Coffee shop 4
The waves of emotions the angel had been feeling changed so quickly that he couls barely register it. He knew Dean was scared, he could tell it in his actions, " Dean... It.." before he could get his mind to get the words out, the other bolted, out the front door and into his car. When the engine started, that sound alone seemed to sober Castiel in an instant and he stood, though Gabriel's hand on his shoulder stopped him from doing just the same as Dean in his inebriated state. When Sammy returned inside Gabriel shook his head " we can take my car. Cassie, stay here incase he comes back." The arch angel said, pushing Castiel back down onto the couch.
Gabriel ushered Sam out and down to his car, which was parked on the curb "... we probably should have seen this coming... and interupted... but we were also both hopeful..." he muttered as he got into the car, waited for Sam to get in then took off down the street.
Castiel sat there on the couch, trying to keep from crying. Not from the thought that Dean may have rejected him, but in fear of what could happen to the older winchester behind the wheel of the car with how much he had had to drink. For a few moments he sat staring at the front door, before he got up, carefully, and made to clean up Dean's broken glass. Once finished, he moved the coffee table and awkwardly pulled out the couch bed, though once made, he sat up near the top, his head resting on the back of it, eyes glued to the door. And that is how he fell asleep, his wings limp behind him on the bed.
Dean kept driving, or rather speeding, along the road without knowing where he was headed. His mind was filled with fog, not only from the alcohol, but from the lingering panic. What kind of a person kissed his best friend? Why the hell had he done that?! It seemed inconceivable to Dean, especially because Castiel was a guy. Had he been a woman it would have been just as stupid, but his guy best friend? Dean wasn't even into... he wasn't... There was no way. Where had that urge come from? Why had he done such a dumb thing?
A sudden bright light and a loud honk sucked him back into reality and Dean ripped the steering wheel around, barely missing an oncoming truck. He had just swerved onto the opposite lane. What was he even doing on the road, he was hopelessly drunk! Coming to the realization that following his gut feelings had just catapulted him from a nice evening into a nightmare and had almost caused him to have an accident, Dean pulled over and switched off the engine. Only now did he notice how he was panting. Trying to draw in a deep breath, he leaned forward and rested his head on the steering wheel, trying to get his thoughts in order.
He didn't know how long he had stayed in this position when the phone in his pocket started buzzing. Dean sat up straight and took it out. At the caller ID though, he hesitated. It was Sam. Staring at the screen for a few moments, he swiped to reject, then dialed a different number. When the recipient replied, Dean sighed with relief. "Bobby? I... I need help. ... Yeah, I'm drunk on a highway and I need a lift. Don't ask. And Don't call Sam."
A few miles away, Sam stared at his phone after he'd just tried to reach Dean. "What the hell? He just rejected my call," he said, frowning at Gabriel.
Gabriel looked to Sam then sighed " well... I'm sure he is fine... he just needs time to cool off and think." He said as he pulled into a nearby gas station, " any idea where he might be headed?"
A deeper voice answered Dean on the other line " Robert is in the shower. Give me a moment to take him the phone." The line went quiet though soon that voice could be heard telling bobby that he had a call and then the shower curtain moving.
Sam shook his head worriedly. "I have no idea where he could've gone. My hope is that he came to his senses and at least stopped somewhere..." rubbing a hand over his face and sighing, he leaned back. "Let's just look for him around the area. He has to be somewhere."
Dean wondered for a moment who the british dude on the other end of the line had been, but the haze in his head still kept him from thinking it through very clearly. Pinching his nose and letting his leg jump up and down nervously, he waited for Bobby's gruff voice to answer the call. At the "Yeah, Bobby speakin'?" Dean let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He proceeded to repeat himself to his friend and sort-of-dad as opposed to the british mystery man. "Ya damn idjit!" Bobby blurted out when Dean was done. "Ya'd think you weren't born with a single brain-cell, boy! What the hell were ya thinkin'?!"
Dean stayed quiet for a moment. He debated trying to think up a story, but he was aware that lying wouldn't go well in the state he was in now. "I wasn't really... thinking," he admitted. Bobby gave out a laugh. "Damn right you weren't! Whatever beef you and your brother have, I'm gonna love to hear all about it..." the statement sounded more like a threat than anything else and Dean instinctively shrunk back in his seat. "It... isn't really about me and Sam," he answered, laughing nervously. "Whatever," Bobby said at the other end of the line, "I'm sure you'll explain it all to me when we've sobered you up. Where are you?"
Dean squinted out through the windshield. Luckily, a street sign was not far in front of him and he read it out to Bobby, who noted the name and immediately hung up. It took about half an hour for him to show up with his pickup truck to take Dean and the impala away. The two men didn't talk the entire way back to Bobby's house. Once there, the old mechanic sat Dean down at a table, where he must have nodded off, because he was rudely awoken when Bobby slammed something down in front of him. A huge cup of black coffee. "Drink up," Bobby commanded, "And then you talk. Idjit..."
Gabriel nodded and continued to look around the immediant area. When that proved fruitless they headed out towards the high way " come on. Let's hope he didn't come this way but we need to check." He said softly. " maybe he pulled out onto a truck stop or something."
Crowley stood in the door way of Bobby's study, leaning quietly against the door frame. He wasn't going to intrude on their conversation but he sure as hell was going to listen. He had heard alot about the Winchester boys and knew that Bobby cared about them both like they were his own, no matter how harsh he might be on them. Besides, Bobby hadn't told the boys about him yet, and Crowley was definately one for proper introduction. So he leaned there, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a glass of Craig and sipping from it occassionaly.
The room was uncomfortably quiet while Dean was downing the coffee. It was incredibly strong and bitter, but at least it was taking effect. He already felt how the haze in his head was starting to dissipate. Confused, he stared at the now empty cup. "What the hell was in that?"
"Concentrated caffeine," Bobby replied gruffly. He'd spent the last half hour making it. What you did is you boiled yourself some coffee, using a minimal amount of water, spiked that with more coffee, repeated the process, added more coffee and then boiled that to buggery. As a result you had a drink that could probably raise the dead. "So, now that your head is clearing up... tell me what the hell you were doing drivin' around while on a bender!"
Dean shrunk back in his seat at Bobby's tone and looked guilty. "I... erm... I..." he started. Bobby crossed his arms. "NOW, boy!"
Dean took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I..." he began and sighed "Okay, you remember Castiel?" Bobby narrowed his eyes. "The angel who pulled you out of the dumps, 'course I remember him? He didn't throw ya out, did he?" Dean waved the statement away with his hand. "No, no, nothing like that, we had a thanksgiving dinner today with Sammy and Cas' brother Gabe and well... I guess I got drunk..." Bobby nodded emphatically. "I gather."
"Anyway," Dean continued, "I got drunk and then, suddenly Cas and I were sitting alone at the table, cause Sam and Gabe went to the kitchen or somethin' and then we sat on the couch, cause well, why not and then I kissed him." It had all come out in one rapidfire rush, without a breath in-between and being panic stricken yet again, he looked at Bobby pleadingly. Bobby on the other hand stared, mouth agape. "You did what?!" he exclaimed. Dean squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth. "I kissed him. My best friend. And I'm not even gay, I mean who does that!"
Bobby had leaned back and was staring at some nonexistent spot behind the wall, arms crossed and a hand on his face. "And lemme guess: You panicked and drove off? And then ya called me." Dean sighed yet again and nodded. Bobby finally locked eyes with him. "Ya idjit." And history repeats. Wasn't like Crowley and himself had started smoothly either. This boy needed to damn well wake up and smell the crap.
Crowley listened quietly, watching the interaction and thinking back to how him and Bobby had first began. The other had very nearly ruined everything in his own denial as well. It had taken him a while to come to terms with the fact that he felt things for another man. Crowley himself had known of his own... affections... towards men but it had been different for him to act upon them, normally he had dated females.
His thoughts drifted back to when he and Bobby had met. He had been stranded on the side of the road, his exspensive sports car had gotten a flat and the only place that towed that was in the area was Singer's. He had called and ordered the tow, but hadn't expected to find the driver, and later he found out, the owner, of the place to be so... interesting a person. Singer had offered to take Crowley to his tow yard and fix his flat for him, instead of sending it to a shop, because in his opinion those shops didn't do shit right. Once in the yard, Crowley had stood watching as the man had removed the tire, took it off the rim, did his inspection and patch job, then replaced it. He had liked watching the other work. From then on, Crowley had come to Bobby for any repairs he had needed, honestly just wanting to spend more time around the male. They grew an awkward yet strong little friendship, and soon he was coming over to have dinner, to have drinks or just to hang out around the tow yard and watch the other work.
Returning his thoughts to the presant he looked to Bobby simpathetically, giving him a soft smile. He would let him handle the talk with Dean, but he would be there if the other needed him. He sipped his drink again quietly.
Dean hadn't noticed the other man standing in the doorway behind him, watching them. He stared at Bobby after the other had called him an ‚idjit', which was probably the old man's favorite word, almost willing him to shout at Dean. To say how absurd all of this was, to tell him he should pull himself together. Or to laugh. Anything to remind Dean how absurd all of this was that he could just… stop. And go back to how things were. If that even was a possibility now.
But instead, Bobby sighed and sat down, clasping his hands together on top of the table. „Dean…" he began and Dean already perked up at the use of his name. Bobby hardly ever used his name, settling for ‚boy' most of the time. „I know it's hard. The way your dad raised ya… I know the man did his best. Hell, other fathers in his situation would've done much, much worse. But he had a strong idea of what a man should be. What you should be in the future. And he raised you boys accordingly. An' it's not like I'm not to blame either, I used to think like that too." Dean frowned at Bobby's words. „What the hell does dad have to do with anything?" he interrupted with a sour tone. Bobby glared. „Just shut up and listen, ya idjit, I'm tryin' to teach you a lesson here!"
Dean obediently closed his mouth, but not without sulking a little. Bobby carried on. „Anyhow, when both you an' Sam decided not to work in the family business, he used to come an' rant to me. With Sam he came round later, but you… He'd put all his hope into you and I'm sorry to put John down like that, but he tried to turn you into himself. And when you turned out to have your own hopes and dreams…" Bobby sighed and cast his eyes down. Dean didn't answer. He loved his dad and he had no doubt he'd been a good man, but… he couldn't disagree with Bobby. At times, John's parenting had felt oppressive. There hadn't been much room for Dean to explore his own identity and he'd always had to deal with so much responsibility, even as a child. Sometimes he felt he'd been forced to grow up far too fast. And then he'd rebelled and everything had gone down the drain. Until Castiel had stepped into his life.
He listened as Bobby carried on. „He used to say to me ‚Y'know, maybe he has a sissy job, but at least he ran off with a girl. There's still hope.'‚ An' I agreed!" he couldn't help but give a little laugh at the irony and shook his head. Dean waited for a moment, but when Bobby didn't carry on, he leaned back and crossed his arms. „Okay, so we've established that my relationship with dad wasn't always all tea and cakes, no protest there, but seriously… Why are you telling me that?"
This time it was Bobby's turn to look up and lean back. He drummed his fingers on the desk and shot Crowley a quick glance, just to reassure that he was still there. „Because," he began, „I think you're insecure. I think your dad tried to shape ya so much that you never had the chance to figure out who you actually were. You've been driftin' along for so long, even I didn't notice how goddamn lost you were an' I hate myself for leavin' ya hangin' like that. You tried so hard to be the man your dad always wanted you to be, you forgot to be your own person! And then that angel shows up and… have you even noticed how much you've changed lately?" Dean slowly shook his head, not knowing what to say, every single one of Bobby's words crashing down on him like a sledgehammer. „You've been so happy, Dean," Bobby continued, his words now laced with emotion, „It's like that little four year old boy from before all the crap he had to go through just crawled back out of the pit. Honestly, you remind me so much of myself that it's scary!"
Dean didn't know how to respond. He still had no idea where this was going and what all of this had to do with him and Castiel. He was honestly getting scared of how much emotion Bobby was showing and he responded in the only way he could at that moment: Getting angry. „Damn it, Bobby!" he finally said and stood up, „Get to the point, what the hell do you want from me?"
Bobby, feeling frustrated with how blind Dean was to this whole situation, mirrored him and stood up too. „Why did you run off today?" Dean stared. „I don't know!" he shouted. Bobby glared back. „Ya know what I think? I think you've been happy. So happy it scares you. I think ever since you met Castiel, you can't stop thinkin' about him. I think you like him in a way you've never liked anyone before. An' I think you've been ignoring that. Cause you're right, people don't just kiss their best friends just like that, but they do lose control of their feelings when they're drunk, specially if they try to push them away! So damn it, boy just sit down, forget your own ego and listen to YOURSELF for a change!"
Dean stood there, feeling stunned. He had not expected Bobby to say all that. Anything but THAT. Trying to get a response out, Dean opened his mouth, but Bobby silenced him with an accusing finger pointing in his direction. „If you say ‚But I'm into girls' so help me, I'll punch ya so hard you won't know what's up and what's down anymore!", he said before Dean could get a word out. When he continued, his voice softened. „I know what it's like. You an' I are in the same boat, believe me." and with that, Bobby's eyes left Dean's and locked onto the figure that was standing in the doorway.
Dean turned around and spotted Crowley. He gulped. „No way…"
The demon's red tail twitched behind him, swishing softly as he lifted his pinky from the glass and waved with it, " Hello Winchester. The name's Crowley. I have heard alot about you. " He said, still standing against the door frame for a moment before walking to Bobby's side. This must all be very strange for the guy but he was glad that Bobby hadn't hidden who he was. This was something they had always talked about, wether Robert should tell Dean and Sam or not. Seems that the situation deamed it a necessity. Though it was for a good reason. He placed a hand gently on Bobby's shoulder. "You should listen to Robert, he cares for you like you were his own."
The penny dropped. Dean stared from Crowley to Bobby and back again, very nearly speechless. "Y-you're... you're..." he stammered, his brain making a proverbial knot as he tried to wrap his head around the concept. Bobby rolled his eyes, "We're a thing, yeah," he finished Dean's sentence with an annoyed tone. "So what? Ya think only young people are gay?" Dean, who was once again losing the floor under his feet, held up his hands. "That's not what I tried to say, I mean... I never thought that...," he countered defensively, but Bobby interrupted him. "... That a hillbilly slash hopeless drunk like me who fixes cars for a job and won the local rifle championship several times in his youth can't possibly end up in a relationship with a guy?"
Dean shrunk back. Hearing Bobby say it like that... He'd hit the nail on the head, but he wished Bobby hadn't put it that harshly. "Dude, I'm just surprised! I mean... I'm happy for you guys, but come on, you dump that on me and expect me not to be surprised?" Bobby sighed. "Boy, ya could've just apologized. But this ain't the point I was tryin' to make. The point is to tell you to wake up and stop takin' your own biased ass so damn seriously, cause if ya do, you might give up the best chance ya ever had at livin' a happy life! An' I know what I'm talkin' about, I almost made the same mistake." Bobby looked at Crowley and gave a side nod at Dean. "You wanna tell him or should I?"
Crowley chuckled as he saw the gears in Dean's brain click into place. His tail swayed behind him lazily as he listened. Bobby was right, the bum had nearly lost his chance with the demon big time, thankfully it had ended happily. Crowley nodded softly " I can tell him. Though don't interupt me either, cause if you are going to, then you might as well just tell it yourself." When there was no objection he turned his attention to Dean and began the tale.
" it was exactly two months after the day he and I met. I was over for a beer and dinner, just to rant off about the idiots of the day. After we had finished dinner we went for a walk around the yard, drinking and talking and before we knew it it was one in the morning. As we headed up the steps, I made an off hand comment, about how this was the point where the date ends and we kiss good night. Robert here, rather drunk at this point, turned to me and leaned in close. I believe his line was something like... why dont you show me just how you demons seal a deal. Am I wrong?" He looked to bobby before continuing. " well needless to say I did kiss him, and after a glorious moment Robert here came to his senses and I found the door suddenly slammed in my face. Despit this I knew he hadn't gone far from it, so I stood there for half an hour, talking through a blasted door untill it finally opened and a red faced Bobby Singer faced up to the feeling he had been having and we took things from there."
" and that is that." He said, looking down at Bobby a moment before hazel eyes flicked back to Dean, "now pull your head out of your ass and take a good look at weather or not that angel is worth losing because you aren't willing to admit you might like a guy!" He finished and drank the last of his Craig before setting the empty glass on the table.
Bobby added nothing to the end of his lover's words, picked up his beer, took a sip and raised his eyebrows at Dean.
Dean, on the other hand just stared. This was a lot to digest. Bobby had a boyfriend who was a demon. A demon! Dean had always thought Bobby hated demons, but... people changed, he guessed. And sometimes people weren't who you thought they were. Hell, sometimes YOU weren't who you thought you were. Was he really... did he really fall in love with Castiel? Dean would've thought it impossible, but after listening to that story... How it had played out almost exactly the same as the situation between Dean and Cas... And if Mr. Hillbilly over there could fall in love with a guy, a demon no less, why not Dean? Why should that be so impossible?
For a short, blissful moment, Dean considered it. Actually considered it. All those feelings, all those wishes of closeness, the happiness he felt around the guy... If this was love he'd never ever felt it in this way before. And it was amazing.
The moment, though, was short-lived, as the voice of doubt, which in Dean's case was quite loud, piped up again. Dean's face fell. "But... I've never... I've only dated women!"
Bobby sighed and gave Crowley a look, then turned his attention back to Dean. "You're so damn stubborn ya can't even see your own happiness when it's pissin' on your shoes! There IS such a thing as bisexuality, y'know?" he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Ya felt it, didn't you? The butterflies in your stomach? You probably sound like a broken record cause you stutter so much when you talk to him? He makes ya happy when he's around, but the second he's out the door ya wish he was back? You can't stop starin' at his eyes, cause they're the prettiest thing you ever laid eyes on? Sorry to burst your bubble, son, but those ain't best buddy feelings."
Dean hardly noticed when Bobby had stopped talking. He just leaned back and stared at the ceiling, his thoughts chasing each other around his own head. Bobby was right. Every single word he'd said had hit home so forcefully, Dean had been afraid he'd topple out od his chair. Damn it, Bobby was right! How could he not see... why didn't he... why did he run? Dean felt the anxiousness settle in his stomach and closed his yes. "I was so... so stupid."
Bobby nodded in emphasis. "Yeah. You were." Another thought struck Dean and this time it was so sudden, he jumped up, tipping the chair over. "W-what if he doesn't... y'know... feel the same way? What do I do?!" Bobby rolled his eyes. "Go home and ask him, ya dunce!" A moment of silence stretched out between them, both men staring at each other. "NOW!" Bobby suddenly shouted, feeling his frustration rise again.
Dean just continued staring and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah I'm gonna... okay." Swallowing hard and fishing around in his pocket for his car keys, he strode out of the kitchen, towards the entrance. A moment later he came back through. "And Bobby... Crowley... thanks."
Bobby waved him off. "Just go already, damn it!" And Dean ran.
Bobby slowley turned around, picked up his beer yet again, glanced over at Crowley and mumbled "what an idjit." This time though, he had a fond smile on his face.
Crowley chuckled, watching dwan leave the room before closing the distance and kissing his cheek, " i could say the same for you." His tail twitched behind him as he spoke.
Back at the house, Castiel lay on the pulled out bed of the couch, tossing and turning. His dreams were full of the same things, him and dean, happy together then suddenly the other regecting him, telling him he wasnt good enough, he wasn't worth deans time. Tears streamed down his cheeks and soft whimpers came from him but he never woke, just rolled into a tighter little ball and clung to the blankets.
Gabriel and sam had arrived home a little while ago, the older angel ushering sam into deans room for some sleep, before checking on cas then heading to his brothers room to sleep, "... the only thing we can do is wait. Now get some rest. Im sure we will know when dean arrives home." He had told sam quietly.
Dean stood on the front porch, seemingly for an eternity, staring at the doorknob, key raised high. He felt terrified. He didn't know what would meet him when he went inside and part of him wanted to turn around and flee to the other side of the country. Not only did he fear the reaction he would be met with from Sam, but what if... what if Castiel deemed Dean's behavior unacceptable and kicked him out? What if the angel never wanted to see him again? He really didn't want to imagine it, but that's exactly what his mind did. Especially now that Dean knew... really knew what those feelings he'd been having meant... He didn't know what he'd do if...
Dean squeezed his eyes shut. This was ridiculous. How was it so hard to just... open the door? If Bobby were here he'd probably kick Dean... And rant at him. Dean frowned. Now that was a thought. What would Bobby say if he could see him in this pathetic state? "Pull yourself together, boy..." he whispered to himself, copying Bobby's voice. "You're gay, not a pussy. Well... bi. Technically. But you're still a goddamn man. So stop being dumb and act like one." And with that, he snapped his eyes open, stuck the house key into the lock and opened the front door.
To his surprise, all was quiet. The light in the living room was still on and colored the front of the corridor yellow. Dean gingerly pulled the door shut behind him and, careful not to make a sound, slipped his shoes off and snuck around the corner.
The sight he was met with made him smile involuntarily, even through the anxious churning in his stomach. There lay Castiel, stretched out on the sofa bed and rolled over on his stomach, with his face buried in the pillow and both wings sprawled out in different directions. And Dean found himself wondering how the hell he hadn't noticed the adorableness that lay before him. He'd been so, so blind. "You're such an ignorant bastard," Dean whispered at himself and pulled a hand over his face. Then, feeling his heart pound, he crept forward and hunkered down by the side of the bed.
Castiel seemed to be deeply asleep. Now Dean was so close, he could hear the man's slow and steady breathing, although the tangled mess of blankets around his ankles told a different story. He'd probably been tossing and turning all night. Maybe a nightmare. Dean sighed. "I'm so sorry, Cas... it's all my fault."
For a moment, he debated if he should wake the angel up, he was sleeping so soundly, but then again, Dean didn't know if he would survive the night. If he didn't do something to make this whole situation... be okay, he was afraid he was going to puke. So, taking another shaky breath, Dean stretched out a hand and gently shook Castiel's shoulder. "Cas... Hey," he said quetly, "It's Dean. C'mon, man, wake up... "
Castiel's eyes were open a mere moment later, those icy blues waverying as if he was about to cry. His wings pulled tight against his back as he sat up, his heart racing as he noticed that dean was home. He wasn't sure what to do, what to even say to the other at this point.
After what seemed like for forever, the angel spoke "... You're home safe..." he said softly, his voice shakey but full of relief. He didn't want to say anything to make Dean run off again so after that he fell silent. If the other wanted to talk about what had happened, Cas would let him bring it up on his own terms, even if the angel did want to wrap the other in a tight hug and never let go. He had been so worried.
The moment he thought of that, all restraint left him and he glared at the other " do you have any idea how worried i have been!? You just ran out and drove off! Drunk! And I had to sit here waiting, not knowing if you were ok! I'm so mad I could... could just... " his anger quickly deflated and he slumped his shoulders "... I'm just glad you are home safe."
As Castiel spoke, Dean's face paled. Feeling a deeply-rooted sense of guilt settle in his gut, he swallowed thickly and felt the corners of his eyes prick as he slowly sat down beside the now silent angel. It hadn't even been a real outburst. Which was probably worse, because Castiel would have had every right to shout, every right to even punch Dean, cause god knew he deserved it.
Instead, he'd just… gone quiet. No shouting, just a few strong words and then the most quiet of sentences that nonetheless seemed to hit Dean harder than a punch in the face. ‚I'm just glad you are home safe.'
Cas had been sitting here, helpless and worried, all night. And it was Dean's could he possibly say to make all of this okay again? Not daring to look Castiel in the eye, Dean kept staring at his own hands, which had started to tremble from sheer emotional tension. „Cas, I…" he stopped and swallowed, as his voice already broke on the first syllable. „I'm so… so sorry, I…" damn, why was this so difficult? Taking a deep, shaky breath, Dean cast his eyes to the ceiling and rubbed a hand over his mouth before continuing. „Look… I just… I freaked out, okay? I just panicked and I had no idea what I was doing and I deserve the asshole of the year award, cause this… This is all my fault! I'm the one who got smashed, I'm the one who made the first move, just to run off and worry you to death because I am too damn stupid to realize, a-a-a-and on top of THAT what kind of an idiot doesn't notice when he's that in love with someone?!"
Dean hadn't meant for it to slip out that way. In his mind, he'd prepared this whole speech, a whole explanation of why and how and when, but in his anger and despair about his own ignorance, he'd been unable to contain the thought. It had just… burst out.
And as he finally turned his head to lock eyes with Castiel, he found that he couldn't. Because his vision was too blurred. The truth was out there and there was no way Dean was going to contain the tears now, because this could only end in two ways: Either he'd wind up crying with joy or the despair would take over and crush him from the inside out. „I've been so stupid…" Dean whispered, much quieter now that he'd given way to his anger and had let it out. He raised a hand to his face and wiped the wetness from his eyes, sniffing and looking away again. „I honestly don't know when it happened, but… it did. And I didn't realize. I was so sure of what I thought I was that I didn't even let myself consider… But anyway. I know now and you know now and… well. I screwed up. In a major way, so just say the word, I'll pack my bags and be gone in the morning. I wouldn't blame you."
Dean's confession hit Castiel like a freight train, his heart hammering in his chest. He had hoped, had prayed even, that Dean had felt the same way, and now, to hear the words from his lips, to know that the other did in fact feel the same for him as he felt for the Winchester. It was just too much.
He reached out, taking Dean's hand, "Dean Winchester, you will do no such thing. I... I wouldn't have gone along with the kiss... if i hadn't felt the same." He said, his voice soft. To say it out loud was strange, almost like he shouldn't but with Dean's own reveal of his feelings he also knew it was ok. " you will stay here and ... we will figure this out... little by little. Together... if you want that is..." he suddenly blushed. He knew he was being stupid but that little voice in the back of his head suddenly perked up, 'what if he doesn't want to?' He shook off the thought, of corse dean would eant to be with him, he had just confessed his love after all.
Those blue eyes filled with tears of joy as he smiled "... we can take it slow... I mean... liking a guy must be strange and uncharted territory for you." Shit, now he was rambling, but he couldn't help it, he was just to relieved and happy that Dean had said he was in love with him that he couldn't contain his excitement. His wings were even fluffing up in that little way birds do when they are excited and happy.
The whole time while Castiel talked, Dean's eyes flicked up and down between Cas's eyes and their interlocked hands, blinking every now and then, but his attention fully on the angel. No, His angel. And when His angel stopped talking, he found himself nodding. He looked away and took a deep breath, his thumb absentmindedly brushing over the back of Castiel's hand. „Taking it slow… I like the sound of that," he said and looked back at Cas, the ghost of a smile dancing over his lips. „First date, first row, first kiss, first… y'know. Couple stuff. And no, that last kiss didn't count! I wasn't exactly at the wheel then. Well… You know what I mean." Dean laughed, as he felt the relief rush through him like a sedative, making him feel light-headed. „Honestly, dude… I think I'm still drunk. And I'm… I'm gay. I'm actually… gay." he frowned, blinked and rambled on in a confused tone. „Well, no. Bisexual I guess, but still… Isn't that weird? I think it's weird, it's really… weird. I mean, yesterday I thought we were only friends, y'know? Bros. Buddies. Whatever. And now you're my Thing…" Dean paused for a second. „And I'm YOUR Thing."
Castiel chuckled, seeing this cute, almost unsure but willing to learn side of the other was wonderful. He knew it must be scarey to be leaening about this kinda thing about yourself at such a later age. He himself had figured it out during high school, though he had dated girls to make his oldest brothers happy. " maybe for a while we should both lay off the booze. It seems to... hinder our judgement." He said as he motioned to the couch bed, " you should rest. " he said scooting to the far side and letting his wings fall behind him off the edge to give dean room " we can talk in the morning. The cafe can stay closed another day. It won't hurt." He said as he patted the now empty space on the bed before covering his mouth to stifle a huge yawn.
In response to Castiel, Dean just nodded and said „Yeah. You're probably right" and then let himself fall downwards onto the couch-bed, eyes closed. Then he shot them open again and sat up. „I forgot to brush my teeth," he said wearily, got up and went out of the room. when he came back a good 15 minutes later, he was wearing a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, his hair disheveled and wet. „Decided to have a shower," Dean said as an explanation and ruffled his own hair, before settling down next to Cas. A moment later, his gaze wandered over to Castiel, who was lying beside him and he couldn't help but smirk. „Y'know, it's damn weird to suddenly be sleeping in the same bed as you, but there's also something… right about it."
And slowly, sneakily almost, Dean shifted his arm closer to Castiel's below the covers, until the edges of their hands barely touched.
Castiel had laid there waiting for him, once he returned he smiled up at the other, " it is... weird sharing a bed after so many years being alone. But you are correct... it feels right." He said as he blushed softly, letting their hands rest where they were for now, ok with letting Dean take his time and get used to this on his own. Much as he wanted to gently twine their fingers together he waited. He did however lift one wing over and laid it gently over Dean in a sort of claiming and protective manner. " good night Dean." He said as he stared up into Dean's eyes.
Dean, slightly surprised at the wing suddenly folded over him, let his eyes glide over the mass of feathers. Its weight was pressing down on him reassuringly and he turned to his side, gazing at Castiel's eyes before moving his hand over the angel's and squeezing it a tiny bit. „Tell ya what, I could get used to this," he said, „G'night." and then he closed his eyes, weariness overcoming him, still facing his angel. „His" angel. He could get used to that one too.