Chapter 4

I parked in the Q section of the parking lot. I don't know why people don't always park in the Q section. They're all lettered but Q is the easiest number in the alphabet and they don't have an X, Y, or Z section that I know of, but the Q section has always been easiest for me to park in. I always tell people to park in the Q section. Nobody else follows my example though.

Caitlyn is really excited about this afternoon. All she talks about to me is going to the mall. And how excited she is. It was one of those half-days so I got to leave school at noon and come home and take her. We skipped lunch so we can get fake Asian food she's never had before from the food court. I promised Queenie to feed her peanut-butter and jelly but once Queenie pulled out of the driveway: "Hey Caitlyn have you ever eaten in the food court of a mall?"

She stutters when she's excited. She's gotten better since we left and she holds my hand while she skips to the big Department store across from us. "What stores do you want to go to?" I asked.

"I don't know," She says. She's never been on an All-Caitlyn-Shopping trip before I think. She's used to the Specially For Kids store on the other side of town. "What stores do I like?"

I laugh. "Umm," I said. "I don't know. How much energy do you have?"

"A lot!" She said.

"Then let's go into all of them!"

"Okay!" We go into the Department store first. I haven't taken a little kid shopping before. It sounds fun though. Even when the only stories I've heard about taking six-year-old girls shopping are from groaning mother's and aunts.

We get her shirts. Bright colors with embroidered flowers on them. They're cheap. Ten dollars for five of them. Sale! There are a ton of spring sales right now. They're all last years stuff, but Caitlyn loves them.

We leave. There's this little girls store. It's named something cute and is all pink and flowery and perfect to draw in little excited girls on their own special shopping trips. She goes in before me. And we get this bright yellow skirt I know Queenie would never buy her but she'll wear it I know she will. In fact she decided to sneak it on over her striped sort-of tights and shoves her old skirt into the bag from the girly store the next time we're in a dressing room.

I just ripped the tags off.

There are times I think, when you can tell your making someone's day. When they're smiling and happy and there's probably nothing that can tear them down. Especially with little kids. Because nothing that's truly bad that makes them sad. They appreciate everything you give them until you make their day too much. Caitlyn never takes these special days for granted.

We walked by the record store Bennett works at. "Hey, do you mind if we run in here real quick?" I asked her. "Two minutes," I hold up two fingers.

"Okay!" She said brightening up even more. And she skips ahead of me into the store.

"Hey," Bennett says. But Sean's there too. I smile at both of them. Opening my mouth to say hello but Caitlyn interrupts.

"Hi!" She says loudly and happily.

Bennett looks down at Caitlyn over the register. "Hi," He says.

Sean smiles at me. This is the first time I've seen him since Saturday. I say hello to him and he says it back to me. "This is my little sister Caitlyn, and Caitlyn, this is Sean..."

She looks up at me. "Your friend Sean, Rain?" She asks. Smiling. Any big sister would hate things like this. But she can't help it. She's young. She doesn't know. She doesn't wait she turns to Bennett. "Are you Paul?"

I was a little embarrassed. "Nah," Bennett says smiling still. "I'm Bennett." He leans over the counter holding his hand out for her to shake. She does giggling a little. Her soft little girl laugh. Then Sean does the same- shaking her hand. He smiles at her. I think he's happy that I talked about him to my little sister. That means at least I talked about him.

"How old are you?" Sean asks her.

"I'm six." She says. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

"So is Rain!" She says grinning.

"Really?" Sean asks.

Bennett looks at me smiling goofily while Sean and Caitlyn continue talking. He winks at me. Nodding towards Sean. I roll my eyes smiling still. "Are you doing anything Friday?" Bennett asks. Caitlyn asking Sean why he's wearing a hat indoors.

"No," I said. "I don't think so."

"... I gues I wear it just ot look cool."

"That's silly."

"I'm playing a party." He said. "Sean'll be there, right Sean?"

Sean looks up Caitlyn coming back over to me her conversation with him done. "Huh?" He says. "Friday." Bennett says.

"Oh yeah," Sean says. "You should come to the party."

"I will," I said. "Where is it?"

"I'll text you the address," Bennett says.

"Come on Rain, you promised we could go to the food court." Caitlyn whispers to me. I look down at her.

"It's only been one minute, you promised me two." I said.

"Oh, okay." She said. She holds me hand looking at Bennett and Sean.

I hear my cell phone buzzing in the bag I'm holding. I say goodbye to Sean and Bennett. Fighting myself. It's like leaving a glass of wine in front of an alcoholic. I squeeze the bag tight. I act normal. Or try to.

When I'm out of the store, I finally give in. Taking out my phone opening it. Holding Caitlyn's hand with my other one. '1 New Message.' There's a small tug in my hoping that it's from who I hope it's from.

Jessicah.

Paul Spinella hasn't texted me since Monday Morning. Telling me to listen to this band Sunday Drive. I've sent him two messages. Monday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon. Both have ceased to have been answered.

"Rain?"

"Yes, sorry." I said.

"Do we get to ride in the escalator?" She asked grinning.

I smile. "Come on."

So we've packed about three lifetime changing experiences for Caitlyn into one. First All-Caitlyn Shopping Extravaganza. First Ride on the Escalator. And First Meal at the Food Court. I buy fake Asian food and we sit on the booths next to the window. She looks out over the parking lot. We've been shopping for an hour. Leaving at one. Jess-ee-cah just got here for work. She works at the Pretzel Shack.

She fills me in on the hanging out and hooking up with Spencer while Caitlyn spends five minutes gawking over the parking lot and obsessing over the fake Asian food we got.

Finally she gets bored and looks across at me. "I thought your friends that are boys' names were Sean and Paul." She said. She points a finger at me. "That's a lie."

I smile shaking my head. "I forgot Bennett."

"Then what about Paul?" She asks.

"He's my friend too." I said.

"Oh," She says. "I like Sean. He's silly."

I smile. "Me too." I said. "I think I have a crush on him."

Her face lights up and she has this cute surprised face on. "Is he going to be your boyfriend?" She asks.

I shrug. "Maybe," I said.

She smiles and eats some more fake Asian food. I do too. My phone buzzing again. But my hopes are low. I open it. It's from Jess-ee-cah.

I don't think I'll hear form Paul again. I have a good feeling he'll just disappear from my life. I didn't have a crush on him. But I have a good feeling the next boy I date will be Sean. So losing Paul as a friend won't be much of a loss in the long run. He'll just be another boy who never texted me back. His name added to another list of the boys in my life.

"Caitlyn!"

She runs into the store. "Jess!" She loves Jess-ee-cah. She stops at the counter. And grins standing on her tip-toes. "I went to the food court!" Caitlyn's beaming.

"Really?" Jessicah says smiling. "That's so cool. Do you want a cinnamon sugar pretzel stick, Hun?" Caitlyn nods excited. She's obsessed with them. I watch Jessicah fish one out of the box half-eaten on the counter near her. She passes it to Caitlyn's eager hand.

"So how was this afternoon?" I asked smiling at Jess.

"Great!" She said happily. "Spencer was-" She catches herself seeing Caitlyn licking off the sugar of her pretzel stick watching. "-a really nice boy."

I laugh. "We ran into Sean and Bennett." I said. "I'm going to a party this Friday. Bennett's playing and Sean'll be there."

"Oh really?" She asks. "That's fun. Did you get his phone number?"

I shook my head. "No," I said. "He doesn't have a cell phone." I had asked Sean for his phone number. He said he dropped his phone into a bathtub. Which he was serious about. Caitlyn thought that was "silly."

"That stinks," She moves over twisting pretzels into their shape. She's pretty good at it. She's better when she's pissed off. Which I know because of her co-worker Jacob. She thinks he's an ass but he's pretty funny actually. Always teasing her. But she can't stand him. "Do you think he-"

"Jess," Caitlyn says suddenly. "Rainie has a crush on Sean she thinks."

Jessicah smiles at Caitlyn. "Really?"

"Yeah," Caitlyn says. "He's silly."

I laugh. Jess-ee-cah looks up at me waiting for me to confirm. "Maybe." I said.

Jacob came out from back. He's really tall and skinny. He picks up the box Jessicah stole the cinnamon sugar pretzel form for Caitlyn. "Who ate my pretzels?" He demanded.

Caitlyn giggles. He looks at her grinning. "Hi Caitlyn." He says smiling.

"Hi Jacob."

"What other stores are you going to?" Jessicah asked me.

"I don't know." I said. We had a lot already.

"Can I get a sweatshirt like Anna's?" Caitlyn asked me.

"The Gap one?" I asked.

"Yeah," She said. "Can I?"

"Of course," I smiled at her.

"Text me later," Jess-ee-cah said to me. "Tell me more about the whole Sean thing."

"I will," I said. "It's not that big, but I have a good feeling about Sean."

"Another boy?" Jacob asked.

I ignored him saying goodbye and going with Caitlyn to the big map to locate the Gap. It was about seven stores down form the Pretzel shack. So we went. Our last store because Caitlyn was tired and wanted to get home and show Anna her new skirt. She skipped around. Her bright yellow skirt twirling around.

We were in the store for a few minutes. She found a sweatshirt she liked. And she was obsessed with it. But I froze smiling.

Kids in my grade have to have embarrassing jobs. Jobs that are ridiculous because some kids get lucky and snipe all the good ones. But they are usually where you least expect that person to work. Working at the Gap would be fine for some preppy guy fashionista who wears a polo and a sweater everyday of his life. Paul Spinella was the opposite of that.

I saw him pushing a rack across the store not noticing me and wearing a yellow striped polo he looked uncomfortable in. He stopped at a table close-by covered in a mess of sweaters. He started folding them instantly. And quickly. Looking pissed off. That must happen often. People screwing up the sweaters.

Caitlyn was playing with my cell phone she fished out of my bag. Pressing buttons and believing that if she called someone she'd get in trouble. Such deep trouble she couldn't even hear it.

So I contemplated it. I was hidden behind a rack of clothes he wouldn't notice. His back to me. I walked up behind him. Preparing myself. He went on folding. And folding. And folding. Finishing the first row of red sweaters. I jumped up behind him covering his eyes.

I hit target. Sometimes you miscalculate and your hands half cover one eye or miss both completely. I covered them perfectly. He jumped out of defense when it happened. Almost knocking me backwards. I bit my lip to keep form laughing. He froze. "Rainie?" He asked suddenly.

I let him see again. I moved to the side of the table. "How did you know it was me?" I was surprised he had known it was me right away.

He looked at me sort of shocked he had been right. But he went back to folding. He shrugged, smiling a little. "Only you would do that to me," He said.

He's called me random, ridiculous, and a series of other words over our texts. I smiled. "You didn't tell me you worked at the Gap." I said. Leaning onto the table.

He looked at me raising his eyebrows. "Would you tell people you worked here?" He asked.

I thought about this. "No," I said. I laughed a little. He smiled returning to his folding. "So, what's new?"

"I have to work on my day off." He said, pissed off and pessimistic. "What about you?"

"I'm shopping with my little sister," I said looking over at Caitlyn. Who looked down when I looked at her. Paul turned and looked at her. "We've been here for about two hours shopping now."

"That's better than working here," He said folding again.

"I listened to that band you told me to though," I said excitedly.

He looked up. "Really?" He asked. "What did you think?"

"I'm obsessed with them!" I said smiling.

"If you don't like Sunday Drive something's wrong with you." He said smiling at me. He kept folding. He folded each into perfect squares even not looking.

"I haven't listened to them before, and I've heard of them and like one of their songs, I just never knew what it was." I said. "But they are amazing."

He smiled at me. "I'm glad you like them," He said. "You're not the hopeless cause I thought you were." He hated a lot of the music I liked. All the pop-punk and poppy alternative stuff. He liked good techno but not the stuff I liked. And we had debated those topics the entire time we texted.

"Did you listen to Clarity?" I asked him.

He looked up. "The Jimmy Eat World record?" He asked. "Yeah, I actually bought it. It's alright. I'm a little surprised it's your favorite record though. I didn't think you liked that kind of stuff."

I smiled. "I'm surprised you work here, I thought you'd work at a CD store or something."

He sighed. "I got fired from my last job at Carol's," He said. The coffee shop Bennett plays a lot. "And this is all I could find."

"I got fired from my last job a month ago." I said. "Starbucks. I kept messing up people's orders." I smiled. "I bet you get a sweet discount."

He didn't find this very funny he exhaled thorugh hhis nose closing his eyes. I smiled at him. Caitlyn came over to us. "Hi," She stood next to me looking up a Paul.

Paul was sort of tall. I was about a head shorter than him. My head was level to his chest. And Caitlyn made it to my waist. She was really short. Paul must look like a giant to her. She looked up at him. And he smiled down at her. "Hi," He said to her.

"I'm Caitlyn," She said. "Are you Paul?"

He smiled not even looking at me. "Yeah," He said. He went back to folding. He was really close to being done with the table. Caitlyn smiled up at me. I nodded. "I haven't seen you around school." He said to me.

"I haven't seen you either." I said. I saw him that one time but that didn't count to me. It was just a quick flash of him. "What hallway is your locker in?"

"The history one," He said.

I nodded. "I'm in the English hallway," They were right across from each other with the library in between. "I'll look for your locker-"

"Paul, register, now!" A guy said cutting across the store. Snapping his fingers as he walked. There was a line accumulating. I tried not to laugh.

"I hate this job," Paul said under his breathe watching the man who I assumed was his manager. He looked at me. "I'll see you around."

"Text me when you get off of work." I said.

He smiled. "Okay," He said. "Bye,"

"Bye."

He walked over to the registers ringing up the clothes of the obnoxious looking woman in line. His manager ringing up another. "Do you want to pay?" I asked Caitlyn.

She tugged my arm down. I leaned over and she whispered something in my ear. I looked at her smiling a little. "Maybe," I said.

We got in line. Except Paul's manager helped us. While he rang up the sweatshirt I looked over at Paul. He smiled at me a little. Taking a shirt off of a hanger. He was sort of cute. And he was really nice. And funny. I felt sort of different all of a sudden. One word rang out in my mind again, still hanging in the air: maybe.

I paid. His manager- Steve- put it in. Everyone using credit cards. I used cash. I looked back over at Paul. And he was looking at me differently. He blinked and I smiled at him. He smiled back and we both looked away. Caitlyn looking up at me all smiley too.

I don't remember what might be running through my head if I saw two kids looking at each other smiling at each other a little. I have a feeling though Caitlyn had forgotten Sean. She had said she liked him a lot at lunch. And now I'm not so sure who was winning the popular vote so far. Because all of a sudden it seemed like a choice. I didn't like Paul. Maybe I just liked the idea of him now because he was texting me. Or the fact that we liked the same things. But I had this weird feeling in my gut. Not butterflies. Something else. I walked out of the Gap. The least likely place it seemed to find Paul Spinella.

But I felt him watching me walk away. Rain, do you have a crush on Paul?

Maybe.