CHAPTER THREE

STONG AND VULNERABLE

"He like to observe emotions; they were like red lanterns strung along the dark unknown of another's personality, marking vulnerable points." - Ayn Rand

I

Hotch sat alone in his apartment, the apartment that he had brought after Hayley had divorced him. He had Jack for the weekend, so he had taken the weekend off and left Gideon in charge. He was pleased for once that Strauss wasn't all over his back for his much needed request off. He was going to fully enjoy these two days with his only son. The son that he barely saw, even when he and Hayley were still together he barely saw his son. He pretty much missed all of Jack's newborn and infant stage. He was working on missing his toddler stage. But that's the way life is when you work for the FBI – Behavioral Analysis Unite was the worse of them all.

Hotch shook his head and and leaned back against his leather brown. Hayley would be dropping off Jack in another two hours so he allowed his mind to drift towards his family his team. His mind drifted to Emily first, as it always did when he was alone and thinking about the team. He slowly felt his mouth lift up ward in a smile as her face appeared in front of me. He could almost reach out and cup her chin in his hands, if he did than he knew he would actually feel her skin.

He could smell her scent, past her perfume down to the body wash she loved to use. He could smell HER even past the body wash. He swallowed hard as he blinked rapidly disappeared from in front of him, he allowed his mind to drift back onto his memory of her.

He closed his eyes as her face reappeared in his mind eye, he could see clearly the smooth lines of her face when she first walked into his office on her first day. He could see the worried winkles but he knew that she was able to hide them from him – but he noticed of course, how could he not he was a top profile after all. It was his job and he truly couldn't turn that part of himself off any longer. He had been in a grumpy mood after the lose of Elle, and he very well knew that Strauss was on his back. He also knew that the only reason why this early thirties something woman was in his office without his personal ok was because she was sent by Strauss to spy on him. Too see if he truly was right to be the leader of the team. He resented the younger woman for this and he truly didn't believe her when she said that she hated political connections. He knew better – he knew how the game was played.

He wanted to make her life miserable and keep her behind at the desk – he did notice in her file in his first brief glance that she had been transferred from a desk job. He was going to make her stay at her desk in the bull pen and make her work like a interloper dog that she was – but than the case came up and Gideon said that she had to go with him and Reid, she spoke and understood Egyptian better than any one who was currently in the BAU bull pen.

He was actually relieved that she was out of the office that day; he wanted to be left alone and prepare for his rough but very professional treatment of her – but than she had called to inform him that the three person team needed a classified video tape to trap the unsub into confessing where the bomb was. Thanks to her Hotch learned that the bomb was going to go off at the mall where Hayley was going to take Jack for his first pictures. Hotch privately thanked Emily for the information because he was going to call Hayley and inform her not to go – but yet he didn't because he knew it was against the law. But he privately thanked Emily Prentiss for informing him that his family was in danger so he could make Morgan break all speed laws to get to the mall. Afterwards the mall was safe and so where the people – when he had arrived home he found Hayley on the floor on his side of their bed and Jack sitting up teething. He had learned that Hayley had decided not go to the mall after all – at least until Hotch could go and watch his son get his first picture taken.

Even though he didn't trust her – he started to relay on her in the team. He didn't put his plan in action. He was relieved that she was there when Reid got kidnapped by Henkiel. He was relived she was with Morgan in the barn because Morgan had told him that it was Emily who actually got through to JJ otherwise JJ would have shot Morgan. He began to truly get a handle of her when he had stopped behind her in Henkiel's hallway when JJ commented on why Emily didn't blink during any of their cases. Not even when she looked at pictures or the corpses. Hotch wondered about it also; he didn't miss the way her eyes ticked slightly when she just shrugged off that seeing how she was from a desk job she was used to looking at the pictures and that she had become immune to it. He kept an eye on her as she walked away and when he turned back to look at JJ she had disappeared herself.

He had grown annoyed when he saw how Reid was treating Emily, he wanted to take the youngest agent out and beat some sense into him and teach him how to be kind to others. But he saw that although Emily was sad that Reid didn't want to accept her – she was fully able to take care of herself and handle out right dislike. She didn't allow Reid's attitude affect her job or her place the team. She showed that she did trust and relay on Reid no matter what. Hotch respected her for that.

When Gracia got shot wand was in the surgery fighting for her life – Hotch was the only one who had his eyes clued on JJ. He very well knew that JJ and Gracia had very special bond and JJ was the most upset over what had happened to her best friend. He had watched as Emily sat forward and with a firm look on her face eying JJ and than without looking down reached over and gently wrap her hand slowly JJ's and than gripping it for dear life.

Emily Prentiss was a strong woman – emotionally. He was pleased to have her on his team, he knew that he could count on her all the time. But he also knew that Emily truly did want to open up and allow people in. He had seen the battle but he had seen Emily tightly shut her true self up and continued living her life tightly wound up.

II

Hotchner's mind went to Elle next. Elle whom he had first met during a kidnapping case. Elle who wanted to transfer from her sex offenders job to work as a profile. Elle who he quickly saw was cable of the job but truly put her out of his mind – he all ready had a team he could trust. Sides Gideon finally came back from his PTS and Hotch had to make sure he was ready to be back at work. So he had brushed off Elle Greenaway. He was relieved to find that both Gideon and Morgan took her under their wing and advised her what to do to get on Hotch's good graces.

Elle quickly became part of his family – a most vulnerable part. She became his slightly younger sister. A sister that he never knew he had missed until he had met her. She was the strongest female that he had ever come across in his career – but he knew that she was valuable just as valuable as either JJ or Gracia. But just a different kind of vulnerable than the two youngest females of the group. He had done a back ground check on her and knew that she herself had been raped when she was sixteen year old. He never told the team but he knew that Jason knew that something had happened to Elle in her past – but he his own way of discovering the truth.

He blamed himself and only himself for sending Elle home during the Rebbecca Garner case. He very well knew that the team had been targeted and he knew that the unsub had gotten into their person lives. He also knew how exhausted she was from her rude awaking and being kept up 24 hours at the jail in Jamaica. She had fallen asleep on the conference room couch for crying out loud - Hotch honesty thought he was doing her a great favor by sending her home to her own bed. He should have sent someone else who had more knowledge on knowing to remain Elle to keep her safe – instead of that new kid who was truly only a copy guy. He should have sent Morgan.

When he got the call that Randall had broken into Elle's apartment and shot her in the chest point blank – his heart stopped. He knew that he had sent Elle Greenaway to her death. It was a miracle that she had survived but she truly didn't survive. She became a different woman after that. She became much harder and more distance with the team. She blamed the team for not being there for her – she blamed the team for not being her family. Hotch knew that she as even angry at Gideon even through he had been there when she woken up and had told her that he was sorry for give JJ the order to break Randall's rule about getting the outside help.

Than he so willing put her in a decoy situation for a rapist she had panicked and he had walked. But Elle went to his hotel and shot him cold. She denied that she meant to kill him – she had stated and would always state that she had shot the unsub in self defense that she had only gone to him just to talk and warn him that he would slip up and they would get him in the end. But Hotch didn't believe her – he knew in his gut that Elle had shot to kill. He had told her that she had to talk to someone before she was allowed back at work. She had left his office without comment and when he called her she never answered.

He went to her new apartment with the door man and watched as Elle walked from the building with her street clothes on and her suite case. He called her once more and watched as she looked at her cell phone and than tossed it in the garbage. He had followed her to her father's grave ... the next moment they were in his office where she turned in her gun and badge and walked out of this life. He had lost a team mate and he didn't stop it.

When Strauss had told him that Elle was coming back and that she had full rights to the team once more – Hotch was relieved and happy. But he said that he would be treating Elle the way he originally planned on having her at her desk and at police stations. Out of the field and out of danger. Strauss had told him to do what he thought was best.

When he had looked up and into Elle's eyes he knew that she was finally on her way back. It would be slow and long but she was going to be her old self, wiser and more valuable now but she would be Elle Greenaway once more.

III

JJ. The youngest female member of the team – everyone's baby sister. The most like him when it came to closing off ones emotions and putting on a poker face. The truly most vulnerable member of the team.

JJ the member who had changed even more after Reid's tragedy, she had changed even more than Reid himself had. Not only because of the three rabid dogs attack on her and her having to kill them point blank. But she had felt guilty for not stopping Reid from going off on her own, she blamed herself to this day on Reid being kidnapped and tortured. Hotch knew that JJ would never forgive herself for what happened to Reid. She had become over protective of him. At first no one noticed because they noticed that Reid wasn't himself but they just waited for Reid to deal with what ever he had to deal with and get back to life.

But once Reid was truly back to himself and back with the team - JJ's protectiveness became much clear and much noticeable. She had been standing behind Reid's chair after she had gone over the details of the case – anytime Reid was assigned the field her eyes would darken with worry as she looked at the back of Reid's head but when he was assigned to one of the police stations she relaxed.

Hotch was beginning to hope that she was finally admitting to herself that she was in love with Reid, especially the night that the team had a movie night with Jason's films, he hadn't missed the relaxed fashion she had flirted with Reid with the popcorn.

Than Penelope got shot. Out of all the team JJ was the one who broke down – well as much as she allowed herself too. Hotch hadn't missed her being in her own world as they waited for news on Penelope while she was in surgery. He hadn't missed the fact that she didn't even notice that Emily was sitting beside her or that Emily had slipped her hand into her own. He had heard from Morgan that when Penelope asked JJ to stay behind that JJ's eyes grew more human than ever before. When JJ came out and Morgan asked what Gracia asked her to promise – JJ said not to treat her like a victim – Emily had said that it sounded like JJ was like a little girl.

It was JJ who had to shoot Boyle through the BAU glass window. Hotch had watched as the window shade into millions of pieces and the bullet hit Boyle straight in the middle of the eyes - JJ hadn't blinked. Not one muscle moved on her face as she stared at the dead body of her first kill – when she had looked up into his eyes – Hotch didn't see JJ, he just saw a shell of the woman whom he loved as a baby sister.

Penelope slowly healed from her experience and she was still the old lovable Gracia that everyone loved. But JJ still hadn't healed from her first kill. Hotch had watched as JJ truly shut herself down and started to pull away from the team. All expect for Gracia, Emily and Reid. Especially Reid. She drew her strength from Spencer Reid. She wasn't truly relaxed or calm until Reid was in her line of vision.

IV

Three women, all who were strong and vulnerable at the same time. All who had their own lives to live and experiences to live through. Two of them would be fine in this mad world that they called earth while the other one would break if she didn't allow herself to break and heal.

He was wondering if he would lose another member of his family. If he did will she come back like the other two had, or will she disappear from his life.

END CHAPTER THREE