DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I am not fortunate enough to own Degrassi or any of its components.

Ellie was sitting at a corner table for two, nervously fidgeting with her bracelets. She had left especially early in case she got lost on the way, but it turned out she knew exactly where she was going, so she was already there for a good 10 minutes. She kept eyeing the clock, afraid maybe Paige wouldn't show. But no – if she had ever heard true emotion in her life, it was when Paige assured her she would be there. "Ellie – I would never do that"... the words rang in her head over and over.

Paige walked through the front door, fixing her hair and looking for Ellie. When she saw her in the corner, she thought how if that moment was frozen in time, it would have been a perfect visual depiction of this mysterious girl she had been trying to figure out for years – eyes downward, looking apprehensive and alone in the corner, dressed from head to toe in black and red. When their eyes met across the room, Paige waved at Ellie, moving towards her.

Ellie's eyes widened, and she fumbled, not sure whether or not to stand up or stay seated or what. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She convinced herself to act like she had since grade 8, pretending as if Paige had no affect on her.

"Hey," Paige said, smiling softly and sitting down.

"Hey," Ellie replied. "Um, I just asked for water because I didn't know if you were going to order something or what you wanted."

"Oh, that's fine, thanks," Paige said.

As Ellie reached her arm over to Paige's half of the table to hand her the water, Paige paused, running her fingers over Ellie's sleeve, having memorized exactly where the scars were. Ellie jumped slightly, drawing her arm back and breathing heavily.

"So... what exactly is it that you want to know?" Ellie asked, trying her best not to be defensive.

"Well, I know I asked this earlier, and it's not exactly a one-sentence answer, but I first want to know why you do it."

Ellie took a deep breath. "Well... I don't know if you know, but my dad's a soldier, and he's more often on call than not. While he's gone, it's hard on me and my mom, and last time he was away, my mom had a huge episode with alcohol and almost burning down our house, so needless to say that wasn't good. I've always felt like I was in their shadow... kind of insignificant. That mentality stuck with me I guess, hence my not-so-outgoing demeanor. And then I found Marco and Ashley who are still two of my closest friends, but we've grown apart, and it kills me. I talk and hang with them both when we have time, but it almost hurts more remembering what we used to have and looking at we have now and seeing a huge difference. But amidst all of that, I still had Sean," Ellie's eyes began to mist, almost filling. "I really thought he loved me. I mean, I'm sure he cared – at some point. But he probably didn't even know me."

"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened between the two of you?" Paige interjected.

Ellie was surprised at how easily Paige could make her open up about things she normally never shared. "Well, to be blunt, he left me for Emma. I wanted so badly to hate her for it, and I even tried. But it's not her fault. It's not even his fault. So, who's left to blame but me? Even if I did nothing wrong, it doesn't make the pain any less."

Paige took a deep breath, overwhelmed with the information she had just taken in. "Wow. I knew you had been through a lot, but I wasn't sure of the specifics. But, even so, it still doesn't answer my question."

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked, half confused, half defensive.

"Why cutting? Why not some other way to deal with the pain?" Paige asked, almost desperately.

"I'm not sure you could understand without having done it yourself. But I'll try to explain it. It's like – when your feelings are swarming and you don't get what's going on in your head, physical scars give you a pain to consciously identify with and control. And also, your body can only handle one type of pain at a time. In the summer I do it on my upper arms in case I need to wear a t-shirt, and the rest of the time, I wear long sleeves so no one can see. I don't cut for attention – I cut to try and make the pain on the inside go away by relating to pain on the outside," Ellie said, going back and forth between playing with her bracelets and looking at Paige.

Paige looked confused. "Then why did you show me? Was I so horrible that you had to break your privacy rules to prove me wrong?"

"No, you're not horrible," Ellie said, her eyes averting Paige's. "I showed you because I wanted help. I wanted you to care."

Paige paused, briefly thrown by Ellie's forwardness. "Well, I do. In fact, my next question is, what's our next step?"

"What do you mean?" Ellie asked.

"How do we get you to a point where cutting is no longer an option?" Paige asked, her eyes scanning Ellie's.

Ellie's stomach jumped when Paige said "we" instead of "you". "Well, in the past whenever I've wanted to cut, Ashley helped me put whatever I was feeling at that moment into words. Whether it be in the form of an actual poem, or just free-lance writing to clear my head."

"Well, then let's try it. What are you feeling right now?" Paige asked.

Ellie looked up, thrown slightly off guard. "You don't want to know what I'm feeling right now."

"How do you know?" Paige asked, now curious to hear what Ellie was referring to.

Ellie began to feel nervous, or more nervous than she already was. "Because – because you're Paige."

Paige's eyebrows raised, looking hurt. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah, that definitely didn't come out right. I just mean – I don't know – it's hard to explain. It's not necessarily anything bad. Just the fact that you and I are..." Ellie's voice trailed off, "I don't even know how to talk anymore."

Paige sighed, frustrated and confused. "Will you please just tell me what you're thinking? I won't laugh or get mad or whatever you think I'm going to react, I promise. I'm not a bad person, you know."

"No, I know you're not. That's what this is about. Just – on a deeper level I guess," Ellie said, now avoiding any kind of eye contact and her hands going crazy under the table. There was a pause, Ellie's heart beating in her ears and Paige anxiously awaiting Ellie's next sentence. "Paige, I – I know I've always kind of acted otherwise, but... I'm drawn to you. You know? It's another one of those feelings I don't know how to identify what or why. But being here with you right now is something I can barely believe is happening. And it makes me happy... for the first time in forever."

Paige's surprised expression gave Ellie no indication of whether or not she was pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. Ellie's cheeks felt hot and her animal-like protectiveness kicked in. She blinked back tears and stormed out of the cafe. Paige was too busy registering what Ellie had said that her reaction of Ellie leaving was delayed. She tried to stop her, but she was halfway out of the store. Paige quickly ran after her, and she hadn't gotten farther than the parking lot of the cafe.

Paige grabbed Ellie's arm, turning her to face her. By this time, Ellie's face was streaked with tears, which she frantically wiped away once Paige was looking at her.

"Please, just don't, Paige," Ellie began, "I told you it wasn't something you wanted to hear."

"Ellie, I..."

"Just don't make this harder than it is! And forget I said anything!" Ellie said, turning to walk away again.

"Ellie, stop!" Paige shouted, this time, holding Ellie's hand. Before Paige even breathed another word, Ellie had a feeling that maybe she was wrong with her assumption.

"What if I told you that I feel the same way?" Paige said, getting a firmer hold on Ellie's hand.

Ellie paused to find her voice. "I would tell you that it wasn't funny to joke about something like that."

Paige half-smiled. So typical Ellie. "What if I told you it wasn't a joke?"

"Then I would wait to wake up," Ellie said, swallowing hard.

"Ellie," Paige said gently, yet firmly, "This is real. Not a joke. Not a dream. I'm not sure I get it, either. But... it's there. It's been there for a while."

Their hands now entwined, the girls spent a moment studying the pattern in one another's eyes. However, their revelation was quickly interrupted by the sudden blast of a car horn. They quickly let go of their hands and looked to see who it was. A man pulled up beside them – Paige didn't recognize him, but Ellie did, and her eyes widened.

"Dad?!" she exclaimed, convinced now that this had to be a dream.

"There's my girl," Ellie's dad softly smiled, parking the car and hugging Ellie for the first time in about 3 months.

"What are you doing here?" Ellie asked.

"The mission ended early, and I wanted to surprise you and your mother," he replied.
"Well, I figured that, but how did you know where to find me?" Ellie asked, suddenly questioning whether or not he knew something was up between she and Paige.

"You told Mom in the note you left. Remember?" he reminded her.

"Oh yeah," Ellie recalled, slightly relieved.

"Well, we're going back to the house and then I'm taking you two out for dinner," Mr. Nash said, hinting to her and Paige that their "date" would have to be postponed.

"Okay. Just give me a minute to say good bye to Paige," Ellie said.

Mr. Nash got back in the car, but he was still parked close enough to the girls to hear whatever they said. Ellie and Paige tried communicating through their eyes to figure out a way to talk without him hearing.

"Oh, crap!" Paige exclaimed, "I think I left my wallet inside!"

It took Ellie a moment to realize she was lying, and then she played along. "Uh oh, come on, let's go see. Dad, I'll be out in just a minute."

"Okay, Hun," he said.

Ellie and Paige returned back to the table they were sitting at, pretending to look for the wallet in case Ellie's dad could see through the window.

"Oh my God, Hun, are you psyched that your dad's back?" Paige asked, beaming from ear to ear with happiness for Ellie.

"Yeah, I can't believe he's here," Ellie said, sounding slightly less excited than Paige. Her mind happened to be elsewhere.

"So, what time do you think you're going to be with your family until?" Paige asked, getting back to "business."

"I don't know. It's his first night back, so probably until around 7:30-8:00," Ellie said.

"Okay," Paige said, "Do you think you'll be able to do something after then, or will that be too late?"

"No, that should be fine," Ellie said, glancing out the window. "Meet me around 8:15 in the park across the street. I'll make sure I'm there on time so you're not alone."

Paige smiled sweetly. "Okay. I'll be there."

Ellie reached down and touched Paige's hand again and smiling. "Bye," she whispered softly.

Ellie sat in the passenger seat of her dad's car, smiling and listening to him recap the summary of his mission. She rested her head against the seat, her hands folded, and she prayed the whole way home that she wasn't going to wake up.