'You know the kind of guy that turns to the Dark Side and then wonders why his life sucks? Well, that was me. Every time though that it looked like I would get something good, something bad would happen. Karma. That's when I realized I needed to change. So I started a list of all the bad things I've done, and one by one I'm going to make them right. I'm just trying to be a better person. My Name is Anakin.'
&
'The one good thing about getting 100,000 credits because you were the Emperor's lackie is that I can now afford the finer things in life.'
Owen looked up at Anakin, face marred with confusion.
"What is this again?" He asked.
"They call it a circumcision. I heard the women love it." Anakin said as the med-droid hovered in. "I'm letting you go first, because I know you want to impress Beru."
"Allow me to make the cut, sir." The droid said.
"Thank you so much Ana….AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
'Of course, there are other troubles to having 100,000 credits beyond accidently castrating your stepbrother. Like having your ex-wife try and steal said credits'
&
Beru watched Padme in amusement, the former senator tearing apart Anakin's room searching for the credits.
"Why won't you give me a hint?"
"Because Anakin is…well, he isn't my friend, but if he was poor, it would make things harder on me."
Padme frowned. "Well…what if I blast you with this?"
"What…Anakin's blow dryer?"
Padme stared down at the dryer. "Well…I could…give you a bad perm?"
Anakin and Owen strolled in at that moment, Owen limping. "Padme…I told you I put the credits in the bank."
"Well, then give me the account info! Your children are starving!"
Anakin frowned. "They aren't my kids, and they wouldn't starve if you just fed them!"
"I don't have the cash to do that…you think this outfit just grew on a tree?"
Anakin sighed. "Padme…you're wearing a grocery bag."
"…I want that money Anakin…I want it!"
Owen groaned as Padme left. "No, you really don't!"
&
'Later that day, I went to Padme's trailer, to try and figure out away to settle all this.'
"You could buy me a hot tub…that would shut me up."
'She wasn't being helpful.'
Anakin held his hands in the air. "I'm not buying you a hot tub!"
"Yes you are! Either that or you deal with me forever." She paused. "Hey, just say you aremaking up for things on your list…that will make you feel better about it."
'Padme did have a good point…there were a lot of things I'd done to her. Like number 153…broke Padme's figurine. That one is actually an interesting story…'
&
3 years ago…
Anakin raised his hand, lifting a small statue of a little girl riding on a gungan's back into the air…before swinging a baseball bat at it.
"Home run!"
&
'Ok…maybe it wasn't a good story. After I decided to make that the nextthing I crossed off my list, I asked Padme where she had gotten that statue so I could buy her another one. She laughed, told me to go down to Boss Nas' Farm Depot, and then stated that if I failed to get the figurine, I owed her a hottub…
'Of course, when I got there, I learned that things would not be as easy. Seems that you could only get one of those ugly little statues by entering the "Mother/Daughter Beauty Pageant" that the gungans held every year.
'Luckily…I had a plan'
&
"Explain to me again why I am in a dress." Owen said.
"Because I needed a daughter to enter into the Mother/Daughter Beauty Pageant." Anakin said, struggling to tighten Owen's girdle.
"Ok…hey, why are you in a dress?"
"Because I am pretending to be your mom."
Owen thought this over. "And why is Beru in a dress?"
Beru frowned. "Because I'm a girl."
"Really? I thought you were some strange troll creature that solved all her problems with blue milk." Owen frowned. "Our entire marriage is built on a lie."
"Its not built on a lie! You knew I was a woman!"
"Don't tell me what I do and do not know!" Owen shouted.
Anakin held up his hands. "Could we fight about Owen's gender confusion later? I need to win a beauty pageant."
Beru frowned, pointing at Anakin's chest. "You are aware your fake breasts are lopsided?"
"They are?" Anakin said, tugging on them. "But, I based them on yours!"
Beru glared at her brother-in-law, Owen quickly pushing Anakin away. "Hey…are my boobs lopsided?"
"You mean the fake ones?" Anakin asked.
"….yeah." Owen said uneasily.
&
'You know, I've never been to a beauty pageant before, but I have to say, it was rather impressive. All the pretty lights and sounds…and they even managed to get a locate Naboo Celebrity to host.'
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the host of the Gungan Mother/Daughter Pageant…Max Rebo!"
The crowd cheered as the famous blue musician (who WASN'T an elephant!) was wheeled onto the stage.
"Mwamwawma!" Max Rebo trumpeted.
The crowd cheered.
"Mwamwamwamwamwa!"
"What did he say?" Owen asked.
"I'm not sure…he either said that we're on next, or that we need to destroy the Chumbawumbas."
Owen frowned. "But I love their chocolate."
"Those are Oompalompas."
"No, that's the guy that torments Superman"
Max waved his hand to introduce the next contestant…
"Padme?"
Padme stepped onto the stage, baby Leia fussing in the baby-bikini Padme had put on her, Padme sporting an only slightly larger version of the swimsuit. Padme waved at the crowd, ignoring as Leia screamed in protest.
"Padme…what the hell are you doing?" Anakin asked as she stepped off stage.
Padme put one hand on her hip. "I'm tryin' to win me another statue. If I get one, you can't cross me off the list, and you have to buy me a hot tub."
"Why is she screaming like that?" Owen asked, watching as Leia howled.
"She's just cranky. We spent all night practicing."
"You can't keep a baby up all night!" Anakin exclaimed.
"Would you calm down?" Padme pulled a bottle from between her breasts. "I'm feeding her plenty of coffee."
"This is wrong on some many levels." Beru muttered.
&
The Talent Competition…
Anakin held up his hand, sending Owen flying through the air with ease. His stepbrother squealed happily, dive bombing the crowd. Of course, Owen ended up costing them points when he got dizzy and threw up on one of the judges.
&
"Come on sweetie…you can do it." Padme said as she set Leia down in front of the Neomian Lion, the baby dressed in a little lion tamer's outfit.
Even though she was a few months old, Leia somehow managed to glare at her mother.
&
The Question Portion…
"Mwamwamwa?"
Owen thought that question over. "uh…We need to attack them, because of the Eastern Middle Eastern peoples of Iraqistan gets the destruction mass weapons, that would be very….not good."
&
"Mwamwamwa…"
"Ask away…I can answer any question." Padme said happily.
"How stupid do you have to be not to realize that your planet's senator is a sith lord?"
"…" Padme grumbled as she stormed off the stage.
&
"mwamwamwa…" Max said, waving at the mothers and their daughters.
"Here we go…" Anakin said, rubbing his hands together. "Hello statue."
"Hello hottub." Padme replied.
"Hello baby." Owen cooed, wiggling his fingers at a still fussing Leia.
"Mwamwamwa!"
"Did he…did he just say what I thought he said?" Anakin said, dumbfounded as they handed the crown over to Tina the Hutt and her daughter Bambi. The 3 adults watched as the slug-like creatures happily slid across the floor, holding up their prize.
Anakin turned to Padme. "So that hottub…3 jets or four?"