"Hey! You on your way to dinner?" Alex smiled as she stepped out of the DEO, wrestling on her jacket as a gust of wind funneled down the sidewalk. Her shift had just finished at seven and she was heading over to meet Maggie, the restaurant only five blocks away.
Alex's brows furrowed at the lack of response from the other side of the line. The phone hummed amongst the honking of horns and the chatter of passing conversations. She wondered briefly if Maggie had called her on accident. National City citizens streamed past her on the sidewalk and she stepped out of their way. "Maggie? You there?"
There was a rustle, the sound of Maggie's police jacket rubbing against the phone and Alex could picture it cradled between her shoulder and ear as the subsequent buzz of her car turning on carried over the phone. "Hey, yeah I'm here, sorry, Alex. I heard something about Lena. I don't think I'm going to make dinner."
"Is she okay?" Alex paused, moving away from the flow of foot traffic and pressing a hand over her other ear to hear Maggie better.
"I don't know, to be honest. I'm not with her yet."
"What happened? Where is she?"
"Some Irish dive bar on 9th. I was getting into my squad car when I heard something about dispatching a unit to a bar fight there, I wasn't really listening until they said it was high-profile, something about a Luthor, so I called my Lieutenant and he confirmed she was involved but didn't have any other details, so I'm on my way over now. I want to make sure everything is fair and make sure she's okay. I'm worried about her, Alex." Maggie took a long breath. "You want to come? She might need a ride home, I don't really know the situation yet."
"Yeah, send me the address?" Alex asked, already climbing the steps of the DEO to get her car and make the trip.
/
Maggie got out of her car, standing in the hazy azure of dusk. She pocketed her phone and glanced up at the crunch of gravel.
Alex pulled into the spot beside her, dust rising as she put her car into park, shot Kara another text, and climbed out.
"Hear anything else?" Alex asked, worry painted across her features as she greeted Maggie with a hug.
The detective shook her head against Alex's shoulder. "No."
Alex squeezed her hand and they made their way through the police cars and ambulance in front of the bar.
The door was rough against Alex's hand as she pulled it open, holding it for Maggie to enter first before following. The air was thick, the scent of booze pressing up against her nose and permeating the room. To the left were tall tables and, in the corners, booths with seats made of darkened forest green. Her boots thumped against the walnut hardwood floor as they wove a path between the cops and patrons in the front area.
The bar itself was barren of drinks, occupied now by an employee sweeping broken glass off the counter and from the floor, shuffling around the chairs and dust. On the perimeter of the establishments, some customers still drank, having given their witness statements and gone on their way to have another drink.
"Here, I know him." Maggie tilted her head to a cop past the bar stools. She wrapped a hand around Alex's bicep, directing her further into the crowd. He stood with his arms crossed, listening to a red-faced man with stubble on his face, bruised knuckles curled into a fist and tapping at his side as he wavered at the end of the counter, slurring his words.
"All right, that's enough, we have surveillance film and multiple witnesses claiming the opposite." The officer's words cut through the din. Alex and Maggie watched as he cuffed the man and passed him off to a younger cop to take to the station.
"Hey, Charles," Maggie called. She pressed up on her tiptoes and caught his eye, dropping her hand from Alex's arm and moving closer. "What's the deal here? You seen Lena Luthor?"
"Yeah. Couple of drunk idiots came in about an hour ago and started causing trouble, the owner asks 'em to leave and they get angry, look around, spot the Luthor girl at the end of the bar. They're wasted and pissed, she's wasted and alone… next thing you know one of the guy takes a swing at her and then a fight breaks out, if you can call it that."
"What do you mean?" Maggie asked.
"I've talked to at least ten other guys here, our tech looked at the security footage. Luthor didn't do anything to provoke it and she didn't even resist when it happened." He shrugged and shook his head. "Just took the beating like she thought she deserved it. You know, I've had my reservations about her, but that clip was hard to watch. Just felt bad."
Maggie's lungs deflated with a sigh and she ran a hand through her hair. Beside her Alex swallowed hard, fingers curling into fists. The detective reached back, maintaining eye contact with the officer but tapping Alex's hand with her own, easing it open and slipping her fingers between Alex's. "She still here?"
"I think so, police already got her statement. Last I saw a medic was trying to treat her over there, in the back." He pointed toward the right. "But she was kind of giving the woman a hard time, the other lady wasn't nice either. Luthor just seemed really out of it."
Maggie nodded. "Thanks, Charles. Have a good night."
"You too, Sawyer." He said his goodbyes then made his way to the door, approaching the trio of handcuffed men that had amassed by the entrance of the bar.
"Let's go see if we can find her," Maggie said.
Alex worried her lip. Words hung in her throat, collecting rambles of concern that she swallowed down, giving Maggie a nod instead.
/
When she saw Lena from behind, shoulders hunched, head hung, Alex felt anger swirl hot in her stomach, spread warm to her cheeks. Angry that Lena didn't fight back, angry that Lena was pushing them away, angry that she was running, angry that she was giving up.
But a glass fell, far on the outside of the bar, and Lena still shot up. She winced, muscles tensing as she spun around toward the source of the clash.
Her wide, red-rimmed eyes fell on Maggie and Alex instead and Alex's fists uncurled, her lecture unraveled in her head, the anger burning in her chest tripled in size but sprung from a different source as she took in Lena's state and looked at the men being led out to squad cars.
She almost chased them down.
But then Alex took one more look at Lena's dulled, unfocused green eyes—watched as she flinched at the medic's loud voice and gruff touches. "Okay," Alex whispered and took a step forward. She flashed her fake FBI badge at the medic.
"No probable concussion," the woman murmured to herself, then glancing upward at Alex.
The agent tilted her head until the medic came over to Alex and Maggie. "What?"
"We can take it from here."
The EMT raised her brow. "I'm doing my job right now."
"And I can finish. I have medical training and she's clearly uncomfortable with you."
"But—"
Alex huffed, held up her FBI badge again. "I'll do it."
The woman stood up, yanking off her gloves and dropping them onto the table. A thud sounded from the wood when her flashlight and clipboard followed.
Lena winced, shoulders curling inward, a hand holding her side and the other running against her lip.
"Whatever," the woman said as she walked away. "She was a pain to deal with anyway."
"Hey!" Alex turned on her heel, heat flooding her face again. "What'd you just say?" She snapped and narrowed her eyes at the retreating woman.
The lady shrugged and turned back. "It's true."
"Excuse me?!" Alex took a step in her direction but Maggie caught her wrist, giving a minute shake of her head.
"Let it go," she murmured and held Alex's gaze. "She's not worth it. Lena needs us."
Alex blew out a hot breath. "Okay." She looked down at her shoes. She needed to get away and reign her emotions in before getting any closer to Lena right now when she was quick to startle and shaking in her seat. "I'm gonna try Kara again. She didn't answer any of your calls or texts yet?"
Maggie shook her head. "Nothing."
/
"Hey, Lena," Maggie said softly as she came around the side of the table that Lena's chair had been pulled from. The Luthor squinted at the noise, eyes scanning as she looked for the source of her name.
Her face fell in confusion and a shaky hand rose to rub her temple, oblivious to the bruise darkening around her eye and down to the rise of her cheekbone.
"Hey, hey I'm right here." Maggie knelt in front of Lena, guiding her chin.
Her bottom lip quivered, swollen and bloodied.
"Hey, it's okay. It's okay, Lena."
"I'm s'rry. Didn't mean to…" She raised her hand and gestured around, letting it drop in her lap. "All of this. I—" She hiccupped. The breath from her lungs hammered a staccato beat into the air, her eyes squeezing closed. Creases formed in the corners and her palm rubbed against her jeans.
"It's not your fault," Alex said and emerged from behind Maggie with a hand on the detective's back. "How about I pick up where the medic left off. Can you tell me what she's done so far? Is anything still bothering you?"
Lena shrugged and gave a shake of her head, features pinching at the movement.
"Lena, I need you to do your best to pay attention. Just for a little while, okay?"
She tore her glance from the police officers and turned it lazily onto the picture behind Alex. " 'kay"
"What happened?"
"Uhh dunno." She hiccupped. "Jus' took a few hits. I've ha' worse."
A wince escaped as she shifted on the chair, reaching for her pocket. Alex followed the movement with her eyes. Lena's fingers traced her glasses and tried to pull them out.
The right lens was missing, the left one cracked, the frame askew. The jagged cut and welt rising above Lena's brow gave Alex some context toward what'd happened.
Beside her, Maggie's phone vibrated in her pocket. "I'll be right back," she said, stepping away. Alex nodded before turning her attention back to Lena.
"Hey, c'mon, we'll worry about that later," Alex said, running a hand over the younger woman's hair.
" 's all blurry." She twisted around, gasping and snaking a hand around her ribs.
"I know, I'll work quick so we can get you home and in bed, all right? You need ice and rest."
Lena's bottom lip quivered again and the movement drew more blood forward, but still, no tears came.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Alex asked as she worked to clean the blood from Lena's face.
"You're being so nice." Lena hung her head, looking at her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Don' deserve that"
Alex dropped the damp towel. "Lena, that's not true."
"But it is. I—" She trailed off and shrugged.
Before Alex could respond, Maggie was back. A warm smile lit up her face as she approached and settled an easy hand on Lena's shoulder, brushing gently with her thumb.
"I've got something that might make you feel a bit better, Little Luthor." Maggie's head tilted to the side and she shook her phone slightly. "Kara's on her way. She's gonna be here in just a second or two."
Alex smiled, sighing in relief. "That's great."
She squeezed Lena's hand and the Luthor pulled away, eyes darting around the room like a cornered and sick animal. "She can't. She—she can't be here. She can't come."
Lena scampered up, head reeling at the movement and stomach lurching.
"I—I have to—I have to go."
She bolted into the crowd of cops and patrons.
"Shit," Alex murmured, following Maggie and taking off after her.
They passed into the main area of the bar, trying to keep an eye on the dark mass of hair when the door to the establishment flew open and Kara stood in the entryway, already arguing with a cop.
Alex stopped, turning toward Maggie. "God, we gotta deal with this. If anyone can help Lena, it'll be Kara."
/
"What do you mean she's not here? Where'd she go?" Kara balked. She stomped her foot on the wooden floor, heart thrashing in her chest.
"I'm sure she didn't go far. She's drunk, she's hurt, she—"
"Okay, okay. Shut up, Alex, I'm trying to listen for her."
Alex rolled her eyes and Maggie slipped her hand into her fiancée's. "She's just stressed," Maggie whispered, leaning her head on Alex's shoulder. The agent nodded, cheek pressing against Maggie's head as she squeezed her hand.
"Damn it! It's so loud in here. I can't focus. I—" she paused, squinting hard. She went rigid for a moment, then rushed off into the crowd.
Alex moved to follow but Maggie shook her head. "Let's give them space."
/
"Lena?" Kara called softly, pulling open the door to the bathroom. She pressed her fingertips against the door behind her and eased it closed.
A whimper resounded from a stall and Kara saw Lena sitting on the floor, back pressed against the wall. Half-lidded eyes blinked at the toilet. A sheen of sweat dampened Lena's forehead against flat and unbrushed hair.
"Lena," Kara exhaled.
The harsh bathroom lighting was unforgiving, underscoring the bruising across the younger woman's face, the gauntness she'd acquired in the past weeks, the glassiness over her green eyes.
"Go. Kara, you have to go," Lena insisted and tried to stumble to her feet to push Kara out. "You can't be here."
The brunette reeled backward, resuming her position on the floor with a cracked, empty sob.
Kara rushed forward to help, fingers just centimeters from Lena's.
"No!" She yelled and scrambled away. Her hands scraped against the uneven tiles of the floor, dust and dirt clinging to her fingertips. In her chest, her aching ribs throbbed, syncopated the pounding in her head. The precarious state of her stomach tipped closer to the edge. "Go," she murmured miserably, squeezing her eyes shut and digging her nails into her bent knee like it hurt to say the words. "Just go."
Kara knelt, keeping her proximity distanced and her words soft. "Please," she begged. "I just want to help you. What can I do to help?"
"Leave." Lena glared at her hands. "You can leave me alone! You can stop being so damn naïve and pretending that everything is okay, that this is normal. It's not! So leave, just leave!"
Kara stood, backed toward the door with her heart yanking in her chest, with ice stealing her warmth, and tears pooling in her eyes.
She looped a hand around the door handle, the metal cold against her skin.
She watched as Lena's features fell at the words she'd spoken, like she'd swallowed poison or choked down a shot of vodka with all the burn and none of the buzz.
Her chest cavity felt like it was full of hazardous material—corrosive, hollowing her out.
Lena dropped her head into her hands; Kara dropped the door handle. The metal slipped from her grip, fingers uncurling.
The door thudded back in place and the control crumbled out of Lena. A whimper preceded the surge of sobs that'd collected like rocks in her throat. She banged a fist against her thigh.
The thrashing echoed against the barren walls and the tile floors and the low ceiling.
Lena bit her split lip, the metallic taste of blood spilt across her tongue. The anger flooded out of her, pooling into an ocean of despair. Her head hung, hands hiding her face, disgusted with herself. Knowing she'd lost Kara forever.
She untangled a hand from her hair, grasped at her arm and just as she was about to dig her nails into the skin, something enveloped her fingers—something warm and soft and smelling of vanilla and rain and mocha coffee.
Lena cracked open her eyes, holding her breath as though afraid she was waking from a dream and Kara would be gone.
Through gray spots ebbing in her vision and the glare of LED lights, Kara took form. A lighthouse on a rocky shore in the middle of a hurricane; a sunrise breaking across the horizon for a lost wanderer; home, after a long sojourn.
Lena exhaled and blinked. Kara's hand still cradled her own.
She leaned in close, lips near Lena's ear and voice soft as she lowered Lena's hand into her lap and let go. "If there's any truth in you wanting me to leave, then I'll do it. I'll go. But I don't believe it. I know you, Lena, and I don't think you mean it."
She paused for a moment with baited breath. "So for a second, just forget about fear, ignore the ruminations in your head and just talk to me. Tell me what you're really feeling. Tell me what you need."
Lena untangled the hand in her lap and reached back for Kara's, still unable to look her in the eyes but clinging as tears seeped forward.
"It's okay," Kara murmured, thumb brushing over Lena's metacarpals.
Lena tugged slightly and pulled her hand from Kara's. The uneven tile pushed into her knees as Lena shifted up onto them. Finding her balance, she threw her arms around Kara.
The blonde straightened, supporting both their weights as they stood and pressed closer.
"I'm afraid," she admitted, into the crook of Kara's neck, feeling the blonde's hand splay against her back and rub up and down. "Of you seeing me like this. And deciding to leave."
Tears surged in Kara's eyes. She tucked her head against Lena's, burying her face in dark hair. "Oh Lena," she whispered and held her tighter. Their bodies swayed slightly for a moment as Kara took a breath and gathered her words. "You have been through so much in your life, I'd be more concerned if you didn't have feelings like this. And I know they're paralyzing sometimes, I know they're awful and terrifying but Lena, you don't have to hide that from me."
Kara threaded fingers through Lena's hair and smoothed it back. "I know from personal experience that letting people in makes it a little better, a little more manageable. So, let me in Lena, please—let me in so I can support you when it's hard to do it yourself; so I know when to hug you a little tighter and hold you a little closer; so I know when you need space, or reminders to eat, or something warm to help you sleep."
Lena hugged Kara tighter, fingers running across the blonde's back.
"Sorry," Lena gasped. "I'm sorry for everything, for how I acted. I was scared and I know it's no excuse, but I'm so sorry." Her breath picked up, a sharp inhale prickling the hum of air conditioning and chatter outside the door that seemed miles away. Lena rubbed her forehead, still fitted against Kara. "I'm sorry."
"I know," Kara soothed. Lena's head was tucked under her chin, cheek pressed against her neck. "I forgive you."
Lena shook her head. "I was so horrible to you, to Alex and Maggie—oh God, all the things I did and said. I've been horrible, I'm horrible."
"No," Kara protested with resolve in her soft words, drawing Lena's heartrate down with a hand brushing over her shoulder blade. "No," she pressed more firmly when Lena made a whimper of objection at Kara's insistence. "You were hurting. You're hurting." Kara closed her eyes, felt tears seeping out, and squeezed Lena closer.
When Kara spoke again she leaned back for the first time since they'd embraced and held her girlfriend's gaze. "But I'm here and you don't have to hurt alone anymore. We're going to ride this out together if you'll let me. If you want me?"
Lena nodded with Kara's ocean blue eyes reflected in the tears of her own. She sunk back into Kara's arms, limp and sighing—breathing, fully, for the first time in weeks. "I was just worried at first, everything was so new and perfect between us, and I just—I couldn't stop the way I was feeling. It had nothing to do with you, it just happens to me, every few years since I started boarding school. The more I tried to hide it from you, the worse I felt and the more I felt like I was blowing this whole thing and I can't lose this, I can't lose you, Kara."
"You won't," she reassured, rocking them back and forth.
"Everything is crashing down around me and I can't—I can't breathe. It's all falling apart"
Kara shook her head and linked her hand with Lena's. "Not this. Not us."
The Luthor rested her head against Kara's chest.
"Kara?" she sniffled after a moment of silence and slow rocking. "Could you, um—could we go home? Together," she clarified. "Would you stay with me?"
Kara pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Lena, I'd do anything in the universe for you."
With a hand around Lena, tucking her close, Kara listened, heard Alex and Maggie waiting outside at a table in case Kara or Lena needed them. Their heartbeats were impeded by the filling capacity of the bar, patrons flooding back in as the police filtered out.
Kara tugged out her phone and texted with one hand, before sliding it back in her pocket.
Lena's chest rose and fell against Kara's side. Her eyes slipping open and closed.
"Come on." Kara looked down and smiled, unable to resist pressing another kiss to Lena's hair. "Let's get you home."
/
At a booth in the corner of the bar, Alex's phone vibrated against the wooden table.
Maggie lifted her head sleepily off her fiancée's shoulder and blinked blearily. They both stretched, looking at the message on the blue-lit screen at the same time.
Kara (2)
11:09
Thanks for waiting, you guys can head home
11:11
We're going to be okay