep. "She needs sleep, in a real bed not on someone's shoulder. Take care of her, and let us and the doctors take care of Monica."
Chandler didn't reply. He still kept his eyes on Monica. Ross started to wonder if he was even aware that he had a child in his arms. Ross left to find a doctor who could help him send Chandler home. As soon as he left, Chandler leaned closer to Monica.
"Please don't die, please don't die…" he whispered. "You cannot die now… Cannot die…"
"Not die" Regina echoed her father.
Chandler placed a hand on the back of her head and kissed her on the forehead, absentmindedly.
"Family democracy says you can't die" he said to Monica. "It's me and Regina against you on this one… Unless you too want to live. But either way you have to, we're a majority here."
"Mommy…" Regina said and reached out her hand.
Chandler leaned her closer so she could touch her mommy's forehead. Regina had her serious look on her face, and Chandler smiled slightly. They really looked alike.
"What that?" Regina asked, pointing to the respirator.
"It helps mommy breathe" Chandler explained and sat up straight again. Regina eyed it carefully and seemed very confused over why that plastic thing could help her mother breathe, especially since she's always been able to breathe on her own before.
"Try to go to sleep, honey" Chandler said to Regina and kissed her on the forehead. "We're gonna stay here with mommy until she wakes up."
*
Monica woke up a few hours later, feeling sick and feeling funny. There was something covering her mouth and nose. She realized it was a respirator. She blinked until her eyes focused again, and looked around.
She felt her heart swell with love when she saw her family on the chair next to her. Both were asleep and Chandler had Regina in a firm grip, making sure she wouldn't fall down.
Monica closed her eyes for a second, then opened them again. What had happened? Why had they put her on a respirator?
She saw Regina open her eyes and look at her. Monica smiled.
"Mommy!" Regina said.
Monica lifted her hand and stroke her daughter on the cheek.
"Hi sweetie…" she said, though she didn't know if Regina could hear it. A combination of a cold and a respirator made her voice seem very distant and fragile.
She smiled wider when she saw her daughter trying to squirm out of Chandler's firm grip to get closer. After a while she seemed to be fed up with trying, so she gave her father a push.
"Wake up!" she demanded.
Chandler grunted and opened his right eye.
"Sweetie, what is it?" he mumbled, wanting to go back to sleep.
"MOMMY!" Regina said, pushing him again.
Chandler got scared and opened both his eyes. Then he saw he had nothing to worry about. She was awake. He smiled widely and looked deep into her eyes.
"I think she wants loose" Monica said.
Chandler had no idea what she was trying to say, but he gathered from the squirms his daughter was occupied with that she wanted to get loose. He begun setting her down on the floor, but the child protested and he lifted her up again. Then he realized she wanted to go to Monica. He carefully lifted her over to Monica's other side and just as carefully put her down there.
Monica ignored the feeling of weakness that made it hard for her to move. She pulled the child into a hug and wished she could breathe in the smell of baby, so different from the smell of hospital. But the respirator was in the way.
Chandler leaned down and kissed her lovingly on the cheek. Then he rested his head next to hers and put an arm around her and the baby.
*
By the end of the week Monica was feeling a lot better. The respirator was long gone, and she didn't feel pain anywhere. She started to believe the doctors when they told her that the worst part was over now, and she would most likely be fully recovered.
She looked up with a smile when she saw Chandler enter, whistling and seeming to be in a really good mood. He sat down next to her and gave her a kiss.
Rachel, who had been 'on duty', realized that a sortie would be good around this moment. She rose and left the room quietly.
"My my, someone is in a good mood…" Monica said with a smile.
"I don't come only with a good mood, I come with good news!" Chandler said with an even bigger smile and took her hand. "The doctors are really pleased with how you're doing. It will only get better from now on, apparently."
"That's good news, but I have heard it before" Monica said with a crooked smile.
"I haven't gotten to the good bit yet" Chandler assured her. "You see, the doctors are ready to finish your treatment."
Monica's face lit up like a candle.
"Really?"
"Really. They have to phase it out as you know, but they've already started that process… Today is the fifth, right?"
"Sixth."
"Sixth, okay. The doctor said that by the thirteenth you'd be ready to go home. Just in time for valentine's day, actually."
"Honey, I DO know what date valentine's day is."
"Anyway, you'll get to be home for that and for Phoebe's birthday. And then around the twentieth you'll have to go back so they can give you the final treatment. And then you can go home again sometime in early March and then in late March they're gonna do the transplant."
"Wow…" Monica said. "And I thought *I* planned ahead…"
Chandler smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
"I can't wait to have you back… I miss you so at home. Life just isn't the same without everything being compulsively neat and someone sleeping on my shoulder."
Monica chuckled.
"Oh please, you've been longing for the day when you could have a home that wasn't compulsively neat."
"Completely untrue" Chandler claimed. "If that were true I'd only have to spent a night at Joey's and then I'll be more than happy to be back."
Monica smiled and coughed.
*
Monica felt weak standing up. And it was no wonder. She hadn't exactly been standing a lot this year. But she didn't feel like getting depressed over her stupid legs not working as they should. After all, she was going home today.
She looked up at Chandler and smiled. He was there with Phoebe and Rachel to take her home.
"Monica you must be SO relieved to get out of that awful hospital gown!" Rachel said sympathetically.
Monica rolled her eyes. Rachel seemed to be able to connect everything to fashion.
"Personally I didn't mind seeing you in that extremely sexy outfit" Chandler said, almost laughing.
"Well you do like things that are open in the back…" Monica replied acidly.
"Ouch, she gets a jab already and it's not even 12.30" Chandler said, still with his warm smile. "Good to know I've gotten the same Monica back!"
She tilted her head and gave him a 'ha, ha' look.
Phoebe and Rachel shared a look. They were used to the friendly banter and joking quarrels that Chandler and Monica seemed to like to devote their time to. But they had missed it the past months.
"Weather or not I'm still the same person remains to be seen" Monica said, with feigned seriousness. "You just wait until we're alone in our bedroom tonight."
"Oh, good, thanks for reminding me! I've gotta go call Janice and tell her that she can't stay over tonight" Chandler replied, feigning seriousness as well.
"I think we'd better get going before the punches start to hit below the belt" Rachel said.
Monica and Chandler shared a confused look.
"Start to?" Chandler asked Monica.
"She talking about US?" Monica asked Chandler.
"You two are already getting on my nerves, now Monica march your hiney out the door!" Rachel said with a sigh, grabbing Monica's bag.
"Just Monica?" Chandler asked.
Rachel growled and hit him on the arm with her free hand. Then she marched out the room, the other three following closely behind.
*
That night Monica hugged Regina closely and looked around in the apartment, unable to put words to the joy she was feeling.
"I just can't believe it, baby…" she said to Chandler, sitting next to them on the couch. "I just can't believe I made it. I'm home!"
Chandler lovingly kissed her on the cheek and put his arm around her, pulling her close.
"Told you never to give up, didn't I?"
"Hey Chandler, I was dead there for a while though, wasn't I? I mean the doctors won't tell me, but I'm pretty sure I was."
"Yeah…" Chandler reluctantly said after a few quiet seconds. "Yeah, for five minutes maybe. I don't know for sure."
"Oh man…" Monica said with a disappointed sigh and sat back. "And I didn't have ANY cool near death experiences."
"You don't believe in near death experiences."
"Well I guess this proves my theory" Monica sighed. "Seriously, all I can remember are vague parts of fever dreams… and your voice, of course."
"My voice?" Chandler said, slightly embarrassed. "You, you heard me? You heard what I was saying?"
"No, I didn't hear words… I just heard your voice, mumbling and things like that." She looked up at him. "It was sort of my lifeline. It was what I clung on to."
"Seriously? 'Cause you… died… right after I was left alone with you."
Monica raised her eyebrows and let them fall, not really up for the discussion.
Chandler's hand gently stroke her left shoulder. She took a glance at him. He was staring straight in front of him, seeming deep in thought. She rose.
"I'm putting Gina down. She's fast asleep. Don't go anywhere."
Chandler looked after her when she went into the nursery and smiled slightly. Regina had been so thrilled to have her mommy home, and Monica had only held her for ten minutes before she was fast asleep. She seemed more secure now than she had before.
Monica came back with a mischievous grin on her face.
"Now, if I remember it correctly…" she said. "I was gonna show you exactly how much or little I have changed."
Chandler raised an eyebrow, confused.
"Don't just sit there" Monica said with a smile. "Or, well, okay… You can sit there."
Chandler looked even more confused.
Monica smiled and giggled slightly. She sat down next to him and began to unbutton his shirt while talking as if they were playing a board game or something. Definitely not as if she was undressing him.
"I guess I haven't changed too much at all. Probably not at all. I had one of those brain damage tests taken the other day. Quite interesting actually, I got to retell stories and describe things and associate… Oh, and I got to spell my name."
"Did you pass?" Chandler said, trying to sound as casual as she did.
"With flying colours" Monica said, pulling up the part of his shirt that he had tucked in his pants.
"Well that's good then" Chandler said.
"Very good… You have a wife with no brain damage."
She smiled at him and took his shirt off. Chandler smiled at her and stroke her cheek. He was curious over what she would do next.
Monica rose and went over to the ironing-board she still had out from earlier during the day, and started ironing his shirt. Chandler's chin fell.
"You're doing that NOW?" he said, trying to sound surprised, not disappointed.
"Now is as good of a time as any" Monica replied, with a light shrug to her shoulders. "The board is already out, so…"
Chandler made a 'yeah, imagine that' face, crossed his arms and went back to looking in front of him. Monica ironed his shirt, folded it and went into the bedroom to put it in the closet. She came back out and sat down next to him. He turned his head to look at her.
Monica grinned and slid down to the floor, standing on her knees. She took his socks off.
"May I ask what is going on here?" Chandler asked.
"Your socks are smelling like butter acid" Monica said and went with them to the hamper.
"Why don't I just take of all of my clothes and then you can examine them and determine what needs to be ironed and what needs to be washed…" Chandler said, slightly annoyed.
Monica came back out from the bathroom and unplugged the iron.
"Chandler don't be silly. I'm not ironing anymore tonight."
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"Well I get what you mean…" he said. "You really haven't changed much."
"Of course not, stupid!" Monica said with a laugh and came back and sat with him. "And I don't understand why you think I would have!"
She held his face between her palms and kissed him while giggling. She stroke his cheek with her thumb and looked into his eyes.
"Well, I guess I was playing amateur doctor or something" Chandler said.
"Probably" Monica giggled.
"Would you cut out the giggle?" Chandler asked, balancing on the line between being mad and starting to giggle himself.
Monica went from giggling to laughing, leaning forward while she did. She just couldn't stop laughing, even though she didn't really have anything amusing to laugh about.
"What in the world is so funny?" Chandler asked, realizing that the battle was lost and he had fallen over to her giggly side.
"I have no idea!" Monica managed to get out between her laughters. She shook her head. "I haven't laughed this hard since last time I saw '60 Minutes'!" she joked.
Chandler burst out laughing as well, leaning forward too. He shook his head and tried to stop, but it was no use.
Monica made an effort to stop, but soon burst out laughing again. Then she took a deep breath, heard Chandler do the same, and turned to look at him. Their eyes met, and after just a second or two they were laughing like crazy again.
"Oh gosh… my stomach!" Monica whined between laughters. She put her hands on her stomach.
Chandler laughed harder and made a moaning sound when his stomach started to hurt as well. After about five minutes of uncontrolled laughter they managed to calm down.
"Was it good for you too?" Monica asked, wiping tears from her face.
Her comment made them both start laughing again. Chandler playfully gave her shoulder a push with his right hand.
"Oh shut up!" he said, trying to repress the main in the stomach and at the same time trying to stop laughing.
"Oh gosh…" Monica said, calming her laughter a little, and wiping tears from her eyes. "I don't think I've cried this hard since last time I saw 'Dawson's Creek'!"
Chandler gave up trying to keep the laughter down and sank down on the floor.
"It's really fun to have you home" he said, and she started to laugh harder too.
"Chandler do you realize our sense of humour sucks?" she asked, leaning forward to look into his eyes, and calming down.
"Totally" he said, hardly getting the word out because he was laughing so hard. "Maybe we should have sex, that ought to make you stop laughing!"
"Are you kidding me?" Monica said, giggling worse again. "That would only make me laugh harder!"
Chandler moaned in pain again since his new laugh attack made his stomach ache. He grabbed Monica's legs and leaned his head against them, laughing uncontrollably.
"Oh gosh…" Monica said again, finally managing to stop laughing. She wiped her eyes and leaned forward to stroke his head. "I don't think I've had this much fun since the last time Rachel tried to bake bagels."
"Monica cut it out!" Chandler moaned, not being able to stop laughing. "Shut up and give me a chance to stop laughing!"
Monica couldn't resist the temptation, and leaned closer and started to tickle him.
"Come on Chandler, stop laughing! I dare ya!" she said with a loving smile, while he tried to squirm away from her. "Come on, what kind of a man can't even manage to win over his wife in a small tickle-war? Show me you're a man!"
Chandler didn't reply, he was busy trying to get away from her and to stop laughing. Finally he managed, and she let her hands slide back up to play with his hair. Chandler leaned his head against her knees, all of a sudden serious again.
"God I love you" he said.
"I know. Who doesn't love a person who tickles them?" Monica joked.
"I think it's pretty strong of me to love you even THOUGH you tickle me" Chandler joked.
"Well I love you too. More than words. But now you're gonna have to hug something else than my legs, because I kinda' wanna stand up."
Chandler let her go and she rose to her feet.
"A little peace offer…" she said, and pulled her shirt over her head. She tossed it at him with a smile. "And that's all you're getting out of me at the moment."
"I want your socks too" Chandler said. "You took mine."
Monica smiled and leaned down to kiss him on the lips. Chandler resisted the urge to press his lips harder against hers. Monica then went to the bathroom, leaving Chandler alone.
He picked up her shirt and smelled it. He smiled. It smelled like her, all right. He rose and folded it, walking into the bedroom. Monica came in a few minutes later. Chandler looked up at her from where he was laying on the bed. He recognized the sly smile on her face.
"Okay Chandler, I'll make a deal with you…" she said. "I'll trade. My socks for your pants."
"Sounds like a fair trade" Chandler said sarcastically.
"Of course…" Monica said, reaching behind her back to unclasp her bra. "You get me topless too. Three of your clothes off, three of mine."
Chandler smiled at her lovingly, and obediently let his pants slide off. Monica picked them up and folded them, letting her bra hang loose. She then took it off along with her socks. She smiled at Chandler who had a look on his face that she was very familiar with.
She put the clothes away neatly. Chandler wondered what was up with the tidy procedure. If she was playing with him, or…
Monica crawled up on the bed and straddled him. She sat down on him and eyed him carefully.
"You know, it feels like as soon as your pants are off it's much easier to control you" she remarked.
"Actually I think it's your clothes being taken off that makes me easier to control."
"Well, you know, it is no fair…" she replied, stroking his right thigh. "After all… You only have your boxers left to take off for me. I've got both pants and panties." She shrugged her shoulders. "But that's no worry. I'll keep the panties on."
"Whoa, hold on there!"
"Oh, do you want me to keep the pants instead?" Monica asked, pretending not to understand what he was complaining about.
"Couldn't you have left the socks on, or something?" Chandler said, whiny.
"Nah…" Monica said.
She moved so she was sitting next to him and slid his boxers off. Then she took her own pants off, keeping her underwear on, and lay down next to him. She kissed him lightly and ran her hand up and down his right side.
"Ah, that tickles!"
"Sorry…"
She grinned and let her lips brush against his. Her touch was so light that he could barely feel her lips on his. He closed his eyes and tried to resist. He knew she was out to get a reaction in him. He was determined to win this one.
Monica slowly let her tongue lick his lips, barely touching them at all. She kept her eyes on his closed eyes and tried to see if he was reacting. She knew he was, but it was the physical reaction she was after at the moment.
Chandler tried to get annoyed instead of aroused. If he got fed up with her light licks he would probably be able to resist it for a longer time. But he knew it was useless. There was something about her that made it impossible for him to be mad at her.
Monica grinned slightly and pulled away. Chandler was just about to open his eyes when he felt two of her fingers press on his cheeks, exactly where his line of teeth ended.
"Ouch!" he said, although he was more surprised than pained. Her fingers pressing him there made him open his mouth, and as soon as he did her fingers were gone. Then he felt her tongue again, this time inside of his open mouth.
Monica saw him clench and unclench his hands, and she knew his reaction wasn't far away by now.
'Gosh he is easy to break…' she thought in amusement. 'Hardly any sport at all!'
She let her tongue carefully feel the inside of his mouth, still with the same light touch. She leaned her upper body down on his chest and placed her hands on both sides of his head. Hopefully she was making Chandler think she was going to kiss him hard and deep at any minute. That would make it harder for him to not react to her hardly feelable kiss.
Chandler tried his best to resist her. It almost felt like torture, and it was silly! It was just a kiss, it shouldn't be enough to make him feel this way. His determination to keep still until she decided for herself that she couldn't wait for his reaction any longer and kissed him deeply grew weaker. He tried to think about boring things, like math, David Bowie and the presidential election, anything to keep his mind elsewhere.
Monica let her lips softly brush against his and her tongue stroke over his, barely touching it. She could feel him tremble. She lifted her head up and blew out some air on his eyes, just to see what reaction she got. His hands came up and grabbed her around the waist. But that was all he did. Monica smiled lovingly and gently let her tongue enter his still open mouth again.
Chandler tried to at least keep his hands still. It was very tempting to let them run up and down her hips and waist, but he realized that it would mean giving in to her slightly. He already had, when his hands had reached up for her. But she wanted a better reaction.
Monica smiled and lightly, lightly nibbled his upper lip, then let her tongue slide down his lip into his mouth again, still barely touching him at all with her mouth. She heard him take a deep breath and lovingly rubbed her nose against his. She placed her light kisses on his lips again, tracing from one corner of his mouth to the other, and then back again along the other lip. She was slightly amazed by how long he'd resisted her. His hands moved from being on her hips to being lingered around them in a firm but tender grip.
'You're loosing, Chandler…' she thought with a smile and let her tongue trace back the same way her kisses just had gone. She knew she was on the brink of braking him. He wanted a real deep kiss and he wanted it now.
She let her tongue enter his mouth, then leave it again a few times. Then he finally couldn't resist anymore.
With his right arm he pressed her hips closer to him, and his left flew up and grabbed the back of her head. He pushed it down at the same time as he lifted his own head up and kissed her long, hard and deep.
Monica smiled, enjoying the kiss a hundred per cent. She had made him react, finally, and they both knew it. She had shown him she could break him even when he tried his best not to be beaten.
Chandler moaned as he let his right arm slide up her back and stroke her, and he kept her head in a firm grip with his left hand. He wouldn't want to risk letting her go. In that case she might pull away and continue teasing him, and he'd had enough for now.
He finally broke the kiss, in desperate need for air. Monica gave him a loving smile and lay down next to him with her head resting between his shoulder and neck. Chandler continued stroking her with his right hand. The left one now lay more relaxed on her head. He took a few deep breaths and tried to think of a way to put her to the test like she just had done with him. He realized that he could let a hand slide into her panties and see how long it took before she was begging him to take them off.
He slowly let his right hand slide down towards her hips again, then realized she was crying.
"Monica?" he said, confused. He forgot what he had been thinking just seconds earlier and carefully sat up, taking her head between his hands and tilting it up to him. Her cheeks were wet with tears and her eyes were getting puffy.
"But honey, what's the matter?" he asked, feeling scared. He hoped she wasn't feeling bad, after all she still wasn't really well.
"I just realized…" Monica whispered, trying to wipe her eyes but new tears came immediately. "I just let it sink in…"
"Let what sink in, honey? Talk to me!"
Monica carefully sat up as well and gently grabbed his hands, pushing them away from her face.
"It hasn't become reality until now."
"Honey, you are going to have to tell me what you're crying about" Chandler said. He couldn't understand a thing. One minute she was teasing him, seducing him, the next she was in tears.
"I'll probably never be able to have another baby" Monica said through her tears, and Chandler understood in a split second. "I'll never be able to call Regina my OLDEST child instead of my ONLY child. I'll never have a son, or even get the chance to have one!"
"Never say never, you know that!" Chandler said, lamely trying to comfort her. "You said the same thing about watching Gina grow up, and now you've beaten the cancer!"
"But in return I've most likely lost my fertility" Monica said through her sobs. "I've never let that part sink in before, even though the doctors told us that since square one. I never bothered to think about it since I didn't even know if I was gonna live. But now it's become hard reality."
"You listen to me for a second…" Chandler said, stroking the tears off her cheeks. "You listen to me, the doctors said you MIGHT get infertile. Not that you WOULD get infertile. Let's not panic over this until we know for sure, okay? And either way I love you so much that I wouldn't even have cared if you'd been infertile when we met." He smiled slightly. "But I'm so thankful for the daughter you've given me. I must say I like the fact that you were fertile when we met. And you most likely still are."
Monica nodded, mostly just to agree, not up for the discussion at the moment. She tried to stop shivering and she tried to stop crying.
"Come here…" Chandler said. "I'll let you use my tongue as a pacifier-substitute."
Monica chuckled slightly through her tears and leaned in to him. He put his arms around her and gave her a soft French kiss.
Monica ceased to cry, ended the kiss and leaned against his chest for some mental support. Chandler slowly stroke her back. He would have to wait to put her to the test like she'd done with him, this wasn't the time. She wasn't in the mental state to be teased and played with, even if it was done with lots of love and affection.
He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away gently. He helped her get under the covers and then pulled her closer.
Monica couldn't remember the last time she'd been through so many emotional storms in only one day. First nervosity that morning, then excitement to get to leave. Then joy to be home and lots of love for her family and friends. Then she and Chandler had had their long laugh together on the couch. And then the sexual part, which had been shortly followed by sadness. She wondered if she was going schizophrenic or something.
She exhaled sadly and stroke Chandler's chest absentmindedly. Chandler seemed to be miles away as well, probably in surprise after all of her mood swings.
She came close to telling him how much she loved him, but she knew that he already knew. And it somehow felt like words would be out of it's place at this moment. Like there was something very fragile in the room, and it would break at the sound of a voice.
Monica let her head rest on his chest as well, and continued stroking him. She wondered if she would have still been alive if she had been single when she'd gotten the leukaemia. He had helped her through more than he could know, and without him she probably would be dead now. But it was hard to say if she would have survived without him by her side as a lover and soulmate. She had no idea weather or not she was strong enough to deal with it on her own. She hadn't had to find out either, since he had been there for her to rely on.
"Oh god I love you so…" she whispered, quietly so that nothing would break.
"Babe I love you too" he whispered back and begun stroking the back of her head. "It's always been you, Mon… My secret crush…"
Monica didn't comment. She didn't know if he really meant it, or if that was just how it felt now, on the other side of marriage and love. Either way she knew he would be hers for as long as she was alive, which would be a lot longer than she'd thought just a month ago.
"It's almost valentine's day" he softly said. "I've forgotten to get you anything… I've had other things to do."
"It's enough that you give me you" she answered, sighing content. "And unless I get dressed quickly and run out to find a store open after 23:00, I'll be out of a gift for you too."
"We've been there before" Chandler said with a smile.
"Been there and back" Monica mumbled. "Thank you for you… That's the only thing you ever need to give me. I can do without material stuff."
"Technically I'm material" she heard him say, and she hit him lightly with the hand that was stroking him.
"Chandler just being near you is enough" she said, then yawned. "And being home is all I could ask for this valentine's day."
Chandler closed his eyes. He had come extremely close to loosing her. It had been a wake-up call. He'd never fully realized how life without her would be until he'd been standing in the corner of her hospital room, watching a team of people dressed in white trying to bring her back to life. He never intended to forget, he was determined to love her each day as if it was the last one they had together. Never again would he forget exactly how important she was to him.
Please review. Even if you didn't like it. Just let me know what you think... Oh, and to answer a question, this series is already completed and there are a total of 13 parts + an epiologue... So I wasn't joking when I talked about 12 parts... :)!