He looped back again.

And again.

And again.

Nothing he did seemed to make a difference. The Doc always bested him, always knocked him over the edge or whipped his head off, another time he had pulled a pencil from his inside pocket and staked him through the heart.

What could he do?

Lloyd's warning had started to echo in Spike's mind 'if you dwell too long on one memory, you run the risk of staying trapped inside it forever'. He couldn't stay in this hell forever, what could he do?

What must he do?

What must I do?

Must.

Clarity suddenly came. It was like someone had flicked on the right switch in his brain, it lit up the answer so clearly.

It was not something he could do, or should do. It was something he must do. Something that was much, much bigger than a single promise to the lady he loved with all of his being. He was starting to figure it out now- the key to these little memories. It had been so long since he owned a soul he had completely forgotten what it entailed.

Acceptance- he could accept that he did not kill the young boy, he got trampled by a horse and crushed to death and although he felt overwhelming guilt it was not his fault.

Sacrifice- he would need to make a huge sacrifice now in order to break through this loop, this memory that burned inside him.

He knew what he had to do.

'SPIKE!' Dawn cried for the last time.

The Doc turned, surprised 'Back again?' he smiled. He was recognising these loops now, and he rejoiced in the fact that Spike could not crack them to escape.

'I won't let you hurt her' Spike said, cutting the banter, cutting the dressage. He knew what to do now, and he knew it would hurt; he did not want to draw it out any longer than it needed to.

'Mmh, sure' The Doc replied, he smiled, that serpent tongue wetting his dry old lips he shot the tongue out towards Spike. Spike had done this enough times now, he knew the movements, knew what to avoid and how to attack. He ducked his head out of the way of the tongue but caught the end of it tight in his hand, he jerked the tongue violently and The Doc, shocked and in pain, was suddenly pulled forward. He made a sickening gluk sound in his throat as he lost his balance and fell to the floor. Spike still held the long tongue, though it was frantically trying to retract back into its owner's mouth, he lifted his boot and stamped on it as hard as he could. The Doc let out a sickening, wet wail.

The tongue snapped out of Spike's clenched fist and slid back into it's Master's throat, the old man tried to get to his feet, he was significantly slower and less agile than before.

He scrambled around for the knife, which he had dropped. Spike ran at him, he kicked him squarely in the face, there was a loud crunch and the old man screamed. Spike grabbed the blade while the old reptile recovered from his broken jaw. He saw the scaly tail begin to protrude from within the old man's coat. He ducked out of its way as it whipped up to his head.

He jumped over The Doc, knowing full well he had no time to cut Dawn free and escape with her, he would have recovered by then and would kill Spike in a heartbeat. He sensed rather than saw the tail zooming his way. It caused a slight ripple in the air, it sliced his back, it made him stumble, thankfully it was a shallow cut- the leather jacket had taken most of the hit. He heard it coming again, this time he would stop it, he spun himself around, his vampire eyes picked up the destination of the sharp, tapered tail, as he spun he brought the knife up with him, the blade cut easily through the thick, scaly girth of the serpentine appendage.

The Doc screamed in pain, Spike landed on his feet before Dawn, he quickly sliced through both ropes that tethered her wrists to the rickety railings of the metal platform. When he had finished the knife clattered to the floor and bounced off of the edge of the platform, lost to oblivion.

She wrapped her arms around his neck; he spun her around and held her very close as she let out a relieved sob.

'Oh, Spike' she hushed, pouring the rest of her emotional energy into her thankfulness to him.

'I've got you Little Bit' he whispered into her hair. But he knew it was not over, his lip began to tremble slightly, and though he tried with all his might, he could not stop the tears welling in his pale blue eyes.

Spike stiffened as he watched The Doc get to his feet, his scaly tail whipping behind him, the green bloodied stump had grown back instantly and he had such wrath in his serpentine eyes. He pulled the second blade from beneath his coat and charged towards them. It would have lasted a fraction of a second- but to Spike it played out like a lifetime.

'Dawnie' Spike hushed into her hair, tears spilling into her long brown locks 'Dawnie… forgive me'

He stepped over the edge of the platform, Dawn still wrapped in his arms. She let out a silent scream and clutched onto him, her fingers digging ruthlessly into his back.

Giles' words came to Spike as the wind rushed past them while they fell towards the ground "The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more. When Dawn is dead"

Giles understood the risk. He understood that in order to save the world, one young life might need to be taken. It was a horrific sacrifice- and Buffy would never be able to make that sacrifice.

But Spike could.

He was a soulless, evil, monster. He would have no problem killing a girl, it would be easy, enjoyable… but his tears flowed freely as he wrapped his arms around Dawn tightly, squeezing the life out of her as they fell through the hellish abyss between wobbling scaffold and hard ground.

He had expected the chip in his brain to fire out agonising waves of pain as he hurt her, his intentions were as clear as the newly breaking dawn which was starting to spread its orange fingers across the horizon. But the pain did not come, he wasn't sure why. Maybe because this was not really real and was happening in his head, or maybe because at that very moment, Dawn was not really human- she was the mystical key, a bright green ball of beautiful energy trapped in the flesh of a little girl.

He felt Dawn's fingers claw wildly as she struggled for breath. Heard her desperate gluks and clicks as she tried to suck sweet oxygen into her lungs.

She arched her back, trying to escape. But Spike squeezed harder, and harder and harder.

There was a sickening, wet crack as her spine snapped, and finally she lay still, floppy and lifeless.

She couldn't open the portal now, it was done, she was done, he was done.

The ground took him by surprise.

Spike's back smashed onto the concrete floor. It felt like every bone in his body had splintered, the agony in every molecule was immense but still he held Dawn close to his chest, hands in her long chestnut hair, he could smell that blood was dribbling from her nostrils

'DAAAAWN!' He heard Buffy scream.

Spike closed his eyes as sobs wracked his broken body, he held Dawn close until Buffy clawed her away. She stared at her sister with horrified eyes, the whites of them were so bright, so haunted. Spike didn't want to look at such raw and vulnerable grief.

Buffy lay Dawn down, gently, sweeping her hair out of her face, she brushed the pad of her thumb over her nose to wipe away the blood.

'What… did you do?' her voice was a gruff, pained snarl.

Spike coughed up blood and swallowed tears.

'I had to- there was- no other- way' he struggled, he was sure his ribs had impaled his lungs.

'You killed her?' Buffy asked tears had filled her eyes but they didn't spill down her face. He had never seen her so angry, so wild.

'I'm sorry' Spike whispered.

Buffy glared at him, numbed and dazed, she grabbed the Troll hammer that she was using to pummel Glory- where was Glory?

It didn't matter now; she couldn't open up the dimensions to get home.

She was stuck here- like all of them.

Buffy got to her feet, giant silver hammer held loosely in her grasp, she stumbled towards Spike and lifted the hammer above her head, staring at him like a wounded animal. Her arms started to tremble, but not with the weight of the hammer.

'It's—alright, pet' he hushed, his teeth pink with blood 'It's—alright. Kill me'

He was ready, he had had enough of this memory, of this world, she would smash his head in and that would be the end of it.

Buffy's face scrunched as she held back her tears, her arms shook violently, and she threw herself forward to propel the hammer down at Spike's face. He had closed his eyes, ready for the impact.

The hammer hit the concrete by his head, it left a crater and bits of sharp rock flew out around him. His eyes snapped open and he stared at her, shocked and grieved. Tears filled his eyes, tears filled her eyes, and together they began to let the grief spill out.

The tears blurred his eyes, hazed his vision, the world was changing and shifting and seemed to cloud with moving fog.

The rickety scaffold looked more like trees and the hard concrete felt more like dewy grass and the general darkness turned bright and green as he found himself in another old memory.