Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of Joss Whedon. The original plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 04

Angel stirred the tomato sauce in the pan while keeping an eye on the boiling pasta.

You're so domesticated I feel like throwing up, Angelus complained. At least you're finally going to our mate. Took you long enough.

I'm not going to her, Angel insisted. I'm going to Sunnydale to help avert an apocalypse. Once we're done, we're all going back here.

Angelus snorted. Yeah, yeah, you keep telling that to yourself. Might believe it someday, too.

There was something underneath the derogative words, though, something Angel very rarely felt from his demon. What's wrong, Angelus? Worried we can't stop the end of the world, and we'd all end up dead?

Pfft. With a Watcher duo, a Slayer, a witch, and Miss Visions, this apocalypse will be a piece of cake. Those Vahrall demons are not that smart, anyway. They are huge motherfuckers, but even your sorry ass can handle them, especially if we have our mate by your side.

Angel paused, slightly confused. If Angelus didn't care about the apocalypse, what was he worried about?

Nothing, Angelus replied. Worrying is your thing, Soul-Boy. I'm more into the killing and maiming.

Angel thought about Angelus' actions when he'd been released last. It didn't last long, but it was enough to leave a lasting impression on both of them.

An actress Angel was hired to guard had decided that she wanted him, and she didn't care for his refusal. Angel though that she'd have let it go if it was just sex that she'd wanted from him, but it wasn't. In fact, getting him into her bed was just the prelude to her plan to become a vampire herself, with him serving as her sire.

Angelus laughed at her reason for it. She didn't want to grow old and wrinkled. That woman was so stupid and vain that Angel knew Angelus would as likely drain her dry and kill her immediately as turn her only to stake her after she'd had risen. His demon didn't mind minions, but he couldn't stand stupidity even within the lowliest of ranks.

Stupidity and incompetence usually go hand in hand, Angelus told him. And I'd have drained her dry and saved me the trouble.

You were too busy feeling grateful for being out again to drain her, Angel reminded him.

I had something else on my mind.

Yeah, you did. Angel sighed and took the pan with the sauce off the burner. The sauce was done, and the pasta should be, too, in a few minutes. He wanted to fight the memories, but everything came back to him as if he were reliving it again.

After he'd refused to turn Rebecca, the actress, she took matters into her own hands. She slipped a pill into the drink she gave him as a peace offering. Feeling awkward as it was, Angel hadn't felt he could refuse it.

Within minutes of drinking, however, he felt himself growing drowsy and knew that trouble was coming. He knocked Rebecca out and escaped her apartment, putting as much distance between them as was possible while he still could. Angle had made it as far as two blocks away from her before he collapsed in an alleyway.

What is it with you and alleys anyway? Angelus wondered. Stinking places.

Angelus had sensed the drug immediately but had thought it would be interesting to see what happened, so he didn't warn Angel. Once the drug took effect, Angelus felt the chains holding him down weaken. A few moments later, he was free once more.

Angelus could still feel Angel inside him, though. It hadn't been like last time. The soul wasn't completely gone as it had after his lovemaking with Buffy. That meant that the effect would be temporary. It also meant that while he'd thought about going after Rebecca, there was a much more pressing matter for him to take care of first. Buffy.

Angelus decided against taking the chance of returning to the Hyperion hotel for his car. If he'd gone back there, he would have had to kill both Cordelia and Doyle. Killing one but not the other meant that there would have been a witness left to call the Slayer and warn her off before he made it over to Sunnydale. Since it would just be his luck to find one but not the other, he decided he didn't want to waste the time.

Instead, he drained the owner of a black BMW and stole the man's car. Racing along the highway, Angelus allowed himself to imagine what he would do to the Slayer once he got to Sunnydale. Again, time was of the essence. He would have loved to play with her again for a while, break her down further. He was confident that he would be able to this time around. Because, by then, it would have been several months since Angel had left her, and she would have suffered just as much as the soul for their forced separation. Buffy wouldn't be as strong as she were the last time around. Sighing, he knew that he'd have to settle for grabbing her, fucking her to get rid of the soul permanently, and then turning her as quickly as possible.

Making it to Sunnydale in record time, Angelus dumped the car just outside city limits and headed straight to the university campus. He found Buffy's room easily enough and knew, by the lingering scent in it, that she'd shared it with Willow. Seeing that it was empty, he decided that she was probably patrolling and left the dorms.

He'd tracked her down in the second cemetery he checked. She was fighting a couple of fledglings, so he took the opportunity to study her. She was still delicious looking. The curves of her body still made him hard for her almost instantaneously. The way she was moving, precise and deadly, only fueled what was already a raging fire inside him.

She dusted the young vampires easily enough, but just as Angelus made his presence known—he'd already decided that he'd pretend to be Soul-Boy and lure her to the mansion—they were attacked. The demon was unknown to him, which wasn't a very common occurrence as he'd had a couple of centuries' worth of knowledge stored in his mind. The humanoid demon wielded a sword, and Angelus cursed Angel for not being better armed. All he had on his person was a short dagger and a stake, and he knew that Buffy wouldn't carry anything better than that on a routine patrol.

Angelus wasn't surprised to learn that they made an excellent team fighting side-by-side. He already knew how great a team they made in bed, and he was almost drooling at the thought of how deliciously evil she would be as his true mate. A turned Slayer would make one hell of a demon, he was certain, and he couldn't wait to see just how strong and lethal a vampire Buffy would make.

His plans were foiled once again, however. The demon's blade managed to snag his shoulder, causing Angelus to bleed. He roared and let his face change, causing the demon to hesitate just long enough for Buffy to plunge her own dagger into its chest. Some of the demon's green blood got on her fingers so, when she'd touched Angel's cut shoulder, it was transferred.

Angelus knew instantly that there was something about the demon's blood. It was making him feel weaker by the second. It had made for a good excuse to get Buffy to go to the mansion with him, but once they were there, he wasn't in any shape to do anything but collapse on the sheet-covered bed.

"Stay," he murmured when she turned to leave the room.

"I'm not leaving you," she assured him. "I'm just going to get something to clean your shoulder."

He watched her go to the adjoining bathroom and tried to think around the pain taking over him to revise his plan. Before he could come up with anything, however, he was unconscious.

When Angel opened his eyes again, he found himself looking into Buffy's worried face. He felt weak and very weird, but he also felt elated to see her. "I love you," he whispered to her. If he was going to die—again, and this time for good—he wanted her to know that simple fact.

Buffy was crying. "I love you, too, Angel. Don't give up, please."

He gave her a small smile and fought to raise his hand to her cheek but said nothing. He felt himself growing weaker yet and knew he had little time left.

"Fight, Angel," she begged him. "You have to fight this."

There was just one thing he wanted to do before he died, he thought and gathered his strength to speak. "Kiss…me."

Buffy smiled through her tears and leaned down to him.

The kiss was bittersweet. Despite her bravado, she knew that he was dying in her arms.

She tasted so good, Angel thought. Better than any blood, even her own. And he loved her so much.

He heard her cry out his name again, but he couldn't answer. He felt darkness taking over him.

"Angel?" her voice wasn't desperate now. It was still tinged with fear, but there was also curiosity in it, he decided.

He couldn't open his eyes, though, and he couldn't find his tongue to answer her. He was tired, so tired.

"Sleep, my love," she murmured to him, and he felt her lips touch his again.

Tearing himself back from the memories, Angel turned his attention to the pasta. It was ready and needed to be drained. These memories were too painful, and for a refreshing change, Angelus was in complete agreement with him.

Neither Angel nor Angelus could have imagined what would happen in Sunnydale. It had turned out that the demon that had attacked them was called a Mohra demon. Its blood had regenerative properties. Once it was mixed with Angel's blood, it turned him back into a human.

Stop, Angel told himself, fighting not to recall. It was too painful to remember the beautiful day he'd spent with Buffy. Angel had done his best to bury the memories as deeply as possible since then, but with everything happening tonight—Whistler's appearance, his dream of Buffy, and Cordelia's visions—it just couldn't be helped.

Once realizing that he had a heartbeat again, Angel and Buffy had tried to have an adult conversation, but it took only the touch of their hands to throw the grown-up decision of taking things slow out the window. They didn't make it to the bed that first time around. Too hungry for each other, they ended up on the floor of the ballroom, tearing at each other's clothes. They'd spent the rest of the day in bed, rediscovering each other's body.

Upon nightfall, Buffy and he had both agreed that she needed to talk to Giles and see what could cause Angel's transition. Shortly after she left, Angel found out that the demon he thought they'd killed wasn't dead at all. It had apparently followed their scents back to the mansion, and Angel tried to fight it. The demon had been about to kill him when the Slayer charged, knocking him away from her lover. She'd heard the struggle and turned to run back.

The blow to his ego had been nothing compared to the realization that there was one serious downside to his turning human. He was no good to Buffy in this weakened form.

Buffy was able to knock the demon out, and they made their escape from the mansion and headed to Giles' apartment. The Watcher was out, and Angel found himself grateful for it. Buffy told him that Giles now had a girlfriend that he'd met in England. She was staying with them for the holidays, and Buffy theorized that Giles was probably out for dinner with her.

Angel didn't find it odd that Buffy didn't want to interrupt Giles on his date. She always tried to allow her friends as much of a normal life as she could, and he wondered if they were even aware of it, let alone appreciated it.

They found the Mohra demon in the second book Buffy had opened, and it was soon clear why the demon came back. The only way to truly kill it was to destroy the jewel that the demon had in the center of its forehead.

Angel's ego had taken another blow when he was forced to let Buffy go after the demon alone. He couldn't let her get distracted by him, and he was no longer in a position to be anything but a liability. Therefore, while she was out, Angel continued to research. He couldn't help but think that it had been a trick of some kind. He also wondered if there was a way to give him his strength back. He couldn't walk away, not while knowing what was out there, but he couldn't continue on as a burden. He wouldn't allow himself to be the cause of Buffy's death, which was exactly what he would be if he could not find a way to become strong again.

As if guided by a hidden hand, a book fell from one of the piles and opened to a spell meant for summoning the Knowing Ones, messengers of The Powers That Be. Angel dismissed it at first, but upon a second reading thought that it might be helpful in gaining some answers. It required little in terms of ingredients, all of which Angel knew would be easy to come by, but he thought it would be more prudent to do the spell in the mansion, where he would not be disturbed. Leaving a note for Buffy, Angel arranged the books back in their place and headed out.

He'd cast the spell as soon as he returned to the mansion. He needed answers, and he needed them fast. The Mohra demon had said that more would come even if it was killed, mentioning that end of days.

"I beseech access to the Knowing Ones," Angel finished and lit the ingredients in the bowl in front of him.

A bright light flashed through the mansion, and a door appeared when it faded. Angel steadied himself and walked through it.

He saw a pair of golden-skinned creatures standing on a raised platform before him. Everything else around them was obscured by blue-tinted smoke.

"Do you know what happens to lower beings who summon us?" demanded the male of the pair.

"Calm, brother," the female said. "It is the Champion. What have you brought us?"

Angel had read about a gift offering, but he had little time to come up with something. He hoped the wristwatch would be enough. "This."

The watch disappeared from his fingers and reappeared in the female's hand. "The gift of time. Lovely. I like time. There is so little and so much of it."

"Well?" the male demanded of Angel, clearly impatient.

"Why have I been turned human?" Angel asked. He knew that he had to ask his questions quickly or lose their patience with him and be thrown out. Or worse. The book he'd read didn't specify what worse entailed, but Angel wasn't keen on finding that our personally. "It was the demon's blood that regenerated it, not the Powers."

"The Powers That Be?" the male mocked. "Have you saved humanity? Did you avert the apocalypse?"

"You faced a Mohra demon. Life goes on," the female said. "The Powers had nothing with this."

"From this day, you will live and die as any mortal man," the male said. "Privy to all the attendant pains…and pleasures."

"That which we serve is no longer that which you serve. You are released from your fealty," the female said and they both turned to walk away.

"What about what the demon said?" Angel asked quickly before they could disappear and throw him out. "He said that the end of days has begun and can't be stopped. It said that more were coming, soldiers of darkness. I need to know if he was telling the truth."

The pair turned to him again, and the male replied, "As far as such things can be told."

"What happens to the Slayer when these soldiers come?" Angel asked, dread filling him. He didn't like the answers he was getting or the general careless treatment of the Knowing Ones.

"What happens to all mortal beings," the female replied calmly. "Albeit sooner, in her case."

"Then I am here to plead for her life," Angel said quickly.

"It is not our place to grant life or death," the male calmly said and turned from him.

"Then grant me strength," Angel begged, and the pair turned once again. "I can't protect her or anyone, not as a human."

"You're asking this because of the Slayer?" The female raised a brow.

The male looked annoyed. "This is a matter of love. It does not concern us."

"Yes, it does," Angel insisted. "The demon came to take a warrior from your cause and succeeded. I'm no good to you like this. I know you have it in your power to make this right. Please."

There was something in the female's face that made Angel hopeful. The conversation that followed between the pair, however, shook him.

"What is done cannot be undone," the male insisted.

The female shook her head. "What is not yet done, can be avoided," she reminded him.

"Temporal folds are not to be indulged at the whims of lower beings."

"Brother, this one is no lower being." She placed her hand on his arm to stop him from walking away. "This former warrior is willing to sacrifice every drop of his life energy for another Champion. He is willing to continue the fight for the cause—our cause—even once released."

They stared at each other for a moment that lasted an eternity as Angel's heart beat madly inside his chest.

"There is one way," the male finally said, turning to look at him.

"It is not to be undertaken lightly," the female warned.

"I'm listening," Angel said, determined.

"We swallow this day as though it had never happened. Twenty-four hours back from the moment you summoned us."

He felt his heart shatter inside him at her words. He wanted to beg for another way. He wanted to be granted the strength and remain human, normal for Buffy. He was smart enough, however, to take what was offered him. He would not risk Buffy dying just so he could continue to breathe. There was just one thing he needed to know. "What would stop things from happening the exact same way?"

"You," the male answered. "You alone will carry the memory."

"Can you carry this burden?" the female asked.

Upon Angel's nod, he found himself thrown out of the smoke-filled room and against a wall. He groaned. His head felt as though it was splitting.

That's what you get for using your head as a battering ram, Angelus sneered.

Angel's heart sank. He recognized his surroundings as that of his apartment in Los Angeles. A glance at his wrist told him that the Knowing Ones had indeed done what they'd promised. It was the evening before his meeting with Rebecca. He'd just gotten back from dusting several vampires he'd met along his way back to the apartment.

Better get a move on, Soul-Boy, or you'll be late for your date.

He gathered himself and tried to focus. His heart was aching, but it no longer beat.

It hadn't beat in a couple of centuries, Angelus reminded him. What's with the nostalgia now?

You don't remember? Angel was shocked. He hadn't expected this turn of events.

Remember what?

Nothing. But Angel couldn't stop himself from thinking about the wonderful short stay he'd had in Sunnydale.

Angelus had roared and raged inside his head, but eventually, as they made their way toward Sunnydale later that night, Angelus had come to agree with Angel's plan. Or parts of it.

After faking drinking the drugged Champaign, Angel knocked Rebecca out and left her apartment. Just like before, he'd stolen a car to take him to Sunnydale without stopping at the Hyperion to gather his own, though this time he'd spared the owner instead of killing him.

Angel headed straight to the cemetery where they'd first encountered the Mohra demon. By not taking a detour to the dormitory, Angel was able to get to the demon and kill it before Buffy arrived for her patrol. He'd slipped away into the shadows, going far enough that he could give himself a chance to watch her without her sensing him. It was then that Angelus had tried to alter the plan. He'd threatened and shouted at Angel not to leave their mate. Eventually, the demon even begged. Angel was determined not to intervene, though. She deserved a normal life, and it had just been proven to him that he could never be part of such a life for her.

I can't be a human with her, and I can't give her anything as a vampire, Angel said as he again sped along the highway, leaving Sunnydale behind him.

Angelus was still roaring inside him, though Angel couldn't really distinguish the individual words the demon was throwing at him.

I was cursing you to hell, and you damn well know it, Angelus said now, pulling them both away from the memories of the day that never was. We could have made it work. Fuck, we would have made it work if you could just get over yourself! We could have had our mate in our arms instead of her fucking some not-yet-dead blood-bag. We could have had her. Angelus' tone turned desperate and sad at the end.

It was then that something occurred to Angel. It was completely unexpected, yet it made absolute sense. You're in love with her. Angel tried not to sound as shocked as he felt at the revelations. You love just as much as I do.

Don't be daft, Soul-Boy. I'm a demon. I can't love.

Oh, really, so what would you say about Spike and Drusilla?

She's nuts and that idiot was never turned right, Angelus insisted. Dru is too far out there to understand, and as much as I tried, William was too fucked up to begin with.

Angel marveled at the new realization. His demon loved Buffy just as much as his soul did.

Angelus sighed and remained quiet. He was a demon. He didn't love. Couldn't love. That emotion was saved for the soul. He lusted, that he could understand. He definitely desired and wanted, but he didn't love.

"Something here smells great!" Cordelia announced from the doorway of the kitchen.

Yeah, that would be your blood, Angelus said, grateful for the distraction.

"Come sit," Angel said. "Food is ready." And we will get back to this matter again soon, he promised his demon.

Fine, whatever. Go feed the cattle.

Thank you for reading,

Alley Cat.